|
I took over guardianship of my niece who is now 6 almost 2 years ago from my sister and her boyfriend who are drug users and could not provide for her at the time, in the last 2 years nothing has changed, I will not let them see her until they show improvement in their life which means stay drug free get a stable place to live and a job since I have done the visitation with them because my niece has wanted to see them but it has turned out to be bad decesion everytime, my sister is demanding to get her back and threatening to take me to court, I love my niece have grown attached to her even through all the hard times in the last 2 years I am married and have a 3 year old daughter as well and this has put strain on my life but has gotten to be rewarding for how well my niece is doing now she is happy here since we have a stable household, am i selfish for not letting them see her, I want to adopt her but don't think it will ever happen since the parents want her back, I legally have her until she is 18 or unless the parents take me to court and a judge sides with them just looking for thoughts ↓
|
|
| Name: Cari | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 3:02 PM |
| I think you are a Angel and I think the decision you have made is a great one I agree unless they show they can they should not get that childs life is no roller coaster and you seem to be stable and level headed to know how to be a mom so I think you are right and look unto jesus he will not lead you wrong I promise. God Bless ↑ |
| Name: cari | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 3:28 PM |
thank you so much for your support i pray to god to show me the way and i know he has, the weight of this does make me second guess myself i guess, it has been the hardest decesion of my life to decide when to when not to let her back in her parents life especially in the beginning when she would cry for them, but she is happy here now and told them last week on the phone that she wants to stay here with me but instead of them listening they think i put this in her head
i thanks you for your support god bless ↑ |
| Name: kimberly | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 9:23 PM |
| no you are not selfish you are only looking out for her best interest. god bless you for the decision you have face be strong and keep it up because she does not need to be raised in that situation. ↑ |
| Name: Deloris | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 3:41 AM |
| Depending on the state you are in, all you have to do is file for adoption, citing attachment to you and your family, drug abuse by them, them being around drug users and/or alcoholics. Did you take the child from them or did they sign her over? It makes a difference in the law. If they signed her freely then THEY have to prove they are totally straight. They have to have a job for at least a year and drug free, plus anger management classes, and they also have to have parenting classes. Then they have to prove 100% that they will improve your niece situation in life. Plus they have to have a stable home. That means no fighting, no jail, One home not a different home every few months. Do not let them see her. Tell her to take you to court. In some states they have one chance to prove they have changed and if they can't then they can never take you back to court. Also keep a record of every phone call and what is said. Every visit needs to be documented. Anything that pretains to them write it down in a notebook. Every hateful thing that is said. That you stole their child, or whatever their story is.. I know the stories, you see I have three kids and I have custody and guardianship of my niece and nephew for the last 7 years. They are 8 and 15 now. I'll be glad to help you I know alot of resources in different states that helps with in-family care. But remember the most important thing is to document everything and to call her bluff. Also do they pay child support? Do they pay medical. By law they are suppose to. We have never gotten a penny. Also if they are on probation if they come raising hell call the police that breaks probation. And not paying child support breaks probation. Remember no matter what they do or say, I always think of a saying my grandma used to say alot. What goes around, comes around , you just have to wait around. Also did your husband sign guardianship papers too? And do you have a support group? And if you feel you need to let them see her. Make up a time like third Sunday of the month from 3 to 4 o'clock. Do it like the welfare department they allow one visit a month. If they are late or don't show write it down especially if they do not call. If they get hateful terminate the visit early but document why. If they cry and upset your niece tell them to leave. Set rules and make them follow. I know about the strain on your life, try teenagers and a baby! It was hard My nephew has had a hard time he remembers them and he has anger built up. I tell him to let it go, he is giving them the power to hurt him. I'll get off my high horse now and write back and tell me the state and I'll look at my laws for guardianship in your state and see what resources are there. Good luck. I'll be glad to chat wuth you at anytime. Because I know how hard it is. ↑ |
