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I've read books that claim there going to teach me how not to yell. To have a happy and peace full life at home but in the end I always find myself yelling and insulting my son. It's hard every day I go to bed crying because I'm such a bad Mom. Every day while he's at school I make a game plan on how the evening is going to go and he's running around screaming, yelling, not doing his homework or his chores. So the yelling starts and doesn't stop it feels like. Then I go to bed and I cry because I feel like what a horrible Mom I am. I read all the books that say how this is a disorder and they can't help it. I try to remember this but I tend to find myself back in the old patterns of loosing my patience and yelling. I think what kind of damage I'm I doing to my son. I love him with all my heart but yet he can frustrate me so much I just don't know what to do anymore! ↓
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| Name: Janice | Date: Sep 16th, 2005 3:49 PM |
| Was just sitting here thinking of the terrible morning i had with my son. He went to school an hour late this morning because i was dealing with his temper tantrum.I do exactly like you do with the yelling and even the insulting. I can't beleive those things come out of my mouth. I am supposed to be the adult, right? It is just so frustrating and he pushes every last button i have. I sometimes walk away or out of the room or outside for a bit. I learned this in a class for parents with children with adhd.It helps sometimes. Give it a try. ↑ |
| Name: Tanya | Date: Oct 20th, 2005 7:54 PM |
| You are not alone. I feel exactly the same. I thought that maybe it is me who needs medication to relax and let things go, but I know that is not the answer. I feel frustrated and hopeless and mostly very sad for my son. If there is an answer out there, I would like to know about it. ↑ |
| Name: Merry | Date: Nov 14th, 2005 1:15 AM |
| We live our lives around my 10 year old son's tantrums ~ or rather trying to avoid them. Until last week when it became evident that Concerta alone was not doing the job, and our child was at risk of hurting himself, I was not able to get my husband on board with any form of therapy. Our first session was spent in the parking lot. The therapist enlightened me that his self-esteem was so low, we had to deal with that before we could even think of helping his other issues. Her advice: Everytime he does something good, point it out. (We all do that with ADHD kids), but everytime he does something bad, has a tantrum, whatever...I need to find something positive to say. ie. "Gosh, you were really angry, but look how you calmed down. That was excellent." Don't even mention the bad thing. As a matter of fact, if he's having a tantrum, walk away and return with compliments when he's calmed down. Today, he had a tantrum in church where he was kicking my leg and clawing my hand. Tears of frustration were streaming down my face, but I managed to tell him I was proud he was able to pull himself together in church. This is so hard. I did lose it a little in the car on the way home, but I'm learning too, and this is hard! Amazingly, it does seem to be helping. He's had moments where I've complimented him and he's turned to me and said, "really?". The only thing I know for sure is that I am my child's only advocate. He may not have any friends, our family may be judgemental, my husband may be resistant, but I will explore every avenue of therapy and pediatric psychiatry until I have found a way to help my precious baby. ↑ |
| Name: Chels | Date: Nov 16th, 2005 7:22 AM |
Chris
Same thing here, same thing. It feels awful. I could have written your words. Is your son on any medication? My son is now taking extended focalin, and it is like a different child when he is on it. Black and white----when it wears off or he hasn't taken it, he is like a completley different child. With the focalin, he doesn't argue, he listens, he talks to me and focuses, he gets his things done, it is an amazing difference for him/us. ↑ |
| Name: chels | Date: Nov 16th, 2005 7:29 AM |
| When he isn't on the focalin, he argues about everything, he tantrums and is bouncing off the walls, can't get him to eat, do homework, or anything, cant get him to pay attention for a second. He ARGUES and fights me with every word I say, it tears me up. I want to scream--I can't even talk, and he is only ten. I fear the teen years. He is also very manipulative, he very smart and started lying and sneaking/taking things. This is when I/we started going to see a counciler. He is on focalin now and does wonderful. I don't like giving him the med because they scare me, but without it ---we cant function and go on like this. ↑ |
| Name: Michelle | Date: Nov 16th, 2005 10:02 PM |
| i feel your pain. Its an everyday thing around here as well. Maybe if you tell yourself to take deep breaths, and try to bite your tounge. I have to do this also. Its an ongoing battle. ↑ |
| Name: vbarr | Date: Nov 17th, 2005 2:48 PM |
