i've never really done anything like this and i just need someone to talk to. i have a book in my room where i write down all my thoughts whenver i'm having a bad day and it helps a bit but i just want to get it out to people who will actually understand and maybe write back.
i've been bulimic for just over two years now, my mum found out about a year ago that i was making myself sick and she thinks it has all stopped now but really its worse than ever. i can go for just over a week without eating and i feel amazing, i look nicest when ive not eaten for a week but most of the time i cant even get myself out of bed. after about a week and a half i start to get hungry but its not just hunger for a snack its like a need to binge, to just eat anything and everything. its never healthy food tho its always junk so i feel even worse. i make sure i drink plenty of water and chew all my food so i know i can easily get it back up. i only ever binge when everyone else is in bed or when theres no one in the house because i know this means i can throw it up without anyone knowing.
i know which foods are easier to come up, i know which foods will be sloppier so they don't make noise when they hit the toilet water, everytime i throw up i cry and say i won't do it again, but i end up going back for more food and throwin up again or doing it the next day.
after ive had my binge day i tend to eat less and less each day and sometimes manage to convince myself its ok if a little stays inside, but i eventually get to the point where i won't eat for a week again and then thats when people start to question me about it. i hate being faced with questions about it and i hate that theres noone in my life atm that i can talk to about it properly who will understand me.
everyday i take a vitamin tablet so my body cant crave for them throughout the day, this helps me to not eat as much, i also drink water and coke zero as much as i can to fill me up.
i've recently been diagnosed with body dismorphia and was meant to go to group therapy for it but i missed it because i was having a fat day and didn't want to go out feeling as fat as i did.
i've been a normal weight for my height for quite a while and i hate that i'm not underweight, i just want to be skinnier and i have a goal weight but i know when i reach it i will want to be even thinner. i used to be obese and in the space of about 6 months lost 4 stone because i was in a really bad routine with my eating, binging and purging. this is when my mum found out and stopped it and in a way i hate her for stopping me because thats when i was best at all this and was able to lose weight whenever i wanted.
people don't understand me when i say i dont want to stop the way i am i just want to be able to continue. i dont really want help i just want to be able to tell people and people be able to accept me for it. i hate myself for wanting to carry this on but in a way its like an addiction for me. ↓
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| Name: missyno1x | Date: Nov 20th, 2009 2:39 AM |
hey
do you have msn?
if so add me or email me
[email protected] x ↑ |
| Name: miapiano | Date: Nov 28th, 2009 11:07 PM |
hey,
this was like reading my own thoughts.
is there anywhere we can chat like anonymously don't really wanna give out msn/fb and stuff..
x ↑ |
| Name: beautyfrompain89 | Date: Nov 30th, 2009 1:27 AM |
Hey,
I feel exactly the same. Have been bulimic for 3 years now and i am at a normal weight myself. Have been at uni for the past 2 months and have manage to gain a horrendous 10lb, which i am still on the slimmer side of weight for my height but i would love more than anything to be slimmer. If you ever want to talk, please add me to msn: [email protected]
Your story is quite similar to mine in many ways xx ↑ |
| Name: bigmomma555 | Date: Nov 30th, 2009 2:00 PM |
wow..youre amazing. I cant even go one day without eatimg. i admire you for going a whole week! I alway wanted to become skiny. I have alot of journals and thinsparation, burt i need that last thing to help me get through this. And thats an ana buddy..hope you'll help me:D
Stay strong xo ↑ |
| Name: the3rin | Date: Dec 28th, 2009 2:31 PM |
| oh bulimia is an addiction and the longer u dont get help the worse it gets - i became anerexic when i was 15 then bulimic when i was 16 and i have thrown up everyday at least 3-8times a day for the past 8months-the throwing up gets worse and worse and u need to do it more then n2x a day- its like u cant stop it takes over ur life and its all u think about-and fuk do i ever understand the resent and anger u feel towards ppl who want to help u bc u dont want their help bc u want to be able to stay skinny and the only way u kno to do that is by having a eating disorder- trust me i have mastered all the tricks of bulimia= but u kno what u think u have it under control but soon enuf all u will want to do is eat and then throw up and soon ur days will be consumed by eating and throwing up- i kno u have heard it and i kno u kno the dangers and i kno u kno how unhealthy this is blah blah blah- i am telling u tho that if u want to become depressed and lazy and basically become a loser who doesnt have fun and who doesnt go out and live life then that is what is happening-ur mind will become ur worst enemy and ur mind will be consumed by this obbsession = and everything and everyone around u will not really matter as much anymore= i dunno ur still early in ur addiction=it took me 11yrs to get over mine= im 26 now and fuk i wasted so much time so much precious fukn time i can never get back bc my eating disorder took over my life and my life and who i was ceased to exist ↑ |
| Name: the3rin | Date: Dec 28th, 2009 2:36 PM |
in short if u ever think u ll have a boyfriend and have a real life and actually have fun while suffering from this obbsession about food well ur wrong
and if u think that this behaviour is under control well it isnt
and it will only get worse= way fukn worse u will fall into the depths of darkness and depression deeper and deeper each day u continue to live like this and honestly all u really need to do is eat healthy and less and get off ur fukn ass and go to the gym- it took me 11yrs to realize that and now i have the best body ever and i am so happy ↑ |
| Name: Nathan | Date: Jan 26th, 2010 7:40 AM |
| I'm so annoyed, i've gone for about 3 months now without a prolapse, i've been having the thoughts and managing to ignore them. I had all the friends I wanted, got a boyfried, and got a new job and start in life. I've now fell out with one of my best friends, and I messed things up on purpose with my boyfriend because I couldn't handle everything being so perfect, I now really regret this because I feel like I'm losing everything again and I'm having bulemic thoughts again that are really hard to ignore. Its a constant torture in my head. I recently became vegan as i was already vegeterian and i wasn't allowed to be vegan untill i ate more healthily after my treatment. Now I've gained the trust of everyone and became vegan but all its done is restrict my food intake and i'm getting a buzz off it.Its encouraging the thoughts. I would never not be a vegan now as I've got really strong beliefs but I can't help but think its encouraging my bulemia. I feel like everythings falling apart and this is my worst relapse yet... ↑ |
| Name: Nathan | Date: Mar 1st, 2010 9:27 PM |
| omg in my last reply i put prolapse but meant relapse ¬¬ i really dont know why i even put that lmao :| ↑ |
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