| Name: Cari | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 5:22 AM |
| thanks Deloris, I live in Michigan, and of course I must have had a feeling because what was in my mail box today well it was a court notice my sister and her boyfriend are taking me to court the hearing is on March 14th I was so upset today it felt like someone ripped my heart out, and to make it worse my sister knew I was going out tonight so she called my house and talked to my niece because the sitter had no idea and I guess i didnt think about the possibility of her calling so they confused my niece and made her say that she wants to live with them, I work for a lawyer so I am going to meet with him this week even though this isnt what he is used to dealing with but I trust his opinion, and no my husband isnt a guradian only me, I kept records of the first yeat didnt do it last year but i can remember facts and write them down also they are both on probation my sister just got out of jail in October and now they have a 2 month old to screw up as well, they arent stable have no house no jobs no money living off food stamps and his mother they really dont have a chance but if a judge feels sorry for them it could be over for me, also they havent paid for a thing in 2 years for her, i paid for dental work since her teeth were rotted and got her toncils taken out since she had breathing issues, anyways interested to hear your thoughts! ↑ |
| Name: Deloris | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 4:56 PM |
This is your best website for your state:http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cach
e:OxlpgJdovPMJ:www.michigan.gov/documents
/MCWLChap15Part1_34821_7.pdf+Michigan+Law
s+guardianship&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1
Pay
good attention to pages 16 and 17 for they really pretain to you. It would of been better for your husband to have guardianship also. But what I would do is cross-file on the basis that their home life hasn't improved, plus go to the court house and get copies of their records. Go the the sheriff's office and the police station and get copies of any and all tickets. Go to Chancery, Circuit, and judicial courts. All of them. It may not be a felony but it still counts. Also find out from the sheiff or police records of domestic violence. Because if there is domestic violence, and it doesn't matter if the child was there or not , counts in your state. I'd cross file and ask to terminate their rights. Also I'd have a lawyer tell the court that there hasn't been an improvement in there life and they have followed no plan to fix the their problems. Show that they haven't paid child support and they have not made an effort to know the child. They breeze in and out as they see fit. And get your husbands name on the next papers to show you are a united front. Also if something, god forbid, happens to you they can not get the little girl. That is what we did. Plus I went for full guardianship plus custody. Also always keep everything documented. Start today writing down what you remember the good and bad. Get statements from your neighbors, friends and church, if you go. Get doctor records, denists, and daycare records. Show everything you have done and at the same time it will show what they haven't did. Don't worry what your niece has been told to say, she is too young to be questioned in this case. Also show the bond between both girls. A child isn't like a dog you can not just give them away and when it suits you get them back. Try to keep it in court because the longer it is there the chance for them to be in trouble exists. Most judges will make them file a plan with the court stating what they are prepared to do. And see if they can follow it. Also if you do not want overnight visits have a good reason and show it in court. As much of child violence that has been around lately judges are taking notice. Talk to your lawyer and keep in mind, you have did the best you can and it is up to your lawyer and the courts now. I don't know how your guardianship papers read or if they gave you guardianshil or what. But show proof that you are the best mommy and then pray that the judges agree. ↑ |
| Name: Deloris | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 4:59 PM |
| Name: Deloris | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 6:49 PM |
This was written for Gransplace a site for grandparents rights. But it says it all. Put in Aunt, uncle, cousin, or whatever kinship....
Layaway Kids
Parents are you tired of taking care of your children? Do you have better things to do than to sit home and care for your children's needs? Do you want to party? Do you need a break? Do you have better things to do with your money than spend it on boring things like good food and clothing for children?
Well help is here now! Just put your kids on layaway!
Its FREE and easy. Just drop them off at your parents house. Grandma and grandpa will spend the time, money and love to see that your kids have the best of everything. They will change stinky diapers, wash dirty bottles, and rock screaming babies, clean up their messes and do anything that needs to be done.