| Chris, I can't give any advice as this sounds much like my house everyday. My six year old daughter actually went to school without her meds today after 45 minutes of fighting about taking them. One morning I scared my self by forcing her to take them- I mean literally holding her down and force feeding her. She know the meds make a difference -she loses her smiley faces on the school board when she doesn't take them. Her teacher notices in her journaling when she hasn't taken them. I attend the seminars on ADHD they hold for teachers-my mom is a teacher- and they are helpful-if only i could actually apply it to real life without the yelling-once that behavior is started it is hard to stop it. Just because you don't like the way your child acts does not mean you don't love them- parents are not perfect just as kids are not perfect. ↑ |
| Name: Amanda | Date: Nov 18th, 2005 3:33 AM |
| I completely understand your fustrations. I have the same issues with my child.I use to get so mad at him until I realized that a lot of this is due to the adhd, it is just learning how to cope with it. Really try to focus in on the positive in your child,constantly give small rewards for desired behaviors. One thing that I am starting to do is overlook some of the things that he does that is so fustrating , I'm not letting it get to me as much anymore.Make a chart with the things you want accomplished,hand where your child can see and everytime they do this task give them a sticker,when they recieve so many stickers treat them ,maby to the movies or even a piece of candy.So that way you and your child will be focusing on the positive. I hope this works..You are not a bad parent stop beating yourself up . Parenting is no joke.just keep your cool and God Bless ↑ |
| Name: Lisa.K | Date: Nov 21st, 2005 10:37 AM |
| Oh my god, I'm so glad I found this page, I really thought I was the only one that felt this way. I have hell at home every day especially mornings before the meds kick in. Today has been especially bad, sometimes I can understand why some animals eat their young!!! ↑ |
| Name: Tom | Date: Jun 27th, 2006 6:35 PM |
| I know exactly how you feel. Living in a house with three daughters - two of them teens I get more than my share of disrespect. Although I feel bad after my yelling spasms, it seems that they just will not listen. The only way they ever do what I ask is when I get on their case, and then that makes me feel crappy. My wife says that one should only get upset if the issue affects either their health or if what they are doing is morally objectionable. I am working on this but sometimes I stumble bad. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jun 27th, 2006 9:42 PM |
| I used to yell and say things that I would think this will have him in therapy the rest of his life. Then 2 years ago i had a hemorragic stroke at 38 years old. The reason is not known. I dont smoke,do drugs, or drink in excess. only on rare ocassions. it made me look at my life and the stress our family was constantly in with our adhd son. always a war. well....the stroke first off made me so i couldn't argue or fight with anyone I had impaired use of my right side. and it just affected me to where i didnt have the strength to argue. This lasted about three months. my mom came to help during this time and she handled things alot better then I used to. she just calmly told our son to do what ever it was that needed to be done and followed through with the command. I think it helped to have someone else do the discipline because we were so caught up in the pattern we were in that it took the outsider to fix it. (This is why the nanny is so good on T.V.) Now we slip, into old behaviors from time to time but we can get back on track when we catch ourselves. we do however have trouble whe we go to stores(Begging and fussing for items) I just dont go with them very often. I go alone and just avoid the whole situation. my children are now 9 and 11 and things are improving all the time. they are imbarrassed to act out to much. They are more aware of the poor behavior. I just knew I had to change how I was acting if I valued my health. and now we are more proud of ourselves and children. Life can be short and we really owe it tto ourselves to fix the problem. Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful mother as i have that has a way with control. people always have looked up to her. but maybe counseling can provide this for you it will be worth the time and money. invest in your family so you can all have pease in your lives. i will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Layne ↑ |
| Name: christy | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 6:14 AM |
| I feel the exact same way everyday. I yell, i feel bad. I try to think of a plan but it never works. i just feel like a terrible parent and that i have let my son down. Still after 6 years of dealing with this, this is the first time to talk to another ADHD parent so thank you for letting me know I am not alone. ↑ |
| Name: topcttam | Date: Aug 8th, 2006 7:13 PM |
| i do the same its very hard on the whole family,i try 2 take him out even just to a bit of grass with a ball or the park just so he can run wild 4 a bit+its out in the open so its not so AARRGH,also iv just started 2 make sure i get time out its only once a month but going out 4 a drink with other mums is a great breath of freshair. ↑ |
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