Name: David Title: My wife says she does not love me anymore

My wife and I have been married for just under five years. All of a suddun she says she leaving me. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and we have decided to have joint custody. I have been so depressed lately I don't know what to do with myself. I want so badly to get back together but she wont even hear me right now. I dont know if I should keep pressing the matter with her or should I just let her go.  ?

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Name: To David • Date: 05/17/2006 23:32:26

David this happen with my ex husband it was going down hill for several years ( 10 yr relationship) and i just fell out of love, but he wouldn't leave.. honestly he made it hard although I still didnt feel bad for him, it was over and he had to accept it. Maybe marriage counseling? we tried that although it didnt work but I agreed to try for him. I would back off for a few keep things civil and maybe just maybe she will change her mind, but maybe not. I wouldn't keep trying to make her stay with you its like telling a child NO and that always makes them want it ya know? Back off a bit and let her breath and that will give her the time to see if she really can be with out you. Just my opinion, good luck to you!!!  =

Name: . • Date: 05/18/2006 05:20:21

I've been through a divorce and then almost remarried the same person (didn't learn my lesson the first time lol) and I walked away from that with a huge lesson - you can't make it work if BOTH people don't want to. I agree with the previous poster that putting up a fight will only make it worse; my advice would be to express to her that you love her and still want to work things out, if she changes her mind you welcome that - but if she wants to leave then you won't try to stop her.

You said she won't hear you right now - and unless she chooses to listen there's nothing you can do to make her. You can only offer her your love and support.  =

Name: Marc • Date: 06/19/2006 11:32:25

WOW! I'm going through exactly the same thing. We've been married just comming up on five years, have two wonderful kids (4 & 2) and she has a son from a previous marriage (14). She just told me about a month ago that she's considering leaving me. I've told her that I'll do anything to get things back on track (books, counseling, whatever....) but she says she's not sure she wants to make the effort. So I'm just taking it day by day, trying to keep positive and hoping that she'll change her mind. I love her very much, but I just don't know what else to do.  =

Name: pj754 To Marc • Date: 06/20/2006 11:16:11

You need to ask yourself exactly why does she want to leave? Is it because she's unhappy with you or does she have her eyes set on someone else? Sorry, if it might hurt to think she's in love with someone else. Have you tried communicating with her? Asking her what it is that you have done for her to feel this way? You might want to try doing things out of the ordinary that might make her feel appreciated by you. Example: Do the dishes, vacuum, bring home some flowers (just because), set up a romantic dinner for the two of you, give her a card with your loving thoughts. Try changing your routine of things. In my case, I realized my husband only said he loved me but in my heart I knew he truly didn't mean it. Especially, when he would become verbal or physical with me. When we would get together with other couples, he would give the other females in the group more attention than me. He would ignore me. All I wanted was for him to show me that I was his wife. Deep down I truly believe that he only wanted me around as his nanny, housekeeper, cook and secretary. He would never do things for himself. He was a good provider, who allowed me to stay at home to raise the children but when the finances were heading south, he would blame me even though, he would spend money like it was free. He was all about show for himself by purchasing things, he knew we couldn't afford. He wouldn't accept the concept of what it takes to keep a household running. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I chose to leave him. Yet, I gave him several warnings that I was thinking about it. After I left, he begged me to come back but I realized a leapord doesn't change it's spots. I knew he wouldn't change no matter what. He would be good for a little while but then he would go right back to his usual mean self. I didn't like to person I was, when I was with him. We argued all the time and I knew it wasn't a good environment for the children. You can force someone to change and be happy, they have to be willing to meet you half way. He would always belittle me in anything I did. He tried to make me think I was the one, who is always wrong and screwed up. I was slowly dying inside. I burned all the feelings I had for him. I stuck it out for 12 years but the last 5 years of our marriage went down hill. When he starting forgetting our anniversay, I knew I didn't really matter to him. I'm just suggesting to do special things for your wife. If she is willing to meet you in the middle, you might have a chance in saving your marriage. If she chooses to walk away, probably, she has already given up.  =

Name: pj754 to Marc • Date: 06/20/2006 11:23:50

** Correction, you can't force someone to change and be happy if they are unwilling to meet you half way.
**He burned all the feelings I had for him. He did this to himself, yet he blames me. I'm always the one, who was wrong. He wouldn't never admit to any mistakes.  =

