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Name: dholthus
[ Original Post ]
I am having the worst time with our 4 year old son NOT going to the bathroom. He wears pull ups during the day and at night. He fights my wife and I. He screams and yells at the top of his lungs when we try to get him to go. He will end up sitting on the toilet for sometimes an hour. Any suggestions on how we can just get him to go by himself?
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Name: MN-MOM | Date: Mar 8th, 2007 6:53 PM
Have you tried a reward system of any kind? Is there anything that he really likes that could provide an incentive? It should be something that would provide an immediate reward, not one that he would have to wait for. Don't punish if he doesn't do it, but just gently suggest that if he does, he can get stickers, for example. If he get enough stickers, then maybe a bigger prize. 

Name: dholthus | Date: Mar 8th, 2007 7:17 PM
To: MN-Mom We have tried the reward system. It doesn't seem to matter to him if he gets a reward or not. He just doesn't want to sit on the toilet and go "Potty". He loses focus of what he is doing within 10 seconds and then the screaming starts. We did have him on Adderol...2.5mg in the morning and 2.5mg in the afternoon. Did not seem to have any impact with regard to toilet "Potty" training. He is extremely smart I.Q. wise and has fantastic motor skills for his age. Sometimes, I think the Doctors at the University of Michigan may have made an incorrected diagnois. 

Name: StressedMom4 | Date: Mar 16th, 2007 5:22 AM
My son was 41/2 when he was finally pottytrained. He is adhd with mood & behavior disorders. adderal alone didnt work. when he started rispiridol everything changed. Maybe your son needs additional meds. 

Name: lm | Date: May 24th, 2007 1:50 AM
im going through the exact same thing w/ my 6 yr. old and he will not go to the bathroom. at first he acted like he was scared to death of the bathroom, cuz there was a time when we went to a public bathroom and a buzzer thingy went off and he has a fobia type thing where he acts really scared of diffrent things but any way now hes in school full day and he goes in his pants both types wet & other cuz he just doesnt want to go there instead of playing outside . so the last week or so of school we took him out and he dosent do it at home at ALL!!!! i think it was just didnt want to quit playing long enough to go to the bathroom. so i wish you luck w/ your problem and i hope we can fix ours also thanks lyndee 

Name: Glenda | Date: May 24th, 2007 6:51 PM
Does he go to daycare or preschool. If he's around other children his age, he will learn from them to go the restroom. My son had problems with his son, but his mother was home with him. When he started daycare, he was totally potty broke in a month. This child even had a sibling 5 yrs older that couldn't get him to go. It took children is own age and younger. 

Name: wendyjean | Date: May 28th, 2007 2:00 AM
my son is six years old and i just stopped using the pull ups at night he has severe adhd and is so hyper all day i had no problem toilet training him at three years old, but at night he takes risperdal and would pee the bed up until recently , i think you should stop trying to make him go to the bathroom and just put on the pull ups and just tell him"when you are ready to use the toilet like the big kids then you can pull down your pull up and go to the bathroom on your own"" eventually he wont like the pull ups and will want more independance, but my son still wore them at night until this year, and it was expensive,,,,and sometimes he still wets the bed and i have to wash ahe sheets and covers all over again.... 

Name: mar22 | Date: Jun 2nd, 2007 4:16 AM
this sounds like power and control issue, just let it go and he will do it on his own time how many 21 years olds do you see in pull ups lol. sometimes their just not ready for the transition but making him feel in control may be what he wants. ask him does he want to where under wear like daddy today or does he want a pull up. sitting ther for an hour is only going to bring bigger problems and tantrums down the road. it always said the smater the child the longer to potty train. hell get it just dont give him the satisfaction of its getting to you caus e all the more hes not going to perform. if you just relax go with the flow he will perform eventaully. one thing that helped my son was talking about a big boy cake undrwaer party, he wore undrwear for a week and we had him pick out a cake and invited some friends around the same age and family and had him his big boy underwear cake party and he was so exited and proud of his choice to be in underwear. good luck 

Name: sickmom | Date: Jun 6th, 2007 12:58 AM
I totally agree with mar22. With my son, who is now 12, I thought he would never toilet train. He used to hide in cupboards or behind things but would never go into the actual bathroom. My husband and I would get so upset with him. We did the rewards but nothing seemed to work. We gave up pressuring him and eventually, he just went on his own. To this day, I feel that it was a "control" issue...I wanted him to go to the bathroom so he was determined to not go! Don't worry. It will happen! 

