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Name: shanesbabygirl

[ Original Post ]

I'm 33 years old and have battled bulimia since Oct 2006. I had been doing really well for some time, but I cannot get past wanting to binge eat constantly.
I finally had made up in my mind that i absolutely was not going to throw up. But I cannot, for the life of me, quit eating large amounts of food.
I am short (5' 0") and my normal weight is aound 110-115, because my body frame is small. I now weigh 143. I am completely miserable and have started throwing up again because I can't get control of eating. I feel like I am addicted to food and i eat all day long! I wake up everyday and say to myself--this is the day I change it. And I can usually hold off for awhile but when I eat, it's like this viscious cycle starts all over again.
I'm really depressed. I'm a stay at home mom. So it's really hard to keep myself occupied for lonperiods at a time.
I'm so tired of my life being this way. I just don't know how to stop! Someone please help me!!!
I told my husband about this seveal months after it first started at the beginning of 2007. I was able to get ahold of it at that point and stop, but it was only temporary. It worried him so bad and just completely made his nerves a wreck that when it kept bothering me, I learned to just hide it and not let him know. He has no idea about it now or how completely miserable I am of all this! Sometimes he says I seem like something is wrong, but I cannot bear to tell him it's still an issue.
I feel completely hopeless. I feel so fat and like I can never get away from this! ↓

Name: Rel | Date: Apr 30th, 2008 4:21 AM

I dont for a second think that I am the one to help you, but I felt a strong need to reply to you and let you know that you deserve and are worth so much more than what you are doing to yourself right now. I am also a say at home mum, which as we both know is the hardest job on earth. So trying to do it while you are suffering from an eating disorder makes it that much more difficult. Trust me I know, I am at the other spectrum from you. I suffer from anorexia, (I hate using that term). This is my second time around with this disorder. I am 38 years old and have in this battle for over 12 months now. It took me ages to admit to myself let alone my family that I have a problem. Please dont suffer alone with this, you dont need too. This is the time you most need your husband's support. You have to stop worrying about how this affects him so much and let him be strong for you. My Fiance is devastated by my illness, he sees me wasting away everyday, as do my children and mum and dad. Please be honest with your husband, you owe this to yourself and your child. I know its hard to think about how others feel, this tends to be a rather selfish illness. Since finally being honest with my family, and allowing them to be part of my recovery has been therapy for us all. I am far from fixed but I feel just that little bit less alone knowing that the ones I love the most want me to be better. And not having to hide and lie all the time is incredibly liberating. I am on medication to help with my depression, and my doctor is threatening hospitalization soon, but I know that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I can get through this again, I've done it before, so I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that I have given you hope. You need to see your GP, sooner rather than later. There are so many treatments available to help you. Start believing that you deserve a better life. Stop existing and start living. I probably sound like a hypocrite, I just felt so compelled to reach out to you. U R not ALONE!!! If you would like to email me please feel free to do so. My email is [email protected]. You can beat this. ↑

Name: unsatiable | Date: May 7th, 2008 11:42 PM

Im 40 and 5 feet also.. normal weight 125.. I know weigh 180,
I know Im addicted to food.. just never could throw up.. hate throwing up.. hate being fat.. but cant seem to kick food.

I may not be of help to you but I certainly can identify with your issues. I have been depressed beyond comprehension since I have gained steadily 50lbs.. in the past 8 years. I am not approved for weightloss surgery unless,I pay outta pocket which is impossible really..I am actually selling my house so I maybe can muster the cash for lapband.. isnt that pathetic? i have become a hermit.. by choice.. due to no clothes.. the reaction from friends & family..like i dont see it myself in the mirror.. Im 5foot 1.. and now bigger round than tall.. let me know if sharing helps you.. I think it will help me hopefully ↑