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| Name: Amy | Date: Oct 27th, 2005 8:08 PM |
| I'm so sorry to hear what's going on. I don't understand why your husband would not and does not help you. Maybe if you sat down and openly talked to him. I would let him know that you want to be the best mom you can and stay home for a awhile to take care of the baby. I think just about anyone would agree that if one parent can afford to support the family the other should be able to stay home. Who better to take care of a new born then the parent? I have always had to go back to work after my girls were born and believe me it's a scary thing leaving your baby at a daycare, there are too many crazy things going on these days! If your husband loves you and his family he will want the best for you! Just try talking to him without getting to emotional. I've noticed that men respond a lot better to reason then to emotion.He needs to understand that you are both responsible for your child and not just you.Good luck and I hope everything works out for you! ↑ |
| Name: carla | Date: Oct 28th, 2005 10:07 PM |
| i tried to go back to work full time but it made me miserable. when my daughter was 2 i reduced my hours so that i just worked mornings. I've just had a second daughter and am due back in work in just 1 week. i'm just going to work 2 days a week now. i think you've got the right to speak to your husband and say what will make you happy. ther's nothing wrong with wanting it all.you being unhappy isn't going to make for a happy home. ↑ |
| Name: EAD06 | Date: Nov 12th, 2005 1:29 AM |
| I totally know how you feel. I'm going through the same thing right now. I could understand if your husband was in my husbands shoes, he pays child support for 2 and he doesn't make a enough to care our family by himself. I just want to take a cut in pay so that I could get better working hours to be with our baby. He also acts as if I don't want to work at all. I've made up my mind that I'm just going to get all of my finances together and cut back on things and take a cut in pay. You have to do what is best for you and your child, and if being home with her makes you happy do it! You are educated and it's not like you can't find another job when you feel you're ready to return to work. God Bless you and your family. ↑ |
| Name: Dawn | Date: Nov 22nd, 2005 2:44 PM |
| HI Overwhelmed! I think most moms have been in your shoes. Most men now feel that it is a womens job to work, take care of the kids, and clean the house. :O) I know my ex did. Unfortunately things didn't work out in our marriage and I since have been remarried. My current husband is able to support us and wanted me to stay home after our daughter was born. We now have 3 kids and have been married for 5 years. It was very hard for me to let go of my independence in my career. Since, I went through a divorce I knew the struggles of a single mom trying to make ends meet and I did eventually become successful in my career, I didn't want to lose that. I did go back to work on a limited schedule and then after our 3rd daughter was born I had realized I was missing out on too much. I decided to try and find a work at home job. Boy was that joke! I did however find one after many months. I am with a great team and company, that appreciates my hard work and it pays off. I am able to share in my families finances and the company I work for focuses on the health of families and the environment. All of their products are safer, healthier, and better quality products then the store brands. I was shocked to learn what major companies use in their products. You can look up companies msds (manufactured saftey data sheets). This will list all of their ingredients and if any have any potential danger in then. You will be surprised how many ingredients in products are toxic and toxic if applied to the skin. Anyways, I am going off~ You can get more info at my website. finallyfamilytime.com but, I do wish you the best. I know it is a struggle between your job and your little one. ↑ |
| Name: Raza | Date: Nov 27th, 2005 9:14 PM |
| PLZ ↑ |
| Name: terri | Date: Jan 27th, 2006 4:19 AM |
| maybe it would be good for you to return to work only part time, your husband seems like a terrible person, im sorry but if you can afford to stay home with your child why wouldnt he want you to, no wonder your stressed you poor thing! ↑ |
| Name: to amanda | Date: Jan 28th, 2006 12:47 AM |
| just grow up u said yourself your not a mother so get off a mothers site ↑ |
| Name: Dot | Date: Feb 4th, 2006 11:16 PM |