On the Layaway Plan, you never have to worry about your children! Grandparents will buy them what they need and take them where they need to go. Never again will they be late for school because you were too tired to get up and get them ready after that party last night. You can buy that new car, fashionable clothes or just spend your money on junk food and CDs. Your money is yours to do with as you wish. The Grandparents of your layaway children will buy the shoes, school clothes, and toys. They pay for dancing lessons, tutors, braces, and doctors visits. If you have a bad day you can just kick back and relax. No more thinking of feelings other than your own! With your children on layaway you have no one to think about but yourself. No one there to bother you! If your kids have a bad day its not your problem. Grandma and Grandpa will be there to wipe their tears, calm their fears, and give them cookies and milk. If they are sick, Grandma and Grandpa will gently wipe their fevered brow, hold their head, and help them to take their medicine, and walk the floor with them all night.
Grandma and Grandpa will go to all the dance recitals, soccer games, school conferences, doctors and dentist appointments, and other activities your child is involved in. This leaves you free to pursue your own interests.
You are Young! You need the freedom to live your life and be all that you can be. You need to find yourself. Its Ok your parents are old. They have lived their lives and have nothing better to do than to care for children. If they have not found themselves by now they never will.
The best part of the Layaway Plan is your property is always there for you. Unlike most store layaway plans you can visit your property any time you like. You can take the children out any time you like, play with them and then bring them back whenever you feel like it. Children can be fun at times like Christmas and Birthday parties. You can dress them up and show them off and take credit for how cute and well behaved they are. After all you brought them into the world. If they make a mistake or behave badly you can explain to others it is because of the bad influence of the grandparents who have been caring for them. When you are done sowing your oats, when the party is over or becomes boring, your children will be there waiting.
Anytime you like you can cancel the Layaway Plan and reclaim your children. By law they are your property and the grandparent have to give them back. By virtue of your ability to create a child you reign supreme in the courts of this land. It does not matter if you have abused them, abandoned and neglected them for years. All you have to do is go into a courtroom and show them that you want your children back and might be able to parent them. Your rights as a parent supersede those of your children and their grandparents.
The Layaway Plan is free, easy and best of all legal. Every court in the land supports it. You are the parent and you have your rights!
------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
Children
Are Not Property
Children are not property. They deserve a safe and stable life. They should not be put on layaway indefinitely. The Children and the Grandparents and Special Others who provide kinship care for the children should not be kept in limbo forever. Absent, irresponsible and unreliable parents must be held accountable for their inaction.
The Adoption and Safe Families Act signed into law by President Clinton sets firm time limits on how long a child may stay in foster care before being freed for adoption. It states that if a child has been in foster care for 15 out of the most recent 22 months the state must file a petition to terminate the parents rights, find and approve adoptive homes for these children. This law excludes children that are being cared for by relatives and are not in the foster care system. The reason for this exclusion is that sometimes the relatives caring for the children are not in a position to adopt and would lose custody of the child forever if it were to apply to them. This is a good law and it has helped many children have safe and permanent homes.
There ought to be another law! 5.5 million children are being raised in grandparent headed families. One third of those children live in homes with no parent present. These children fall through the cracks and live in limbo without the security that comes with having a permanent home. Forever is a promise that kinship care givers are afraid to give to the children in their care. They know that no matter how many years a parent has been absent and unreliable, that parent can come back, prove only minimal competence to reclaim their children from what in most cases is the only stable home they ever knew.
