| Name: kim | Date: Jun 2nd, 2009 3:19 AM |
| This is the first time I have viewed this site, after looking for something that may fit the description of what my husband and I are going through with our niece and nephews. As of one year ago, we took custody of our 2 nephews and niece since since their parents showed no possible signs of any attempt at parenting these children. Their ages are 6, 4 and 3. We are experiencing many problems as you could possibly imagine. For starters, we have no children of our own after 16 years of marriage, so we are learning how to parent 3 children overnight. Of course, the reason we have these children is because their parents weren't responsible enough to do this, so we also are dealing with their emotional stresses of loosing their home and parents. But, our biggest obstacle now seems to be the middle child who seems to be experiencing these same symptoms of what i have been reading with you all. Our biggest fear is of course, like all of you I'm sure, is that we could be doing more harm than good. I have things in place and will be setting the appointment tomorrow for him to be evaluated by the Physichiatrist. I am comforted to know that we are not alone in the knowledge that we are not really loosing our minds, and that there may be help for us yet. After all, the whole reason we have custody is so that we can give these 3 beautiful children a chance at a happy healthy life. ↑ |
| Name: lisa | Date: Jul 21st, 2009 6:55 AM |
| My son is 5 and we have been dealing with his behavior since he was 2. He over reacts to disappointments, he hates time-outs, he fights sleep, picks on his brother all the time and will disrupt him when he plays (like a bully) he constantly needs attention and will be very disrespectful in trying to get it. He does not eat many fruits or veggies so I make sure he gets a multi vitamin. I recently tried giving him Dr. Sear's omega 3 fish oil and it seems to help. He is always worse when I have company over - sooooo FRUSTRATING!!!!! I just looked up this ODD thing - think this might be it. What causes this??? What happened to my sweet little baby??? Our relationship is slipping away. I'm taking him to the doctor's soon. ↑ |
| Name: Fishman | Date: Aug 13th, 2009 8:11 PM |
| Parents might need an [a href="http://www.thetotaltransformation.com"]at risk youth behavior modification techniques[/a] program to help them with their defiant child's behavior. ↑ |
| Name: Fishman | Date: Aug 13th, 2009 8:13 PM |
| Parents might need an [url=http://www.thetotaltransformation.com]at risk youth behavior modification techniques[/url] program to help them with their child's defiant behavior. ↑ |
| Name: Sandi | Date: Aug 19th, 2009 9:52 PM |
I have an 11 year old with ADHD and ODD. I have experienced every temper tantrum there ever was. My son is smart, manipulative and always can come up with an excuse but the bottom line is he tantrums because he does not get his way.
ODD children no matter how many times they have lost the battle truly believe in their minds that they are going to win. You can take away toys, video games, ground them forever but the tantrums will still happen at the word NO for something they want to do or something they don't want to do.
Specialists suggest letting the child feel like they have some sort of control in the situation. As hard as it is sometimes just walking up to your kid when they are behaving poorly and putting your hand on their shoulder or arm and saying "What can I do to make you feel better" will blow them away and deter the tantrum.
I wish I could say there are answers out there that work every time. A behavior plan is the other suggestion they give you. I have yet to find one that lasts for a long period of time.
Last but not least I am hearing that Domestic Violence is a key culprit to children with Anxiety, ODD and their behaviors. Even if your child only witnessed it a few times as a small child. Seems like everyone {Different Professionals} want to add some new diagnosis to the mix. Truly it all boils down to they have No answers for you. I have been doing this for 6 years now and it gets very tiring, embarrassing] My best advice for parents out there.....Find support for yourself. That is the hardest thing, finding someone else to listen, who knows what your going through or just lets you unload your frustrations with parenting a very difficult child. ↑ |
| Name: Sandi | Date: Aug 19th, 2009 10:30 PM |
This reply is to Connie's post about her nephew. I am sorry but I disagree that he was just an ODD child, that boy had alot of emotional issues to go with any diagnosis of ODD. Maybe it was because he was left to find his own way without the teaching of decent morals.