Name: mrt0121 • Date: 06/20/2006 11:50:26

David,

Unfortunately for you, by the time she has told you this, in her mind, she has already left. She has had her time to think about it, grieve over it and then get the courage to tell you. Not fair to you, I know.. but seems to be the way things happen. Hold your head high.. don't stoop to low things (like bad mouthing her to the kids) because you want to hurt her.. or doing other things because you are hurt and want to hurt her. Don't hassle her about making things right, especially at this point. There is no right or wrong answer to this, I'm sorry to say. Let her go, give her some time and space, don't keep questioning her. You never know.. if she thinks you are o.k. with this, she might rethink this whole thing... Not trying to give you false hope, but time and space can make a big difference sometimes with a big decision.. Try to stay positive... this will not kill you! You will actually come out of this stronger and wiser than you ever imagined!  =

Name: Fiona • Date: 06/21/2006 11:06:42

I think that your wife is being VERY hasty in her decision to split with you! She should be giving it more time for you both to adjust to having a small child and for you to get some treatment for your depression.
Perhaps you could suggest that you go to some marriage counselling. Tell her that you're going to have some treatment for your depression.
She won't find it easy being by herself with a small child and it's not good for the child either.
Please try to find a way to communicate with her - write a letter if necessary.  =

Name: Adam • Date: 07/02/2006 02:13:53

Our son died during pregnancy a little over a year ago. My wife was devastated. A lot of things inside of myself were destroyed. David, I hope that you can work things out, but I myself am painfully aware of what it is like when the person you love has retreated into a deep emotional shell.  =

Name: fortuny • Date: 07/08/2006 13:40:13

There's a book that you might want the read,( stop your Divorce).  =

Name: amy • Date: 07/09/2006 21:07:23

shes probably seeing someone else  =

Name: Tanya • Date: 07/10/2006 08:17:38

David,
my honest opinion is to let her go.
Concentrate on being their for your daughter it's going to be very hard but you are fighting a loosing battle. why did she leave you? tanya@cozens.co.za  =

Name: J • Date: 07/11/2006 12:50:10

My dad is just now going through the same situation. After 35 years, my mom is saying she doesn't love him anymore. She has been going through severe depression. My mom is from the Philippenes and she has never had a really strong family life. Her dad died 3 years ago. This was the first time she had visited her homeland since she was 17. She saw the bad conditions that her brother was living in and needed to get him over here. When he came, he lived with my parents but wouldn't come out of his room because he was ashamed of living there. This caused problems because my quiet dad couldn't make her brother feel welcome. He left and now my dad is to blame. When my dad is home she tells him that she doesn't love him anymore and that it was all his fault. He crys everyday and doesn't know what to do. I am sooooooo lost in helping him because my mom will not talk to ANYONE. She leaves when he is at home and stays out until he goes to work. I don't know what to do  =

Name: Lizzi • Date: 07/16/2006 16:57:04

David,you can't make someone love you who doesn't anymore. Talk to your wife and see if there's anything you can say or do to change her mind and if she say's no then you have to let her go.  =

Name: julie • Date: 07/28/2006 23:37:04

My husband just told me a couple of days ago that he is leaving me. I am in the same place you are. i don't want it to happen because i do love him. We have two children 3 and 14 months. I know that I have came to the conclusion over the past couple nights that i can't live for him anymore. I have to live for my children and even though i know they say two parents are better than one, sometimes i am not sure. He won't listen to what i have to say. he won't go to counsiling, he won't talk to our preacher. He doesn't care what i have to say or how i feel or what i want. I think he is going through something rough in his life that doesn't have anything to do with me or the kids and before we can work anything out he has to work his self out. So just let her take the time she needs give her a week let her think things through and find her self, Who know when she finds her self she might find the love you two used to share.  =

Name: Rime • Date: 09/11/2006 04:31:18

I was in the same situatuon about a year ago. We divorced and a few months laters she was asking me to go back home and try to work things out. i did not wanted to.. so I told her that I have stoped loving her (which was the truth at the time) and that nobody can force somebody to fall in love with anybody.... it was really tough on her but she got the message and she stoped trying... after a few months she stop trying I realize that really the single life was not what I wanted and I begun to look for her, asking her out etc and my feelings for her came back. Unfortunately she does not feel the same about me any more...it is sad and tough because now my feelings are stronger than ever and she just said that she does not love anymore and that she does not want to try anymore....I know how you feel but dont push it...I made that mistake and it has kill not only the little we had but also our friendship...give her some room...start thinking about your self and your daughter, keep your mind occupied...take some extra hours of work or do something you have been wanting to do that you couldn't do before,this will elevate your self steem and keep your mind occupied...i know it is hard but try to see her as just a regular friend or just somebody you know (best friends do not always works specially when the break up is so recent) this will make her think deeper when she realizes that you are ok with her decission and will find out for sure if she really misses you as a spouse or if she wants only your friendship... good luck  =

