Name: Will Title: So angry, upset, tired, drained.........help me please

I am the father of an autistic child. Those of us who have autistic kids know all too well the challenges that come with having an autistic child. I suppose I should get right to the point....I came here looking for answers, opinions, I'm not sure what. Validation? Maybe. But the decision I'm wrestling with will affect many people and I need some input to help me sort everything out.

I am considering divorcing my wife of 18 years. Now, before you all jump on me, let me tell you that the reasons for it are NOT because of my daughter being autistic. I am a very strong man, and if all I had to deal with was the normal day-to-day struggles of our relationship and the challenges of an autistic child, I could handle all of that. Easy? No. We all know better than that. But I want to do it because I love my son and I love my wife.

The problem is: her parents live with us and have for 4 years. This came about because of bad planning on their part, and bad financial management on their part. I was against this from the beginning. I have read way too many anecdotal stories about how this sort of setup can lead to problems in a marriage. I tried to warn my wife against it; her friends and other family members tried to warn her against it; but she felt she was the "one person" who could make it work.

The problem is that they are lazy. They do not help out at all. We buy the groceries, buy their toilet paper, pay the bills, and they waste the money the DO have on unneccessary things. My mother in law doesn't work, my father in law does. He spends whatever he can of his money on archery equipment, etc. It's his bobby. His whole life, he has put his wants and desires above the needs of his family. There were times when my wife was a child that they nearly did without because his wants came before their needs.

Now my father in law is talking of retirement. Although he has nothing to show for his life, and his old home literally fell to the ground because of no upkeep. It looks like my father in law's retirement plan is the well-advertised "Jeff" plan.

My wife knows that I am not happy with them being here. She knows that things have not been right with us since they've been here. She knows how unhappy I am with the lack of privacy, the lack of consideration, everything. I almost had a nervous breakdown six months ago over this. She knows that this is afffecting me.

She either has a low opinion of me (by bullying her way over mine) or has too high of an opinion of me (thinking I'm strong enough to handle ALL of this.)

I can handle the difficulties of our lives in regards to our autistic child. I can't handle "everything". I'm tired of being expected to take care of the world. I just want to take care of my family.

How absolutely freaking ridiculous is that? A man who wants a divorce, because his wife won't ALLOW him to do what so many men out there won't do.......take care of their family.

I am SO tired of everything and everybody.  ?

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Name: Will • Date: 04/13/2008 23:28:07

Oh, and a P.S. to this story I left out:

Both of my inlaws are in good health in their late FIFTIES.  =

Name: kat26 • Date: 04/14/2008 10:52:25

i know what its like to raise to raise an autistic child, my son is mild to moderate autistic. i aso know what its like to have someone staying at our house too, even if its family-it just totally takes away your "homie feeling" of being at home. sounds to me like you're not only supporting your family, but hers as well. i would not let them push you out of your own house and divorce your wife of 18yrs over it though. i would put your foot down and tell your wife that they need to get their own place, then they'll have to spend their money on their bills instead of indulging in their wants. its not your job to support your wifes mother and father...i would have never done that for 4yrs...i understand helping out family in time of need...but 4yrs -to get back on their feet is long enough.  =

Name: kat26 • Date: 04/14/2008 10:54:23

ps. and by the way- my father is 70yrs old and still works...lives in his own house and supports himself.  =

Name: ryans mom • Date: 04/18/2008 00:49:52

My son has autism and I notice when there are other people living in my house besides my husband and I my son gets a lot more nuts. I think that he actually feels the situation at hand, if we are having an argument he will hide. If there are too many people over at one time and there is too much noise, he would hide or cover his ears. we cut it down to only us living in the house because it helped make more sense to the child. He ultimatily became more calm and so did we. It was nice to have to talk to each other again after the kids went to bed.  =

Name: kat26 • Date: 04/18/2008 13:29:39

whenever we have alot of company over, even if its family my son will go to his room. he does not like being around a whole lot of people either.  =

Name: Markysmom • Date: 05/02/2008 14:52:15

WOW!
No, you shouldn't leave. You give her a date to either be out or, her parents be out. I know when I've pushed my hubby to far. I don't go there to often. But, You can regain your home. Just stand up and do it. You will feel much better about your self. Good luck. And yes, it's tha easy.  =

Name: jojojohnson • Date: 05/10/2008 02:41:33

wow, I feel for your situation., while your wife is trying to help out her family.. You are trying to do the same thing. I applaud you, as my husband is quite absent in the parenting. I think you just need to put your foot down. YOU can not jeapordize your health. You have to be strong to take care of your child. And while I sympathize with you. I also know, our kids need us, not our stresses.  =