From my personal experience ODD children do not try to actually kill people, they may lash out and want to hurt someone because they are not getting there way but not to the extent of murder. They still feel love and remorse when the tantrum is over. They will hurt your family pet but not to the extent of sending it to the vets,,,,most love their family pets dearly.
Setting fires, breaking windows on purpose is more than ODD. ODD children know right from wrong, they just can't handle the anger they feel like others. They tend to kick, hit, scream, bite, kick walls, bang walls. It does not matter who witnesses the fit because there anger oversees the attention it is bringing thier way. If your child is tantruming like a 2 year old and they are too old to tantrum like a 2 year old then they are probably ODD. As they get older and learn cuss words you may have that thrown at you too. Keep them safe, keep your self safe...Pin them, arms and legs until they have calmed down. You will find them exhausted from their efforts of trying to win the battle but also subdued and sorry afterwards. ↑ |
| Name: Nour | Date: Sep 19th, 2009 11:09 AM |
| I can feel what you are talking about I have a son who is 5.5 yaers old and he was diagnosed with ODD, it is really very difficult to handel him it is hard on me and his father but I knew that the peek of this disorder is in 8 years and it will get down after that , thanks ↑ |
| Name: rondyve | Date: Sep 25th, 2009 9:49 PM |
| Name: Millie | Date: Sep 29th, 2009 5:34 PM |
| Dear Lisa, I have a 9 year old son who will turn 10 in October. My husband and I are at the very end of a rope with him and his behavior. We took him to see a therapist last night and maybe they along with a new doctor can help. I think he may have ODD also. It describes him to a T. He is in 4th grade and makes straight A's and also goes to enrichment once a week. He has a high IQ. He is pretty good at school or at least that's what we're told, but when he gets home, he is a totally different child. This past week just one night, it took us 3 hours to get him to take a bath and an extra 2 hours to get him to go to bed. When he doesn't get his way he screams at us and tells us we're mean to him and everything is someone else's fault. He says we make him say the things he does. He will stand and throw things in the floor and blame it on his sister saying she threw it when we are watching him do it. He tells us that he can make his own decisions and he is smarter than us. Just this morning he wanted to wear a spiderman mask to school for super hero day and refused to go to the bus stop. When my husband got him by the hand to escort him out he yelled he was going to call the police. He was diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar when he was 5. He sleep walks and is also aggressive when you take something from him while he's sleep walking and he talks in his sleep. He has got to where all he does is lie, back talk, scream, push his sister down, hit her, and also pulls her hair. He flat out refuses to accept any responsibility for his actions what so ever. We have taken away everything he plays with, made good bad charts, put him in time out, his room and also spanked him. All that seems to do is make him more aggressive and louder. I hope we can get this under control and soon before it's too late if it's not already. Good luck to you. ↑ |
| Name: Pixie | Date: Oct 1st, 2009 10:08 PM |
| Hi my son has the same thing. In short nothing works! I have found this infuriating over the years. Now I just except that my son does not have the capacity to conform. It is like asking a deaf person to listen! ↑ |
| Name: sparx | Date: Oct 2nd, 2009 8:52 PM |
| Hey-your dealing with it all wrong. FIrst of all you want to give your child a syndrome becoz then it would excuse his behaviour and refer the blame and second your blaming yourself and being pessimistic about the situation. ODD-its tough. It's horrible and its lonely. IF your son does have it he will hate anything authoritarian and belittling. You have to be smart. Speak to him like you would an adult but about topics relating to children. eg. instead of telling him NO YOU CANT GO OUTSIDE NOW say something about how you want him to come inside because youve worked hard to cook the meal and want to eat with him and hear about his day. also, maybe explain the situation. the worst thing you can do is not explain things to someone with ODD and be calm about it. listen to the rant. show him you see his point and then give him your NON RELATED point. If your argument is in direct conflict with his youre asking for hell. He doesn't like it any more than you and he doesn't like being alienated as a problem child who causes bad in the world. He just wants to understand and be understood and ODD children are happier and least likely to have outbursts when they feel they're understood and part of a team effort decision. GOod luck x ↑ |
