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| Name: Cody and Jody | Date: May 23rd, 2006 5:53 PM |
| *****AMEN***** ↑ |
| Name: aava | Date: May 23rd, 2006 9:41 PM |
| This is such an on target post. I'm a bmom and I came here first to lurk and then to post. I lurked and couldnt believe some of the things that were said. If in looking for a aparent I've already scoped out a few pages of topics and know allot of the ppl that sent me an email in response to my post. Those folks I just simply deleted when they emailed me. I only know them and didnt respond because somewhere in the pages of topics where some awful comments and I dont want my son to grow in a home with someone capible of making these statements. In closing I'm sure it's heart wrenching for the aparents in search of a baby and I know first hand that it is the same for a bmom. I like the part of this post that says it's up to you amoms to respond to the posts so if you invite someone in and things dont work out it doesnt mean it's a scam it could be but maybe it just meant the bmom has seen a previous post you left for someone else or matched better with another couple. I wish in the bmom and amom world we could all speak to each other as adults at first trying to build a friendship. IMO I wouldnt match with a woman or man or both unless I could have a friend in them first. Sorry for rambling Ava ↑ |
| Name: codyjody | Date: May 23rd, 2006 11:13 PM |
| I agree with you Ava, 100%! We have been matched 4 times in the last 1.5 years, no baby yet .....but we have made a few great friends in the mom's we were matched with. We recently had a reclaim after a week with a beautiful baby boy, we talk to his mom almost every day still. Yes, at first it was hard. It still is hard to be on the phone with her and hear him cry, heart breaking actualy! Why do We still keep in contact????? Because My husband and I love her as a friend! ↑ |
| Name: Lori | Date: May 23rd, 2006 11:16 PM |
| Ava, I've read your postings as well and was impressed by your sincerity. I had actually written down your name to email you, but my daughter got sick and I had to go take care of her. When I checked the boards again, I saw where you had a possible match, so out of respect, I never sent you an email. I think apaps also need to respect each other as well as the bmoms. I agree with you too. There's no reason bmoms and amoms can't have a friendship. I have a wonderful friendship with my daughter's mom. Good for you for following your instinct and standing up for your beliefs. Best of luck to you and many blessings. You're in my thoughts and prayers. ↑ |
| Name: Flowergirl | Date: May 24th, 2006 4:39 AM |
| Just a reminder, that at least one of the boards that was wanting the scammers to be listed, has names on it that do not belong there! Barbie Smith, for one, is a genuinely sweet, adoptive mom, who is never anything but warm and sincere. I just wanted to post a friendly reminder to remember that not everything we read on these forums is true and up until today, the names above the posts mean nothing at all. Best of luck to you, Ava! So glad that you were able to find a family for your little guy! ↑ |
| Name: codyjody | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:20 AM |
| Ava, Cody and I would love to help you start a group. Anything we can do to help adoptive parents and potential birthmoms, we are in! We could help spread the word for you, anything you need us to do!???? HUGS!!! Cody and Jody [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:29 AM |
| "AAVA,",,,,,,,,,,It would be in your best interest to stick with your attorney,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,although,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he is quite expensive and it is in many pap's opinion that when charges exceed $25,000.00 it is considered to be ETHICAL and is nothing less then baby selling. Maybe your attys clientele can afford his price, most people here on baby crowd can not afford him, but do have a loving home to offer and can also offer a child great parents. Since you are wanting honest people to adopt your little one,,,,,,how about you being honest too. Share your real name with us all,"Avaa". From a friend of the pap's that now have a broken heart once again. If anyone has questions or needs specifics, write me "me" ↑ |
| Name: codyjody | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:39 AM |
| Please share what you know "me"........ ↑ |
| Name: Lori | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:56 AM |
| Drama already? No offense, "Me", but do you really have a leg to stand on if you won't give your name either? ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:08 AM |
| Lori, Hello again, Yes Drama!! You already know how much I love drama,,,,kind of gets the heart pumping. From one angel to another. "me" ↑ |
| Name: codyjody | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:10 AM |
| You said it right "me"....you are an angel! Thanks for the heads up!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: aava | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:12 AM |
