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Name: malki
[ Original Post ]
i feel so depressed i just wonna cry and screem i cant take this eating crap anymore. why cant i just be normal and not think of food and weight all friken day. noone (my husband) understands that i cant just fix it myself, i wish i could. god, i wake up everyday wishing that i could just be free of this binging disorder. and of course i cant get help cause i have no money for it, no way of getting there if i did have money for it, and noone to take care of my little girl.
i feel that if i dont get help though i will loos my marrige and even wors it will start effecting my little girl. i would hate myself so much if i past this problem on to my baby girl. i just wish it would go away but i know it doesnt work like that i know that it takes a long time in recovery to help this kind of issue. if only i could go to recovery. its funny a few years ago i did everything in my pawor to get away from recovery and now i want it so bad and cant get it. god i was so stupid
if only i knew then what i know now if only i knew that it cant be controlled on my own that i cant just pretend that i dont have a problem. well now i guess im paying for it. god, i just wonna cry.
thanks for reading i just had to vent and i didnt have anyone that would understand.
Malki
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Name: mommy karen | Date: Sep 10th, 2006 4:17 AM
Malki, sorry to hear what youre going thru. I am glad you want help, yes your family needs you especially your little girl. But remember and I'm sure you know that in order for them to be ok you need to be ok. Do you to help them. I'm sure there are places where they can help. Call people, hospitals, clinics theres gotta be a place or person that can help, free of charge. Good luck Malki, be safe. 

Name: leelee | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 3:29 AM
I know exactly how you feel!! I've suffered with anorexia for 13 years and wish there was a magic pill that I could take to get this monster out of my brain. I've been thru the hospital thing 4 times and don't want to go through it again. I so badly want to be able to do what I need to do on my own. My husband is very supportive but he doesn't realize how much I'm struggling. I want more than anything to become pregnant and am trying to use that as motivation, but its soo hard., I wish I had advice to offer to you, but we all kinow what we need to do. Try and use your little girl for motivation. She needs her mom to be physically and emotionally present in her life!! Were you anorexic before you became pregnant? If you live anywhere near NY, there is a free in patient eating disorder research based program at Columbia hospital. Good luck to you and know that you're not alone. 

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