| Name: teresa | Date: Oct 3rd, 2009 5:03 PM |
| My 8 year old boy has always been very lively I took him to the doctors to see if we could find some help. After he kicks me in the doc’s office the doc said he was just a nutty little boy and if he was his he would get a smack on the bum. Later I saw his teacher she said he has add tenancies. But as you were saying he can be a nice friendly little boy one minute than a little monster the next with hitting me or his sisters he has treated us with knives 4 times. But no one seems to want to help ↑ |
| Name: nini | Date: Oct 8th, 2009 7:24 PM |
| My son is 5 going on 6 and is the oldest of 3 boys. His brothers are absolutely fine, but he has all of a sudden started acting out at school everyday. The teacher says that 1 minute he is fine, doing all his work and helping out, then the next minute when its time to go to phys. ed or anything else, he just falls out screaming and trying to run out of the building. at home he has his normal fits when he has to share or cant get his way but this behavior at school is becoming an everyday thing and i dont know what to do! HELP!!! ↑ |
| Name: Rene' | Date: Nov 29th, 2009 9:07 PM |
| This is the first time I've found this forum and I'm so happy to have found it- to find out that we are not alone in this. We have a nearly 5 year old son who I seriously suspect has ODD. I've suspected it for months now. He is extremely defiant and obstinate. It seems the more I discipline with time-outs, taking toys away etc. the more he fights back. If we have to tell him "no"- like "no, you can't play a game now, it's time to get ready for bed" he throws tantrums, yells etc. - the time-out thing seems to make it even worse. He's like a little bull that wants to constantly butt-heads with any authority. I did discover a couple months ago that sugar definitely aggravates the problem. I highly recommend the book "Little Sugar Addicts" by Dr. Kathleen DeMaisons. We've learned that he is also "sugar sensitive" and when he eats too much sugar or his diet gets out of whack, his blood sugar drops rapidly (not below normal like diabetes- just rapidly) and he "crashes" and his disobedient behavior is amplified ten-fold. Changing his diet- and keeping it on track- has changed our life. It's made life around here much, much better. His preschool teacher noticed too and makes sure he has a protein at snack time. Read the synopsis of the book on Amazon- if you think it might fit, GET THAT BOOK!! I also just ordered a book called "Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach ", which explains that defiant children actually get addicted to the intense reactions we have to their defiant behavior. Which seems to make sense. I can't for the life of me understand why a child would do the same things over and over again knowing that they are going to be punished. Our son is extremely smart- reads at a second grade level- so I know he's bright enough to get why he's being punished. The addiction to our reaction seems to make a lot of sense. I can't wait to read that book. I hope it offers alot of insight. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories. It really helps! ↑ |
| Name: Amy | Date: Nov 29th, 2009 10:00 PM |
Sandy had some great advice. My 9 year old daughter has ADHD, maybe ODD, and maybe Asperger's. It is a little hard to figure out which is the salient characteristic. If I didn't have other kids to compare her behavior to, I would have blamed myself for not disciplining her better. The truth of the matter is that standard discipline techniques have never worked with her; they seemed to overstimulate and make the situation much worse.
Have your daughter evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD and other behavior disorders. I took my daughter to a psychologist who taught us how to use a cognitive behavior technique to get some level of control. It worked really well, but she still has tantrums that are out of control. When that happens, the best I can do is remain super calm, realize that she is overstimulated, help her get to her room and away from the immediate crisis so she has time to calm herself down. I no longer refer to it as time-out, it is a time for her to calm down.
Although she has had this behavior since she was around 2 years old, I did not feel comfortable putting her on any medication until this year when her behavior was dramatically affecting her schooling. She was traumatizing other kids, getting in their faces, kicking them, etc. The medication has made a tremendous difference. Her grades have gone way up, proving what I've known all along, that she is incredibly smart, and her social skills are starting to develop.
