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I am a mom to three boys....Anthony 5 (CP) Jayden 19 Months and Isaiah 1 month. Somedays let me tell you I feel totally overwhelmed. I have 3 diapers to change, 3 kids to feeds and 3 little boys who are 100% dependent on me. I mean Jayden is starting to be alittle more independent which makes it a bit easier on me. But Anthony my oldest can't walk, talk or do anything most 5 year olds can do he probably is functioning at the level of a 6 month old. Anyway i feel at times I have lost myself I dont exactly feel connected with the outside world. I dont have many friends because I dont have much time to build relationships because my kids consume all of me. I have a dream of being a nurse one day and sometimes I feel it is to far out of my reach to ever pursue it. Daycare isn't really a option financially its not affordable. I currently work an overnight shift from 10pm-6am so I can be home with my kids during the day. I feel so blessed to have my kids because they have made me who I am and life would not be worth living without them but why am I so angry all the time? I try to answer that question and I start to think well maybe because I have lost myself, lost myself in being a mom, and a wife. I forgot my hopes and dreams, my interests & stress relievers, basically I forgot about me and that makes me depressed and angry because I dont have an outlet a time to breath because I forgot about, besides my kids, what makes me happy and feel good inside. Is there anyone else out there that has ever felt like this or has gone through this and what advice does anyone out there have that may help? Is this normal or am I a bad mom to feel like this??? ↓
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| Name: sandy36 | Date: Mar 23rd, 2008 12:12 AM |
| Hi,my name is Sandy,i have 2 Sons,Jamie who will be 15 in a couple of weeks time,and Aaron,who is 11 and a half,Aaron has Autism,Epilepsy,Severe Learning and Behavioural Difficulties.I know exactly how you feel,i`ve become a recluse,as Aaron`s Special Needs restricts us in practically every aspect of our lives,and people wonder why iam always so stressed out?teasy all the time,sure they would be too,if they lived the life i do,even harder being a single mum,THEY`RE dAD HASN`T HAD CONTACT WITH EITHER OF THEM FOR THE PAST 9 AND A HALF YEARS. ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Mar 24th, 2008 2:16 AM |
It is absolutely normal to feel the way you are feeling. I have a 22 year old daughter who was diagnosed with cp from the age of 8 months to 8 years. When she was about 2 years old we knew she didn't have cp when she was 8 years old she was re diagnosed with a congenital spinal cord injury. I cared for her for 22 years, every one of them putting my self on the back burner. I have also been married for almost 24 years so I also worked hard at being the best wife I could be.
Having hind sight on my live now I would have done many thing much different. I would have made sure I allowed time for me and not spending all of my hours trying to be the best for my family. It is so tiering and later when you look back you will say that some of what you did really didn't make a difference, all it did was caused you to regretful of many things.
Having a disabled child is nothing compared to an able bodied child there are so many more concerns and much more mental stress. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that! You like me have a child with a disability you unlike me also have 2 other able bodied children.
My advice to you is take all the extras no matter what they are. If a family member offers 10 minutes, 20 minutes or an hour take it. Talk to bf/dh tell him you need to go out even if its to the local coffee shop for 1/2 hour, just get that time. Also look at the whole picture of your life re evaluate what is worth worry and what is not.
You know... one day you will look back at your life, you will see all the things that really didn't matter but at the time they were happening they seemed so very important.
Just let your hair down don't be concerned if the sink is emptied or all the laundry is done, don't fret over what to eat tonight. Make a microwave meal and call it a night.
I guess what I am saying is love your family but don't lose yourself for them, after all with out you they would not exist. ↑ |
| Name: marguerite | Date: Mar 25th, 2008 11:21 AM |
| Yes-it is absolutely normal. Does your husband give you a break? ↑ |
| Name: mcamus | Date: Mar 25th, 2008 9:03 PM |
| I am a young mom with 2 kids... Emma 2 (CP) and Ethan 4 months old. I too work overnight shift, 11-7:30 and then sleep for a couple of hours and have to get up to take Emma to therapy. Every day there is a different therapy session and every day it is the same routine. If 1 thing slips, the whole day is ruined -hectic and running late, forgetting everything. I have no life outside of my kids... I have to work because we need the money but I refuse to not be a part of my kids lives, which is why I work third shift. I have a supportive husband who has no time to support me, working 12 hour days to make ends meet. I too have dreams of becoming something more than a diaper changer - I have always wanted to be a psychiatrist. But like you said, who has time. I can barely fit in a shower, how would I ever go to school FT for 6 years? I love my children with all my heart, and I used to think I was angry too. But I realized that it's not anger, it's frustration. I'm so frustrated with all aspects of life and then to have a child with CP, there is nothing more frustrating than having a child whose booboo you can't kiss away. Our children's fate is completely out of our control, and there is nothing more frustrating in this world than that. I was so happy to come across this website because I have been desperate for someone to talk to. Emma was diagnosed over a year ago, and I still haven't come to terms about it, I still cry every day. So don't feel bad about being angry. I am willing to bet that it is just frustration with life. Much the same way that couples fight over money when they are frustrated or stressed, even though they aren't really mad at each other. I hope that this helps you. If you need to talk, please let me know. It would help me more than you could imagine. ↑ |
| Name: ivorysmom | Date: Mar 25th, 2008 11:06 PM |
| hi my name is cassandra, and i read this crying because i read all these stories and I understand completely. I am a single mom of a 2 1/2 year old who so far is severaly developmental delayed,and mild MR...I find myself so frustrated to pay bills and such...where i am in iowa they don't have much for support and i can't seem to keep a sitter longer than 3 weeks..my little girl is my blessing...but somedays i get so frustrated because I can't seem to cut a break...she doesn't walk or talk, and she is still on a bottle, cause she barly eats solid food...somedays i don't know where i get the strength from, I feel helpless cause like mcmas said you can't ,make it better.nobody enjoys watching there baby or child struggle with everyday things...so i just came on to chat with some moms that understand my pain......so you know your not alone..... ↑ |
| Name: rubentuesday | Date: Mar 26th, 2008 4:22 AM |
Dear SweetCK,
I am new but, I can see why you are angry. First of all lack of sleep is a Huge factor. You have so much on your plate right now. Honestly, everything seems overwhelming w/ out sleep let alone raising 3 small children, mix in special needs and it doubles. You are to be admired... It's easy to loose focus on yourself when your a mother to young kids. But, the lonliness is hearbreaking. I think you are so normal. Plus, your hormones are still out of sink. I wish Moms today had more support from extended family or the community. It seems to be so isolating?
