Hi congrats on your finishing the fost adopt program! Have they told you how long you will wait to find out who is available? Are there any preferences you have? Yes there is scams, but this is also a good place to talk to nice people who are knowledgeable about different adoption situations.
Good luck to you! ↓
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| Name: tattudemom | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 2:59 PM |
Thanks for the welcome, mommyinwaiting. We're attending our last class tomorrow night and then on to the homestudy. Great for the kids obviously, but bad for potential adoptive parents, we were told last week that presently in our county, there are no children awaiting placement. I was advised by another foster/adopt mom online that I should go through an agency in this case to give us the national system rather than just our county. I was under the impression that if your end goal is adoption, the various counties/states worked together anyway. I guess I misunderstood that.
We are hoping for a girl since we have two boys already. We specified our preference to be under school age, but we are open to older on a per-case basis. Our boys are 16 and 12, so initially it would be easier for them to bond with a younger child (per them), but in the long run, it would be better for the age gap not to be so big. Also, we're trying to decide if maybe foster/adopt is the way to go if the wait here in Georgia will be that long. We were told at orientation, "Anyone waiting on a Caucasian infant/toddler will be waiting forever." That doesn't bode well for us obviously unless we loosen up our criteria. But, we're still trying to weigh the pros and cons with other options.
What about you? Have you decided which route you're taking? Have you adopted before? Sorry if that's nosy. I'm just soaking up everyone's experiences online because I don't know anyone whose adopted in the last ten years. They're all older and things have changed so much. ↑ |
| Name: mommyinwaiting | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 6:34 PM |
Hi, I am a total open book :) yes we adopted 20 months ago. In Feb of 2005 we signed up with a faciltitator ($12,500) and we were matched the end of March 2005, he was due April 20th. BUT he came early, and after being matched only a few days he was born Apr 2nd! Unfortunately for our little man he was born with a lot of issues. And no we didn't know he had special needs before he was born, but that certainly doesn't change our love for him, he is an angel. He is about a 8 to 9 month old level with little peaks of higher skills and speech skills about 3 to 4 month old level. So if he doesn't end up talking, that means no back talking as a teenager! His level of intelligence is a lot higher than the neurologist first suspected and we are currently working on sign so he will be able to communicate. He doesn't like to eat, so he has "all done" down really well and please. I was married before my current hubby, I have a 23 year old son and a vivacious (not sure if that is spelled right) 11 year old daughter that took 10 years to make. Then when I finally did become pregnant, I was on bedrest for 7 months. And I had to have a hystorectomy. Their father died as a result of a motorcycle accident before my daughter turned 2. But don't be to sad for me, because I was very lucky to meet a nice and caring man and remarry. He did not have any children, so I consider him a saint taking on a woman with a teenage boy and a toddler (who is very high strung). Anyway, we want to adopt one more time to finish up and my daughter wants a little sister, but it doesn't really matter to me. I always wanted a large family and so did my husband.
I have checked out everything I can about adoption, I don't want to have to pay a facilitator again. The fost adopt program has a lot of beautiful children who need homes, but we were let know very clearly that these children have a lot of mental issues that must be dealt with. I am afraid to bring that into my home for my existing children's sake. I have consider international, but the cost is pretty high, so we have narrowed it down to domestic. We are caucasian but our adopted son is full hispanic, so either nationality would be alright with us. Although I would find it difficult to turn down any little person who needed a loving home. We were picked in Sept by a BM who used meth during her pregnancy and when we met her she was doing the sniffling thing associated with snorting, so because we already have one special needs baby, we didn't feel we were able to take on another special needs at this time. But I felt SO awful for weeks afterwards. No one wanted her and finally right before she had the baby she was matched with a couple who it was their first child.
You can see us at www.adoptionready.com/marshallandtina ↑ |
| Name: tattudemom | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 12:48 AM |
Wow, it sounds like you've had some ups and downs in life. It's nice that you've wound up with a happy ending. You have a great profile site.
Does your son have a specific diagnosis or is he considered to have developmental delays not otherwise specified? Don't give up on the idea that he can continue to advance. My youngest son was born just as he reached 24 weeks and is perfect with the exception of his eyesight and having ADHD, which are both treated accordingly. He just turned 12 on Sunday and at the time of his birth, he was given a 10% chance of survival. After he was born, I wasn't sure about future pregnancies with the high likelihood of another premature birth, but then my decision was made for me because I ended up having a hysterectomy at 29. We rode the fence on whether or not to adopt or just be grateful for the kids we were able to have and finally decided this year we really want to have a little girl if its possible. I know what you mean about international being so expensive, but so is private domestic through an agency. Independent adoption would be the best, except that in Georgia, we aren't allowed to advertise our desire to adopt, so unless we use a facilitator or agency, it's difficult because it's considered soliciting, and it's illegal. Most of the agencies in Georgia go through the foster care system anyway if they aren't international ones. The one thing I've learned in the last six months is that if it's easy or quick, it's expensive, and if it's inexpensive, it's slow and complicated to adopt. My brain is fried with having read all the agency sites, looking over the photolistings, and doing all the state paperwork! I feel guilty for wishing I could just go and post on the bulletin board at the pregnancy center, but of course, there has to be a middle man unless you know someone, at least in Georgia. My cousin and his girlfriend actually approached me a few months back, but it turned out she wasn't pregnant (which was good for them).
