This post is from a stay at home mom named (Lynne n)
"At the end of the day which child will be happeir the one who knows his mother will be there everyday or the one who is left with a childminder all day long and would rather spend time with his mother!
You dont have kids to palm them off on someone else you have kids because you want them and if you are not willing to change your life at least a little bit then you should not have had childern"
Working moms please reply to this.Thanks! ↓
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| Name: Sunshine | Date: Jun 9th, 2006 4:55 PM |
| Give me a break - I know several not so great stay-at-home moms and several not so great working mothers. It all depends on the effort. I work full-time and all my efforts - 24 hours a day is about my family, whether I'm at work or at home. My life did change for the better after my children came along and they adore me and I adore them. Some moms have to work - I make 4 times what my husband makes - most everything has worked out splendidly. ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jun 9th, 2006 11:21 PM |
Sunshine- I am a SAHM, but you couldn't have worded it better.
Angel of mine- Everyone here whether they work full time, part time, or stay home with their children are all doing what is best for their familiy. Some Moms HAVE to work to provide food, clothing, and shelter for their children! Just because one works full time does not mean that they love their child any less. Posts like these are just pure ignorance in my opinion. Why can't we just all agree that no matter what the situation, we all love our children and want what is best for them?? ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jun 9th, 2006 11:23 PM |
| Oh, and Angel, my post was directed at Lynn just venting to you. :]) ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 11:38 AM |
| Get a life everyone i was just giving my opioin on things,if you dont want people to disagree with you than you shouldnt be using this forum! ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jun 12th, 2006 6:01 AM |
Lynne-
Regardless you're still making judgement and writing to imply one type of mother is better than the other. That is not cool or true. Maybe word your posts a little better so someone does not get offended. It is very ignorant to say working moms "palm them off" Of course we want our children, being a working mother or father doesn't or shouldn't mean we don't want our children? How ridiculous does that sound? ↑ |
| Name: firewife | Date: Jun 13th, 2006 11:58 PM |
For some crazy reason I feel compelled to join this debate, because it has spread to the SAHM forum.
Sunshine and Julia stated that some working moms HAVE to work. The only reason moms feel they have to work is to pay for their 500K homes, cell phones, cable, new cars, keeping up with the Jones, etc. (luxurys that society has deemed as necessity)
Angel of mine stated in another post that she will have a career to fall back on, well so do I, but I would prefer to put my effort into my child instead of competing with the Jones.
Yes Sunshine I too make more than my hubby but we make sacrifies for our family so our child can be cared for by me instead of strangers.
I don't want to agrue with anyone, just wanted to state my opinion, too ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 12:18 AM |
| I agree with firewife. I dont think that anybody who works 'loves and wants their kids less', but I do think that making sacrafices to stay home with your children is really important. Having an extra grand or so in the bank is nice, but after day care costs you dont really save all that much - and you are garunteed to be the first one to see your little bundle smile, roll over, walk, etc. How priceless is that? (after saying all that, some people really do need to work to pay rent, congratulations to those women for not going on welfare and supporting themselves!) ... just my humble oppinion... ↑ |
| Name: achampagne | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 5:22 AM |
| I don't know why I feel the need to join this argument as well except to state that not all mothers who "have" to work do it just for the extra grand. Some of us are single mothers. ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 6:16 AM |
| This is to reply to Firewife's comment about the only reason mothers have to work is to be able to afford life's luxuries. I don't know what your situation is like but I am married to a man who has 2 children from his first marriage. We happily accept the financial responsibility because we love the 2 boys but that means we pay quite a bit in child support. We also have a 10 month old baby boy of our own. My husband earns a good salary in the air force but we still have financial commitments each week. I work 4 nights a week while my husband works days. I am lucky enough to be able to care for my son during the day. Hopefully one day we will be able to afford for me to stop working but for now it is necessary. I do not go to work at night to be able to afford life's little luxuries, I go to work because we need both incomes. Your comments are highly offfensive to me. You may not want to argue, just state your opinion....that's fine....I just ask that you try and see that the world is not easy for some young families. Women have to work to feed their children, or afford medical insurance so they can have them cared for if they fall sick. Shame on you for thinking poorly of some mother's that have to work so hard both inside the home and out. ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 12:08 PM |
| just wanted to defend myself, achampagne, read the last line of my post. i honestly wasn't talking about single mothers... i assumed when we were talking about "choosing" not to work we were all talking about married women - of course single moms must work. ↑ |
| Name: Sunshine | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 2:17 PM |
Do stay at home moms feel like they are not raising their children anymore when they go to 1st grade? (give me another break!)
