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Question for you guys...Everyone's on this site for a different reason. Myself, I'm here because I'd like to adopt a child. I can't have children & do not believe in paying an adoption agency an astronomical amount of money to adopt a child...I do not know the law, but if one of these birth moms would just leave a baby at your doorstep once it's born...literally...what are the legal ramifications?? I ask because some of the birth moms seem sincere about giving their child away. There are also a few who ask for money...a lot of money...and if they're seriously concerned for the well being of their child & would like their child to go to a good home, why not take it to a hospital or (and i'm not suggesting someone DO this!) bring your baby to someone's doorstep who you know wants a baby. I'm sure the adoption would go through much quicker for child abandonment than they would under normal circumstances...and one more question, if anyone on here has successfully met & had a child placed with them as a result of this very forum, please write your story below. I'm trying to weed between the scammers and serious birth moms wanting to give their child up. Can't wait to hear the stories!! ↓
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| Name: Dreamsofchild | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 12:02 AM |
I have friends whom have been foster parents,. If a child is left on Your doorstep the child is Not left with You to adopt it. First of all the local police must be called and they will take the child and place the child into protective care. That child is considered abandoned and taken by that states social services department and placed in a foster home. It may be a temp or emergency placement home or a foster to adopt home. Alot depends whom is placing calls for a home or knows of a home available or how that situation is handled at that moment or by that state or even that counties administrators. Also birthmoms Just do not leave babies on doorsteps that use to happen along along time ago.
Also already on the waiting list of any state at any given time are lots and lots of families waiting to adopt an infant. Even one of unknown origin. And of any race with or without special needs.
As for anyone finding a Real birthmom on this site? This site is Not for matching so its Not to be used for such. Also I have not heard of any for Real situations being listed on here that did not end up as scams or at the very least birthmoms that in the end had never really considered parenting as a real alternative to parenting the child themselves.
I do not recommend this site for anyone looking for a birthparent to match with. Good Luck in your search. We all wish for the same thing the child of our dreams to come into our lives.
May you find yours soon,
Dreams ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 3:16 PM |
| Could not have said that better myself... what you describe could be the safe haven law which burned us really bad and i will never forget. We had a baby that was turned in via this law and she was given back to the bio mom when mom changed her mind. We had her three months and i totally expected to adopt her. Ripped me in two to give her back, but i did not want to cause an amber alert or do jail time, so we were forced to give her back. Bitter... you bet, the world just keeps changing for the worse and it is hard to deal with. ↑ |
| Name: Gaylene Greiner | Date: Nov 29th, 2006 4:27 PM |
| i agree with you it is hard to say if a family would be good or bad family and i think the mother is better to pick the people out who will raise there child agencies are like computers and they only ask certian questions and are not in touch with what a loveing home is they are like computers unfeeling and they have been knowen to not pick good families there have been so many cases of the child ending up in a bad home there have been reports of children who have been beaten to death there was one in Iowa they locked the child in the basement and starved him to death why did they even adopt and how could the agency let them adopt there are some concerns with adoption agencies and they do all want a lot of money to do so there are people out there that don't have a bunch of money to give them to get a baby and they just have a whole lot of love and a good home for a child i wish more people would look at that instead of bank accounts and how much your home is worth/ ↑ |
| Name: SuzyQ1972 | Date: Nov 29th, 2006 7:03 PM |
| Thanks Dreams, Patty & Gaylene for your information! & I've never heard of the safe haven law before...I was sure there had to be some kind of law or ordinance in place to stop such an act (otherwise I'm sure you'd hear a lot more stories about babies being left on doorsteps). I think that's so sad the baby was sent back to the Bio mom! You sound like you would have taken really good care of the baby. I think what breaks my heart the most is when I see parents yanking their kids by the arm, or having them dirty (regardless of how much money they have)..they just seem to neglect their child & sometimes I find myself even getting angry at those people because they don't appreciate what a blessing they have!!! There are people like us all over who would LOVE to be given the chance to have a child & to see someone just be so oblivious to the child's needs...man, it just breaks my heart!! Well, good luck to you guys. Not sure where all of you are in your journey to motherhood, but I'll pray for all of us that we are all blessed with our little angel in the end. Til then...take care. ↑ |
| Name: maria1987 | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 11:20 AM |
| please contact me at my email [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: hmmreally | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 3:15 PM |
Patty if it took a mom 90 days to come back she had to prove it was in the babies best interest to be raised by her and not you. The safe haven law does not allow for a 90 day reunification, maybe it wasnt really a safe haven case? Maybe she chose to terminate rights and got to a .26 hearing and maybe had gotten help by then that she needed to properly parent her child. I dont think you should be bitter knowing that baby is being raised and loved by his or her birthmom. On some boards you say you have lost 7 placements other 23 another 27 recently on here 30 in your 7 years of adoption it isnt hard to find it all if someone googles you which I have done. There must be a reason to 30 failed matches as you call them is all I am saying. And what does it say after investigating you further Parent Profiles removed your Profile?
All about the lack of honesty I speak of in my Lying PAPs post! ↑ |
| Name: kcg.65hotmail | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 3:26 PM |
| does anyone know of sites where birth mothers themselves list postings of their situation and not thru an agency? We have an approved homestudy but don't want to go and pay an outrageous amount of money to adopt a child when there are situations where the mother is not looking to be "compensated". Does anyone know if news paper advertisements work? ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 3:50 PM |
We received a safe haven baby March of 2005. Well bio mom returned one week after she left baby at the hospital. It took the state 3 months for that case to wind its way through the court system. We were removed from parentprofiles without our knowledge by our case worker. There was a reason for this, i took anti depressants in the late 80's when my mom had died, and the state of Michigan is now requiring a positive psychological evaluation on anybody who has taken anti depressants anytime in their lives for whatever reason. I am now having a challenge trying to obtain one due to massive depression.
