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2006-04-06  (15 weeks)
My Biggest Fear

I had to attend a two-day course of E-learning in KL. Due to the long distance between the course venue and my uncle's house, I decided to spend the night in hotel.

From the hotel to the Grand Plaza, it was just a walking distance. That morning after I had watched abang went to work in the monorail, I walked to the course. I didn't know what went wrong, when suddenly I slipped and fell down. I was very lucky as it was still early and no one was to be seen nearby. I got up slowly and with the heavy feelings to break down and cried, I walked down to the seminar room to tell the organizer that I am going to take a morning break from the course.

After I had told the organizer, I walked out of the hotel and called abang. I cried on the phone, feeling so scared that I might hurt my little angel inside. I went to take the monorail to go to abang's office as there was a clinic nearby. In my heart, if anything happened to the baby, I would not forgive myself. I really, really love him/her, and the thought of losing him/her because of my fault is not something bearable.

When I got to the clinic, my knee hurt so much. I pulled my pants and saw that my knee was bleeding. I realised that the thought of losing the baby was so strong that I didn't care about any injuries that I might have. The doctor told me that if I had no bleeding for the next 24 hours, the baby should be just fine. The way the doctor told me made me feel that the doctor was so insensitive. He seemed like there is nothing to worry about. During that time, I was just 12 weeks pregnant. Still in the first trimester, which make I was still vulnerable to anything.

I went back to the course, and every hour, I would excused myself to the restroom. Just to check if I had any bleeding. After 24 hours of waiting, there was no bleeding and I felt so relieved and bought myself a new shoes. As abang told me,  maybe I fell down because the sole of my shoes has finished. I remind myself to walk properly and not to drag myself when walking after this fearful incident.
2006-03-06  (11 weeks)
My Final Week in the 1st Trimester
My first trimester is coming to an end. I feel so excited just thinking about it. From what I have read on the Internet, my baby looks like a real baby now.

Throughout the whole first trimester, I did not experience severe morning sickness, only headaches. My mom told me I was very lucky not to experience nausea and vomiting. I think that is the reason that I gain some weight because I can eat almost anything.

Last week, due to the tonnes of work that need to be done, I had my first severe headaches. I had to take a leave from work as I could not wake up at all in the morning. I slept until 10 a.m. and had my breakfast. Then, I continued to take my noon nap and fell asleep until 4 p.m.

I will have my 3rd checkup this week. Hopefully everything will be fine. The baby is exactly 12 weeks, which for me is a good news since my mom said that after 3 months, the probability of miscarriage is very low. I really hope that I have a healthy pregnancy and baby.
2006-02-23  (9 weeks)
I'm alone
This weekend abang is going to have a staff weekend at P.D. I will be alone at home. The company was so stupid to organize a game activity for a whole weekend for their staff and tried to exclude the family. Don't they know that weekend is the only time their staff got with the family.

My tummy is getting bigger. My mom asked me to apply Nivea cream to prevent the stretch marks. Actually, I could not see any marks yet but abang told me that the marks is appearing. That means my tummy is getting bigger everyday.

A weird thing happened this week. One of my senior colleague came and asked me whether I was pregnant. I was shocked because I thought the tummy still doesn't show. She said that my tummy is big and asked whether I was expecting twin. I said that I am only 9 weeks pregnant and even I think the tummy is still small. She said that it is big and she could see it from afar that I was pregnant. I said I accept anything, just if it is a baby or babies. I really want them.

There are two more weeks before my next check-up. The docktor said that the 3rd checkup will involve blood test. I hate blood test and I extremely hate needles. The first time I had my blood tested, I was so stiff and I cried a lot. This did not happen when I was 12 or even 15. It happened when I was 23. Until now, I still afraid of any thing that involves needles. Really hope that the nurse on that day will be so gentle and nice with me.
2006-02-16  (8 weeks)
A day at home
The day before yesterday, I went home late. The traffic jam was so horrible as it took two hours from the office to the train station. I thought it was because of the people rushing to the heart of the city for the valentine. The traffic DID NOT MOVE AT ALL. I pitied Ayu as she had to turn back to pick me up as she forgot me. What a day!!!!!!!!

I arrived at the station around 8.30 and took a 8.45 train. As I arrived at Kepong, my family was late. I was boiling inside as I was extremely hungry. Later, my mother scolded me for not bringing any snack inside my bag. Who knows today I was going to be late. Blame all the Valentiners.....

Luckily, I was okay. We drove straight to have our dinner and I still got a stomach ache due to all the gas inside. I was so exhausted and had to take a m.c. the next day. Got a terrible migraine.

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