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I don't understand why you keep going on about this. Why don't you just leave, no one wants you hear. You Have nothing postive to say, why do you even care. How does any of this affect you. I would really like to know why you are writing all of this....here is your chance to explain in your own words. ↓
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| Name: momof1 | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 2:04 AM |
| Name: luckey_in_life | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 2:12 AM |
| Maybe you should read through the posts on this forum from an objective viewpoint. It really is disheartening to read what people are writing about adoption. Its like they want to find the quickest, easiest, and cheapest way to find a child. Why doesn't anyone here talk about adopting one of the many children in our foster care system? And how dare anyone come on this forum and warn pregnant women about the dangers of meeting people over the internet. All of you come across as very selfish people. ↑ |
| Name: momof1 | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 2:20 AM |
I'm sorry you feel that way, and you are entitled to your opinions. Alot of the families on this site have been trying to have a family for a long time. When they can't have children on their own, adoption or surrogacy is their only chance to have a baby.
And I can't belive you said they are looking for the "quickest, easiest, and cheapest way to find a child". Their is no quick way to have a baby, and I wish it was easier for all of them. And I hate that adoption cost so much. When you have a biological child, you do not have to pay $15 + just to bring that baby home. I don't blame them for being upset about the cost. It cost allot to raise a child, and I think that the money is best used for the baby in the future. Surely you have to agree with me on that one...
I know there is alot of children that are in foster care that need good homes. But no one has the right to tell someone that they are wrong because they want a healthy infant. Maybe these couple are not prepared to handle a child you has been abused, etc.... It's a personal decision.
There have been alot of scammers and liars that have come on this sight over the last couple of months (birthmoms and adoptive parents). The only thing that we have warned about is to becare. I have met alot of WONDERFUL, supportive people on this sight. Sorry is this is so long, I just needed to get this off my chest! ↑ |
| Name: luckey_in_life | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 2:35 AM |
| Adopting a child from foster care takes away alot of the cost and searching that I read a lot of people talking about on this forum. I haven't heard one person even mention foster care adoption. Why is that? Because some of you may see them as somehow damaged, not perfect? I think a person who considers adopting from foster care is probably doing it for all the right reasons and is most likely a selfless and loving person. When I log on here and read people posting comments about the cost and bypassing agencies it is upsetting. Reading posts to potential birthmothers in ways that I, and many social workers, find unethical is very upsetting. People writing that they have been waiting 9 years for a family. I have more pity for the child who has been sitting in foster care for 9 years! ↑ |
| Name: luckey_in_life | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 2:47 AM |
| I won't bother you anymore. I just think people who don't consider foster care adoption are really missing out. That is why I don't have the patience for people who talk about how difficult it is to work with agencies, or how expensive adoption is. Foster care adoptions costs alot less and many kids are sitting waiting for a family. I feel more compassion for the children in foster care who are waiting for a family, than I do for the people on this site talking about how long they have waited to find a birthmother. There, I said my peace. ↑ |
| Name: juliedunesnet | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 2:58 AM |
Luckey I understand your point but do note that you didn't come here originally to suggest people adopt from the foster system. If that is what you have found from doing some research, then that is good.
Most of the ladies on here are besieged by scamming potential birthmothers and really should be commended sometimes for being nice to them. I know I can't!
This is a really bad forum for a lot of reasons, and most of us recognise that but it is by no means the only way to get information or resources or contacts in the adoption world. Most people her are part of a very large network of adoption facilities. Please don't judge us by what you see on here. ↑ |
| Name: nyjocool | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:01 AM |
Some of us cannot deal with the heartbreak of raising a child given to them through the fostcare system, only to have that child go back to it's parents, even though the biological parents may not be the best choice for these children. I couldn't in a million years fathom the thought of raising and loving a child as my own only to find I have to give it up a few months or a couple of years. I would like to adopt a child and know that he or she will never be taken from me. I get too attached too quickly-my heart would be shattered.
I live in NY and the foster care system here has many flaws. I have a friend waiting 6 months for a foster child. She is open to any race, age or situation. Her and her husband are a biracial couple and have went throgh rigorous approval including in depth homestudy. You can't tell me that in 6 months in the state of NY, there is not one child under 16 that could use a good home such as this. She will be a stay at home Mom and is in her late 30's. I think the effectiveness of the fostercare programs vary widely from state to state.