Name: Sheila • Date: 09/11/2006 14:13:04

Sorry! !! You cant make her want to work it out right now. She may be going through a stage and not thinking clearly! Let her go! Let her soar and you need to move on with your life. You must be busy with your little one anyways and don't have the energy into having to work matters out with your heart right now! She may sooner or later want to come back. Everything will come crashing down on her at some point. I know cuz I'm a single mom and feel like going back but now it's too late. My ex wants nothing to do with me. So now I'm left to raise my 4 yr old with him in 2 separate houses. Hang in there! Join a gym. Take time for yourself. Enjoy it!  =

Name: alexander • Date: 09/12/2006 08:35:30

Love mee  =

Name: JohnnyG • Date: 10/02/2006 14:45:57

it's amazing how many people go through the exact same problems.. it's almost scary.. my wife left me (for the second time) on March 8th... and now on Oct 2th she finally told me she wasn't coming back home.. and the "spark" or "feelings" she had for me are completly gone.. it is VERY hard for me to handle this.. we've been together for 10 years.. married for 6.. and have 2 daughters (3&5 now).. she's given up.. and doesn't even want to try and work things out.. I asked her several months ago if she would consider coming back home.. so we could try.. but no.. she doesn't want too.. not even try for the sake of our family.. it's like she's 2 persons.. evil/good side.. I see her emotions come out once in a while.. mostly if she's crying.. but most of the time it's like she's built a wall around here.. hiding the real her behind it.. and doesn't want that "good" part of her to show up.. I strongly believe she's depressed.. and what's sad.. it doesn't seem like anybody on her side of the family is doing anything to help her.. I've offerred my help.. but now it seems anything I say is a bad thing.. she rather stick a lawyer at me now.. asking for joint custudy.. and asking for child/spousal support.. isn't that nice? you devote your entire life to somebody.. just to be repaid by this.. to be cheated.. to be lied too.. and now this.. I even found out she was having an affair behind my back for the past few years.. and this was while she was pregnant for our second child.. I'm completly lost in my emotions.. thank god for my mother and my girls.. they keep me strong right now.. and I have to be strong for them.. (but it's hard)  =

Name: Lizzi • Date: 10/02/2006 15:03:53

Sorry JohnnyG,the best thing you can do is put the past behind you and move forward. It will sting for awhile but it does get better with time. Good luck to you and your girls.  =

Name: Paul • Date: 07/05/2007 17:26:20

I am going through very similar situation, she says she does not want to leave me due to our son etc, she says she loves me but not sexually, i have seeked counselling, as she says taht i am very needy and clingy which drives her more away, the more i try the furthur she seems to drift, counselling is helping as it is helping me discover that i have been far to possesive and taking away her freedom. maybe counselling will help?  =

Name: //////////// • Date: 07/13/2007 14:03:39

yes  =

Name: bluenight • Date: 07/13/2007 15:55:02

sometimes it makes it worse to keep pressing her about it maybe she just needs some time alone. things usually work themselves out . would she see a professional with you or your pastor.  =

Name: Jorge • Date: 07/25/2007 11:45:23

Sam situation. The question for me is why? No one's cheated, we've both been very supportive and loving. Only problem has been that she distances herself and we've had discussions about it, but I've given her as much space as I can. She says she's lost herself, but is unwilling to see a marriage counselor and now for the first time (after her announcement) went to see one herself. She's on a work trip this week and I'm not bugging her to let her figure things out. There may be no solution and I'll let her go, but she won't even try or give me the why (no, 100%, 100% sure there's no other guy) that I would need for my own closure. She says she doesn't deserve me. Maybe I've loved her too much and she doesn't feel she can give as much and hence not worthy. It's like commiting marriage suicide; a completely selfish act.  =

