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Name: Lisa
[ Original Post ]
Hi everyone!:) I am glad to have found a site where I can find people to relate to! I have been raising my 2 boys on my own since 2005. Brody is 11 and Tyler is 9. Tyler was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at a year and a half along with ADHD. Over the years to follow their father turned to cocaine for an escape to the reality which only made matters worse for me and my boys. I made it through on our own for 4 yrs after until I pyhsically couldn't carry my son up the stairs anymore safely so with the love and support of my parents I took them up on their offer of moving back home for a safe environmnet:) I know for the boys its the best decision I've made and Brody gets more attention which he was lacking but now I just feel so helpless on ever getting back on my feet again. I was informed at a school meeting just weeks ago from a pyscho assesment done on Tyler that he has sensory deficit disorder as well!!! If I hear one more person tell me I'm a special person god chose to take on these challenges I think I may scream! I'd love one day to meet someone to share my remaining yrs left with but even the men I've met that seem understanding of my situation run for the hills shortly thereafter! I guess my question here is how do I find love again and start gaining my self esteem that is slipping away more and more each day!? I just want to be happy again and to be able to give my boys a second chance on what a family is like......
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Name: Kaye | Date: Oct 23rd, 2012 8:50 PM
Hi Lisa, I am also a single parent of twin boys 3yrs. old one of them was diagnosed with Autism and the other had significant delays. I am separated and it seemed not long after giving birth to the boys is when things in my opinion got crazy. He never really was at home because he's a truck driver and have found out about numerous possible affairs and he just wasn't helping much with the boys. He was negligent many times concerning the boys and was in denial of their diagnosis and would yell and hit on them (mind you at that time they were only 2yrs. maybe). He just was rely impatient when it came to feeding and doing things he wanted to go on Craigslist to find a sitter to do the work that he did not want to do with the kids. Eventually this all lead to a separation, the final straw being that I was uncomfortable with him taking the kids on outing because of the irresponsibility he displayed lead for serious concern for the children by me. I understand what it is like to carry heavy kids up and down stairs I have been basically doing the single parenting for maybe 2 yrs., some of the time was when he was still in the home but not here (if you know what I mean). I was hoping for a change because I too wanting my boys to have their mom and dad under the same roof but their father refused to get help from us both seeing a counselor, he claimed that I was the one with the problem and that he did not need to seek help from a counselor. He told me that thins would be his way or the "highway" for me. He bailed out and left me in a one-bedroom to care for the boys alone if I did not do things his way. He has earned $80-$90,000 a yr. which he hid from me and only sent $650.00 a mth. which did not cover the rent. He knew that I had to leave my part-time job as a pre-school teacher which I only earned $670.00 a mth. if even that. I had to leave my job because the daycares wrote me and told me that they were unable to enroll my son with the Autism diagnosis because they did not have trained teachers to help him. There were a lot of gray areas when it came to their father. For all I knew he could have very well been in other relationships while married to me, I did find out that he was seeing other people and we are still married.I hoped that he would see the light and want his family.His family has even tried to intervene and he insists that he do not have feelings for me but that he would be involved with the children. I feel like he has used me, abused me and messed my life up (the life that I dreamed of). I waited until I married which was at 34-35 yrs. old and I waited two yrs. later before kids which was at 37 and look how he gave up on his family without even fighting for it. I don't feel that I did anything horrible for him to give up on us as a family unit. I never wanted to be a baby mother thats why I waited. I sometimes beat myself up for handing something so precious to "a jerk"(I hate to should mean or angry because I choose not to be) I just have to figure how to overcome and be triumphant. I refuse to be a statistic so I have to set a good and positive example for women who found themselves in this path. This man acquired a green card from our marriage, he left when times got a bit shaky or challenging (which all marriages face especially with young children in the mix not to add w/special needs). Now I am not only taking care of the boys and paying for diapers and childcare and their essentials like food and clothing and shelter, I have to give them much attention and I am a full time student trying to finish a degree that I have been working towards for 5 1/2 yrs. with hopefully getting into a graduate program and hoping to be able to work so that I can afford a two-bedroom apartment. I have finally come to the realization of divorce but I am concerned about unsupervised visitation because of what I spoke of earlier (negligence). I know that I need a lawyer but I have already taken out title loans. I feel that I have waited and hope for family but I am 40 yrs. old and don't want to waste no more time and I eventually want to re-marry but I would prefer divorcing before even dating and that time will allow me to get things together on my end. 

Name: Lisa | Date: Oct 24th, 2012 4:39 AM
Hi Kaye! Thanks for your reply:) i can relate to not wanting to let him see your kids for safety reasons. My boys father didnt have the safest environment in my eyes for being with the kids alone after we split(especially after just getting out of rehab)but childrens service said it was ok:p He decided to take my oldest every other weekend but chose to not see tyler for a year!!!! Not to mention i had no support that whole time after having to claim bankruptcy:( By the sounds of your financial situation for the time being i would definitely consider legal aid to see if they can assist on the cost of a lawyer for you. With some extra assistance and respite funding u should hopefully be able to complete the remaining time left in your schooling to persue your career:) it seems hard now but with the support of your family and friends it is possible! I am now self employed and things financially are looking good again. keep me posted on how things are going please and let me know if u need anything,:) 

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