Name: hotgurl225 Title: I'm gonna be a Step parent

I am going to be a step parent to a beautiful 5 year old very soon. My soon to be husband joined the Army recently and I am really worried about our situation when it comes to visitation with the child. He set up a court date for visitation and they made the appt 2 days before he left. The ex just started a new job and used that to get out of the court date but made it to the court date for child support...Anyway, my main concern is she will get him for abandonment, he told her 2 months ahead of time he was leaving for the Army and that he wanted to see his daughter and she was like yeah yeah we will work something out and never did. So he had to take her to court and she called him up saying it was grimy of him to do that and she couldnt take days off of work so early....blah blah blah. Well if she would have just been around and sat down or talked to him on the phone he wouldnt of had too. He wanted to make sure he could see his daughter when he came home. They set up something with the law guardian because the court date got moved and the law guardian talked to both parties and wrote up something and was supposed to send it to him, but I never got anything. Im not sure if it is because she moved to another county or what. When they had court, she was in the workings of moving and the only reason that I found out that she did move was because I called her mother to give her his address so that she could have his daughter send him something to surprise him. They must have thought I was someone else because her father was like well she is helping "BM" move and all so I will have her call you back... So I guess fate was working with me that day. Anyway. I tried to call her and she just wanted to fight with me. Then her mother called me up and said that it wasnt her place to send him anything from his daughter to talk to the mother. I tried and she told me pretty much that she didnt want her daughter to see me, or my fiance. The farther away the better were her exact words, and that her daughter was not leaving the state to see her father. She told me to go play house and start my own family and leave her daughter out of it. And my goal in our conversation was to get along for my fiance daughter's sake, and all she did was give me all the reasons why Im not allowed to. Because her daughter comes home saying I want her dead and that I hate her and stupid stuff that I have never said. Anyway. I am just really scared that she is going to try to get it so my fiance loses all chances at seeing his daughter. I know he is going to be deployed and alot of mothers use that to get full custody back and I love that little girl to death and it hurts enough that her mother wont let me see her, but if she makes it so my fiance cant see her, that will hurt even more. Does anyone have any suggestions. I am so lost and I dont want to lose her.  ?

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Name: og217 • Date: 03/04/2008 14:51:38

Please, have your own kid. Don't play into this power struggle. You'll never win and waste time and effort. If you and your fiance stop running around like mad begging to see this child and just go about your business, you'll see how quickly this woman comes around.  =

Name: briseis • Date: 03/04/2008 15:49:53

I'm sorry you feel so hurt by all this. And while I appreciate that you are eager to help your husband and try to do what is best for this little girl, she isn't in fact your daughter. She has a mother and a father. I'm concerned that it's you who doesn't want to lose her, rather than her father alone. But she is not yours to lose.

This girl's mother would be awful to prevent her father from seeing her, and I despite women who do that. My fiancé's mothers stopped his father from seeing him for 10 years. It's a disgusting, sickening thing to do.

However, she can decide that you aren't allowed to see this little girl. She says this girl is being verbally abused by you, and even if she isn't, that won't matter to a court ... You have zero rights to this child. Not even grandparents have rights, never mind stepparents. So for your own wellbeing, stop fighting to see this little girl. You won't win.

But, by all means support your husband in his battle for access to his daughter. This is very important, and good for you to support him. But always remember that this isn't your little girl, no matter how much you love her.

Good luck  =

Name: Estella • Date: 04/23/2008 11:27:51

briseis is correct - you have absolutely no rights or voice when it comes to this kid. You appear to genuinely have her best interests at heart, but unfortunately, as you aren't her biological parent, nobody in the court really cares what you think, feel or have to say. Unfortunately, all too often the courts will side with the biological mother - no matter how much of a lying, manipulative witch she might be. Everyone has a bleeding heart for a single Mum... I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you should prepare yourself for the worst.  =