Name: David MCmunn • Date: 07/30/2007 11:10:36

I feel horrible for my husband val27: I have been married for almost 5 years, we've been together for 8 years. After we married, things changed, we fight a lot and have other issues. We have talked and thereatened divorce, but I just cannot take it anymore & I told him that it was over. He is totally heartbroken & wants to change, but I don't think it is healthy to jsut change everything for one person--that won't make him happy, plus, I need to work on myself too. Yes, I still have love for him but I am not in love with him, he keeps asking me if I am and I have to tell him no, it just makes me sad I can't reciprocate those lost feelings. How can I make him understand that we will be better apart? I still want to talk to him, not completely cut him out, but I don't understatnd his obsession over me.
Re:I feel horrible for my husband Bocephus: This might sound strange but you 'situation' sound like my stbxw.  =

Name: Shawn • Date: 08/22/2007 07:01:46

My Wife and I have had problems for so long....but she prayed that one day I would find Jesus Christ and come to God through Him. That I would have the relationship with God that I needed. I found that and now she is telling me that God is wanting to take her away from me. I don't understand why she would work so hard for this relationship that I needed then when I get it He would take her away from me. I know God has a plan for everyone but why would He give me this emotional high of finding his unearthly love and then turn right around and take away the greatest earthly love that I have. I am not trying to smite God I am just asking for understanding. If anyone can comment I would appreciate it.  =

Name: duchess • Date: 08/22/2007 21:50:28

Believe what she says. Let her go. Move on and make a life for yourself and your daughter. Get out with her, take a trip, join a singles club. Do what is best for you, and that right now is not her.  =

Name: don • Date: 08/24/2007 02:53:48

look im right there in the same boat and let me say that if you have the patience and self control of a saint then you might have a chance but you have to decide if the misery you are going through is worth it or would you be better off focusing on working getting a new place together and your little girl.And by the way my daughter just turned 10 months old and has never slapt away from me until now so i know how badley you want to fix it and just GO HOME but as much as i want to just lay down and die i know that my little girl needs me and ill be damned if im going to let her down just because her mother (my wife) has lost her damn mind . i swear ive tried everything to make this nightmare go away but i doesnt so i pick up her picture say a prayer that god will look over her while shes not with me and thank god that i am still here to do as much as i can so that she never has to wonder if shes loved .  =

Name: chris • Date: 08/31/2007 22:54:39

David,
I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old. My wife wants a divorce now and this isnt the first time she has asked. All you can do is plan for your kids and take care of yourself.Its very hard and I know what you are feeling but be strong and keep your daughters best interest in mind.  =

Name: HNR949 • Date: 09/04/2007 00:30:23

I am currently feeling the same pain as you are bro. I totally feel your pain, My wife is actually boning some 20 uear old kid behind my back. I just recently found out last night to tell you the truth.

At least you are being pro-active about the situation and seeking some answers. We are all here for you.

In your specific situation, i'm not sure why she just decided to opt-out of the relationship. There has to be a reason, find out what those reasons are and see if they are fixable. Remember that it takes two... A problem might be fixable but is she willing to put her own time and commitment to try to work it out with you?

Thats my question to her. Good luck and let me know if you need to talk, I have a huge situation of my own right now and need as much support as possible.

hnr@mchsi.com

-Henry  =

Name: similar situation • Date: 09/07/2007 13:37:03

Hi there - thanks for the advice. I've been ready to give up on many occasions and this is the only positive advice I've seen.  =

Name: Jay Will • Date: 09/12/2007 13:19:22

Im going through the same thing, but it's a little different. My wife has already moved out for about a month in a half now. We still go to church and activities with our 5year old son. I ask her all the time to come back but she says she's not ready. What does this mean? Does it mean she's trying to meet someone else.  =

Name: Roger • Date: 09/12/2007 15:52:32

Hello  =

Name: Roger • Date: 09/12/2007 15:54:18

Is there anyone here  =

Name: dwayne • Date: 09/14/2007 11:20:53

my wife say she want a devoice because she is not happy  =

Name: alex • Date: 09/17/2007 22:59:03

I have tha same problem, my wife and I was together for over 2yers.We have 3 month old son, recently I lost my job, my wife lock me out chenge the door locks,took all my personal thinks,even my passport. She fiel child support,cleare out all joint accaunts. I steel see my son and payng her bills( some of them). And I want to get back together,becouse I love my son so much. I can't talk to my wife, avry time I try to communicate, we end up fiting. I don't know what to do  =

Name: Pat • Date: 09/21/2007 15:06:51

Let her go, wish her well and find somebody else yourself. Life is too short to waste it on someone who obviously doesn't want to be with you. There are a lot more single women out there then you remember. Enjoy your freedom.  =