| Me's name is Carolyn, I'm not affraid to state it! I'm not ashamed of what my attorney charges! when I went to the phonebook and looked up adoption I picked him I called him and I liked him. He's a quad A adoption attorney with a flawless record. I BY NO MEANS CONTROL WHAT HE COSTS. You my dear are more than inmature and when you are writting these folks be sure to write the same amount of BIRTHMOMS and let them know how rude and arrogant you are. Not to mention childish and imature for even posting this! My decision is hard enough without chiming in of the ppl who will NEVER be pleased so you may be searching for a LONG time. MY real name, It's DESAREE' MY internet nick name is AVA!! My alias My screen name what ever you Want to call it.. WOuld you like my phone nUMber and address too ?? I thank the good heavens Above I NEVER gave you MY NUMBER! Adios lady I will not again reply to your childish high school actions! AGAIN IN A LOUD voice I'm NOT ashamed of finding a loving family for my SON when he is born!! I'm glad I have the chance to meet and build a friendship with an afamily! My son will grow up in a LOVING (NOT ANGRY) home with wonderful MOM and DAD and I cant wait to be able to make someone elses dream come true while at the same time making mine come true and thats for my son to have a happy healthy life with 2 loving ppl!! AVA or Desaree no worries you can call me which ever Here !! Ps Thank You so much codyjody my email is [email protected] please email me if you still would like to help with the SUPPORT between and adoptive and birth family relationship! HUGS ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:21 AM |
| "Avaa, before you say anything more I would like you to know I am NOT Carolyn. I am one who advocates for ethical adoptions. If more pbmoms knew what one was getting charged for their pain and their loss, then they would not work with alot of the adoption professional. An attorney being a Quad does not make them good. We in the adoption world have seen enough of them go bad and sour and not abide by the Quad's "code of ethics". Do yourself a favor and educate yourself before the time comes when you deliver your little one. That is going to be one of the hardest days in your life. I wish you blessing on that day and I always prayer for bmoms. Make sure they are offering you counseling and please consider taking them up on it. "me" ↑ |
| Name: aava | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:23 AM |
| There is one more thing I forgot to mention, I have several emails to back my acusations of just plain rude!! Also I've built a profile type site for the a parents to watch and I was trying to get a view from an adoptive moms prospective of what would be something that one would like to see of a bmom. Sense I'm in the process of trying to form an interpersonal communication group for bmoms and amoms to relate with. So if you want to give me some feedback on that I could get back to the matter at hand why I originally posted in this topic. Quite frankly I being pregnant dont want to waste my time being caddy and stressed out so I have to keep focused on the group. The positive actions and the postitive amoms and adads here for good suggestions! email me for the url: [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: aava | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:27 AM |
| Me, While I appriciate your concern I dont want it! I again am not ashamed of my attorney I dont control it all I know is they have been very nice with me helping me with counsiling LORD KNOWS I NEED IT, and everything else. I've heard nothing but good. And Just curious when You placed? How was your expiriance ? Did you go through an attorney or did you go private? I am interested in these topics because I need to know all the different ways and such in order to build a nice group of both bmoms and amoms.. If your post was in good intention you could have fooled me with the RUDE why dont you tell your real name crap. ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:30 AM |
| Avaa, enough said, thank you for your response. "me" ↑ |
| Name: Carolyn | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:31 AM |
| HI ............ I am Carolyn; "me" is one of my dear friends.............. And yes, she is looking out for me. I am sorry it didn't work out for us "Ava", but that being said,I cannot afford almost $30K for and most other people can't as well. I wish you luck in your search, and hopefully someone will be able to pay the fees. God bless. Carolyn ↑ |
| Name: aava | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:46 AM |
| Thank Goodness that wasnt you Posting!!!! I would not understand how I would even have a good vibe about a person like that!! I had a good vibe about you and your hubby and that to read was crushing! Let me apologize to you CAROLYN! But please call off your watch dog there is no sense in making my decision and choices harder because you and I didnt match. I once again stand strong by my decsion with my attorney and I hate the fact that you couldnt be the one but dont hate me for it. DO YOU have any idea the guilt I feel for giving up my child? And then not being able to make every single amom out there happy because I feel so dang bad that you ladies cant have children and have to rely on ppl like me.. I hate the feelings. I really once again dont need some person WHO DOES NOT KNOW ME barking at me!! Thanks Carolyn for reinforcing my confindence in being a good judge of charater. I was starting to doubt myself in being able to pick good ppl! Big Hugz and again I'm sorry it didnt work out Ava Des call me whatever you want! ↑ |
| Name: Carolyn | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:55 AM |
| Desaree, "Me" is a wondeful person, a very dear friend, and has helped countless people. She is selfless, and was not barking at you. She and I are of the same opinion that you do not need to break the bank to adopt. There also sadly has been many people on this board in the past that have not given their true name, but they were scammers. Hopefully going forward people with use their real name on this board. I know that I will make a wonderful mother when I am picked by someone, I am very sad that it can't be you, because I can't afford the fees. Like I said in the past, I wish you, your fiance and your baby every good wish.............. I am so terribly sorry that money was the issue here....... Love, Carolyn ↑ |
| Name: codyjody | Date: May 25th, 2006 6:35 AM |
