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Name: Dora
[ Original Post ]
My son is five years old now. I gave birth to him when i was fifteen, so basically I was kid myself. The father wasn't someone I wanted to be involved with, so he isn't a part of my son's life. Recently though, my son has been asking about his father...he wants to know why he doesn't have a daddy, where he is, stuff like that...and I don't know what to say to him. His father really isn't a nice guy and I have nothing good to say about him. But by not telling him about his father am I causing him some kind of severe emotional trauma? Anybody else been through this?
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Name: a | Date: Aug 9th, 2005 3:02 PM
He's probably too young to really understand that dad wasn't a great guy and that you were quite young when you had him. Maybe try to think of the good thinks about dad to tell him so he doesn't hate the guy. As for why is he isn't there, tell him the sugar coated truth; that mommies and daddies don't always stay together but that that can be a good thing. If you have any contact at all with the guy, you may want to encourage him to come visit. Or else just tell your son that he moved away. 

Name: elizabeth | Date: Aug 26th, 2005 6:39 AM
My son is only three and i think about that and it hurts me because I think of what and how he will feel when that day comes. My advice to you though would be to tell him in a way that he can understand that his father was not responsible and he really will not get the idea because he is young but explain in way he will understand, but the worst you can do is talk down and bad about his father although he is not a very nice guy and as your son gets older explain to him more and the best thing you can do is raise your son to be the opposite of his father. hope that helps 

Name: bigdaddy | Date: Oct 4th, 2005 11:00 AM
Ditto to the right-on responses. In addition, hook him up with other kids who have single parents. If there are no appropriate opportunities nearby like Parents Without Partners, just go to activities where there are others his age (museum day, zoo, etc.) and hang with other parents. Parent couples will be supportive and sympathetic, and before long, you will find singles with kids appropriate for your son. My mother raised me in the days when no one was divorced (in the '50's, I had the only single parent family out of 30 in K, 1, 2, & 3--bummer!) but had a friend with two girls. We were like sister/brother, and did things together. The fact that we had no dads in the picture made no difference whatsoever--we were having a blast without them! 

Name: Amber | Date: Dec 15th, 2005 10:20 PM
I just left an abusive relationship and I'm preganant with his baby. I also don't want the father around because I am afraid he may hurt the baby. If you all don't mind, I'm gonna join this because I'll have to do it too! 

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