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Well here's my story and its going to be kind of long. I met my boyfriend through not having a place to live. We've been together for more than a year and a half. The thing is, I strongly believe he is cheating on me with a girl he knew before me. I have found suspicious text messages on his phone from her, and after checking the cell phone bill - have found that he calls her frequently (I couldnt see whether or not she called him). I am 22 weeks pregnant. Our relationship is the same as it has always been. He still treats me the same and I treat him the same. But the fact that I keep asking him about this other girl, and keep bugging him about where he's going etc. is making us argue a lot. I dont know what I should do. I can't afford to live on my own. I only work part time (not more than $100 a week). I live in a low-income apartment. I get food stamps and medicaid from Social Services. If me and him were to break up I would not be able to afford anything that I have now. I would just barely make my car payment each month, let alone a new baby. The thought of him cheating on me doesnt really phase me as much as I thought though because he is leaving to go back to his country (Mexico) in one year anyway. So I guess the way I am thinking is - I'm going to loose him one way or the other. The problem is, it just doesnt feel right letting him get away with cheating on me. I have never cheated on him, nor could I because I feel too guilty. But like I said, I am basicly living off his income instead of my own. Everything I have is in my name including the place to live, but I couldnt afford any of it without him. If I were to be lucky and find a Full Time job, I would loose the Medicaid (which is my insurance for the pregnancy) and that would not be good at all. I just dont know what to do now. Can anyone help me? ↓
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| Name: Logan | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 12:46 AM |
Were is your family? Move out you dont want him to bring you an STD specially when pregnant....
No man deserves a good woman when they are cheating . ↑ |
| Name: lizshouse88 | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 1:10 AM |
| Well you see our relationship started out as him helping me with a place to live. Because my grandmother (who is the only family I have around here) kicked me out at 17. We get along alright now but thats only because I dont have to see her on a daily basis. We just didnt get along when we were around each other a lot. And I would leave him, but I have nothing else and nobody else to turn to. I dont have any friends (literally, I stay home all day unless im at work). And my grandmother is struggling raising my 11 year old sister as well after raising me and my brother who is a year older than me (I am 18 now). He really is all I have. I think im just going to have to live with it for now. Without him I wouldnt even have a home. I was sleeping in my car when I met him, but I couldnt even do that now because I couldnt afford the car payment without him. ↑ |
| Name: daisyusa | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 4:03 AM |
I would try to bunk at your grandmothers house, with her income and yours, you should be ok. Don't worry about the insurance and working, the coverage for pregnancy is higher than usual so check into it. You also can get vouchers for daycare and other assistance, but you have to look into it and ask questions. Look under your state's social services for maternity and baby care.
Don't stay where you are, you're putting yourself and your baby at risk and in the end, it's not worth it. Be strong and stand up for yourself and this sweet baby you're carrying. You should be able to get temporary cash benefits when your baby is born, not much, but you could let your grandmother do it as your proxy so she will have that income as well.
Don't give up and don't give into him. You can do it. There is so much help out there. ↑ |
| Name: jeannie | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 2:26 PM |
| you shouldn't lose your insurance with a job. pretty much every pregnant woman without insurance qualifies for "mommy medicaid". you HAVE to do the right thing for your baby, and right now that is getting things set up so that you can take care of it. logan was right... you don't need him bringing some std home, and a woman should never EVER suffer that kind of relationship. you sound like a smart girl. it's gonna require working hard, no lie. but it's the only way your ever going to be proud of yourself. talk with your case worker... that's what they are there for! ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 2:59 PM |
| OK girl you prob are not going to like what I have to say, but here goes. First the government is already helping you out with a place to live, food, and medical ins. Being afraid to "make too much money" is total welfare mentality to me. YOu can have a full time job and still get medical ins, and somethimes still get food stamps. Also if you car payment is a burdon then sell the car and buy something cheeper. If your rent is based on your income then that shouldn't be an issue. Maybe you won't be able to have lots of nice things, but count that as modivation to do something better. You are going to end up with some STD because you weren't willing to give up some money. It is really not worth it. I can't imagine that even if you worked full time that the job would pay enough for you to loose all support. When your baby comes they can also help you with baby formula. Stop depending on this guy and the system. Do what you need to do to make a better life for you and the baby. Good luck ↑ |
| Name: missmara | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 3:00 PM |
| AMEN Jill!! Or as my husband would say - cowboy up!! ↑ |
| Name: lizshouse88 | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 5:51 PM |
| I just dont know where to start. It's taken me so long just to get to where I am now. And now I am about to go right back where I started. I am already so depressed I dont know if I could handle loosing him. As I said before he treats me the same as he always has - he cares about me. I am not even completely sure that he's cheating. Is it worth it to leave him just because I think I know? This girl was a friend of his since before I knew him and she is friends with all his friends etc. And if I were to give the car up, I couldnt afford anything else - I have no money to my name right now. They wouldnt even let me trade it back for anything cheaper. I would be right back at the beggining: No car, no house, no nothing. I dont want to go back to nothing. I dont want to loose everything that I have. I just dont know what to do. ↑ |
| Name: Logan | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 6:22 PM |
if things are not good now, dont you think is best if you get out now while you can? by leaving it does not mean your life is over, it means you can start all over to live a happy healthy life not miserable as you are now.
YOu have to start somewhere...
I am sure you dont want to live miserable for the rest of your life with someone that cannot ofer you a good future and stability. ↑ |
| Name: lizshouse88 | Date: Dec 27th, 2006 6:44 PM |
| I have asked him about her. He says she is messing around with a friend of his (that I also know). Which I would believe. But knowing her I would believe that she is also messing around with him. I also dont know if I should believe him telling me that this other guy is messing with her because in the back of my mind I wonder if he is telling me that so I dont think they are doing anything. I have always been suspicious about this girl. I have confronted her about it in the past. She told me that what happened between my boyfriend and her before was only the result of two people being drunk and that nothing more would ever happen between them and that they were just friends. But there were two messages on his cell phone that I found. They were both in spanish (she is american but speaks spanish and he is mexican and cant read english). One said (in english) " whats up why arent you answering your phone I dont care if you are with your girl I need to talk to you call me back" the other one said " why dont you answer your phone?" and in spanish said "yo tambein te amo" which technically in english is I love you too. But could be understood different ways depending on how she meant it. When I asked him about it he said that she was probably messed up (she does a lot of drugs and drinks a lot etc.) when she wrote it. And that he never saw it but the message was checked on his phone. Then he kept on about how she's crazy and how he doesnt know why she would have sent him that message. I could be just worked up over nothing. I mean like I said I have always been jealous over her because I have always felt like if he had the chance he would try to be with her instead of me. I just dont know if I can trust him to tell me the truth about it. ↑ |
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