Good luck to everyone who is lovingly parenting a child with ADHD or ODD or the like. Measure your successes in small doses. Last year my daughter stood on the front lawn and screamed at me for 30 minutes every morning before school. This year she is happily gets ready, but is always 30 minutes late. I would never accept that behavior from my other kids and they resent it completely, which is another story, but they are all different and need to be addressed differently. ↑ |
| Name: chelcy | Date: Dec 29th, 2009 5:37 PM |
| all i know is my son is 4 and he has not been "diagnosed" but i can say my son is like this....i have tried everything he has set rules that we stick to...but he acts like he doesnt have to...when he gets mad he will hit my stuff and stomp yell and scream for 4 1/2 hours, he hits his little sister pulls her hair and i have put him in counsling weekly he has been in it for over 4 months but they dont know him loke i do... his counsler says he is not like normal 4 yr olds and that he has abnormal behavorial...but his doctor does not believe in punishing children and makes excuses for everything that he does......i need a referral from her for him to be evaluated so i am just a sitting duck for now.... i dont know what to do he picks at his sister and yells back at me i am at loss...if you have any clue please let me know!!1 ↑ |
| Name: Aimee | Date: Jan 27th, 2010 3:36 AM |
| As of today, my 6 year old son was diagnosed with ODD. I have been going through the same thing that you are. I decided to have him evaluated by a Physcologist because he is now having problems in school as well as at home. My advise to you would be to get your son evaluated. Just know that you are not alone and you are not going going crazy. ↑ |
| Name: elaine | Date: Feb 10th, 2010 9:55 PM |
| hello to all those that have kids with ODD or ADHD i have one of each my son was dianoised when he was 5 boy did i have rough times as the years have gone on and i have learnt how to cope and do home work on this i have learnt alot i dont no if any one has tryed going down to the childs level i have and sometimes it works and also the humour can work i really do feel for those that have children with this my kids dont sleep untill 4 or 5 in morning this is a big problem when u have two with simular problems boy do they clash if any one wish to talk to me about this plz i will be glad to it could help u and help me also ↑ |
| Name: elaine | Date: Feb 11th, 2010 4:33 PM |
| hi Renee no u r not the only couple with a child with this disorder never feel u are alone it is very hard for parents to cope with chidren with this disorder i really no how u feel my son has been ADHD since he was 5 he is now 22 and no change he is voilent as they get older they get stronger my son when he was 10 he broke both my arms but he didnt mean to harm me i was in the wrong place at the wrong time it isnt my sons fault he has this disorder i also have a 12 yr old she has ODD by god she is real hard work 24/7 she needs to be watched at all times wot a night mare i think ODD is worst then ADHD so really not feel u r alone ↑ |
| Name: Amy72 | Date: Mar 3rd, 2010 1:27 PM |
| I have a 10 year old son with ADHD, emphasis on the H and a major lack of impulse control. He is very smart and though homework can be a challange, gets mostly A's(Vyvanse helps with this). Our biggest problems are social. He is a bossy kid who needs to be in control. He also feels compelled to police other kids when he thinks they are doing something wrong. He is loud and obnoxious and can not seem to go with the flow. As you can guess this doesn't make him too popular. But by far the worst problem is that when he is bothered, frustrated, overwhelmed, or picked on(which is often) he blows up into an emotional fit. This means screaming, crying, and stomping like a 5 year old. This of course makes the other kids pick on him more creating a vicious cycle. I think this is really starting to depress him. At this point he is all noise but I worry that someday he will snap and hurt himself or someone else. I don't know if this iss ODD or just an over sensitive kid with ADHD. I have an appt scheduled with a child psychiatrist in a couple of weeks but in the mean time does anyone have any advice? ↑ |
| Name: Brenda | Date: Mar 14th, 2010 2:21 AM |
I have an 11 year old daughter and have always believed that something was not quite right with her [even from birth]. As she grew so did her frustrations. I voiced my concerns to nursery teachers- infant and junior schools but was told that my daughter displayed no signs of any of the symptoms that I mentioned. In fact she is quite the opposite in school and has won the hearts of all her teachers due to her being so charming!. She seems to be able to contain herself emotionally during school hours [she hates the thought of anyone not liking her and goes over the top with teachers and peers to be liked! ] but once out those gates it becomes a different matter and a different child!..Obviously unable to contain herself any longer she releases all her pent up frustrations/ emotions of the day onto both myself my husband and my 14 year old daughter.. I can only assume that she feels comfortable with us to be able to release herself openly.
