OK, so I don’t really know where to start.
Since I can remember I have been literally crazy obsessed with my weight, what people think of the way I look, clothes and food…I get that that’s always going to be a part of me.
I remember when I was 15 years old being at school and I passed out during a presentation because I hadn’t eaten all day, and that scared me so I kind of took control over my eating and it improved.
At 18 my boyfriend and I broke up, he cheated on me with a friend, I got kicked out of college and quit my job because the girl he cheated on me with worked where i worked, so I lost a lot and then I put on a stone, an weighed 10 stone, at 5 ft 5.
I joined a gym, got a new job working in an office and began to sort myself out, but I was so paranoid about my weight, so every day at work we would all go out for lunch, so I started going to the bathroom and making myself sick after lunch, then I got hold of laxatives, and obsessed over calories.
I then left that job because I hated it, and worked elsewhere where my calorie counting got worse as did my laxative use. My purging after lunch stopped as the bathroom was in the office so people would have found out.
I’m now 20, and I took two years out working to try and sort my head out, and have now gone back to school and am at university. my problem is though I spent the summer getting myself healthy, trying to stop my bad eating and it was difficult but I managed it quite well, now however all these feelings are coming back and I just want to B&P all the time, I have resisted the urge, and I have not purged (expect for a few times when I have been drunk) for about 9 months, so its like I have all the mental symptoms, but none of the physical as I am trying to be strong and now purge.
It’s taking over my life, I can’t talk to my friends or family because they have their own problems. please help me i literally do not know what else i can do ↓
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| Name: junolovexx | Date: Dec 12th, 2010 3:06 AM |
| Unfortunatly there is not much you can do because like any illness symptoms make take years to go away or may never go away at all. The important thing is that you are doing your best to control the urges and not let them take over you. Stay strong and stay positive. As long as you stay in control you will beat this. I haven't purged in months and everyday it is a constant struggle because the thought is always there, but I try to fill my day with other things that occupy my time. Try and find a hobby or something that you enjoy that will help take your mind off of it. I do have to say Congratulations though for getting your life back together and returning to school to better your life, and fighting your urges. I wish you the best of luck and hope you continue your recovery from your ED ↑ |
| Name: exploit | Date: Dec 24th, 2010 6:38 AM |
| Hello, I endured bulimia years ago as a tactic to black out and sleep. I had bad insomnia. The purging of fluids cause low elctro and potassium, thuis a black out. The behavior becomes addicting. I understand. The thing is you are not controling when a behavior controls you, thus your body is controling you. Its a catch 22, Honestly the best thing to do is to not pay atttention to your appearance. Just let it go. When we set ideals, then we set ourself up to fail when we look at ourself, then we are more likley to panic and engage in the old patterns we used to control the way we look. ↑ |
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