Do you remember Terry Shrivo- what 27 year old has a heart attack? She lost all that weight out of high school- lived in Flordia- such a beautiful girl with her whole life ahead of her- she was bilemic.
I have been bilemic for 20 years. I have it under control now, for the most part. I have allowed myself to define bilemia in degrees. Those who are 100 percent bilemic purge everything. 75% when they have big meals. Me, I'm at a 5% category. I purge once a month- right before I get my period. I'm nautious to begin with and I've usually eaten something greasy that just doesn't agree right with my stomach. This really doesn't scare me. I do, however, purge when I get really angry or depressed and somethng goes really wrong in my life. This is probably 6 times a year. This is what scares me, because I feel as if the bilemia takes over for a minute and has control of me instead of the other way around.
My husband of 7 years refused to marry me unless I stopped. He cried and pleaded. My father died of a heart attack at 42, his sister died at 30 and I have an irregular heartbeat. The times that I purge when I'm hurt or angry- those are the times I feel chest pains afterwards. I think mentally, I feel as if I'm purging out the pain- and afterwards I genuinely feel numb and better.
My husband doesn't know that I do it when I'm hurt or angry. I know I have to work on this. I'm the type of person that holds everything in until I just blow up. If we get in a fight I bring up things that happen 6 months, heck 6 years ago- that I either kept inside or haven't quite been able to forgive him for.
When I saw Terry, I cried for her, her husband and her family. You can tell her family didn't really know she did it and was in denial. Her husband was probably the motivation behind her binging. He was a good looking guy. He may have not even known- but somehow I think he did- especially since he was a nurse. At least- in my opinion- he honored her by removing the tubes. That would be such a painful decision- but I would never want to live that way.
I guess I just want to remind you all of her. If bilemia doesn't kill you, you may end up like her - and devestating everyone who loves you. Do everything you can to stop.
Before I dated my husband I was 100 percent belimic. I don't know how I survived 14 years of it. I felt chest pains everyday. Before him- I dated muscle bound jocks who were controlling. My husband was truly sent to me from heaven. He came out of nowhere and simply became my friend for 6 months before we even dated. He worked with me- and picked up on my bilemia there- he noticed how I went to the bathroom after every lunch. He was one of those guys that was "one of the girls". A bunch of us would all go out after work- and he picked up on me going to the bathroom if we ate anything then. He brought me to the side and flat out asked me. Of course I denied it and told him how disgusting that was. I carried soap, toothpaste, toothbrush and victoria secret lotion in my bag to cover it up. I would have to redo my makeup from the tears. I think puking in a public toilet was my lowest point. I once even had a man take me out on a date and spend $500 on a bottle of wine at dinner and I still purged. I felt so guilty. I dated an attorney for 7 years. I was his trophy girlfriend. He told me how to act , what to say, what to wear- in fact on my 20th birthday he gave me a card with a homemade coupon that said he was going to buy me a "boob job". Everyone in my family loved him because he was so successful- but nobody knew how he made me feel. He wasn't mean about it- just very condescending. Afterwards parties he would tell me how proud he was of me- and what a hot "babe" I am. It was like I was in a performance and he was giving me my reviews.
I left him when he graduated from lawschool and was working in NYC starting at $98,000 a year. He now lives on the same street as Bill and Hillary Clinton and is married to a wife with big boobs. I opted to marry a man making $43000 a year who convinced me that I'm beautiful with no makeup on- and does me when my legs aren't shaved!! He truly loves me for who I am on the inside. He truly is helping me to love myself.
It really wasn't until I started realizing my worth that I began to stop. Like I said - I've been this way for twenty years- I'm now 38 with three kids. It was such a long journey to get where I'm at now- but if you can't find it in your heart to love yourself- find someone who is your friend and talk to them about it. Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have an angel sent to them- but please please try to stop. I bet anything terry is looking down from above wishing she had. ↓
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| Name: Abby | Date: Oct 30th, 2005 10:11 AM |
| You do know that autopsy showed that the damage to her brain was from abuse? Her husband did it and as a personal friend of the Schrivo family I wish to clear up this matter. ED are horrible things, and I know personally, but don't use Terry's memory incorrectly please. ↑ |
| Name: celeste | Date: Nov 8th, 2005 5:45 AM |
| Your story about you personally, is great. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Terry is in a much better place.... ↑ |
| Name: no name brand | Date: Nov 9th, 2005 12:17 PM |
| hey, look, i've always been on the... ''fat'' side and well i pretty much got tired of it so i thought throwing everything up would solve it, i thought about going on the internet to find tips on how exactly to purge (since it doesnt work if i try it like people say) but now i read your story and wel, you are probably right on that i should love myself but how do i get the boys to love such a fat thing? ↑ |
| Name: Mickey | Date: Dec 7th, 2005 2:46 AM |
| i am about to become belimic. I hate the way my life is going and i am gaining weight. I am only 12 and I am to stressed out. I have even tried suicide and I am only gretting worse! if things don't get better soon I ight not be here much longer! ↑ |
| Name: april | Date: Dec 7th, 2005 2:06 PM |
| it was a great story but i have somthing to say to the last three posters only true people will love you for who you are not what you look like or what you could buy and give them they love your personality and your smile and trust me guys dont make the world go round lol when you meet that right one you will know it bc it will hit you like a ton of bricks so since yall are young why dont you put all of you energy into sports and school work and not into i wanna be the thinnest model ever because as yall know women have curves and curves are beautiful big is beautiful you dont have to fit in that perfect 00 to be pretty i know girls that hate that they cant gain wieght they are 100 pounds and cant get over it and some that are way over weight that want to be so skinny but i dont think its worth it you should be who you are bc god made you that way for a reason dont let people put you and others down for your looks just be like hey im gorgeous and i know it i dont give a dam what you think lol every one is special in their own little way remember you are BEAUTIFUL!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Megan | Date: Jan 25th, 2006 5:48 AM |
| wow, thats really amazing of you to share your story like that. i feel so lost right now. and its just nice to hear i'm not alone. and that its possible to overcome this. i'm just 17 and i can't imagine living this nightmare for another twenty years. i'm so scared of how others see me...that i've hid myself away these past two years. i need to stop. but thank you so much for speaking up about your experiences with your eating disorder, i know how difficult that is, but you seem like you've grown into an amazing person yourself. best wishes to you and your family. ↑ |
| Name: I feel your pain | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 7:45 AM |
| I know exactly what you mean. I'm 31 with two children which I love dearly and I don't won't to die!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: LisaMarie | Date: May 16th, 2006 8:16 PM |
| simply put no I dont want to end up like Terry ↑ |
| Name: Yes | Date: May 23rd, 2006 1:27 AM |
| YES I DO!!!!!!!!!!! ATLEAST SHE DIED THIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUCKY ↑ |
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