| Remember your body is still recovering from birthing. Hormones are still out of sorts etc. You are still in a period of adjusting to being a mom. Ther are not instructions or guarantees, That being said.... Ask hubby to sit and talk with you...ask how he sees things and ask why etc. etc. Listen -- even though you don't agree with what he says. Then tell him calmly how you feel about work, wanting to stay home and raise the baby etc. How you want to be close to him again etc. Keep it clam, don't say "you always" or "you do this and that"....say I think this or that and I feel this or that, then discuss a possible compromise. That's what marriage is all about. Just a few thoughts. If your hubby knows he might benefit personally with you at home, he might change his attitude. He may really deep down be afraid of losing you. One thing I've learned you can be a career woman and you can be a mom but you 'cannot' do both at the same time equally well. Something always suffers -- and it is usually the relationship and/or the baby! Good luck and hang in there! ↑ |
| Name: alyssa | Date: Feb 18th, 2006 12:03 AM |
| Im looking for someone to chat with since all my friends are away ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Mar 7th, 2006 8:57 PM |
| I'm gonna play the bad girl here. I've been in a similar situation, and just sat by and lamented as hubby was never around. Whenever we did see eachother, I just looked at him intently, like a puppy expecting a treat. After a while it became obvious he knew I wanted him to help out, but since I had never actually asked him to he avoided me more to avoid the guilt. Finally I pulled him aside and spoke my mind. He recognized it couldn't go on like this and arranged things at work to have more time. So the point is: Bitterness doesn't help one bit. Tell him what you want to tell him. Unless he has his priorities severely skewed, he'll help you work the situation out. ↑ |
| Name: Gavin's Mom | Date: Mar 7th, 2006 9:14 PM |
| I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of that! No matter what, you need to make the choices that will make YOU happy. That's what your baby girl needs. That may be choosing to be a SAHM, or it may be continuing to work to give you the financial security to deal with other decisions you want/need to make. I think that you need to force your husband into discussing why he is so oppossed to you not staying at home if you can affort it and it's what you think you want to do. There is something to the old saying :it's easier to ask foregiveness than permission. What would he do if you gave your notice at your company? Regardless of your current financial structure, he doesn't have the option of NOT supporting you and his daughter. Although it may create one horrible situation to deal with, once dealt with, it may actually improve things. Either you will have his support in being a SAHM (financial and emotional) or you will have a better understanding of his issues, and perhaps find a career that you find more fulfilling. I do strongly think that regardless of your decisions, you should discuss how you are handling finances so you are more secure, both short and long term. ↑ |
| Name: overwhelmed | Date: Mar 8th, 2006 12:12 AM |
| Curious, what do you do in regards to your career? Talk to him before it's to late and the anger builds up more inside you. ↑ |
| Name: Stace | Date: Mar 8th, 2006 12:49 AM |
| Hey Overwhelmed, Listen to Dot - she hit it right on the head! Well put Dot! Regarding Alyssa comment about chatting - I would love to. Just make a new topic or let me know where you go to chat. Hang in there Overwhelmed - take Dot's advice and I'm sure it will work out. ↑ |
| Name: afshan | Date: Apr 7th, 2006 5:43 PM |
| hello ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: Apr 9th, 2006 7:28 PM |
| I see divorce court in your future! Is your husband angry that you had a girl and not a son? Some men are like that you know.Tell your husband you will go back to work under the condition that HE pays for a babysitter. Or ask him if he would rather get divorced and pay child support AND alimony ?????????? ↑ |
| Name: Ang | Date: Oct 12th, 2007 7:28 AM |
| I agree with Gavin's Mom. It's easier to ask forgiveness then permission. I was in a similar situation after having my daughter, my husband wasn't as finacially secure as yours sounds, but I just simply refused. I went back for a couple of months to make sure all my maternaty leave, FMLA, & insurance stuff was taken care of. But I couldn't stand not being with her, daycare scared the hell out of me and I just missed her. He resented the fact that he "had" to work & I didn't, lol, as if staying home witha baby isn't work, lol. I tried to make him happy, but bottom line, once your a mom, the kids needs come first. He's a grown man and can take care of himself, who does she have if not you? My daughter is 12 yo now and I still try to keep PT hours so I can be there for her after school and occasionaly volunteer or