i found this artical, thought i would let everyone read it
it a mother telling of her stragle with her autistic child @church, (this is a great artical to send to people like family ,church members, neighbors, & friends
I never dreamed the Primary program could be one of my hardest Sundays. As all of the other Sunbeams stood up to read their parts, a well of tears came over me for my 4-year-old autistic son.
My son struggles with big changes in his routine, and this was different from any other Sunday. For him, the confusion and loud noises of the Primary children were overwhelming. He was frustrated that he could not participate like the other kids. He ended up screaming for most of the meeting and going to play in the gym. The difference between his world and theirs never seemed more painfully vivid.
During the Primary program, I felt a wide array of emotions: anger that Heavenly Father gave me this challenge, sadness for my son's own frustrations, jealousy that other parents don't have to work as hard and sacrifice as much to get their children to communicate and connect. I was struck with amazement that I lacked such peace during church.
Going to church with an autistic child can be, well, a nightmare. Each Sunday can be different and you really never know what to expect. My nerves have been frazzled many a Sabbath day. I've applied a motto that Marjorie Hinckley had for her life to taking my son to church. She said, “Expect the worst, and if it doesn't happen, you'll be pleasantly surprised!” (p.86, Glimpses Into the Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley )
Why is church so hard for autistic children? The answers can vary as widely as the children. Initially, I thought our child was just being difficult, but autism specialists have advised me that church is hard for most autistic kids.
As autism diagnoses continue to increase, there will be more and more wards and families grappling with the behavioral issues of this disability. What have I learned?
Never Give Up
Our struggle with church started when my son was a toddler and would scream for about 30 minutes while we were getting ready. The challenge to spiritually prepare for our Sunday meetings seemed impossible. He would cry about the texture of his church clothes. He'd have tantrums about the routine being different on Sundays.
The fight to get him ready to church would usually lead our family into chaos and anger. It felt as though it would be more peaceful to stay home than go through this weekly struggle. Luckily, we didn't give in. The more we stuck with our weekly Sunday routine, the more he has adapted to it.
My son has always been a screamer at church. It took me years to understand why he was acting this way. And it took even more time to cope with the stares from others.
For my son, the microphone was the thing that bothered him most. He would also scream out of confusion or out of being overwhelmed. Then, it became just a habit to scream. Our family could often be found in the foyer with him rolling around the floor or taking walks around the building.
With time and appropriate behavioral interventions, this has all improved, but I'm so grateful we didn't give up in the beginning.
Adapt Your Expectations
For my son and our family, the challenge of church attendance is far from over. With each Sunday, I learn more about how to handle it. I've learned to adjust my expectations of what "going to church" means. If my husband and I just walk the hall with our son, we can still feel the spirit of the day. If we end up bouncing a ball with him in the gym during Sunday school, then our son knows that church is a place where he can feel happy.
I haven't lowered my expectations that my son can reverently make it through all of Primary. But, what I had to change was my expectations of what I did during church. With the perspective that I will sometimes go to church only to serve my son, I've felt a burden lifted.
I knew it was all worth the extra effort one Sunday when in the gym, my son looked up at me and said “Please, let me go to Primary!” He didn't take the typical route to attending Primary, but with each Sunday his desire to be with the other kids grew. We didn't lower our expectations of him, but we did have to adapt how he got there.
Allow Others to Serve Your Child
I know many people want to help us on Sundays, but don't know how. A family moved into our ward that quickly saw our frustrations. They offered to let our other child sit with them so one parent could focus on the autistic child while the other listened to the sacrament speakers. It was a huge relief to us.
Get your family involved. These children need more support than just your immediate family. If extended family can attend church with you, allow them when possible. In our situation, all of the family lives far away. But, we got them involved by prayers and fasting. We had a special family fast specifically for our son being able to cope at church. My husband and I felt such a strength from this, and we did see a difference in our child on Sundays.
The other way people can be of most help is by finding out more. It was helpful when Primary teachers would ask why he demonstrated certain behaviors. It was a support to us when people would ask how to best reach out to him. He has acted so much better once people started saying hi to him.
I've been touched when other members are not afraid to open up the communication about what works and what doesn't. Understanding the nature of the disability is the key to making it through Sunday meetings.
For Primary, it was very helpful when someone was called to be his assistant. Through inspiration, this sister nudged us to get him to class. She reminded us that he's never going to know how to act unless we get him around the other kids.
After a few months, he can at least get through five or ten minutes of a lesson. And with each week, we hope to get him in there longer. As his parents we would have never believed he could make it in his class, but this teacher's wise inspiration worked.
I've learned that the most important thing my son can do at church is feel loved. I strive to make it be a place he can feel Heavenly Father's unconditional love. Our burdens are heavy in taking care of him. But, I know his burden to connect and communicate in this world must be heavier. I look to Sundays now to be a day when his burdens can be lifted by the feeling of love around him. ↓
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| Name: kairos_mom | Date: Sep 3rd, 2007 2:24 AM |
| Thank you for this article. It is very applicable to me as my son just started attending sunbeams and we will soon face our first primary program! Kairo has PDD NOS and really struggles with his communication and social skills. I know he understands near to nothing in his class but he does understand the love being shown to him. ↑ |
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