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Name: nicole jones1
[ Original Post ]
I'd just like to tell you guys that my fat comment was only meant to say that nobody is perfect and I really meant it to be directed at the women who were attacking me - because they claimed that they had license to judge because they held some higher standard of living than I did.

I will say that I don't think there is any difference in obesity and smoking. They're both a choice, they're both disgusting, they're both unhealthy, they're both risky...

All I was saying was that I was that if risky behavior is what defines a "bad mom" (and I was told that it was) then that's a big freaking catagory and most all of us fit into it. Now... to everyone who is PROUD of the fact that their obese... that I still am agast at. That I think is irresponsible and unhealthy... I'll repeat for the thousandth time that I am not proud that I smoke, but I'm human and I do. But I honestly don't think that the majority of people with some extra poundage are proud of it, that's just rediculous.

So... in short... I'm sorry if anyone was unjustfully offended.
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Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 7:50 PM
P.s. I've just been informed that this post probably wasn't the type of apology that would fix the entire matter.... but it's honestly as apologetic as I can be without being fake. I'm not going to say it's okay to weigh 300 pounds... I will say it's "not any worse than anything else." Hopefully that's enough. 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 7:53 PM
Oh... and let me emphasize because I haven't clearly said this before...

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT APPEARANCE OR ATTRACTIVNESS WHEN I SAY DISGUSTING.... I MEAN UNHEALTHY, RISKY, DISEASE CAUSING AND PREVENTABLE.

It's disgusting for the same reason that my smoking is, and nothing else. 

Name: jillw | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 8:20 PM
nicole I think that you hit home with some ladies and they felt the same way that you were made to feel. I feel badly that you were pushed in that direction and while you are entitled to your thoughts and feelings I personally don't think that it is ever ok to attack any one for any reason, but I do understand why you made your comments. As far as the obesity issue goes you are correct in stating that some women are that way because they choose to be addicted to food the same way you chose your addictions, but there are some poeple who are concidered obease and they do eat healthy, but have other genetic or medical factors going aganist them. I was not offended by what you said, but it takes alot to offend me. I am however overweight and I spend my days struggling my ass off to keep it in check. All of the women in my family are 250+ I also have a tyhroid issue. I eat healthy 99% of the time I do not drink soda or eat sweets. Until I became pregnant I did excerise at least 3times a week, but I am just too tired right now. All of that just to maintain 170. Now I have not gained one pound in the 18.5 weeks that I have been pregnant, but I am sure that it is coming and will deal with taking it off when the time comes. I do think that it is un fair that you would be "discusted" by a person like my self because I am not lazy or addicted to food infact I have more will power then most, but I do still fall in the obese catagory. I understan your compairson of smoking to food adiction which leads to being fat, but not to smoking and obesity for reasons stated above. 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 8:28 PM
Well, I didn't want to go back into the discussion and dredge up any more distaste... but it's not the obesity that I find disgusting, or how it looks... it's the blatent disregard as people just keep eating and sitting around. That was what I found as disgusting as smoking. If someone is already obese but trying to lose it then that doesn't count - I just meant people who make a choice to eat a twinkie they know they shouldn't, even though it's bad for them and bad for their babies - and a bad habit for their children to learn.

If you're not doing those things than you don't fall into that catagory at all, and I honestly wasn't talking about you. I don't think that is disgusting at all. 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 8:28 PM
What the hell? I was trying to apologize! 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 8:29 PM
I stayed because some people who I have become very attached to asked me too, and obviously that couldn't be done without some ammends! 


Name: jillw | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 8:50 PM
Nicole-- I think that you are just being misunderstood thats all. I wish that you and tylersmom would both stay. Addiction is addiction be it food,drugs,beer,sex,smoking it is all the same behavior if I am not mistaken nicole I think that is the point that you were trying to make?? I hope that our forum can move past this. 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 8:53 PM
God I hope so too... I just can't win for losing here... I tried to clarify so that nobody was offended without reason... and tried to make it as clear as possible who I meant that comment for... That's all I can do. It may not have worked but at least I tried. 

Name: christen | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:06 PM
you know what Nicole you go ahead and smoke away! and when and if your baby comes out with some kind of problem don't come crying to me obviously i am disgusting to you even though i have always had problems with my weight brought on by medication i was taking for depression caused me to gain a significant amount of weight before becoming pregnant. i don't sit around and eat all the time i still exercise to watch the weight stay on. point is there is something you can do about it and just because you were hurt doesn't mean you can go around and badger people. i didn't choose to be overweight or obese as most others dont' either but you made the choice to pick up the smokes and i just view it as selfish to smoke when it would have some impact on your baby. just ask yourself the next time you light up, would you be able to deal with it if your baby comes out lower birth weight, or underdeveloped lungs?
if you can answer yes then don't worry about it. 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:09 PM
"I just meant people who make a choice to eat a twinkie they know they shouldn't, even though it's bad for them and bad for their babies "

I wasn't talking about you then, Christen... I'm sorry if you misunderstood. I was relating FOOD ADDICTION and obesity to smoking.... not just anyone who happens to be over weight. 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:12 PM
P.S. I realize that it was vague... and I am directing it now... as clearly as humanly possible so that nobody gets unintentionally offended. 

Name: jillw | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:12 PM
christen I know that you are hurt by what nicole said, but do not allow your self to fall into the same trap. I know that there are other ladies on here who smoke sometimes and they are your friends you don't want to risk offending them or hurting their feelings. As you can see it is easy to be on the attack when you have been hurt and that is what happened to nicole. I am very much like you. I struggle every day to be healthy and am still over weight. If could just "put down the bad foods" and be all better and a regular size and healthy then that would be the easiest think in the world for me. I don't understand why it is hard to stop smoking the same as I don't understand why some people eat too much. I do not personally understand addiction, because I have never had and addictive personality, but I do know that it is real. Lets not pass any judgements and risk more hurt feelings. 

