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Name: Diana
[ Original Post ]
My son is normalyy a very well behaved boy. I believe he may be going thru puberty. It is making problems in class/behavior. How do I handle this. It is driving me crazy.This is all new to be. (puberty in boys)
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Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 9th, 2006 9:45 PM
You havent said what he is doing!?Or he may need ritalin.Talk to his doctor about it.Be detailed about what hes doing. 

Name: Cherylcd | Date: Apr 10th, 2006 7:50 AM
I am having the same problem with my daughter and she is 9 as well. She will not do homework and she is teasing kids in school. I am reading on things to do. Goodness 

Name: Diana | Date: Apr 12th, 2006 7:28 PM
He has become very defiant, moody, he goes thru extreams. one day he is a great well mannered kid to just being a smart mouth. he is having acne break outs. he can be babbiesh one minute and very mature the next. I am sure it is not a need for ritalin. i teach and i see kids that do need it or do take it. 

Name: diana | Date: Apr 19th, 2006 2:47 PM
cherylcd: that is another problem...he fights doing homework, taking a shower..i remember a time when he would cry of he got dirty. i have done some reading. i guess it is frusterating because this isn't normal behavior for him. 

Name: Successful mom of college aged | Date: Apr 19th, 2006 4:50 PM
It's growing up (as if you didn't already know that, lol).

Your son has discovered that he is in control of his own choices, that ultimately you have no say in his actions...only the consequences you make him face. This last part about the consequences is the part he may not have learned yet.

Welcome to the preteens. It's going to be a bumpy ride until the age of 14 at least. Then depending on how well you establish your relationship ( a delicate balance of communication and control, and always always proper and effective discipline) it will improve after the age of 14. Or...if ignored as a phase that will pass, it will continue and/or get worse.

Personally I would recommend learning about good loving but firm discipline techniques from sources like Ray Guarendi or James Dobson, as opposed to some 'feel good and talk it out with your young adult' type of book.

It is better that our kids learn the important life lessons of proper respectful behaviour from us as opposed to learning them from others who don't love them like we do, when they are older (boss, police, spouse). Plus a lesson learned early is a lesson learned more easily. We all know that old habits die hard. Our children's best interests require us to instill good habits early in their childhood, and keep them to task and on track throughout their lives with us.

And hang on for a tough ride. But stick it out. Because it's the path that requires the most from us that will turn them into healthy responsible young adults.

My two older ones are not partying at college with their peers, they are actually learning. But it was one heck of a ride that wore me out, (and is still wearing me out with the younger siblings) and brought me a lot of criticism by other mothers who claimed that "I couldn't protect them forever", or told me I was being "too strict". No I can't protect my kids forever, but neither am I going to throw them out unprotected to the wolves earlier then they have to be. And now I'm the one out of the group with the least amount of heartache about their adult children.

Read Dr. Ray Guarendi. Or get a video tape of his. My library carries his stuff, maybe yours does too. That's how I came across him, then I decided I had to purchase his book for future reference. Only I've lent it out now so many times, I can no longer remember who has it. lol

Good luck, and find the fun in the times. 

Name: diana | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 7:35 PM
Thank you so very much mom! That helps so much. I was doing what you did and wondered if it was right. I feel so much better. We are real close, unti lnow. So I will continue doing the same with him as you have suggested. Firm but loving. I have been told to lighten up too at time.I try to tell people that say that to me...." No one is going to hand him anything, you have to work for it and hard too. I instill education/college and good work habits are the key to sucess and he is only 9 I know, but I wan thim to learn these things. I let him be a kid but tru to teach him too. Thanks Again. 


Name: Just a girl | Date: Apr 21st, 2006 4:27 AM
Successful Mom; Everything you said is true. I am 26, Happily married, having my first child, and I have a full time career. I could not have been the person I am so proud to be today without my Mom, and she was MEAN! :) She is also now my hero and my role model. She did everything you said with me and I hope to continue it through.

In addition her girlfriend's kids who are also my age are all messed up and having problems and when I was little I thought they had it all, but really they were spoiled rotten. I am also taking what you wrote and sending it to a friend of mine who is having trouble with her 12 yr daughter. I think it will help her.

I am sure you have seen the mean moms email that floats around out there. 

Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 23rd, 2006 5:54 AM
Successful mom you hit the nail on the head! It's up to us to raise our children to be responsible adults. Everything we do or don't do matters! I only chose to have one who is now 14 and for the most part I believe I've done a pretty good job yet there are still a few kinks that need ironed out but all and all I think he's on the right track. He stays out of trouble,gets descent grades,minds fairly well,and doesn't smoke,drink ,or use drugs and he is still a virgin. I think That's pretty good this day and age! I keep him away from people I feel are bad influences and he respects my decision and understands why. Too many parents these days let their kids run wild just so they're out of their hair and you can't do that.You have to be involved in your kids lives constantly or you will lose them to people you really don't want them associated with.Parent's need to quit being lazy and stand up and be parents to the children they brought into this world after all,they are our future!! I'm not saying all parents are lazy but the ones that are know who they are.And it's easy for the good parents to spot the children of the bad parents. 

Name: Melissa | Date: Apr 24th, 2006 4:35 PM
I can not believe what i am reading, i am going thru the EXACT same thing as diana, and you wont believe it but my son is also 9. But i swear he acts so childish sometimes, he is not doing good in school, and they want to monitor him and see if he needs some special ed classes. i couldnt believe it when we had this meeting at his school. anyways, he fights me for sometimes hours to do his homework, and he cries and whines when i ask him to take a shower, he said he would rather stay dirty. i also need advice on this matter. and when i ask him to do his ONE chore, man that is just a losing battle. but i do stick my ground, and he vacuums, he cries while he does it but he does it. I guess hes not my baby boy anymore:( 

Name: diana | Date: Apr 24th, 2006 8:18 PM
melissa, i did read that the shower thing is a big issue with boys going thru puberty early. it also said they would go from acting babbish to mature. he and i do but heads, but man it is a bumpy ride. it wears me out especially since i already work in an elementary school my patients are thin at the end of the day. they say it will pass (parents of boys)hang in there. this little chat room help me alot.My son is very tall and is a big kid and I have read that boys that are big for their size can start puberty early. this is a 9yr old that wears a mans 8 in shoe and a mans medium in cloths!pray pray pray for me. :-) 

Name: Cherylcd | Date: Apr 26th, 2006 10:14 PM
I just took my 9 year old for counseling and they wanted to see me more than her. I am not the one stomping on the floor and not listening. 

Name: diana | Date: Apr 27th, 2006 8:10 PM
cheryl, what did the counselor say? 

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