Guys... Im finally going into inpatient agian... my therapist told me since I was so negative about my ED (bulimia/anorexia) that if I ever have a spur of the moment thought that I really truly didnt want to live with this forever that I should act on it.
So I called two different places for evals.. got accepted to one this morning and then I have one more on monday- Im so scared to change and to gain weight but Ive realized thtat Ithis will never make me happy.
Im at the weight finally that I have been striving to get down to but now that Im at it, even though I dont feel fat I feel nice and skinny Im scared to death to eat anything becuase I might gain .. so Im still loosing even though im not trying- i have no enegry, i feel stupid since my brain cant work right... im loosing friends, my family acts wierd around me... this is NOT how I want to live out the rest of my life. I faint a lot... so today I decided for a minute that I would rather allow myself to gain weight and be chunky if it came to that and just LIVE... then to be skinny- ive fiught this for 12 years...and ive never been happy ......
but now that spur of the moment is slowly ending.. im just so scared.. i worked SO HARD to loose this weight, i teriibly dont want to gain it back....
terribly dont..
im sdtill going to go through with it.. i have a couple weeks until i go in but im trying ot loose even more so when i gain maybe i wont go over the weight i like too much.,
eating disorders SUCK ↓
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