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My husband has a child who started school this year and I have a few who are also in school. Before his child started school his ex could have cared less about the amount of time she spent with their daughter.So, she was basically with us 5 or 6 days a week. When his daughter started school she was enrolled in her moms school district which is a 30 minute drive from our home. So this is is why I am filled with anger.... I drive her to school and pick her up and being confined to her school schedule. I need to get a job, but that would mean their daughter going to a sitters for a few hours a week which her mother will not allow at all. When this is brought up to her she accuses us of never helping or providing for her daughter when we really are doing it all. But to make it worse all of a sudden she wants to be more involved in her daughters life. This is good I am not upset about that except that because her jobs hopurs she is not able to do the transporting to school excpt on her day off and once a week when she goes in late. So my step daughter is getting bounced around because her mom MUST have her exactly 50% of the time. She even adds up the hours to make sure of it. Sometimes she will pick her up at p.m. and then drop her off at 7 a.m.. Bottom line I need to work, but can't and my kids and my step daughter are suffering because we have so little money right now to even feed us.I want her to go to school in my school district because it starts an hour earlier and all the kids can ride the school bus and my husband gets home early enough to get them off the bus and I can work and no one needs to find a sitter. My step daughter will still see her mom just as much as she is now only I will be able to get on with my life instead of being run by guilt of leaving her with a sitter. ↓
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| Name: bianca | Date: Jan 5th, 2006 2:40 AM |
| of course you have the right to be angry. if she is such a devoting mother she needs to pick up her child. shes taking advantage of you and could cae less about your schedule. what does you husband have to say about it? he as the same right to say where she wants to go since its 50/50. you cant feel guilty over someone elses responsibility. the guilt should be coming from what you want to do but cant do for your daughters. i mean she has a job and is taking of her daughter along with your husband. ↑ |
| Name: lynn to bianca | Date: Jan 6th, 2006 3:01 PM |
| My husband agrees with me. However, i do put some blame on him also.I feel like he needs to to try to get the residential parent status changed to him, but he has not made any attempts yet, other than asking his ex to help out more or consider putting her into our school district. This led to her accusing us of wanting to take her daughter from her. We can get his daughter to and from school every day without anything interfering, but her mother can't because of her work schedule. Which I should point out that she has not even attempted to change or find another job. I was a single mom of 3 for quite a while and I did everything to work around my children and their needs and she just assumes that on us--- which would be fine if our time mattered at all. But it doesn't, it is always what works out best for her.For my husband tho,when he brings things up with her all hell breaks lose. She screams and yells and then for the next week or two his daughter comes home and tells us what her mom has been saying like my dad is a liar, my dad doesn't love me or he would be paying my mommy more money, etc. I don't think that that should stop him but it does, however he has to do something or I will lose it one day or finally just get a job and say too bad you and your ex need to figure things out--- I will be at work. I don't want it to happen like that , but I don't know what else to do. ↑ |
| Name: Agnes | Date: Feb 6th, 2006 5:00 AM |
| I know it will be hard, but just say it outright in the simplest terms you can to her. Say "I am getting a new job and will no longer be able to take your daughter to school in the mornings. I need you to make arrangements to get her to and from school, or I will have to put her in school here in our district." Put the ball in her court. She can pay for the daycare or she can accept you moving the child to a new school. ↑ |
| Name: cindy | Date: Aug 2nd, 2006 6:28 PM |
| Why don't u let your husband and his exwife worry about the child why do u have to..... ↑ |
| Name: Dawn | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 4:25 PM |
| I certainly don't think you are whining. I have been dealing with almost exactly the same situation and I handled mine a little different than you. I did tell my husband to handle his daughter with his ex-wife because I felt like the rest of our children and myself were being put on a back burner. I think we are getting a divorce because of it. My fist thought is to say stay strong and hold your ground but you see where it got me. Good Luck. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 4th, 2006 4:23 PM |
| I don't think you are whining and you should be angry. I agree with Agnes. If she insists that her daughter goes to school in her district, then she should be responsible in taking and picking her up. Since, she is the residential parent, that is her responsibility. Especially, if she is arguing about 50/50 visitation time. I wouldn't put your life on hold just because she expects you all to. The daughter will understand if your husband explains things to her honestly. You can only do things according to your schedule. Stand firm and hold your ground. Your husband has to understand your willingness to work to help out. You both need to agree about what's in the best interest for your family. Doesn't mean the daughter will suffer. It just means her mom is a pain in the butt and uncooperative with everyone involved. Ok, her treats of going for my child support money, well, if your financial status hasn't changed when child support was established, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Sounds like no matter what your husband is going to say to her, just will continue to argue in order to get her way. As long as he's following everything according to the divorce papers by not violating the agreement, there is nothing she can do. You all are only trying to help and if she can't see it, that's too bad for her. No offense, but the daughter is both parents responsibility. Since, the daughter is in her care and your husband is legally complying to all the rules, she has to figure out what to do on her own. If she is unwilling to change her work schedule or get a different job that works around her daughter schedule, it shows neglect on her part as a mother. I don't know what her financial status is but if she is always spending on material things, then she should be able to afford daycare. Sounds like she doesn't want to pay for daycare because it will cut into her personal spending habits. Although, she needs to realize which is more important, her childs needs or hers? Yet, your the step mom and you can't make your husband do things if he doesn't want to. Explain to him you are only try to help your financial situation. Although, if you do get a job that helps to contribute to the household income, will that affect the child support? I don't know too much about that. She could possibly get a hold of his w-2 at the end of the year and request child support increase. That's something you might want to find out before committing to a job. Sorry if my suggestions might not have helped. ↑ |
| Name: tanya | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 3:02 AM |
| tell her and him if they want you to keep doing the transporting then she goes to the school your other children go to or find someone else cause if she got bored once she will agine a deadbeat parent is a deadbeat parent ↑ |
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