| Ava, No body wants to make you upset! We don't know what you are feeling, we only know what it feels like to be a woman that can't have children. I have to agree with Carolyn, 30,000+ for an adoption, is just out of range, yes it happens but, it should not. I bet that the lawyer is driving a $65,000+ car and sleeping in a VERY expensive house. Why???? because of babies........simply put, he lives the life style from praying on adoptive families and potential birth parents. Cody and I could afford 30+ for an adoption but we choose not to "buy" a child. I could not look into our childs eyes 20 years down the line and tell him/her that you cost $30,000. $30,000 that could have been saved and put away for college, or that special wedding you deserve, or a few more family vacations along the way. adoption Prices have gotten way out of control, there is no reason for it. YES, this is only my oppinion but I have spoke to MANY adoptive families and potential birthmoms that feel the same. Even a few years ago, prices were much less. We are working with the county atty here in our state, they do adoptions for free. I know for a fact that those lawyers do what they do for the good of it all and not the money...I drive a nicer and newer car than the lawyer working with us! With our reclaim situation they sent flowers to the mom while she was at the hospital, called her on the phone almost everyday before the birth and even sent a congats card when she decided to parent. Every birth mom deserves nothing but the best. You cant put a price on children and that is what is happening. Ask the lawyer what the charges would be if the baby was bi-racial or AA. Yes, I'm sure the family that is blessed with the gift of your child will be great. Just remember, people...(lawyers) can paint a great picture. Good luck hun...... Carolyn, as I told you earlier, you will be blessed as soon as the good Lord sees fit. Its hard to remember at times, but he knows best! "me" keep up the good work! You have helped dry many tears! ↑ |
| Name: Carolyn | Date: May 25th, 2006 6:41 AM |
| Jody my friend, You and I have both seen our sorrows in our quests to adopt to this point, and I pray we will get our babies soon. Hugs always to you and Cody,,,,,,,,,, thanks for being a friend. Love always, Carolyn ↑ |
| Name: AMC | Date: May 25th, 2006 2:27 PM |
| Me: would you please email me [email protected] Thanks, AMC+ ↑ |
| Name: aava | Date: May 25th, 2006 3:06 PM |
| Hi CodyJody, I agree with the fact that 30,000 is a large sum of money. But the adoption isnt 30,000$. I dont know the exact amount and frankly I dont want to . I do however know that it isnt 30,000!! Please stop saying I'm selling my child! I dont make any money NOR do I want to for my son. I think it's fantastic that you know an attorney that works for free. I wonder how he's able to pay his own bills most off the loans he had to have taken to get his education in a feild where you make good money. But I still think what hes doing is great! I dont think in order to adopt you should have to have an excessive amount of cash. I dont make the rates or fees or whatever they are called. I just want my SON to have a nice mommy and daddy that will always be beside him. And thank goodness I will! Yall through this money number around this topic like screaming I hope everyone sees that no matter how much this bmom is trying to help other bmoms and herself in such a hard time and trying to at the same time give a dream to an amom who deserves more than anything in the world to parent I cant get the msg out because of the fact of you putting me down because I'm not an adoption expert that new when I made that call I was going to get FLAMED for trying to do something goood. I'm affraid I'm leaving this board now and I'm sorry you all feel the way you do. I wish nothing but the best of luck. I stand strong behind that phone call i made! Those folks have bent over backwards to make sure I have the counsiling and so on that I need right now. Thank all of you for all your help comments and suggestions! I'm sure my baby will make some loving family a great and special angel. Ava or Desaree if it matters ↑ |
| Name: Lori | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:00 PM |
| Wow....now I understand the concerns of "me." When my husband and I adopted 4.5 years ago, our adoption was almost 30k. Yes, we are thankful and grateful for the attorney who introduced us to our bmom and we wouldn't take it back for anything in the world! But, we are still paying on the loan and just lost 7k due to a scam. It is a shame that adoption is such a big business. Carolyn, I"m so sorry this didn't work out, but remember that you WILL be BLESSED with a baby! (As will you, Sweet Jody) The hardest part is completely leaving it in God's hands and waiting on His perfect timing. Ava, I know you are trying to do what's best for your baby and yourself. I know that our daughter's birthmom had no clue that our adoption cost so much! Luckily, it worked out for us, but there is no way we could afford 30k again. I think what everyone is trying to say is that perhaps you should question your attorney as to why the fees are so substantial. If you are comfortable with him though, that is your choice and yours alone. Good luck with whatever you decide and I'd still love to talk to you. This is such a stressful and emotional roller coaster for amoms and bmoms alike. If we all hang in there and try to discuss the "hard" topics, maybe we can all come together instead of being torn apart. Blessings and love to you all! ↑ |
| Name: AMC | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:23 PM |