The cost of adopting from fostercare is free and the state will pay you to be a foster parent and provide medical coverage for the child. You say doing a private adoption at a cost of 10K or 15K is being cheap and that parents who really value their adoptive children should spend over $30,000. Fostercare is very cheap and I still think it is a wonderful way to adopt for the folks willing to handle the uncertainties that go along with it.
There is no way to legally adopt a child in this country without going through the proper procedures. Even if you adopt a neice or grandchild-all fingerprinting, homestudy, background check and legal paperwork must be done. Nobody here is undermining the system.
Luckey-if you want to fight a crusade-then go out and stop the people that abduct babies and children. They are the real predators. The ones that move across the country and tell everyone it's their kid, when it reality they abducted the child from Walmart while the real mom turned her head. They falsify a birth certificate and the kid spends the rest of their life thinking they were Mike Jones, while another family thinks they are dead. Just like the movie The Deep End of the Ocean. Those child abductors are the monsters. ↑ |
| Name: juliedunesnet | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:20 AM |
| On a similar vein has anyone had a look at the Perverted Justice website? Don't go there if you have a weak stomach as it is vile but this stuff goes on all of the time. Parents should probably take a look to see what is out there in the community. ↑ |
| Name: Gracie | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:38 AM |
I think that foster care is a wonderful way to open a home to a child, but I also feel as Joanne did that there are many flaws also. I have been on the list for the DHHS, I am home study approved and I am just sick that we have been waiting this long. We have been waiting for 2 years. I agree about cost, but what is the difference really in black market baby buying vs paying an agency $35,000, a surrogate and IVF RX $65,000, donors, and etc. It is just terrible. I would rather pay for the fees to make it legal, help the mom with expenses and birth costs and maybe some to help get her back on her feet and put the rest towards paying for a 4 plus years of college for the child and to give them all the things that they need. I think that agencies have their place- but does it have to be THAT costly. Come on- For instance- you go to the hospital and stay for whatever reason and you take a Tylenol and it is $5 bucks in there for one and you can go to Walmart and buy 500 for about the same cost. I agree as someone said that I am not made of money, but I am made of love.
Gracie ↑ |
| Name: momof1 | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:40 AM |
| well said everyone, I wish I didn't title the post like I did. I was just getting frustrated with what has been said. Luckey, please forgive me about the title, I didn't mean to say noone wanted you hear. ↑ |
| Name: Pattyjb | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 6:24 AM |
| I was getting frustrated too, looks like we have cleared the air. ↑ |
| Name: Luann | Date: Nov 1st, 2006 3:16 PM |
I just finalized the adoption of my son thru the foster care system. He came to us when he was 7 months old and he is now almost 21 months. We went thru an emotional turmoil I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy in our efforts to adopt him. One day he was ours, the next he was going to a family memter. Then he was ours for 5 months, then someone else came forward. We are still lisenced foster parents and are hoping to adopt thru them again. But we just can't go thru all that again. We also have a very slim chance of getting an infant thru the foster care system in our area. And we would run the risk of losing them if we did.
I would love to have an infant to adopt. To have them from the beginning to bond with them and not have to deal with the issues that the bio parents have imposed upon them. When my son came home to us he HATED to be held because he had never BEEN held before. It took us months to undo the damage done to him.
Personally I don't want to seek the assistance of an adoption agency. I simply don't agree with the fees they charge for doing what I can do on the internet. Adopting parents turn the control over whether or not they have a child to someone else. That is terrifying. By networking online, at least I can maintain SOME control. I have a homestudy and an attorney, and am ready to adopt the instant I find my match. I don't know...I guess it just helps knowing I'm DOING something by searching on line. ↑ |
| Name: nyjocool | Date: Nov 2nd, 2006 6:17 PM |
| Good luck LuAnn. I can't blame you for wanting to be more in control of your next adoption. You must have went through emotional hell not knowing if you were keeping your son from one day to the next. I couldn't do it, you must be a strong woman. Shower your son with lots of love and hope that he overcomes the toll it took on him too. ↑ |
| Name: tamara anderson | Date: Nov 3rd, 2006 7:20 PM |
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