New laws covering the rights of children whom neither live with their parents nor are under the umbrella of the foster care system is needed. We need a law that will protect the rights of children being well cared for by relatives who are not able to adopt them while enabling the grandparents and other relatives to adopt if they choose and are qualified to adopt. Children being cared for by relatives should be accorded the same rights as foster children. If a grandparent or other relative wishes to and is qualified to adopt, the same time limits should apply. If the parents fail to rehabilitate themselves within a reasonable amount of time the rights of those parents must be terminated and allow a qualified grandparent or other relative who have been caring for the children in their absence to adopt those children. Only then can children, grandparents and the special others who are caring for the children depend on the promise of FOREVER. ↑ |
| Name: Deloris | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 6:53 PM |
| http://grandsplace.org/gp5/layaway.html ↑ |
| Name: Cari | Date: Feb 27th, 2006 2:09 AM |
| Hi and thanks again Deloris, I am gathering paperwork as we speak, my boss is an attorney so that helps not sure if he is coming to the hearing though, I pulled both parents police record and am going to have family there to back me if the judge allows them to speak, i am also going to subpeona their probation officers but i have learned that yet they can take me to court several times for this if they want to whether a judge would listen would be the question, i think the worst case is the judge would say lets see in 6 months were you are and maybe make me give them visitation so in the mean time i will keep trying to get more on them, but i really appreciate your comments so much ↑ |
| Name: Deloris | Date: Feb 27th, 2006 1:56 PM |
| Your very welcome. It is hard to have guardianship of a kin, it is very stressful on a family. You are doing the right thing. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row. The judge may give them some type of visitation but try for supervised only. With your sister on probation you have a good chance. Write and tell me how it turns out. And if I can help with other questions I will. ↑ |
| Name: Melissa | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 5:32 PM |
| I adopted my neice from my sister also. It was the best thing that could have happened to that child. You can petition the courts to let you adopt the child. Since the parents have shown a general lack of care for the child, it should not be difficult. The child is also old enough now to voice her opinions. All in all, when it comes down to it, usually the threat of having to go through a legal battle is enough to scare the birth parents into letting you adopt. That will let you know really quickly what their real motives towards the child are. I wish you luck in this and let me know if I give you any advise. ↑ |
| Name: Pamela | Date: Mar 5th, 2006 1:04 AM |
I can help you learn to do it.....If you message me.
[email protected] ↑ |
| Name: Christina | Date: Mar 10th, 2006 4:08 PM |
| I know the court date has not come about yet, but please keep us updated, You and your neice are in my prayers. ↑ |
| Name: daniel and lori stringfellow | Date: Mar 18th, 2006 2:47 PM |
| we know how you feel we are about to embark upon the same situation. We hope to make a better life for our nephew who is 7.We are also looking for information concerning the legal procedure for adoption. may God bless you in your efforts. ↑ |
| Name: To:daniel and lori stringfello | Date: Mar 18th, 2006 9:58 PM |
| To adopt is harder than getting custody. If the bio parents will either sign their rights away or completely dessert your nephew it is easier. With in-kin custody/adoption you usually do not have to have the homestudy and such. But it is a painful situation. It tears up the whole family. One sides with you and then the bio goes behind your back and swears they are doing the best they can and you are stealing their child. Or they won't have a thing to do with the child UNTIL you file papers and then all they want to do in life is to take care of their child. I would tell anyone to go for it but it is hard to do and it is hard not to do. It is a no-win situation for the adults but it is a winner for the child. It is cheaper to have the welfare to take the kids away and have them placed in your home and you will recieve some help reguarding insurance, but for us I didn't want them in my business so we went to a lawyer. Also if you haven't filed papers yet please document every contact, whether it is by phone or in person or a message sent thru a third party. That is the very best thing you can ever do. Also document everything even after the custody hearing. Also have your husband file as co-guardian it protects the child (if it is your nephew) if something ever happened to one of you the other still has the right to take care of him. Be prepared for broken promises and a child who ends up with an anger problem and other problems wondering what is wrong with him that his parents don't want him. And then you have to make sure you don't go overboard with your compassion because then he can use that as a crutch to get his way. Seven is no problem but the teenage years are pure hell some days. So keep your nerves going strong you will need everyone of them later on. Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: coral | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 9:24 PM |
| i was married to an abusive man and during my marriage my sister had died.. so i took her child and had gardianship with with my husband .i recently gotten devorced and want to adopt the child she is my blood relitive not his. but we both have joint costidy and he is an abusive man this is the reason i devorced him.. do i have rights to adpot her ?she needs a mother legaly its not right for her to live under these conditions( under decieced mothers name in legal papers_.. ive had her as my own child and she im her mother since birth and loved her for 10 years , the ex has been with her for 8 years but was never there for her till now , trying to make us suffer useing her a tool to keep me near him,,,,, please i need advice ↑ |
|
|