Name: momof 6yrold | Date: Sep 19th, 2007 11:47 PM
i have a 6yr old. we moved from NC to NJ in July. He has started goin' to school. and wetting his pants as well as soiling it.
It is not that he is bullied or made fun of. he is so busy playing that he does not go to the bathroom.
he wets his pants in the night too.
rewards + grounding we have tried everything but nothing works.
we even asked our pediatrician and they said its a phase they'll grow over it. but both me and my husband are worried.
he has also started lying about it.
please help !! 

Name: Jennifer | Date: Sep 20th, 2007 8:31 PM
Yep! Stop trying to make him go! When you stop nagging him, he will go. That is what happened with us. My now six year old didn't start doing number 2 in the toliet until he was nearly five. I use to get soooo angry with him and tired of dumping the doo out of his underwear. Finally, I withdrew all of my nagging and yelling and lecturing and decided that if he wanted to be 20 and still poop in his pants that's just the way it would have to be. About two weeks after that I noticed he was quiet and not in the living room. When I went checking on him- he was in the bathroom, using the toliet. I could hardly believe it. We haven't had a problem since, excpet that he still wears Goodnites to bed every night..... you can't win them all! 

Name: dadof4yearoldtwins | Date: Dec 3rd, 2007 8:24 AM
ADHD? at 4 years old? Come on. I have two VERY VERY VERY active and draining 4 year olds. they are 4 they act like that the break things fight scream make messes do things they are not supposed to and make you crazy that is what 4 year olds. do. 

Name: Jen | Date: Jan 2nd, 2008 1:30 AM
How can I get my four year old to stop pooping in his pants. I have tried everthing, you name it I have done it. He knows better. He will go pee pee, and will go poo poo in the potty, but now he will soil his pants. Help!!!! 

Name: Aunty | Date: Jan 2nd, 2008 2:25 AM
My nephew WAS potty trained, and has started with the behavior of wetting his pants. I agree with the person who said "he is so busy playing that he does not go to the bathroom". He has a nasty habit of holding it until the last minute and then trying to scurry to the bathroom. He will even do the pee pee dance but not speak up that he has to go. (Can speak up when he wants to play, though LOL. So here he is, 7 years old, in the pull ups. It probably is a control thing too, because when I mentioned to his teacher that he was not going in bed, that very night he went in the bed! Hmmm. As for the dad who says he does not think a child can have ADHD at 4, and that this is normal behavior....we knew when the kid was a baby he was going to have a problem, you could look at him and tell he was hyperactive. I think most people can tell when their child is not right versus normal just being a kid. People tried to tell me when they first met him it sounds like he's just being a kid.....after they are around him, they have all concurred he has very obvious ADHD behavior! School, daycare, friends...everyone tried to convince me I was just anti-kid (and I freely admit I am!) but they deal with him or listen to him...he is what he is. Has ALWAYS been that way. DO you wait until they are adults to try and help them? Because I have a 26 year old niece with ADD, who can't hold a job, didn't finish school, had 3 car accidents in 2 months, spent all her money on chicken and beer, and also hundreds in cell phone fees to say that may not be the best idea....wouldn't surprise me if she was wearing Poise, either. Sad to say.

You know when your kids are not normal...don't trivialize it for others. 

Name: jinjin | Date: Jan 4th, 2008 2:26 AM
I need help and ideas on how to potty train my 4 year old. She jis fighting me all the way. She is in the 3 year at daycare and can not be moved to 4 year class until she learns to user the potty. HELP 

Name: jackson | Date: Feb 18th, 2008 6:05 PM
I am four i go pee in my pants all the time i am not potty trained any suggestions 

Name: jon | Date: Jun 10th, 2008 11:13 PM

Name: Laura | Date: Jul 12th, 2008 4:03 AM
I had a 2 year old and he is scare of the potty what can i do. 