I've found that like most ODD children she has her own agenda and trying to get her to comply with a different one usually ends up with a war breaking out!! [ asking her to turn the tv off whilst she comes to the table for her tea always evolves into a display of tantrums!] and once she reaches a crescendo no amount of pacifying helps!! She can go from one extreme to another in a matter of minutes! She decides when its over and this can be from minutes to hours but once over she's completley sweet again and its as if it never happened! As you know this is very upsetiing for all involved especially for her as she has no way of stopping herself from escalating. I have tried all the methods of rewarding good behaviour and also methods of firmness but to no avail. I'd like to add that she has a brother and two sisters that are very well balanced [the elder two are now both parents themselves] :) Today a book fell into my lap and all I can say is..My prayers have been heard! lol!
I urge each and every one of you to read the excerpt of The Explosive Child by Ross. W. Greene,PhD. It describes our ODD children down to a tee and I for one had my eyes open to the fact that maybe, just maybe my child was lagging in very neccessary skills. I beleve that I have underestimated her condition and possibly not helped her in the way I might have done, had I have had the right tools at hand) I ordered it and it came today,. I'm eager to have some sort of order brought back into my household and I think with the help of this book I shall get it!!
Bless you all in your journey ↑ |
| Name: mary | Date: Apr 11th, 2010 2:33 AM |
| how do you deal with teen boy with odd ↑ |
| Name: elaine | Date: Apr 14th, 2010 2:28 PM |
| hi lisa i no how u feel i have a daughter she is 12 yr and she is a night mare to take any where always thinks people r stareing at her and then it is like a time bomb has gone of they have put her medication up wot i intend to do is go down at her level and she then seems to calm down ↑ |
| Name: Marie | Date: May 27th, 2010 1:09 AM |
| I have an 11 year old step son who has ODD and ADHD. He is extremely hard to handle. We've had issues at school, home, and out in public areas. It's even gotten to the point that he was taken to the hospital. This is when his parents decided along with mental health to get him into a psych dr. (his mom feels he is doing so well that he is now only seeing his pediatrician instead of psych dr. my opion she doesnt want to drive the hour to get to the dr]) Well that just starts the whole story. My step son, I feel has it out for his half brother which in turn the step son will do anything to get under my skin. He will throw things at his brother, hit him or hurt him. Now today it came to the point that my step son picked up a bat and was going to hit me with it. (this all stemed from him getting into something of mine and loosing it, when he couldnt find it he blammed everyone else and started throwing a fit). I try'd to discipline him but he doesnt listen. I love my husband dearly but I;m fet up and cant take it anymore. I need some help. Is anyone outthere in the same situation with a step child. We have my step son every other day and every other weekend, so we do have him alot. His mom says he is good at her house, so in turn everyone thinks its me. i'm afraid he is going to hurt someone or himself. HELP!!! ↑ |
| Name: patience | Date: May 28th, 2010 7:57 AM |
| hi know exactly where you are coming from my son aged 11 can do exacty the samething. the only thing that i have found that sometimes works is consequences. when he asked to have a second child over to play explain thats ok BUT your other friend will feel very left out, your dinner may get cold and it would only be for 15 mins and by the time you get a game set up it will be time to go... you have to word it so it almost sounds as if was your sons idea if that makes sense... also once son has gone into tantrum tell him the concequence of the tantrum will be his friend will get sent home... first couple of times will have to see threat through but he will realise that there is a concequence to the action of throwing tantrum.. hope this helps my son has got alot better but it will always be hard work.. ↑ |
| Name: Kelly | Date: May 30th, 2010 8:52 AM |
