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I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, and my husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage, and we are having a hard time blending together to make one big happy family ↓
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| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 29th, 2007 7:00 PM |
| Hi maryjane---I'm sure it's difficult for you all right now. Are the children little or in their teens or both. Are you all having difficulties in trying to give each other space or is it just constant fighting? I don't know if can offer you any advice but I'm willing to listen. ↑ |
| Name: tanya1982 | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 3:22 PM |
| i have a 9 and 7 year old from a previous marriage and my husband has a 17 year old from a previous marriage and im 9 months pregnant with our first child together if you want to talk Im a good listener ↑ |
| Name: maryjane4175 | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 4:22 PM |
| My 2 kids has always lived with their father because he is dieing with a brain tumor so when my kids come to visit they really don't know all of the rules. My husband's kids live with us and I am with his kids more than him or his ex is. Sometimes I feel I am too hard on his kids, and some times I feel I am not hard enogh. I realy don't know what to get angry about and not to get angry about. Thanks tweeybird4, & tanya1982 for you responce it really means alot to me. Please forgive me if I misspelled some words; that is my weekness. ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 10:08 PM |
Coud you post rules on the fridge?So one one is confused. And consiquences for breaking the rules.Also remember to parise them when the do a good job ..ya know like making the bed and not being asked to do ...that kind oof thing.
NOw MIchale & Samantha make there beds and brught there teeth with out being told ...yep I still say great job when they do it!!
I think the more fuss I make over a job well done the more they want to do it & do it right! I thank them for being nice to eachother when playing a game to helping eachother do something. Or just being quite while one is sleeping....Iknow it sound dumb but hey it works for us
Yes they are my step kids and I adore them like my own!
They behave better for us then they do there mother. I think because they know the rules & we stick by them.
Maybe have game night or movie together too...make it fun .
Just a thought ↑ |
| Name: maryjane4175 | Date: Feb 15th, 2007 3:48 PM |
Serina s,
I tryed putting the rules & consquences on the fridg. and it worked for a while but after a while I had to remind them every few seconds to check the list to see if they where finished with all of their chores, and followed the rules. My husband got tired of hereing me repeat myself about that list he finaly through it in the trash. I said I needed to lighten up. I think he may have been right. I have been second-guessing myself alot lately. I'm so confused as to what I am suppose to do. Being a Step-mom is sooooo much hearded than a reguler mom. I don't know if I can do it. ↑ |
| Name: tanya1982 | Date: Feb 15th, 2007 4:08 PM |
| HI maryjane I have 2 kids from my first marriage my husband has one and we just had one together it takes some time to blend together and even when you do it doesnt mean it will be happy lol but just take heart that these things take time my husband and I every other wqeek take all the kids out to a nice sit down family restaraunt and have a nice dinner where we all talk and share whats going on in our lives and we go to a movie or bowling something where the kids can try and have fun together. I dont know how old all your kids are but it seems to work pretty well for mine and they are 17,9,7 and 1 week (he doesnt know whats going on lol) but my kids get along great ↑ |
| Name: maryjane4175 | Date: Feb 15th, 2007 5:29 PM |
tanya,
This is a great idea. Thanks!!! We have a family night to play board games or watch our favorite tv show, but our problem is these kids think they are adults. They think they have the same rights as adults. When there father & I are in an adult conversation they think they have a right to but right in. I HATE THAT!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: tb4 | Date: Feb 16th, 2007 3:39 AM |