| Ava, I work in the legal profession and it does NOT cost $30K to adopt a child. Even with adequate counseling, it's not NEAR that expense. (More like $2K-5K legals and that includes counseling) I know there are other things to consider as Bmom expenses and Medical expenses if she does not have insurance or medicaid (which most Bmoms have) Your Attorney is mearly making his riches on adoptive parents who want a family and are willing to pay the big bucks to get it. Your Attorney is kind to you because he tends to make literally THOUSANDS on YOU! YOU are his SALARY and charging those amounts, a big salary he must have! I call him GREEDY, and UNETHICAL! ↑ |
| Name: AMC | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:25 PM |
| *spelling correction, *MERELY not mearly ↑ |
| Name: codyjody | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:45 PM |
| Ava....I never said that you were selling your child. I said that Cody and I could spend 30+ on adoption but we choose not to "buy" a child. Lack of better words? We would hand over 30,000$ to the lawyer or agency and they would hand us a child...........I'm sorry but I cant think of any better words to describe it! Yes adoption has "fees" but @ 30,000+ is not realistic hun. No matter how you look at it! I'm sorry if you felt I was putting you down or flamming you.....That was not my intention! I was telling you how Cody and I feel. We were never considering a match with you so, we have no reason to put you down or "flame" you. When a potential birth mom comes on a board looking for a match, there usually isn't a high price tag attached. The lawyer I was talking about works for the county attorneys office, in the county we live in. They have a program that was established about 4 or so years ago. They help parents adopt, all we pay is the court fees. I guess they would be considered state employees? Maybe they became lawyers to help people out of the goodness of their hearts? Obviously they could go into private practice and make a "butt load" of money. HUGS ↑ |
| Name: BarbieSmith | Date: May 25th, 2006 4:58 PM |
| Our Ava's adoption was only a very few thousand dollars (under 5k) even though it was long-distance and ICPC was involved. Ava's birth mommy had no income, but still wanted to make sure that money did not stand in the way of getting her *first* choice in adoptive parents. She was wonderful in that way! So, PAP's hang tight, the RIGHT birth mommies *are* out there for you! HUGS, Barbie ↑ |
| Name: Wannabfamilyof4 | Date: May 25th, 2006 5:40 PM |
| Our daughter adoption in full cost $11,000. We have started our second adoption which will cost around the same. We are with an agancy. ↑ |
| Name: Flowergirl | Date: May 25th, 2006 11:25 PM |
| Carolyn, My heart goes out to you... I know how much you want to be a mommy (and daddy). You don't know me, but I have seen your picture many times at the tops of adoption boards and have visited your websight to 'learn' more about you! I hope you don't mind... I just want to say that I am thinking about you and am so sorry about your recent heartache. This adoption cost issue has been addressed so often and the resounding answer is always the same..."There is absolutely *no* reason for costs this high and if an infant isn't white, the costs will drop as much as 50-75%!" How very sad that there are people out there who are making their living off the vulnerability of other people who are blinded by their deep longing to be parents. It is wrong, unethical and down right dishonest. (my opinion, of course) Like the majority of you, we are also unable to dish out this kind of money for a baby, even if we would have wanted to. But I can honestly say, that even if we could, like Jody, we would not. We will never be guilty of 'buying' a baby to satisfy our longing to be parents. The one thing I think some people forget to consider is this... do African American and other minority babies take less medical care than Caucasion babies, do African American Mothers need less living & medical expenses than Caucausion Mothers?? The answer is no! Therefore, there is absolutely no reason that you can adopt an African American infant for half the price of a Caucasion newborn through the same agency!! And this happens every day! The only reason is supply and demand, to be brutally honest. There is a high demand for healthy caucasion newborns, so there are some money hungry people who have grabbed up the opportunity to make some easy $$. How very sad... but maybe if more of us refuse to pay these kind of costs, this can slowly become a thing of the past. I, personally, am not specifically looking to adopt a Caucasion infant, but I have still been involved in many of these discussions. Money should never be the deciding factor of a parent/child relationship. No amount of money can buy love, honesty, commitment, home... all the most important things in life! I am a firm believer in that! I want to again, wish you, and everyone here, all the very best in your journey to adoption. I agree with all the previous posters, who have reminded us all... our babies are out there and in God's time, we will become parents and with patience, we *won't* have to begin our beautiful jouney of parenthood with empty pockets and no money to help enjoy life!!! Hugs, all!!! ↑ |
| Name: Carolyn | Date: May 26th, 2006 3:06 AM |
| HI Ladies ! Thank you all for your encouragement, and well wishes. I hope some day soon I will find a real birthmother and attorney who is in it for more than the money, for her and / or her attorney. I hope all of us do !!! Most of us have had our hearts broken numerous times in this process, but I am confident there are wonderful birthmoms out there. Anyway, at the request of a couple of you, I am sharing the link to the news cast (click on video) of me and my husband who helped another scammer go to jail this week. FBI: Couples Victimized By Adoption Scam See Video for new details. http://cbs4denver.com/t opstories/local_story_145082903.htm l God bless everyone !!!! Love always, Carolyn ↑ |
