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Name: Gabi
[ Original Post ]
Hi! I am 25 years old I have a 2 year old son and one on the way. My mother passed away in May 2004 after battleing with cancer for 1 year.My father started seeing a woman 2 months after she died. He married that woman 1 year after and moved in with her. I have a 21 year old brother who is slow (not sure what he has exactly because my parents never took him to a specialist), and I have a 13 year old brother. The 21 year old lives by himself on a farm, which worries me because he can't really take care of himself too well and he also has heart problems. I was blessed with a wonderful husband and he is treating my brothers very nice. The 13 year old lives with us ever since my mom passed away. The problem is that he is starting to be a teenager and act like one too. My husband and I have a very hard time dealing with him.... even though he is a good kid, but his attitude and lying is throwing us off the rail. We don't know how to discipline him. My father doesn't care too mcuh,... he is in his little world. Whenever he detects that my brother is not happy he brings him to the mall and buys him something, and then its all good for 2 days. He only sees my brother a few hours a week but even thouse are enough to destroy everything that my husband and I have been trying to build in my brother all week. We tried talking nice to him, we tried grounding him, which works ok sometimes... but we are running out of ideas. I am afraid that we are losing him if we don't do the right thing at this critical age. Please give me some advice!!!
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Name: jenleewashere | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 4:06 AM
Gabi,
You are really taking on alot of responsibility, I commend you and your husband for doing this. First, I only have had experience with my cousin who lived with my family after his mother died in a accident. He was about the same age as your brother, my cousin was 15. He was doing the same things, lying, attitude and my cousin was skipping school. One, has your brother had any one on one therapy/counsling after the death of your mother? He is in puberty and lost his mother, that is alot for him. Is there any services in your area, like big brother programs, sometimes those can help because your brother might be able to open up and talk with some "other " male figure. A big brother is also somewhat like an accountability partner, or if your husband and brother could do a hobby or sport together like(pool tournaments, bowling league) where he has something to work towards that he can be proud of, plus he is learning to open up and trust your husband. Your husband would then be taking on the dad role but in a friend sorda way, which would be good since he isn't getting a fatherly atmosphere with your dad just pacifying him with material things. That obvious is not the void to fill. Another idea would be to talk with his school counsler about other services in your area that might be helpful for him. You may have tried all of these things, I am sorry if they sound that way. Just a few suggestions to try. It is sad to say, but with my cousin it didn't work out with him living with us. He left to stay at my grandma's, he bounced around and now is 28, he still has quite a few problems in life with life choices. His father did pretty much what your dad is doing, he would take him shopping. Looking at his life now, it didn't help him any. 

Name: Gabi | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 8:38 PM
Hi jenleewashere! Thank you very much for your suggestions. I have not tried those yet. My husband is trying to get close to my brother and is trying to do activities with him... we all do..like playing tennis and stuff like that. He is really into rollerblading so we take him to the skatepark sometimes and he also loves dirt bikes so my husband is thinking of getting him one. About the big brother program... I am a little nervous because I don't know who will be his big brother. We are christians and we are trying to raise him that way.. I am not sure what values would that person teach him. We are talking about a mentor now... he brought me a paper from school last week so that one of his teachers can be him mentor... I guess it would be ok. He did not get counseling at all after my mom died,.... I wouldn't even know where to start looking. It could help. Thank you again for your answer. I really appreciate it. I DO realize that I wrote this in the wrong forum. Sorry. 

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