| My son is 4.5 and has ADHD and ODD our life is run by him I feel so tired and alone everyday and I hate being around other mothers with children who behave and they complain about them it makes me laugh..we avoid parties and functions through fear of his behaviour I have had him on several medications and nothing has worked, my 2 year old suffers everyday im just happy he is at school next year and my little one is not hurt all day.. ↑ |
| Name: Mel | Date: Aug 27th, 2010 11:19 PM |
| ive done all this and it does not matter you have to give the child 2 choices and explain the conquences of both sides of the choices. but the end of the choices you have made the dicision. with out them noiong. but they have made that chioice. it is very hard it's like living with a time bomb you walk on egg shells twenty four seven. ↑ |
| Name: Lisa G. | Date: Aug 30th, 2010 12:56 PM |
| I can totally relate with what is happening with your son. I have a 10 year old son who is exactly the same, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Punishment does nothing nor do consequences. He would rather have everything taken away than listen to us most of the time. Getting ready and out the door for school used to be a complete nightmare until our psychologist suggested waking him up an hour early to take his ADHD medication. That way the meds are in his system by the time we get him up for school. Luckily he sits up in bed and takes his meds and falls back asleep. It took a while to get him used to this routine, but now he doesn't even remember waking up to take it. It has paid off tenfold with mornings being much more smooth. I feel like my patience is tested every single day to the breaking point. I love my son but most days I can't stand to be around him. I don't want him to grow up feeling like the bad kid, but it is a very difficult problem for the whole family to deal with. I feel like our world revolves around him since we never know how he is going to react to something. One minute everything is fine and the next it's like a bomb went off with things flying across the room as well as a lot of verbal abuse. We found a great pscychologist who has really helped. I just wish we could afford to see her once a week. You really have to stay on top of these kids. I feel like a policeman in my own house, always checking on things because of all the covert behaviors. These kids are usually very bright. I always feel like he's a step ahead of us. Good luck and keep the faith. I keep telling myself that maturity will kick in one of these days and hopefully that will help iron out some of the behaviors. Best wishes. ↑ |
| Name: missa | Date: Oct 25th, 2010 4:00 PM |
| wow i know how you feel. my son is almost 7 years old and he does the same thing at the ex's house everyother weekend. we have been told that my son is ODD and he is also ADHD and mood disorder.so the fits are always bad, they need structure and punished for the actions. my son is not perfect here with mye all of the time but i can control him. the ex cant because there is no structure for him there. you cant give into evey cry not even for a bathroom brake, send him to the bathroom then to his room thats what works for me. ↑ |
| Name: UKmom | Date: Nov 8th, 2010 1:31 AM |
| I am having the same problems with my 6 yr old little boy, he was always a little difficult to handle but nothing too out of the ordinary until this Sept...he went into 1st grade and now he is having serious problems with anger, aggression, he makes weird noises all day in class. He knows no fear and will willingly say NO to his teacher or principal etc.... Has anyone else had a fairly sudden onset like this??? Academically he is doing very well, his reading is good etc... ↑ |
| Name: Nara | Date: Jan 29th, 2011 5:14 AM |
I am on the same boat as you and other posters. My son is 12, has ADHD, ODD, and takes meds for these disorders, although it has not worked. He has been this way since birth. There seems to be a trend with ODD kids: Usually very smart, easily angered, skilled manipulator, argues incessantly, needs to be in control...My son has become so difficult, that any interaction with him leaves me exhausted and depressed. I've felt like suiciding many times. He tells me he hates me, that I'm a bad person, basically, everything I do is wrong. This is by far, the most painful situation I've experienced.
I wish all of you the best of luck ↑ |
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