Well, I hope you are matched soon. If you don't mind, could you tell me a bit about your facilitator? I've always been advised they are a money trap because they aren't full service, so you're basically not guaranteed your money back if it fails. If you'd rather, my email is [email protected] - Thanks! ↑ |
| Name: Dreamsofchild | Date: Dec 15th, 2006 3:14 AM |
Hello Tattudemom, are you open to a boy or a girl? Boys are a bit harder to find homes for even in foster adopt then are girls. We were told during foster classes to consider that any child that comes into your home may have been abused in many ways to that you consider that factor as well. Fostering is not for the faint hearted as I have seen many familes end up heartbroken when last minute a birth family member shows up and is allowed to adopt the children of the birthparents whom all thought would end up having their parental rights terminated get their act together and their child or children are returned to them and sadly for the children not always in the best circumstances. Best wishes on finding your child thru foster care and thru either adoption or foster adopt.
Dreams ↑ |
| Name: tattudemom | Date: Dec 15th, 2006 7:22 PM |
Well, we really are wanting a girl since we have two boys. I understand about the problems that come with foster kids as well, which is why we won't take in any kids with more than moderate problems. Emotionally, I don't think I can handle any physical problems greater than moderate because I lost two family members to spina bifida and Huntington's disease. I was a main caregiver to both of them, and it's just been too recently. I'd be too afraid of losing that child too.
I had no idea that even after all the paperwork and classes, the homestudy will still take approximately three months! These people must have a real staff shortage at DFCS.
They did tell us that because we are going into it as foster/adopt from the start, we will only get those children close to or with likely TPRs. I know they lie to get more folks, but you have to just trust them and pray for the best I guess. ↑ |
| Name: Dreamsofchild | Date: Dec 15th, 2006 11:00 PM |
Hello did they also share with you that almost everyone with a specific request wants a girl ages 0-6? Sadly besided infants this is the biggest request for girls after the infant ages. Or 2-6. Lots of competition for girls sadly but it does give them lofs of choices to match the right family with the needs of that child. May I ask what special needs Your open to? The more open you are the higher your chance for successfully being matched. We found that if you really wanted a child in that age category your more likely going to need to look at the higher risk categories of foster adopt. Ask how long it takes for TPR? And how long if the birthparents appeal? In our state that can be as long as 2 years to get to court for the appeal process.
Best wishes
Dreams ↑ |
| Name: tattudemom | Date: Dec 16th, 2006 6:43 AM |
At our last class last night, we discussed the pre TPR time frame and they said 15 out of 22 months in care is the usual TPR, but some cases are done on a 90-day plan up to two or three times depending on if the parent is doing a one step forward, two steps back kind of cooperation. If the parent isn't trying at all, they don't fool with them if they've had other kids taken and/or that particular child is in care for the second time. I've heard of some caseworkers giving parents chance after chance, but the folks last night sounded like they don't put up with half-a$$ed efforts. They feel the child deserves someone who will fight for them, which is great considering the poor kids are in limbo waiting on parents to get it together.
I had no idea that girls were in demand over boys. I knew the age factor would make a huge difference. You can see that by the photolistings. Almost all of them are older.
As for disabilities or other issues, I think I really would have to hear the child's history to know. For example, I was terrified at the thought of having a girl who'd been sexually abused, not because I couldn't handle acting out or feelings involved, but because I was afraid of my husband or boys being accused of something (as you sometimes hear about girls falsely accusing). Then, the caseworker said to handle something like that, until the adoption was final and/or we got to really know her, never let her be alone with any of the guys in the house so as to always have a witness. That sounds so extreme, but you have to be careful.
As for impairments or illnesses, it would really depend. As I said, I was a caregiver for loved ones with two totally different kinds of illnesses, but equally devastating. I'd have to know the child's prognosis and decide from there. I almost feel like when I'm approached by DFCS, I'll just have a gut instinct of some kind, like I'll know if that child is right for us. I'm probably being very naive, I know. The assignment in one of the classes was to describe and draw our "dream child." We had the hardest time because we don't picture any exact child.
Have you gone through the process or decided against it before? I was wondering since you seem knowledgeable about the statistics and all involved. I've found in talking online with various folks that they're either pro or con wholeheartedly the different types of adoptions whether independent, private domestic, DFCS, or international. ↑ |
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