Name: Coartney | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:20 PM
i smoke but im not offended that other women dont think its right, i know its not right. lol i made that point last night. im just so sick of battling the women i turn to for support. i dont have much of anyone here and alot of you are all i have and all we have been doing is pushing women away and its not right. but i know who am i to say anything. im still getting bashed on the other forum, saying i have no class now, i seriously give up on human kind, its a failure. 

Name: jillw | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:26 PM
coartany I was julies post about you. I tried to reply tactfuly, but I guess she is a lost cause. 

Name: jillw | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:30 PM
that was supposed to be "saw" not "was" guess i typed too fast lol... By the way someone in the SAHM site is doing a good thing she is bumbing the topic down so that it can be forgotten about maybe we should do the same thing?????? 

Name: Coartney | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 9:47 PM
haha yeh jill i saw it, i replied. and she replied with blah blah blah .. so apparently, she really is the one with class .. haha 

Name: christiansmommy | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 10:22 PM
KAREN, WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD LEAVE, WHAT DID YOU MEAN? I HOPE THAT YOU ARENT' LEAVING THE SITE FOR GOOD, JUST THIS TOPIC. 

Name: babyrose | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 12:39 AM
Nicole, I've been reading all the craziness from the sahm board and I have extra pounds (ha ha) and I just wanted to let you know that I didn't have any problem with the comments you posted. In fact, I agree with you. You are right and I think sometimes people just don't like to hear hard truths that's why
so much #$*! came out of that debate. 

Name: nicole jones1 | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 12:55 AM
Thanks babyrose. 

Name: Ayame | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 7:18 AM
What the hell is with people being do DAMN RUDE. Nicole, you tried to apologize and she just had to be a -bleep.- I can't stand people like that! And you know what... MY MOM SMOKED EVERY DAY WITH ME, INFACT, NEARLY A PACK A DAY. I TURNED OUT JUST FINE. ( Not saying it's GREAT, but I'm fine so what the hell!) 

Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 7:34 AM
Your response is offensive.

Nicole look at obsesity figures in America, it is a problem and not just for women. You are saying that it is a choice, and this is where I disagree with you. There are people out there who struggle with their weight, and yes many of them might be able to make better choices but life isn't like that, and its not so simple. I think of my mother who has been overweight since she had be and she still needs to lose some weight, she has put being a GOOD MOTHER first by provding for us children, she has not been able to go out and play sport or exercise as much as she would have liked to (my father works away from home so she was incharge of us during the week 24/7), she might have also chosen the wrong unhealthy quick snack for herself because she was busy tending to us kids, driving to pick us up from music, sport and the like. Her being overweight did not have a bad effect on us her children. Of her 3 daughters we are all within the healthy weight according to the BMI scale. My sisters are at the bottom of the healthy range, and I am at the bigger end of the healthy range. My parents have taken pride in the fact that they do not smoke, and more importantly let us children come into contact with smoke. SMOKERS WERE NOT WELCOME TO SMOKE AT OUR HOUSE OR AROUND US CHILDREN. I see many teenage smokers, and you guessed it their parents are also smokers (Monkey see, monkey do). As for being proud of being over weight that is crap, perhaps you should have said that people are comfortable with their weight. I lost 15 - 17kg last year and probably need to lose another 10, but I am within a healthy weight range, healthy and comfortable with my weight.

In short, if you want a bad mom, it is one who criticises others weight and smokes. If you want to perpetuate the myth of barbie doll figured females to your children go ahead.

Also by saying "I'm sorry if anyone was unjustfully offended" is NOT an apology, and is 'unjustfully' even a word?

Oh and I hope that no one is 'unjustfilly' offended by what I have said, because that is not my intention. 

Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 7:36 AM
Also there are many who still have alcohol during pregnancy, and some physicians say that small amounts are fine... surely this is worse than a twinkie. Have you seen kids with foetal alcohol syndrome, because I have. 

Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 7:46 AM
Sorry Nicole I apologise. I read another forum which said that you

"u just got out of a messy divorce a couple months ago and now you are pregnant with your ex-husbands baby and then met this new guy one month or so after your divorce, moved in and is already engaged to him. ... and your 18. "

I aplogise. But I want you to remember this in a few years when you realise that when you are super busy that some people will pick up the twinkie.

Are you still smoking at the moment? 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 8:00 AM
or an extra 79...LOL. Okay not funny but true for the time being. I'll actually have a more accurate number as soon as I have my baby. Anyways where did this whole obesity thing come in. 

Name: Marcella | Date: Oct 25th, 2006 9:01 AM
Nicole, I don't like how you use the word 'twinkie' and obese in the same sentence. Honestly. That sounds like what little children say in the school yard to one another to tease overweight children. Do you know what every single overweight woman is going through? Do you know if thery have a disroder? A disease? Complications? Depression? Anything that could affect their weight. It really makes me angry when people mistreat overweight individuals in the street, treating them differently because they have preconceived notions about them. What IF someone is eating a twinkie? Have you ever eaten any baked goods? lol Maybe sometimes people who have certain notions about certain types of people, often 'see' every single overweight person eating a twinkie, or every underweight woman throwing up. It doesn't matter, you should never judge people.

Karen, I hope you don't leave the boards! Come back and just post on the boards that you want to participate in and forget about these drama ones. I had to say somthing because it bothered me and a lot of people in society do bother me nowadays but we can't change them, so whatever you know... 

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