Working moms - hold your heads high - you are doing a great job and NOBODY has a tougher job. Yes, there is guilt and sadness some days but for most there is no choice. My children are the most well-rounded, intelligent, friendly, polite children in our neighborhood. My first had a great year in kindergarten and 3 year old is doing great. By the way, I'd say they watch a fraction of TV that children of SAHM's do because our daycares don't allow it - it is all about playing and learning.
My children have no doubt they are loved and are the most important people in my life - because I tell them this all the time.
Hopefully, my daughter will grow up knowing she can be anything she wants to be including a mom and, in all ways, she will be contributing to the greater society that also helps raise children. ↑ |
| Name: Sunshine | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 2:25 PM |
| As for the "firsts" - my rule was it is not a first until my husband or I see it. That's when it went in the baby book. ↑ |
| Name: mommyagain | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 3:21 PM |
ONCE AGAIN HERE IS THE SAME POST I PUT IN THE SAHM FORUM. CANT WE JUST GET ALONG THIS IS SUCH A GREAT USEFUL SITE BUT INSTEAD IT IS BEING USED AS A PUNCHING BAG. WE ARE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN DO.
JEEZ GUYS CANT THERE BE RESPECT FROM BOTH ENDS. WE ARE ALL MOTHERS WE ALL HAVE THE SAME GOAL IN LIFE... TO TAKE CARE OF OUR CHILDREN TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY. FOR SOME STAYING AT HOME IS NOT AN OPTION OTHERS IT IS. CANT WE JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT. INSTEAD OF GETTING OFFENSIVE AND DEPENSIVE JUST RESPECT EACH OTHERS CHOICES. = ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 3:31 AM |
| All I know is, when I was working full time which wasn't that long ago, I had to because my hubby was (still is but almost done) in college full time. He has worked very hard in school so that when we do have more babies I will be able to stay home full time. I was very fortunate though when I worked, because my next door neighbor was a SAHM and she watched our daughter for us at a very low cost. Everyone here has their reasons on why they work rather than being home with their children, it's your own business and you should not be judged! I highly respect SAHMs and working Moms because they are both sacrificing for their children in many ways. ↑ |
| Name: angel of mine 2006 | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 3:11 PM |
| beautifully said SUNSHINE! ↑ |
| Name: Sarah M | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 6:01 PM |
| Ok im now a SAHM but I totally disagree with Lynnes post because some moms dont have the pleasure of staying home with thier children because some dont have the father or the family income is just not enough there is nothing wrong with childcare as long as its a descent childcare. Its just not right to say they are pawning thier kids off cause there husbands or whatever doesn make aenough to suport thier family or even if they enjoy working my daughter loves interaction with other children but I just choose to go to the park or have play dates instead of daycare and thats a personal preferance. Anyhow I think each mom no matter work or not(even though its all work if you ask me lol because people get paided for it right, unless you dont do anything with your kids activities wise then you are a bum lol) is doing what they feel is best for thier family and noone should judge them unless they no they are doind a poor job but on here you really cant know. ↑ |
| Name: Sarah M | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 6:20 PM |
| "I'd say they watch a fraction of TV that children of SAHM's do because our daycares don't allow it - it is all about playing and learning." OK to this I have to say something. Because you didnt put some children of SAHM you put children of SAHM and my daughter does not watch much tv AND we do plenty of activities and have fun thats why she is 2 and can count to 10 by herself and has "almost" all her ABC's down and knows how to share and say "Thank you; Please, Sorry, Excuse me. She is a very bright little girl and she was raised by me and her dad and no one else so I just dont think because some SAHM's are lazy that all SAHM's should be put in that category because I never would say a WM was and less of a mom then a SAHM because I have been both and its a tuff thing to do. So I just dont like to hear it when all SAHM's watch to much tv or are lazy or whatever and I also dont like to hear that WM arent good parents cause they have to work or even if they choose to work their is nothing wrong with wanting to work if thats what pleases u. As long as you know your kid is safe and with someone you trust then nobody should say anything about it. ↑ |
| Name: NJ Jen | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 11:53 AM |
