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I met a guy who I was with for just 4 weeks. When we first started dating he continually professed that his search was over. I was perfect. Everything he'd always looked for. I'd asked him what he was looking for in a relationship he said he was ready to start a family, the whole wife and kids thing. Told me he was never going to let me go. I'd just come out of a horrible marriage and started dating after a year of getting myself ready to get out there. This man was truly everything I was looking for and after he started to express his feelings about how he felt about me, I was hesitant to express mine and told him so. He encouraged it. I started to fall for him hard. We had unprotected sex and I'd asked him "What if you get me pregnant?" He just stared at me adoringly, stroked my hair, smiled, kissed me and said "Hmmm, idk, what if I do?" then held me tight and said "you make me so happy". Well, he blew me off without any explanation and a week later I found out I was pregnant. I tried to reach him when I found out but he wouldn't reply to txts or calls. A day later I continued to send him messages and he finally replied in text with "I can't have a kid". Still wouldn't talk to me. I told him that he had to stop hiding behind text messages and meet with me to talk about the pregnancy and options. That if he wanted me to terminate, he'd have to be a part of it, but that we really needed to talk options. He agreed to do that but a week later, still haven't seen or heard from him. I researched abortion to get facts so we could make an educated decision, I realized that abortion is not something I can go through with. I just can't. I know he wants a family, he just had a change of heart with me for whatever reason, I'm still not sure why he just up and stopped talking to me / blew me off, but whatever the reason, he did and now I'm carrying his baby. He says he can't have a kid but hasn't stepped up to have a conversation with me ... now I don't know what to do. I'm getting a lot of people turning their backs on me, those I thought were my friends and would be supportive of my decisions but more and more are making me feel ashamed and guilty for having trusted this man and for wanting to keep the baby. I have a lot of fear now. The hormones aren't helping with my moods either... but im just completely confused at this point. He wont talk to me or see me, he hasn't outright said to have an abortion, just said he can't have a kid right now because he just got laid off., has no insurance, etc. all in text message. Now I'm not sure what to think or what to do about him. I do want to keep this baby and know I'll be a great mother, with or without him; however, Im having a hard time with this abandonment of sorts... does that make sense? I hope so. *sigh* ↓
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| Name: Alone | Date: Mar 5th, 2010 6:46 PM |
| Wanted to add: A lot of people are abandoning me and when I tell of my situation 90% are siding with him. Telling me that although he may have thought he wanted to have a child with me intially, he changed his mind so I should respect his wishes, whether or not he talks to me. I was wiliing/ready for this if it happened and thought he was too because it takes two...and therefore, the sex took place with the chance of creating a baby being out there, consentually and implied that its a risk both of us were willing to take at the time. Yes, he changed his mind when it happened, but it's "too late"... however, now that I want to keep it ... Im being made to feel shame for wanting to keep it and wanting him to be involved when he apparently doesn't want to. Im repeatedly being told that I never should have trusted him in the first place, especially in such a short time together so to bring this child into the world would be a mistake and that the baby is a "mistake" and to do right by it, I should terminate since he doesn't want it. Im feeing so abandoned and alone during a time that should be joyous and exciting. Instead, I have no support.. instead, im left feeling like I've done something and am doing something horribly wrong. :-( ↑ |
| Name: Ledicianne | Date: Apr 14th, 2010 1:58 PM |
It really is during pregnancy that you discover who your real friends are. If you want the baby, you keep it- it takes two and he is as responsible as you for this child. If you feel ready to have this baby then do so, let the guy know that once the baby is born, he is able to see the child as it is his, after all. But leave it at that. Remember there are many women like you going through the same situation, and they always pull through for their child. Take things a day at a time, and surround yourself with the true friends and family that stand by and support you.
Love Anne xxx
I love to chat [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: guapo | Date: Apr 17th, 2010 9:47 PM |
Sounds like this guy wants to just drop off your radar completely. Who knows why. So many things can happen early on in a new relationship. People start out with all these hopes and expectations but then sometimes reality sets in and their interest fades for a hundred different reasons.
I think you know it was unwise to have unprotected sex with someone you hadn't been in an established relationship with for a long time. That's a moot point now.
If you don't feel comfortable with an abortion, then you probably shouldn't push yourself into one, as that decision might haunt you for yeras to come. Is adoption an option for you?
I disagree with the advice of letting the dad know that he can see the child after it is born. Well, unless you add that he is willing to help you care for the child. I don't know that a token dad who drops into a kid's life a few hours a month is any benefit to a child's development and may do more damage than good. If the man really wants to be involved, then by all means encourage that. But make sure you both have an understand and agreement as to what it means to be involved. ↑ |
| Name: been there before.. | Date: Apr 18th, 2010 2:03 AM |
| Hey darling....listen i went through something similar...and my advice is to keep the baby and trust me that guy is gonna regret not being there for you now when he sees you move on with your life and when you bring your child just try to be the best mom in the world...and DONT you ever say again that the baby is a "mistake"because at the end of the day nothing that has been going on is his fault ... I hope everything goes well if anything just hit me up and ill be more than glad to help you ... ↑ |
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