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I am a 33 age single mother with a 9 year old daughter. Ten weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant with my second child. Only problem is that it was not a plan pregnancy, and now my relationship with my boyfriend is on the rocks. We had dated years back and reason why we did not end up together was because I wanted more kids and he wanted no more. He was content with his three kids. So we decided to give our relationship a second try and well I ended up pregnant after three months of dating. He now feels that I got prgnant on purpose and is not happy at all but very upset with me and not to mention dissapointed. He has been treating me very cruel and has been making me cry almost all the time now. I want to leave him but everytime I do he continues calling me and telling me that "now he feels obligated to stay with me". I have tried everything to leave him but he continues wanting to be in the picture. Will his emotions pass as time passes or will he alwasy hate me for getting pregnant. I have advised him that the obviouse will happend, and that is that him and I are not going to make it through this pregnancy together. It hurts me very much because he is the love of my life and I feel that if we stay together only for the sake of the baby, we will end up hating one another. What should I do? ↓
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| Name: marija | Date: Dec 22nd, 2006 8:43 PM |
Hi elvisqueen,
Put some space between him and yourself. Make sure that if you do stay with him that you speak about how / why you are pregnant...NEVER STAY WITH HIM if he is going to feel "obligated" or "disappointed" or worst thing of all..."that you purposely fell pregnant"...he will hang that on the relationship every time there is a bump in the road and you will be prolonging the agony of a breakup...it will happen if you let him think this way!!
I think he does feel something for yourself and baby, otherwise he would not call at all... but is being a big baby himself...some men need to be centre of attention all the time...he is trying to put all responsibility of the pregnancy onto you, so that if your relationship goes to the hard basket he can blame you and take an easy way out....I hope it gets better quick for you
good luck and MERRY CHRISTMAS ↑ |
| Name: elvisqueen | Date: Dec 28th, 2006 6:03 PM |
| Marija thank you for your advise. I have done just that, given him is space and it seems that it is working. We have been doing well and I think that me being prgenant is starting to sink in for him. I live with my mom and he lives with his mom. I will be moving out once I get my income tax for the year of 2006 and he mentioned buying a home sometime next year. I do not know if he meant for us but I try not to let it bother me nor ask him. If he wants to make a life with me and our baby he will let me know and if not well then it's his lost. Merry Christmas to you too! ↑ |
| Name: elvisqueen | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 6:35 PM |
| well it's over between the baby's father and myself. I just could not take it any more, at least not his behavior towards me. It's not like he hits me but he does say some hurtful things to me. It seems he is mad at me for being pregnant. This is suppose to be a joyful time for me and I can not let him spoil that for me. He figures that me leaving him will make him look like an A**hole, but in all honesty why would I want to be with an A**hole myself. That all his friends are going to think he left me and does not want anything to do with me or the baby, but the truth is that I do not care what his friends nor his family have to say about me. He wants to live sepreat lives but yet still be together, and maybe in the future we can be a happy family. What should I do, should I give him the time of day or should I not waste another year of my life with him? ↑ |
| Name: molly-may | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 7:03 PM |
| You need to do what is best for you and your child. Don't ever stay with a man for the sake of your child. You don't need to be together to raise the child. Make sure you talk with him about child support. Life is to short to be with someone that belittles you. You need to be happy, if it is without him, then fine and if you think you will be happier with him the that's fine too. Just think of your child, and if he isn't nice to you now, will he be in the future? ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Jan 11th, 2007 7:00 AM |
elvisqueen
please dont wait for him to make a decision like this...
*If he wants to make a life with me and our baby he will let me know and if not well then it's his lost.*
Tell him you will be moving on....when he comes to his senses and grows up your child will be waiting to meet his/her father, NOT you ...YOU do not deserve a man who is willing to desert you and your baby to "FIND HIMSELF"
and your also right about his friends...noone matters but you and your baby's wellbeing.
Suggestion...if your not having problems i would suggest staying with your mother until you find your feet financially and emotionally...mothers can be a great support with everything about mothering newborns and also for giving you timeout.
Hope it all goes well :-) ↑ |
| Name: elvisqueen | Date: Jan 11th, 2007 10:54 PM |
| Marija, thank you for your kind support. It's time like these that you need someone to talk to and hear some good advice. Well he has not called for the past two days and it's very hard not to hear from him. After all he is the father of my baby to be and he has been my one true love. I really did not expect this from him, and I guess that is what really hurts me, that he can't be supportive. I try to be positive in hopes that one day he does come to his senses. For now I will have to continue staying with my mom till I can be on both my feet. Marija, you never told me your story? Once again thank you. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Jan 12th, 2007 4:46 PM |
elvisqueen
your very welcome :-) he may get used to the idea that he is about to become a father and maybe he could be a good father...no one knows yet! Only time and attitude can determine that. Just make sure you take care of yourself first. Women naturally become stronger when they have babies...well most do...Our will to protect our babies from any sort of both, physical and emotional hurt becomes number 1...but it can only be achieved properly if the mother is in a stable mind (emotionally you know what you want) which is why you need to concentrate on whats best for you right now and the both of you (baby and you) in the future...I wish you all the best :-)
my story...(i'll try to keep it short....i tend to write novels...skim if you get bored :-))))))
i was a single parent for 5 years with two kids...the father was an arse who was heavy handed...i walked out with a one and a half year old and heavely pregnant with my second....i am lucky to have had (and still do) a very supportive family and friend group.