| Hi maryjane4175---You might want to have everyone sit down when they all are together that you and your husband have a set of rules that applies to everyone straight across the board. No one gets special treatment. Explain that everyone can work together as a family and becoming one big HAPPY family is the major goal. Set aside some quality time that you all can do things together as a family. Therefore, if someone in the group misbehavesr, you punish that person so it shows that your setting an example for the rest of them. Follow through with what you say. Don't back down because one child is older than the other. Sure there are going to be some differences but you want to keep things as fair as possible. I don't have step children but my children sometimes feel the one gets special treatment than the other. I explain to the one that complains, well, I don't reward bad behavior. So, if your not following the rules of the house, you don't get the privileges that go with the house. Right now, my youngest son is trying to con me into letting him stay up late on school nights. Nope, I won't give in because I didn't allow it for his older brother ande sister. Therefore, he doesn't get special treatment. Also, you may want to create special chorus for each child to do. Like one can take out the garbage, the other can fold some laundry, the other can sweep the house and one can dust the furniture. Once they have completed their job, praise and tell them all how much you appreicated them all working together as a family unit. I treat my home environment like a job. Me and hubby are the boss and the kids are my paid workers. If they lip off to the boss and don't do their jobs properly (like getting homework done, beds made, rooms cleaned and GOOD GRADES), then it will show up on their paychecks or future raises.....I don't do things that they want me to do for them (like take them to the YMCA, let them go to friend's house or have a friend over, no computer time, etc..... So when they catch on to the idea that I'm always saying no when they ask me to do things, they finally get the picture that their not doing their jobs and then they buckle down. Things will come together, it just takes time to make it all work. ↑ |
| Name: tb4 | Date: Feb 16th, 2007 3:43 AM |
| As far as the converstations go....when hubby and I are talking and one of my kids butt in, I tell them, "This is an A, B conversation so please C your way out of it." LOL!!!! Seriously, I explain to them that when we were talking it's very rude to butt in unless your invited to offer your opinions. There is a time and place that they are allow to offer their opinions which was not one of those times. ↑ |
| Name: maryjane4175 | Date: Feb 16th, 2007 3:26 PM |
| My step-daughter and I have a ruff relationship. My relationship with my step-kids are very important to me. I really want them to like me but if I have to let my 12 year old step-daughter walk all over me to have a her like me than I would rather this pack my things and get out. He is horrible to me. She says she hates it when I yell at her so for the sake of our relationship I stopped yelling at her when I am angry and started talking to her respectfully but she yells at me, courses and disrespects me really bad. She once said, "F*#k you," to me. I didn't know what to say or how to react. Of all of our 4 kids she is the one who says the most hurtfull things to me. She is just like her mother. ↑ |
| Name: tb4 | Date: Feb 18th, 2007 8:46 PM |
| Dear maryjane4175---I'm sorry this is happening to you. Your step-daughter is testing her boundries with you. She's at the age that she's trying to see exactly what she can get away with. All I can tell you is trying to let her get the best of you. I know this is easier said than done but if nothing else try to ignore her. My 14 year old son pulled the same kind of stunts. Only when things get extremely difficult that he doesn't like, he would call his dad to complain and have him come to get him. When he started chiming in with his bad mouth, he was purposely trying to get me to engage into a fight with him. I've learned that no matter how mad I get at him, I have to hold my tongue. I started ignoring him. I felt if he didn't want to treat me and his step dad with respect, then I going to stop doing any special things he wanted. So, when the other kids come home from school, I would start asking them how their day was, make them special snacks to eat, help them with their homework and engage in some serious conversations with them. When my son would ask me a question all I would do is give him a simple answer. I felt that if he didn't want to be a part of this family, then I wasn't going to treat him like he is apart of this family. After about a week of this treatment, he started trying real hard to get me to talk to him. Then, he would come out into the livingroom with the rest of us to engage in our conversations. Before, all he would do is hibernate in his room. When he hibernates, I know he's pissed at me for something because I wouldn't give in to him. Despite what his father tells him, this is my house, my rules. He knows the difference between the two houses but if he wants to have the priviledges