| Firewife, your reply is full of such ignorance that I was compelled to write. I work full time becasue I have to - there is no 500K house (in fact there is no house at all - just a rented apartment), there are no luxuries like vacations (our last vacation was our honeymoon before we had a child) or clothes (I have five outfits for work and one pair of pants for the weekends) or luxury cars (we share one car). To say that the only reason working moms work is to afford life's luxuries is ridiculous. I work to put food in my child's mouth, to provide a roof over is head and to put clothes (albeit not designer ones) on his back. Why must you look down your nose with an air of superiority at working moms? You are obviously very fortunate to stay home so instead of wasting your energy attacking us, get down on your knees and thank God for this blessing. We (working moms) don't berate you or try to make you feel worthless - as a matter of fact, we can appreciate the fact that, like us, you DO work (and work hard). Why can't you do the same? ↑ |
| Name: denise | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 11:37 PM |
| NJ Jen, this debate started because a working mom did berate SAHM, they said SAHM sit on their butts watching soaps all day just out of curiosity, is your computer and internet a necessity? I bet you have a mobile phone and cable tv too, are those necessary? ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 2:36 AM |
Ok Ladies (aren't we all ladies because it seems like we aren't acting like it) - I know that I'm new but last time I checked these forums seem to have intelligent, empowered women. As a group we could do a lot of good - is self hatred good? when is this garbage going to stop?
Let me set a few facts straight:
not ALL working Mom work for luxuries (and by the way, now a days for my son's school work a pc isn't a luxury it's a necessity) - most work to pay for basic life needs YET there are some who do so for a lifestyle that is supercilious (pardon my spelling)
not ALL Stay at Home Mom's are lazy - most work very hard taking care of their homes, children, and other family members - most who I know are caring wonderful women YET there are some who will complain and laze about and act like prima donnas
But Ladies, we have a lot of energy and our children face a LOT of problems - lets take ALL of this energy that we have STUPIDLY been placing on SELF hatred and redirect it toward making the World a better place for our KIDs. Don't we all have better things to do then this WAY over done debate?
Jannine ↑ |
| Name: Farah | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 9:14 AM |
| Well I know I for one will have to go back to work when my little one is born because my husband doesn't really make enough on his own to support the three of us. And NO I don't mean that we won't have "luxuries" but that we'll need the extra money for things like FOOD!! or diapers and so on. I'm actually trying to go to school instead but I'm waiting for my application for finacial aide to go through to see if we can make this work. And I'd rather stay home with my little girl (who's do tomorrow but we'll see) cause I don't want to miss anything! But I can't, and that's the way it is for some of us. And all though she's not even born yet, I love her with all my heart and I can't wait for her to enter this world. I don't understand why this topic needs to be debated anyways, I wouldn't judge either side. ↑ |
| Name: Farah | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 9:15 AM |
| sorry I made some spelling errors but I did just wake up. ↑ |
| Name: NJ Jen | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 12:23 PM |
| Denise, while the debate may have started with a working mom "berating" a sahm, did I do that? Did I critique the "luxuries" you sahm's have? Did I say anythig negative about you and your life? Did I NOT say that you work very hard? I see no reason why you would have to sit there and try to examine my life in a negative way when I have nothing but respect for sahm's. It is a sad state you are in if this is what brings you satisfaction. You know nothing about me, my job (and the requirements of a computer/internet access at home) and my life nor do you know anyhing about my relationship with my child. Do yourself and everyone else favor - appreciate the gift you have been given to stay home with your child/children and learn to understand that not everyone is an fortunate as you. You'd be a better example to your child/children if you would learn to understand others rather than act as if you were superior. Just because people are different than you does not make them less human or less deserving or less of a parent. When you have lived a day in my life, then you can critique it. Until then, I suggest you learn to keep your ignorance in check. By the way, this all comes from a working mom whose child is not in day care - he is at home with my husband during the day, but I would never disrespect anyone who needed to utilize the services of day care. Learn some tolerance, some acceptance and some gratitude for your life as it is. Your child/children will thank you for it later. ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 12:46 PM |