Still didnt stop me wanting a father for my children...not for me but for them. I did try in the early days to have him be a part of their lives but he kept showing his selfishness .....i decided when my oldest was about 4 that they were better off without him as any sort of role model in their lives.
He moved interstate and it was the best thing that could of happened to us...I relaxed and became involved with organising our lives without interference, without needless arguements and stress. And i could move on and have a relationship with another man without alot of baggage that comes with having the ex's shadow always there...(and we hadnt been a couple for nearly 4 years....some men wont let go.... or they dont want to be a dad and all the responsibities that go with being one....but they dont want anyone else doing it either!!)
I met my husband when my oldest was six and youngest was 4 and a half....fell in love, got married...had another 4 kids...fell out of love...LOL...only joking!!!...still love him...hehehehhee....they are now 17 and 15 and a half
My kids with the ex...have had a great dad and role model and have missed NOTHING from not knowing their bio-dad. They know of him, they know of their half-siblings...they have met them and correspond with the older one....the younger ones are still babies. that is my story in a nutshell...hope i didnt bore you too much...LOL ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Jan 12th, 2007 4:46 PM |
| geee that wasnt a novel....its a friggin trilogy!!! ↑ |
| Name: elvisqueen | Date: Jan 12th, 2007 11:36 PM |
Marija, not at all. I admire you for coming out a winner with yourself and children. I guess you can say that you are one of the lucky ones to have found a great man. I hope to one day I meet that man and in return be happy. My daugthers father is a lost case. He was caught traspassing drugs and has ever since been running from the law. So he is now in Mexico where he belongs. I am also glad that he is not part of my daughters life, and she will one day learn to accept the truth. That he never attempted to see her or know of her. In all honesty it is their lost and not ours or our childrens. I really tought that my baby too be father would be different but he has proven that he has not place for me and my daughter. Once again his lost not mine. I know for a fact that both men will one day kick themselves in the a**, whishing they did right by me. And I am pretty sure that your ex will one day feel like that as well.
You are right Marija only time will tell if he will want to be part of the babys life. I am no longer going to worry about it. I am going to worry only about me, my daughter and baby to be. Men come and go, I can always find me another one!!! Well I hope you have a great weekend and please keep in touch. God
Bless. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Jan 13th, 2007 2:09 AM |
Im glad you feel the way you do elvisqueen :-)
Keep us updated with your pregnancy
speak to you soon :-)))))) ↑ |
| Name: angelagarvis | Date: Jan 13th, 2007 6:26 PM |
| I would first look at what you want out of life, then sit your boyfriend down and explan this is what i want , this is what i need from you and this is what i am willing to do for you. It may not answer everthing but it's not ok to make you cry daily. You have to be true to you and he needs to be with you because he loves YOU If you want to leave him then do so find a support system to help you cope with it. ↑ |
| Name: elvisqueen | Date: Jan 16th, 2007 9:49 PM |
Hello Marija, how are you doing? Well I have not talked to the baby's father for the past week and this week he is leaving to Hawaii. Yup!! Hawaii!!! I guess he is pretty excited leaving for a while. There are days that I feel lonely and scared and days that I feel nothing. But I know that with my families support and friends I will come out alive with this. I am now 15 weeks in to my pregnancy and I have started to show. I got my in come tax today as well that I will be going shopping with my daughter for some maternity clothes. Since I work in an office I have to dress professional and I have to stop wearing my 3 to 4 inch heels, I just can't live with out them. My doctor said not to change anything about myself, to go on normal. Marija, here is my email address if you wish to keep in touch, [email protected]
So how have you been doing and how was your weekend? ↑ |
| Name: elvisqueen | Date: Jan 17th, 2007 4:19 PM |
| AngelaGarvis, thank you for your support. I do love him and very much, but so much has changed between us. I feel hurt by him and I don't think I can forgive him for that. This is when I most need him and he has not called me for a week now. He is going to Hawaii tomorrow for a week. I just feel lonely and hurt by him and I am beggining to get angry. Mainly with myself rather than with him. I should have really taught about matters before taking him back for the second time. For some reason I taught things would be different this time around, but never did I expect to get pregnant and be dumpped by him. At least that is how I feel since he has not called for a week now. I should stop whelling and forget about him and start thinking about my baby. I try my best to feel happy about the pregnancy but my heart is not feeling it. I am so confused and lonely right now. ↑ |
| Name: sid | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 3:39 AM |
| I realize that this may seem out of bounds and he may really really (did I mention really?) not want any part in this, but start going to church, even if you are not religious, find an up beat church to go to that has nurseries and playgroups and couceling for the expected parents, if he really really really wants to be in the picture at all whether it be with you or just for the child's sake and you two split up, it is something to consider because time will only make the two of you ticking time bombs ready to explode or push each other away for the most mundane stuff. ↑ |
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