I will be more than happy to listen. I asked myself the same quesitons about myself and the anger. We waited about 8 years to have our children.. infertility, bad adoptions etc. Foster care. Finally, we have our beautiful daughters.... both w/ special needs --and my heart breaks b/c there situation was totally preventable.
It was due to neglect, drugs and alcohol.
I hope you can alow yourself some slack. You are a good Mom and the job of a Mom is a lot !
Best Wishes.... ↑ |
| Name: kathleen | Date: Apr 3rd, 2008 9:02 PM |
i am so sorry to hear about your situation. i think it is perfectly normal to be angry, especially where you're coming from. you defenitly have your hands full, but no matter how hard it is you have to make time for yourself..or you will completely loose it!
i got really depressed when my son was diagnosed autistic at 3 yrs old and now my 7month old daughter is not reaching her milestones and she could be autistic as well or have other developement problems... it's really hard and stressful, but we still have to make time for ourselves....and it doesn't make us bad mothers to get angry..stress makes anyone mad. ↑ |
| Name: Donna | Date: Apr 23rd, 2008 3:20 PM |
Honey ,You would not be a noramal person if you were not angry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when a person has a dchild with a disability , you through a grieving process just as if that person had died , you grieve for the so called normal child. And anger is a part of grief. I have a son who is 22 and has cp, austic like tendencies , severe retardation, and savant syndrom. I like you feel blessed to have my Matthew. I worked as a nurse aide in a nursing home 3-11 at night , then i would get up at 5 int eh morning (if not before, it depended on what Matthew wanted :) . I would get my daughter ready for school then ,I would then drive north for 1hour and 15 minutes and have therapy, then drive back and be at work at 3 . It was hard , just remember we were not promised an easy life , just help living it . When my son started school , It was easier , my husband would put him on a school bus and I changed shifts at work , started college , got my degree and then when he went to middle school , I went to schiool as his aide . he graduated 2 years agoand My husband took early retirement and he stays home wiht him, I stayed on at he school . Things will get easier to deal with , just remember to take it one day at a time , live you kids , and play with them!
email me at [email protected] if you need to talk. ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Apr 24th, 2008 7:54 PM |
| Name: Jayne | Date: Apr 25th, 2008 9:38 AM |
Hi Sweetcaramalkiss, I can completely relate to you, i also have a son Ty who is 6 years old and disabled, (he is completely blind and doesn't talk, walk and hardly sleeps thanks to a brain infection he acquired from a virus when he was a tiny baby) I also have a little girl Jade who has just turned 2. I love my kids but alot of the time life seems very hard and stressful, simple tasks like going down the street to get some milk can turn into a marathon event. It is very overwhelming to have someone 100% dependant on you, especially when know you know the situation is long term (forever). I also feel disconnected from the outside world sometimes, and feel so angry that we have been dealt this card in life. I have some close friends but have noone to talk to who is in a similar situation. I think most people have absolutely no idea how stressful and draining the situation is.
I find a good stress relief for me is getting out there and doing sports, when my husband comes home from work i get him to watch the kids for an hour (when there is time) and I do dancing or touch football and on a Friday my mum baby-sits the kids and I play a tennis comp. I find this gets me out and about, keeps me fit and gives me something else to focus on. I think if I didn't have that outlet I would go crazy. I'm a bookkeeper so I also do some work at home through the week.
Don't think of yourself as a bad mother for feeling angry, I feel angry and frustated quite alot. I am still struggling to accept my situation and its been neally 6 years, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be at ease with it. Does anyone else feel this way??? If anyone needs to talk please contact me, it would help me alot also. ↑ |
| Name: sweetcaramalkiss | Date: Sep 25th, 2008 11:39 PM |
| Thanks to all of you for actually taking the time to read my post and respond with some insight it really helps alot when u see that there are other people in this world that can really relate to you and what you are going through. I would love to chat with anyone who needs a shoulder to lean on cause I sure know I need one...my email address is [email protected] ↑ |
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