This is the first forum I access. The reason is I feel lonely. I just don't know who to talk to. I still don't see myself as being bulimic, but deep down I know I am doing it like everybody else. The unusual think (and this makes me feel even more lonely is that I am 31).
Im just desperate. I have doing this for one year. I always thought low about myself and I hated the way I looked, but it wasn't until I moved abroad that, with the stress of starting in a new place and being away from my husband for a while, I started wanting to be think and finally like the way I looked if I possibly lost some weight.
I have been doing this for a year. I have been confiding everything on a friend of mine who had friends with the same problem, and he is my best friend, he is my angel. But lately he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't sit down with me to talk me through things anymore, instead he is colder towards me and keeps telling me to go see a doctor. He only talks to me about this when he sits with another good friend and they both show their support. I have put him through so much with this that I feel he can't deal with it anymore. And it hurts so much, bcs I feel like I have nobody to talk to if he doesn't listen. I have put so much weight on his shoulders, probably too much to bare.
My husband has no idea. I can't even picture telling him something like this. It's like I am living two lives here.
I don't eat any carbs: no rice, bread, potatoes, flour, no fried food, no nothing other than hummus, salads, or light yoghourt with muesli. When I have to eat something else bcs I go to a dinner, I just go to the bathroom and let it out. Anything else other than my good items panics me, I obsess over what I am going to eat next.
There are some other times when I need a break from the dieting and I just have to eat all the crap I find to then go to the bathroom again.
When I can do and block it out of my mind, I am happier. But then there are times when I am depressed, and I just wish I could do this forever and be happy about it.
I weight about 48 or 50 kgs, depending on when I weigh myself, but I still think I look fat. When I get my period is the worst, bcs the scales starts showing higher numbers, maybe a few more hundred grams. I wanna be 45 if possible, but it gets harder and harder to lose weight.
My two friends keep telling me to see a doctor, but I fear that if I do what they say, I will accept the whole situation and I will make myself a 'clinic case' and it will finally be out eventually, and my husband will find out.
I feel so lonely. I am just so sad that I have made my friend tired of listening to me, also bcs my mood changes so much and somethings I treat him bad, or I make huge deals out of normal behaviour (like if he doesn't do things with me every day). I know it's not fair to him, but all I need is for him to keep on hugging me like he used to, instead of telling me the practical solution and stop being sensitive towards me.
Am I pushing people away from me?
Anyway, thanks for reading if you did. I know this isn't really worth it. I am a piece of crap anyway...
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| Name: laurie c | Date: Feb 19th, 2007 10:23 PM |
| It really wouldn't hurt to seek some help- some one neutral that can keep your information private but still offer you the support that you need. Every person on earth is worth hearing and being loved!! ↑ |
| Name: Babyrose | Date: Feb 19th, 2007 10:45 PM |
| Name: lucie | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 10:18 AM |
| you are worth being helped. just see this problem as a dirty disease that needs to be beaten and you have got to be really strong to do so. It is a shame about your close friend. i have pushed people away several times and it makes me feel horrible. ↑ |
| Name: concerned2 | Date: Mar 25th, 2007 3:50 PM |
Just read your Message you posted on here! I know it was posted a few weeks ago but i would just like to say i there is anything i can do to help then feel free to ask.I am a 28 year old female, recovering anorexic!
Take Care ↑ |
| Name: M | Date: Apr 13th, 2007 8:37 PM |
| Here is the other babyrose with a B ↑ |
| Name: push | Date: Apr 16th, 2007 10:46 PM |
[email protected] ... email me and i will help support you .. :: am in the same situation
kayx ↑ |
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