my life is strictly black and white. all aspects of it. i either gets a's in classes or i fail them. i either love people or i hate them. and then with food i either dont eat or eat so much i dont know what to do. i have always been on the chubby side, even as a d1 athlete, but i never restricted my calories too low or made myself purge. about two weeks ago my jaw started hurting and i could not eat solid foods so i was basically confined to broths and jello. within a week i lost over 7 pounds and everyone was telling me how much better i looked, but i didnt see a difference. when my jaw started working and i was able to chew again i faked like it still hurt so i wouldnt have to eat real foods so maybe i would keep losing weight. but then i went home for spring break and my mom insisted i eat fatty soups and ice cream with her. it made me feel disgusting and i only lost 2 pounds in the 5 days i was home. tonight i stepped on the scale and saw the same number i have been seeing for days and couldnt handle it anymore. it was the first time i ever made myself vomit. when i was finished throwing up everything i had inside of me i stepped on the scale and was lighter than i had been before. it was legitimately the best i have ever felt in my entire life and i am terrified by how great it made me feel. i really do not want this to become a habit but nothing else has ever made me feel this good.
im not sure what to do about it.... ↓
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