Name: Alpha • Date: 10/01/2007 14:28:44

I am going through the same problem. I did neglect my wife. She did tell me that things were not working out but I was so busy working I never paid attention. She has now decided that she is ready to move on. She is so positive about that she does not want to talk to me. I tried for weeks to gain her back but she keeps running away. She says she loves me but not in love with. That I won't change. I care a lot about her and will let her go. I will help her in this transition and be there for her if she needs me . Everyone deserve to be happy  =

Name: autumn_leaves • Date: 10/11/2007 12:28:17

You can't control her. If she doesn't want it you can't change it. I'm sorry your going thru this. Just know your worthy of love and respect and you will find that someday if things don't work out. It sounds to me like she is secretly seeing another man.  =

Name: Ramos • Date: 10/11/2007 21:21:20

ok.. this is it .... i have been with my wife for 15yrs we have a 7yr. o'l dauhter ... and from my first marrage i have a 19 year o'l that my wife fly's a war flag with all the time . if his name even get's mention'd she's on the phone with 911 im tired of the cop's in front of my home because of thier war i need help with my marrage .. it's like.. falling apart and i have some serious dout our marrige lasting for the next month .. let alone the next year ..
i love my FIRST born son and i love my second wife. her .. deep down inside i know he's gonna find someone and settle down but the fact remains the same i'm groing to hate her more and more each time she call's 911 because if she even see's him at the gas station or even waiting for a public bus she call's 911 saying he's threthning her .. im tired of the war .. please help me ... Mr. Ramos  =

Name: guy • Date: 10/13/2007 11:41:11

well i have the same problem maybe her love turned to hate  =

Name: dethmower • Date: 10/15/2007 08:18:08

I have been with my wife for over 10 years, married for three, we have a lovely 7 year old we both work, and have a great house. For ten years i was quite dependant on pot, i smoked it regular. i never let it affect the way our son was raised though, he's a good boy well mannered, a few months ago she asked me to stop it, i never did..I did however keep a clean house and raise our boy whilst she worked nights at a casino, and ontop of working there copped all the abuse "Its your fault i lost" spat on, abused, that sort of thing, when i was out of my vice i would get a little cranky, we went out a couple of times and totally humiliated her, nothing violent or anything like that, but i never listened to her, when she asked me to stop. i dont drink, i don't like it, in turn she started taking anti depressant's, she loves her red wine but sometimes it takes it toll on her. so she quit the casino and moved on to looking after the unemployed "I want my money where is my money"?Once again she was blamed for that, i still cops abuse from these wankers to this day, i had no idea about all this till i saw it for myself, bunch of losers cueing up for there dole cheques, lazy pathetic bunch of bastards. So i'd come home get cranky, Not all the time mind you, we both have our faults, its not a screaming match between us at all. I have given up pot, i tested negative today, i'm about to go fulltime in my job, which is good, the other day she said she wanted to sell, I cannot do it as the results would cost us both, and deep down i know shewould regret it dearly, we remain under the same roof ,my sons school is 2 mins away as is my job. i have high's and lows, i plead her forgiveness, i buy her flowers, clean the whole house,Why?? you ask, i was brought up that way i guess, she works really hard, housework is like nothing to me, i don't mind coming home at 6 am after a shift, taking my son to school, cleaning up & then some sleep, i have kept a clean house for years, lately she hasn't been well, i race out get money, medicines. cook lunch and sometimes dinner. at 10pm i'm off to work, i come home for lunch bout 3am give her a kiss and cuddle my son, last week i came home at 3am gave her medicine, water told her i loved her, i get nothing!, my counsellor says i should do nothing for her,but i just can't she means to much, i cant believe i didn't listen to her, i am not a bad husband, i'd give her the world, do anything in my power to change her mind, but she just looks right though me. i will continue to do what i can for as i have always done, what can i say, i couldn't care if she had sex with someone else, love is so much stronger than sex, lately i hate everything about myself, the music i listen to, even the internet is boring me, i am really alone right now, i have all these strange dreams, i fall asleep like the drop of a hat. i'm in the spare room now which sucks more, we remain civil & happytowards each other, but deep down she knows i hurt, anything she wants, lately. I still do for her, our son is spoiled and very happy with our life so thats important, i don't know what else to do, i get high's n lows. giving up pot was hard, but i did it, but if you smoke it don't do it everyday, chasing its sucks, but drinking! I hate it, i have no idea how anyone can become an alcoholic, i hate drinking, but i have had a few wines lately, i smoked rolled tobacco thats all now, i like my clear head, i wish my wife would to, she always said to me i love your straight eyes, and absence makes the heart grow fonder, i am more fonder of her than ever, but she doesn't see it, i do it all for her as far a keeping a nice tidy house , im at the table, but she ain't coming to it, am i doing to much??what should i do. your thoughts please

regards

steve

perth wa  =

Name: Amanda • Date: 10/17/2007 18:47:09

I think u should just let her go and start your life over [3 i kno [[how u feel]] =[[  =