Name: laura | Date: Jul 12th, 2008 4:08 AM
jajaja your funny 

Name: malachy | Date: Jul 17th, 2008 1:48 PM
agree, agree, agree with the posters who said to not make this a power struggle. as one of my four-year-old (not potty trained) son's pre-school teachers is fond of repeating: "it's not about the child. it's never about the child. if you're upset or frustraed, then it's about YOU.". sounds condescending, a bit, but it's true. our children will be "trained" when their minds and bodies are ready for it. believe me, we've more than nudged our son in that direction in the past (potty training), but that only makes it more of a power thing between us. like others have said, your pre-schoolers and early grade schoolers will not be in diapers at age 21. if they are, then they probably have problems that our "training" isn't going to help. 

Name: Darrin | Date: Aug 7th, 2008 4:55 PM
Put him in diapers when he screams and yells to go to the bathroom. 

Name: amina sheraaz | Date: Aug 9th, 2008 4:16 AM
hi i am going throught a BIG PROBLEM. MY son is 41/2 years old and still does poopoo in his under wear. I am so tired. I tried every thing but it doesnt help. he goes and does pee pee. but when it comes to poo poo he hides in the corner and does it. i am really tried. please please help. 

Name: pooped!!! | Date: Jan 14th, 2009 3:15 AM
To Momof 6yearold
I also have a 6 year old son who is doing the exact same thing, we have gone as far as having an MRI to make sure there was nothing wrong medically, we have seen specialists and have been told we are doing nothing wrong and all these award systems, punishing ect won't work, the problem is that are son is not bothered and until he's bothered by it nothing will change. I have sat down in tears because you just feel like you have failed as a parent somewhere, you need to know your not alone in this other people go through it as well. At the end of the day as long as you have done everything medically to make sure there are no health issues, it is completely up to your(our) 6 year old to decide that they will use the toilet . 

Name: 123 | Date: Mar 27th, 2009 2:40 AM

Name: 3yrs old, can not speak yet | Date: May 29th, 2009 11:40 PM
Hi my 3yr old boy is autistic and does not speak a word only MaMa. He is in school now, he just turned 3 and he was sent to special schooling part time. He is smart but there is no communication, he is signing to me, but how do I start potty training him. I am scared, first time mother and single, father died 2 months after my child was born. 

Name: Kelli | Date: Dec 2nd, 2009 2:38 PM
My 5 year old has started pooping in his underwear when he does not get his way. we have tried erverything. Taking things away, rewards for good behavier, spanking, time out, you name it we have tried it. He is in preschool and rarley comes home with an accident. 

Name: sean dada | Date: May 12th, 2010 8:34 PM
yeah my daughter is 6 and wont take a crap in the toilet. she waits and waits and then poops her pants a little. drives me crazy! i am trying the rewards thing and hoping it works. XX fingers crossed XX 

Name: des | Date: Jul 14th, 2010 9:46 AM
y has my granddaughter started to go toilet on her bed and outside she has been going to the toilet for two years she is 4 years old and this has just started 

Name: NE-DAD | Date: Jul 23rd, 2010 12:18 AM
Our 8 year old Daughter and soils herself and wets claiming that she does not feel it what do we need to resolve the issue 

Name: tahar | Date: Aug 1st, 2010 11:55 PM

Name: Joyce | Date: Aug 12th, 2010 12:59 AM
My four year old is starting school next month, and he pees his pants at times and I'm trying to tell him that he can't do that when he's in school.. I really don't know what to do with out spanking him...??? 

Name: Step mom | Date: Aug 17th, 2010 7:29 PM
My boyfriend has a 4 yearold who was fulling potty trained then all of a sudden he started to poop and pee in his pants once in awhile then all of a sudden he just dont go to use the washroom at all anymore. My boyfriend is at work all day and i have 3 other children to keep an eye on i dont no what to do in this situation because my children never did this. I have sugested to take out the pull ups and have him sit in one for a few mins making him feel like he isnt a big boy anymore so he will want to use the bathroom in order not to wear the pull ups. Im not sure if this is a good idea or not i have tryed everything else and have run out of options.. Please help!!! 

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