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We have had 2 reclaiming situations both after we had the baby several days!!! We were placed with a toddler about 6 months ago and the bf is putting up a fight. I was wondering has anyone ever had to give back the child they were placed with because of not being able to continue with the legal battle (lawyer wants 7,500 more), and would that makes us bad people if we could not proceed!! We have the income to raise children just not having to pay up worth of $15,000 in legal not including agency and bm expense from our other situations. We have lost over $40,000 and just can't do it any more. I just feeling defeated at this moment!!!! ↓
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| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 6:30 AM |
| Chin up, we have been at this adoption endeavor since 1999 and every single time family has reclaimed. We had a safe haven baby in 2005 for three whole months, courts made us give baby back to birth mom. Now I admit, we have not lost tons of money, though the invitro attempt in 2000 cost $15,000 and it didn't work, cause here we are. Don't blame you for feeling defeated. I took anti depressants back in the 80's and now the state is requiring a special evaluation on me which is just baloney... I have considered throwing in the towel myself. Adoption is not always an easy thing, can be wrought with roller coaster emotions. Perhaps you could find offerings through www.adoptuskids.org I believe most of those children are free, but then they are older and some have challenges. Is something we have considered. ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 2:05 PM |
| Wanna, let me know what you have decided and how things are going for you. ↑ |
| Name: 2poms4us | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 3:06 PM |
Hey Wanna,
So sorry to hear about your troubles. I think at this point you have to what is best for the greater good of your whole family. If that is to stop depleting any funds you have so that you all don't end up in the poor house you need to stop the fight. I don't mean that lightly because I really cannot imagine going through what you have been through. Also, like yourself, I would feel like I was "giving up"- but you are not -you have done all you can to get custody of this baby and no matter how hard you fight most of the time the birthfather will win the battle. Unless you can prove he is unfit- ie. drugs, violence, never supported the birthmother and was absent. If you do continue make sure that the attorney you have ONLY does adoptions- they are the ones that are the most proficient in adoption laws and little loop holes. We had friends that used an attorney friend but that person was not up on all the adoption laws and they lost- and he even admitted after they may have been better off with an adoption only attorney. I will keep you all in my prayers and pray that things work out for your family.
Karen ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 8:27 PM |
| I agree with 2poms4us... reminds me of Jessica DeBoer if anybody remembers that name. Seems to me once bio family steps in and wants child back, usually that is how it resolves. ↑ |
| Name: Heartstrings | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 8:38 PM |
We had a daughter for 3 days and had to give her up to her birthdad. It was incredibly difficult - she will be one this Halloween and I still think about her almost everyday. We were lucky though, the lawyer we hired in their state was so devastated for us she didn't charge us. Now we have a beautiful little boy. I know the fees can be outrageous, but someone told us that many situations may come along but if it is not within your adoption budget - it is not the right situatuion for you. And trust I know the feeling of being presented with the possibility of a child and doing everything possible to try to come up with whatever is necessary to make it happen, but at some point you have to take care of the family you have financially and just wait for something that is right for you. Good Luck to you guys!
Jess ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 11:39 PM |
I will never forget the safe haven baby we had last year, for exactly three months... she is exactly 19 months old tomorrow. Thanks to this forum I have a vent and am further getting over the loss. Heartwarming to hear a lawyer actually didn't charge when it didn't turn out. I think all of us are just natural mothers and will never forget thoe entrusted to us, if even only for a few days or a few months.
Okay, enough drama, now I don't feel so bad when I don't want to pay tens of thousands for an adoption situation. ↑ |
| Name: Wannabfamilyof4 | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 3:51 AM |
| Thank you everyone for the prayers in my hour of need!! I want everyone to know that the bf will never be given rights to this child because of what he has done to the bm while pregnant with our daughter. But we have to give him his fair share of tries. What really gets me is that he put the bm in the hospital and nearly killed her and our daughter and that he still has the right to make us, her family, pay tons of money for what should have been a termination of his rights the day he was convicted and placed in jail. Our lawyer said that there are several ways that we can handle the money factor. He does not want to see the BF get rights and end up killing her because he is angry!!! Please I ask nothing of you ladies other then if you pray to please continue to for our daughter. We love her with every fiber of our beings. As all of you know and will know in the future. I will pray for all of you too. Thank you. ↑ |
| Name: Carolyn | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 5:38 AM |
Prayers still with you...........
God bless.
Carolyn ↑ |
| Name: ladee | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 7:48 PM |
| why dont you spend that money on fertility drugs...i heard a story about a woman who could not have babies and she adopted a set of twins and god gave her a miracle she was pregnant two month after the adoption so you never know alway have faith and a positive attitude money comes and go so that should be the least worries. ↑ |
| Name: Anne | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 8:20 PM |
ladee,
For the average one of us, no amount of money spent on fertility drugs will get us pregnant, we have all been there and done that. ↑ |
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