Name: stephen jameson • Date: 11/01/2007 02:00:21

Pain and suffering are a part of life we learn. I can't drink or type away my payne. My life is only what i can make it. I bet your life is defined by a small room with no windows.  =

Name: stephen • Date: 11/01/2007 02:07:31

i can't win a race when it comes to meeting the wright girl.  =

Name: stephen jameson • Date: 11/01/2007 02:10:19

I loved and got hurt butt i still belive in love.  =

Name: ayeshwarya • Date: 11/01/2007 09:33:33

ayeshwarya wants to chatt  =

Name: Mitchell • Date: 11/11/2007 21:13:40

You see I love God with all my heart but my wife does not. I just want to know what to do because its seperating us.  =

Name: close to home • Date: 11/16/2007 22:22:14

Dave,
I am currently living your nightmare. We have 3 wonderful childrenwho are being so destroied by my wife's actions although none of them know what is really going on(she doesn't want then to know until it is too late)between us.I refuse to give up hope even after she moves out(just after the holidays she says[with our kids]).I will still be kind and loving to her and make her understand that I understand that I disappointed her but she is now the center of my universe.(I never cheated or abused her,I just didn't know what she wanted/needed when she needed it and she never acted as if there was a problem)I will assure her that she is always welcome back in my life without judgement as she has never been out of my heart.I made a vow to her at our wedding that I will keep until my dying day (even if she does not do the same).I will be happy around her,fun spontanious.I will invite her to do all of the things that she wanted me to do with her that I didn't do then.If she turns me down I will do them alone and share the feeling with her and I am sure that when she sees the very real chane in me and that I am not going to go back to the idiot I was before at least she will consider giving me another look.Dave,do not not not beg her for anything and don't talk about your priblems or your relationship,just become her best friend . DO NOT JUDGE HER.Don't let yourself fall into a depression,it could kill you.I lost almost 30 pounds and became physically ill whenever I even tried to eat,that was bad,it was also when I decided to really change.FOR ME not just for her.then I realized what needed to be done and I am doing it(she almost kissed me by accident tonight)maybe it will work or maybe not but at least I will be happy knowing that i did all that I could and I will enjoy my life s much as I can in spite of my truely broken heart.
If you really love her do not say "I LOVE YOU" because she will think that you want her to say it back,treat her the way you should have treated her before and do not give up no matter what(even if she finds someone else).eventually she will be the one waiting for you to say "I LOVE YOU" back.Don't tell her what she is letting go prove it to her every day with loving actions.  =

Name: Ron • Date: 12/01/2007 03:47:27

my wife says she loves me but does not show it with either affection, kind words or shows no compassion and wont start any act of making love  =

Name: JB • Date: 12/03/2007 11:22:11

I have the exact same problem. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and have two beautiful children 4 and 2. She started hanging out with another woman and it seems that everything changed overnight she tells me she never loved me and wants a divorce. I have cried many nght nights since she told me this. She tells me that she can't stand to be around me thus she stays out till 1,2,3 or even 6 a.m. I am feeling lost.  =

Name: celestine • Date: 12/11/2007 00:38:46

My friend wife did the same to him on three occasions for one Julien Henley, Manager at Bernard K. Passman Galleries on 5195 Dronningens Gade Ste. #2 on St. Thomas.  =

Name: Lost in Oklahoma • Date: 12/15/2007 05:52:04

David,

I am going through a similar situation, my husband told me recently that he no longer had feelings for me. I pushed him away though and it is my own fault. We have been together 11 years and married 9. I would do anything for him to love me again, but I know it is to late. We have to know when to go on and put it behind us, no matter how hard it is. The more we dwell, the harder it is.  =

