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I have been on leave since late May and my son is now 5 1/2 months old. I am returning to work tomorrow though I would give anything to be able to stay home and raise this little boy. I make more money than my husband and since we cannot even barely pay the rent with his salary, we are discussing the notion of having him get a minimally part time job so that he can stay at home with our son during the day rather than put him in day care (which doesn't work for us because we are against vaccinations and hate the idea of him being in the strange place with strange people). Has anyone else tried this? My return to work is already causing major marital problems as I am distraught over leaving and barely getting to see my son. Will this cause more problems? I know I need to do what is best for my son and I know that having a parent (even if it isn't me) taking care of him is going to ensure better care than that of strangers. Working part time is not an option as I am the primary wage earner. Any advice? ↓
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| Name: sunshine | Date: Nov 22nd, 2005 5:39 PM |
| Is your husband excited about this idea? He needs to be for it to work. Good daycares are very structured and the kids watch very little TV and there is a lot of engaging activities. Is your husband ready for this? Plus, you won't consider the teachers strangers for long and you may be able to tell them your expectations better than your husband (he may think you're critical). ↑ |
| Name: Anonomous | Date: Jan 21st, 2006 7:41 PM |
| my boyfriend is a famous singer and i'ma model, but my boyfriend takes care of our kid more than i do. more power to men who want to do the grubby jods, because that certainly isn't me. didn i mention i'm good pals with Kate Moss ↑ |
| Name: gina | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 11:25 PM |
Hi Jen, I wish u the best of luck. I have been considering having daddy stay at home after the baby's birth because I also am the primary wage-earner in the family. I am only 22 weeks right now, so we are both at work, but it would definitely be more economical than paying for childcare (which I am not sure I altogether trust, either)... I am wondering too how my husband might take this, we have spoken about it, but he is a lil bit of a "man's man" (lol) and I don't want to cause any strain in our relationship by making him feel like MR. MOM! :)
So is/has anyone else out there had Daddy staying home with the babies, and how did that work out? ↑ |
| Name: Angie | Date: Jan 25th, 2006 4:56 AM |
Jen, I think it is a wonderful idea. Yes, it is hard to leave your baby no matter what! I don't think I will every get used to it. If I had a choice, either me or my hubby would stay home. Unfortunately, day care is our only way. It took a few day care centers to find one that my baby was happy at. He has been there for about a year now. (he's 2) and although I still every day, I hate leaving him for that long, he really is doing quite well, and is happy there. He actually will ask to go to school. The key is to find one that he likes! If my son wasn't happy in about 3 weeks, I searched for another school. This one that he is at now, only took him about a week to get used to.
My employer lets me work 4 / 10 hour days, so I take wednesdays off. That is only 2 days of day care at a time. it works out pretty well. But i know that you are not interested in day care and that wasn't your question.
If you hubby is willing to stay home, and it works out for the best, I think you should give it a go. My very close friend is a DR. and her husband is a lawyer. They are both in the airforce. Once Matt's contract was up, he left the airforce and is now the stay at home dad. They both make pretty good money, but Heather is still under obligation with the airforce and has to go to work. It is working out pretty well for them. I am sure it is hard sometimes, but we all do what we have to do for our family. Good luck hon. ↑ |
| Name: terri | Date: Jan 27th, 2006 4:13 AM |
| yse definitley get the babys dad to stay home with him if you can.my husband and i did this i worked during the day and he worked nights as there was no way i was going to leave my son with strangers ↑ |
| Name: Jen | Date: Jan 28th, 2006 12:36 AM |
| Thanks, everyone for your advice! I have been back to work for two months now and am doing well (considering...). My husband has stayed working (part time) during the night while I am on days. Our son stays with one parent while the other is working. It has made the transition back to work so much easier as I do not worry about our son's care during the day. I realize now that at the time I originally posted my question, I was so distraught and thought my world was coming to an end. While it is still hard to leave most days, I am glad that our son gets to spend this time with his Daddy and at least one of us is there to watch as he learns and grows. While our ideal situation is for me to stay home, we have learned to make the best with what we have and it has turned out OK. Thanks, again, everyone for your support!!! ↑ |
| Name: holomatic | Date: Feb 2nd, 2006 9:37 PM |
| I went back to work when my daughter was about to turn one...my husband took over. It is and was great. I still miss her terribly and wish that I could be the one to stay home, but honestly its been great. Its great for him, he now has a beautiful relationship with his daughter that he may have never gotten, and she has her daddy. Daddy's do things differently which is great, you'll always be mommy. I know in your situation your son is much younger than my daughter was. Believe me though, it was the very last thing i wanted to do. It has worked out great. ↑ |
| Name: Crissy | Date: Feb 17th, 2006 10:11 PM |
You are dealing with the normal guilt any mother goes through when leaving her baby. Make sure that you understand that however I picked up that you possibly have some hostility that will show up later on toward your husband staying at home wich is also common. You want to be home with your baby and why can't he be the bread winner like other families?? (It will sound familiar to you..I promise.)
The best thing to do would be to take some time alone and rationalize that your feelings of going back to work are normal and that you are chosing an option to better your babies young years. Once you mull over that for a while, I'm certain that with continued remindance to yourself; you'll soon grow to love your decision and unique situation. ↑ |
| Name: Amy | Date: Apr 15th, 2006 3:04 AM |
| Man I am SO in the same boat! I just had boy/girl twins born 10 weeks early and have to go back to work!They spent 40 days in the NICU so I didnt even get them home until a mth and a half ago.Im working 6 10hr shifts so that my husband can stay home with the babies because my over time is way more than anything hed be bringing in.Im really sad to be away from my new babies(my only babies) but really glad to know I have a husband thats so capable of doing the same things I would for these kids in my absence.I dont know that someone else would you know?Let me know how things worked out for you all ,all the advice you have is more help to me than you realize thks ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 17th, 2006 6:33 AM |
| Shouldnt you have worked these important details out BEFORE starting a family?And as far as vaccinations go,they are mandatory sweetie.All kids have to have them,at least if you ever want your kid to enter school! ↑ |
| Name: From Jen to Lisa | Date: Apr 17th, 2006 9:25 PM |
| Actually, Lisa, sweetie, vaccinations are not mandatory and a child can go to school/day care if desired. It is called a religious objection and the way the law works now is that you do not have to site a specific religion, just your interpretation of your religion. You should be sure to check your facts before replying. Also, we did have our child's day care arrangements made BEFORE starting a family. Once he was here, though, it was a different story. Maybe you are not the kind of mom who puts her child's needs first but we realized that our original plans were not in the best interest of our child. Best of luck to you and I hope you are never in a similarly difficult and stressful situation. ↑ |
| Name: Amy | Date: Apr 19th, 2006 4:24 AM |
| In response to Lisa how bout "SCREW YOU!!"My babies were born 10weeks early and are on apnea monitors to make sure they dont stop breathing!You think I should leave them with someone else?! ↑ |
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