such. We ended up only having 1 child, not my plan, God's. So I'm even more grateful I had the opportunity to stay home with her for the first 2 years or so full time. It's such a short period of time in their life really, when your in it, it doesn't feel that way... but it really does go by so very fast. My husband tells me often how glad he is I fought him on this, how he just couldn't understand it wouldn't be like that forever, he was terrified of it all being on his shoulders, he was afraid to fail us all... he wishes he had worked less and spent more time with her when she was little.He truely laments this often. We grew up as parents and people right along with her... your husband sounds emotionaly distanced right now, he also sounds scared... and it is true, men do resent their loss of status in your life, most get over that pretty quickly once they fall in love with the baby, those that don't may need you to let them know pretty regularily their still very important to you. I hope he's not one of the few that just don't want to grow up and be responsible and man up and take care of their families and think everything should be tit for tat like your roommates or something. Being a parent is being part of something much greater then yourself, like serving in the military (the sense of purpose part of it) most women understand this on an instinctual level, often time men need to be led to this realization. I often tell my husband, if we only do one thing right in this life, raising our daughter should be it. I wish you the best of luck, it's a very hard job but so incredibly worth it. ↑ |
| Name: Extremely Overwhemled Too | Date: Mar 1st, 2008 6:00 AM |
| Dear Overwhelmed, I can totally relate. Your husband has unrealistic expectations as most men do. I am now 41yrs old with a 14 yr. old son of whom is absolutely wonderful. After college and career, I married at 27, and had my son 1 yr. later. When my husband and I dated for 7seven yrs., I was deceived in every aspect of the relationship(emotionally, financially and sexally). He worked full time, went to college, owned a small business and owned real estate. I also worked full time, went to college, and took care of my ailing mother. I thought that he was sound in ambition, drive, compassion, understanding and every other way. Right after we got married and had our son; reality set in. He was not the same sweet, driven, respectful, sexual, great guy I thought I had. He did not follow through with anything expect his job. Everything else was nothing but a non-follow through rouse. Since our marriage, I have been expected to generate more money than him, through my business I started after I had my son, so I could have the time and availability for our family w/out working 60+hrs a week, I was then expected to take care of his parents, their home, our home, and our son. Withi zero appreciation or respect. He thinks now he owns me. I like you cannot even stand to look at him. After 15 yrs of marriage, I am past due for a divorce. Don't wait like I have trying to be the good wife. Men like this will never change. Either they get it or they don't. Life is too short and goes way to fast. Now, I feel trapped, and can't wait to get free. For God's sake don't waste anymore time on someone who does not acknowledge what it takes to be a GOOD MOM. ↑ |
| Name: tairq shah | Date: Mar 9th, 2008 3:02 PM |
| sweet. ↑ |
| Name: mema | Date: Mar 16th, 2008 1:30 AM |
| I feel for you, my husband was the same way. If you want to stay at home I have a great home-based business for you. If you are interested just email me. ↑ |
| Name: Amber | Date: Jul 16th, 2008 12:12 AM |
| Overwhelmed, Im on here today to try and find woman who are looking for what I'm looking for ...to home with my children, and to share with them what i've been introduced to. I unlike you do not make a lot of money and felt like I was letting someone else raise my kids while I sat back and made minimum wadge. Well I was introduced to eXfuze Seven+. I'm now a distributor for this product and on the verge of being able to stay home with my children. I believe that you and your husband can work together being distributors. Make your money together. This will give you the ability to stay at home, work with your husband bringing in an income together as well as get you healthy. Me and my husband are currently doing this together and its working out great. I'm not sure if you check this blog anymore but if you do and you really truely want to change your life please check out my website www.iexfuze.net/bylund and take the free tour. If you like what you see let me know. [email protected] Good luck with you and your family ↑ |
| Name: momo0307 | Date: Jul 18th, 2008 7:10 PM |
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