Yes, we have lost out in 30 or more placements over our marraige of 8 years by now. What has happened to us is very unusual, that perhaps we are not meant to adopt. As far as the safe haven baby we were made to give back, apparently it is not against the law to reproduce in Michigan without marriage. So you could have five babies and be single and on welfare, because that is what has happened. A child needs a father and a mother who are married to each other and committed to each other and to raising the children they have together. ↑ |
| Name: hmmreally | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 5:44 PM |
| well Patty why on earth adopt a baby if you are severely depressed and pass that on to an innocent life! ↑ |
| Name: hmmreally | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 5:46 PM |
| Also Patty that is sick to think a child needs a mother and father to raise it there is nothing at all wrong with being a strong single parent. My lord you would think you wouldnt be one to judge people. ↑ |
| Name: hmmreally | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 6:01 PM |
Not to sound offensive but Patty I think about things and must say, MORMONS even get divorced so does that mean the state should take kids from thier divorced parents to ensure a 2 parent household. Also are you saying that you should of lost the right to raise your kids when you yourself got divorced?
Maybe this is why your or your spouses children dont really have a realtionship with you as your profile stated. ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 6:36 PM |
My biological kids were young adults, and one in college when I left their father. I was real tired of enduring psychological abuse which is why I left him in the first place. I have a very good relationship with BOTH of my adult kids. Daughter has openly stated she wants to come hang out with us at least once a month, so I guess I am not such a bad mother as you would make me out to be. My son is busy with school and work but we talk via the internet whenever either of us chooses. Different topic. The state's rules changed between the time we had the safe haven baby and now, which is why I have had to address mental health issues. I really do not appreciate your judgment or anybody's, especially since you do not know all the facts. According to you, folks on this board got parentprofiles to pull our bio. Seems to me only the couple listing themselves and the social worker should have that right. I was hoping to get the mental health issues addressed so the bio would not be pulled, but it has not worked out that way. My husband's exe took his kids away from him which has zero to do with anything going on today, totally different issue. Although we do have a good relationshpi with his daughter via email. Need to get myself to Toys R Us and get his grandkids some Christmas presents. What amazes me is I am such an open person I am actually explaining all this, which I really am not even sure why I am. You wanna pass judgement on me go ahead. If a child was not supposed to have a mother and a father married to each other, then why did Heavenly Father create Adam and Eve... there are times when a single parent is forced to parent. This was one reason I waited to leave my exe until my kids were young adults so I knew they could take care of themselves. Anyway, I am currently addressing mental health issues, and just don't understand why people can't be a little bit kinder, especially with the Christmas season upon us.
For anybody who is interested, I sincerely wish everybody the best in their adoption efforts, Merry Christmas to all, and Happy New Year. Why don't we try killing with kindness, instead of ripping everybody apart... ↑ |
| Name: mommyinwaiting | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 6:49 PM |
| Well said Patty :) Happy holidays! ↑ |
| Name: hmmreally | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 6:54 PM |
Well Patty maybe everyone here didnt see your profile you had on PP, do know I am one of the people that got your profile pulled from PP after all your posts regarding your mental health. How sick would that be if a PBM chose you and this was never disclosed. Sad enough I do know it all I have followed your posts for months and months as did the other person involved in your profile being pulled from PP.
I dont care if you are single, gay, married whatever if you are a teen a senior a young adult or middle aged, rich or poor, if you have the right mind set and arent mental you have every right to be a wonderful parent ↑ |
| Name: wondering | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 7:00 PM |
Patty,
You are the one who posted things about your (or your husband's) children not being in contact with you on your profile. No one made any of that up. It was in your profile, along with several other very concerning things.
In regards to getting a profile pulled...if you do NOT have a current approved homestudy and anyone finds that out, they should report that. For you to not have let Parent Profiles know and had it pulled yourself is fraud. That makes you no better than any other scammer out there. Someone reporting this isn't a personal attack or about ripping someone apart. It's about protecting children out there. The best interest of the children out there is much more important than the needs, desires, and desperation of hopeful adoptive parents. Women going to places like Parent Proifiles to find potential families do so with the belief that they have current approved homestudies, as is required by the site.
In regards to marital status.....people just need to be honest and then the birthparents and/or agencies that they have entrusted to make the selection for them can decide that.
The thing is there is always more than one side to every story. People can post that different people and places burned them. But there is no way for us to know what really happened. This works both ways. And those who are fraudulent need to be exposed...no matter what side of the triad they are on. ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 7:57 PM |
| Thank you Mommyinwaiting for the kind acknowledgement... ↑ |
| Name: SuzyQ1972 | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 8:01 PM |
| kcg65, Hi there...I would say this would probably not be the place for that...I've been trying to do the same thing actually, but haven't investigated enough into other sites yet to find out anything. Just beware of a lot of scammers in this forum. I've talked to sooo many nice people & that's really helpful, so if nothing else, I'd use this place as a tool to get where you need to go....but good luck in your search & let me know if you find anywhere like that....obviously I'd be interested in that too. Take care! ↑ |
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