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I am so relieved to read about others who are struggling with a similar issue. My husband and I also had talked about adopting kids before we got married. We even went to a pre-marital course for 12 weeks! We have been married only 2 years, but this is my first marriage (I'm 44 and my husband is 49) and his second. He has two grown children, ages 20 and 25. I have always, always wanted children, and even was a Big Sister to a little girl when I was 22 years old. I have premature ovarian failure and can't have a child biologically. He was open to the adoption idea before we married, and we talked about it quite a bit. He didn't have the same burning desire as I did, but he always made me believe that he would agree to it. Now, he has finally admitted that he doesn't want anymore children. I feel so betrayed, and cannot imagine my life without a child. I was even considering adoption as a single woman prior to meeting him, but I felt like it wouldn't be fair to the child. I am in agony about this, and can't seem to think about anything else. Because of my age, I know my options are limited, and getting more so as the months go by. We have been to counseling many, many times. My counselor just tells me...."we don't always get what we want out of life"!!! I'm not asking for a big house or a new car!! I just want to raise a child with the man I love. I need wisdom and counsel...before I go crazy!!! Any ideas or suggestions? ↓
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| Name: Courtney | Date: Apr 23rd, 2006 4:56 PM |
| I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I also am wanting to adopt and know what its like to not beable to have a child of our own. I would try to talk with him some more and let him know he has had the chance to raise a child and try to imagine his life without the children he already has. And that you just want the same chance to have that in your life also. I would be so hurt and angry that he did change his mind and you have a right to feel that way. He has betrayed you. If you love him and you want this marriage to work you two will have to come to terms on this because if you dont this will always be something to use against each other and tear your marriage down. If you would like to talk more you can email me at [email protected] its always nice to have a friend to talk to ↑ |
| Name: K | Date: Apr 23rd, 2006 6:03 PM |
| Hi Tina -- I can't imagine what you are going through. I can only imagine how betrayed you are feeling and how alone that makes you feel. I am a firm believer that we make our own happiness. It's too easy to have the mind set that if we got this or if that happened life would be much easier and or better. I believe in my heart that having children is a blessing. As women (most) we long for the experience. I don't think you should give your dream of being a mom up. You said you considered adoption as a single parent, but thought that it wouldn't be fair to the child. Well, I think if you could open your heart and life to an older child (5 plus) or a child considered hard to place (minority) or special needs child (anything from cleft palate to more severe cases of CP) that would be wonderfully fair. There are many children born or to be born who face an unfair life of foster care and or neglect. I wouldn't say wanting to love a child and experience the joy of raising them unfair. I hope you and your husband can work through this, but if you can't I don't see why you have to be the one to give up your dream when he has already realized his. Like Courtney says ask him how he would feel without his children in his life? Ask him how he would feel if someone told him he would never get the one thing in his life that he wants the most even though he was promised it. It's not fair that you have to be the one who is disappointed especially since he could not possibly relate as he already has children. I hope you find your babies, and when you do they will be lucky to have a mom who wants them so much. Good Luck. ↑ |
| Name: Cindy | Date: May 12th, 2006 2:31 AM |
| Hey Tina,I am sorry to hear about your situation,can you e-mail me at [email protected]. ↑ |
| Name: Just so you know | Date: May 12th, 2006 3:37 AM |
| Most men are opposed or less excited about adoption in the beginning, it is usually the female that has to do the leg work. Talk to your hubby and tell him your feelings don't hold back...yet let him know you love him. See why he has changed his mind. It could be many reasons. If he still says no then ask how you can compromise. Good Luck! ↑ |
| Name: Sue | Date: May 12th, 2006 3:46 AM |
| I posted a bulletin about being a surrogate mom, and heres where my reason came from: My best friend Drew is 26, over 15 yrs ago his mother was re-married and lost a set of twins, never able to carry again. After much $$$ towards invitro, they just felt hopeless. Finally, they had a surrogate mother carry a baby for them with her husbands sperm. They now have a 3 year old healthy boy. My daughter is 3, same age as my best friends little 1\2 brother!! Drews mom is almost 50. She has NO regrets! It doesn't matter how long you are in your childs life, it's the impression that you give towards that childs life. Good luck to you. ↑ |
| Name: Confused | Date: May 12th, 2006 3:58 AM |
| I am lost first you spoke about adoption, then you spoke about being a surrogate.???? Totally confused canyou fill me in? ↑ |
| Name: Never Mind! | Date: May 12th, 2006 4:00 AM |
| I am slow! I get it! Tina and Sue two different people! Sorry! ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: May 19th, 2006 1:53 AM |
| Well tell your husband he can either keep up his end of the bargain or else you are divorcing him to adopt alone.If he loves you enough and thinks you are serious,he may have a change of heart.It's ultimatum time! ↑ |
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