like his brother and sister does, then he needs to change his behavior. Lately, he's been getting better. Although, he's in counseling which seems to be helping because I explain to the counselor about his behavior. His counselor helps to put things into a better prespective for him to understand which is usually in the same lines of what I've been saying to him all along. Perhaps you can talk with your husband to tell him that your not going to tolerate her behavior, you shouldn't have too. Ask him to please back you up in this regard. Explain to him that your not trying to single one person out, your only trying to establish good morals for everyone. The only rules I require of my children at this time is first....they are to make sure all their school work is completed on time and get good grades. (My son lacks in this departments and brings home a few D's on his report card!) Well, the D's don't allow him priviledges like the other two because he's not trying hard like we both know he can. They have to clean their rooms once a week, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and make their beds. Sometimes, I let making their beds slide but everything else is a must. When a family works together, everything runs alot smoother. If one isn't pulling their weight, then that one doesn't get special priviledges. So far, this has been working out. If my 8 year old can do the simple rules, then so can my 14 year old, who feels he should be exempt. I don't know if my advice helps but don't let your step-daughter get the best of you. She will always try to push all the wrong buttons with you but you have to try really hard to ignore it. This way, when she comes and asks you to take her to the mall shopping, the movies or go to a friends house, you can tell her no because she's doesn't want to be a part of your family arrangement, therefore, your not going to treat her like she's a part of the family. Tell her you don't reward bad behavior and that includes her nasty words to you. I don't know if my advice helps but stand your ground. Don't let her think she can get the upper hand on you. Hold your tongue and let her to continue to say what she wants but don't bend over backwards for her when she wants something. I hope things get better for you. If you ingnore her for about a week, she will get the idea that your not going to listen to what she says. Hopefully, she will do what my son does and change her ways. ↑ |
| Name: Laura` | Date: Feb 26th, 2008 12:17 AM |
| How does this thing work? ↑ |
| Name: clikens | Date: May 29th, 2009 4:58 AM |
| I am starting a blended family we have 4 kids, 3are mine 1 is his. We all live togetther and there is constant fighting between the kids. Then we start fighting. He moved out Monday. We can't seem to find a good solution to our problems. I need help!!! ↑ |
| Name: Cori | Date: Nov 15th, 2010 3:15 AM |
| Hi Im Cori. My mom got re-married. To a guy named Curt. MY mom and my real dad had 3 kids. Cobi-10 Catie-16 Me(Cori)-19. My step-dad had two kids That live with us. Charile-10 Cassie-15.( I know, ALL C's creeps me out too) ANd my moms name is guess what Caly.. and THERE IS SO MUCH FREAKING FIGTING! PLEASE HELP! ↑ |
| Name: rb2088 | Date: May 8th, 2012 2:18 PM |
| I am in the same boat, it isn't easy. Often I feel he is favoring his kids and this, of course, is irritating ↑ |
| Name: realtor1 | Date: May 8th, 2012 2:25 PM |
I am a little timid with the prospect of having a baby together. First, I am 42 and he is 36...I worry about the health of the baby. Second, I worry if the other kids will feel displaced. His are 5 and 6 mine are 14 and 19.
What are your thoughts? How did you manage? Thanks for any help. ↑ |
| Name: sepy3434 | Date: May 9th, 2012 2:34 AM |
| Hi MaryJane, I completely understand what you're going through! It's so hard to get everyone to get along! My two kids from my previous marraige are now 11 and 15 and really don't care for their new stepdad. My husband doesn't do anything extra to get to know them. What a mess it is around here! I have found that talking to all of them is the only thing that works. I try to plan family activities once in a while so we can all have a good time. I will say it's a lot harder than I thought it was going to be but then again I blame it on my relationship with my husband. Through all this I have learned we really aren't on the same page with child rearing, ya know? I wish you the best! ↑ |
| Name: Nicole | Date: Jan 23rd, 2013 4:22 AM |
| My blended family consists of my 16 yr old son and a 13 yr old daughter and his kids are 8 and 4. It has only been 3 1/2 months and my daughter all o a sudden hates my boyfriend and won't talk to me and blames me for her unhappiness. What am I to do? ↑ |
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