| NJ Jen, I too was offended by Firewife's comments and I tried my best to explain to her my situation and how my family needs two incomes to survive. I posted to her here and in the SAHM forum because she posted her comments there as well. I tried to be respectful and engage her in a discussion so we could both understand each other better. Oddly enough I never really got a chance to communicate with her but Denise responded to me the same way as to you. I tried to communicate with her too but started getting quite personal with her insults. I think you did a great job of explaining that you have respect for all moms....period!! I look forward to hearing your feedback and opinions on other subjects in the forum. ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 12:48 PM |
| sorry that should've read "she started getting quite personal with her comments"...sorry typing to fast ↑ |
| Name: NJ Jen | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 1:07 AM |
| Hey Cinner - thanks for your support. After reading your response here, I did go in and read what happened in the other forum. It is really a shame and totally uncalled for. I am glad there are others though, like yourself, who can appreciate all other moms regardless of their place of work (in the home or outside the home). We all work regardless and do whatever we can to keep our kids happy, healthy, clothed and fed. Looking forward to chatting with you again... ↑ |
| Name: wilsavanamom | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 4:06 PM |
| First of all - I think angel of mine asked for it with her original response that started all this (BTW - I am a work outside the home mom). Second, if you respond at all - expect that someone is going to get offended and respond back - it's human nature. My advice - quit responding and move on!!!!! I think some of us are purposely tring to keep this thing going. If you are secure in your decision to work or stay at home you don't need to defend yourself to anyone! Be proud of it and talk about something more productive. ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 9:48 PM |
I am a stay-at-home mom and I complete agree with sunshine. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't make you a great mom and going to work doesn't make you a great mom. It's all about your effort. I know several poeple both working and non-working who I personal feel should never have been able to have kids but they do. While there are other who are the greatest parents anyone could ever ask for. I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom but if for some reason I had to work I would be.
I am not a good mom because I am at home with my son all day. I am a good mom because of how much of my time that I am with him I put into him. If I only had three hours a day I would make best with the three hours I had. I'm lucky enough that I get to spend all day with him. But again it about how you use the time when your with your kids not about how long you have with them in the day before they go to bed or have to be taken to day care. ↑ |
| Name: Nakiya | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 6:40 PM |
| I'm a 18 year old married working mom. I have 2 jobs... and i'm 4 1/2 months pregnant.I leave the house at 5:25 in the morning and don't get home till 10:00 except on the weekends when i leave at 8am and get home at around 4:30. It's not that i don't want to spend time with my daughter. Actually there's nothing more that i would like to do but sit at home with my daughter and be a sit at home mom like i did when she was first born...But never the less there are bills to be paid and in a couple of months i won't be able to work any more. So be more realistic... People don't work because they want to get away from there children they do it because they have to. Not every one has the luxuries of staying at home. ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 1:57 AM |
Angel some people cant just change their lives. It is verry expensive to raise a child
. Many household need a double income just to make ends meet and after the checks are cashed, the bills are paid they still fall short. Others are extremly fortunate that they are able to stay home.... that they will beable to see their childs first step and all their baby teeth come in. Most working mom would love dearly to witness thoes things as well, but are simply un able. Working or stay at home both have the same thing in common... the love you both have for your child! I was a stay at home mom I am verry thank full that financialy I was able to do so. On the other hand I would loved to have been able to work even for a few hours a week! I felt I needed To get out in the adult world away from sesamee street and all those childrens books. I felt I was missing so much but at the same time my child gaining much more. We moms want the verry best for our children working or not! All I can say is.... to all you moms keep up the good work! ↑ |
| Name: Loritolay | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 8:52 PM |
| What the hell is a childminder??? ↑ |
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