Name: Debra • Date: 12/15/2007 21:51:56

What was the last straw? My husband and I have been married going on 10 years. We've always had a great relationship, but since the birth of our 9 month old, we fight constantly. He always blames me for the fighting. He takes no responsibility. I honestly don't know what I'm doing. He makes me feel like I can't do anything right lately. Today he told me the only reason he doesn't leave is because of our daughter. I'm feeling very depressed and unloved. I don't know what to do!  =

Name: Russ • Date: 12/19/2007 21:22:57

It's very sad in this day and age that marriage has become so expendable. Noone feels the need to water their own lawn if the grass looks greener on the other side. Remember, LOVE IS AN ACT OF THE WILL. A marriage takes work and intestinal fortitude. If you feel like the love is gone maybe the problem lies within your morals. Both spouses make vows and both spouses should keep them. Its time for couples to make marriage a serious commitment once again. Enter into it with both eyes open and cherish each other for life.  =

Name: Byron • Date: 12/31/2007 08:37:00

Hello David. I'm Byron, a 14 year old and i am in the same situation you are in. I have a girlfriend (not married of course) and she has left me. We see each other and stuff but i, have not given up. Lately she has shown more signs of beginning to like me again. I think that you should keep going for her. You never know, luck might strike.
Sincerely,
Byron  =

Name: terryd • Date: 01/09/2008 19:49:48

My wife is doing the same thing. She seems to have her mind made up about leaving me after 8 years of marriage. We have a 4 year old son thats going to get caught in the middle of it. I too want the marriage to last, but it seems that I have no choice in the matter. I will tell you David, I have cried, and I am not your tipical cry sort of guy. I was able to get her to join me for marriage counseling. I feel that she is just going thru the motions until the end of the marriage. We still talk like good friends, she laughs at my jokes, and she even hugs me from time to time. I have to begg for sex, and even when she agrees, it is very mechanical. She says that she stays out late at night to avoid being intimate with me. I really feel that our marriage is ending and I somtimes don't know if I should continue the counseling or hire a lawer. Good luck to you David, just remember that you are not alone...  =

Name: Rico • Date: 01/10/2008 17:38:54

Ok sooo hears what you do....let that slutty wh0re go. Than go to the local stripo club with like a g lay that money down get your dicked sucked cause god knows its been a while then put that shit in her mouth keep going ass to mouth with that bitch slap that fine piece of cherry scented ass and then get the fuck out of there.  =

Name: rachele • Date: 01/16/2008 06:44:45

Hi David
I am going through the same issues with my hubby. I done the wrong thing and hounded him to come back to me. Now I have pushed him away away and he has told me its over. Just give it a little time and she will realise what she is missing out on mabye when its to late and she will be kicking herself  =

Name: maryjane4175 • Date: 01/17/2008 14:41:47

I went through this except I was where your wife is. In my case there was nothing my ex could do to get me back. I simply didn’t love him anymore and I felt that I was keeping him from being loved by someone like he deserved. Plus it was not fare for our kids to continue to see us fight.
My advice to you is to help your kid through this and make it as painless as possible for that child, and never use the child against her mother, as that will only make the child resent you in the long run. Never speak against her mother to her or around her.
After the divorce you need to occupy your time as much as possible to keep your mind off your broken heart.
I’m so sorry you are going thru this because I seen how it hurt my ex but she has to be true to you, herself, and especially that child. Clearly she is not the one for you, this will open up windows for you to find the lady that is the one for you.
I hope this helps, and God bless!  =

Name: mel • Date: 01/18/2008 16:35:51

my husband left 2 weeks ago, he says he can't live with me right now, he needs time. i don't know what to do. I still love him very much but he does not feel the same  =

Name: Melissa • Date: 01/18/2008 16:39:52

My husband just left me as well a few weeks ago. we have a 2 year old son together. He says he needs time and that he can not live with me. I want him to come home so bad b/c I miss and love him very much but he wont budge. I'm at the same point. I don't know what to do. We will be married 5 years this Aug.  =

Name: jack • Date: 01/21/2008 13:20:56

when u have been together for many years do u honestly believe when they tell you they dont love u anymore that it is tru , come on some level it might be tru but at the end they u will always be in their heart for the good times and bad u will always be loved by them. they just wont tell u  =

Name: Hope10 • Date: 01/21/2008 13:37:49

my wife and i were thinking of getting seperation, we have been together 13 yrs . my ? is how or when do u know when its time to give up , we do have kids. together and both of us love them dearly i think we are caution about a divorce for the sake of the kids , we believe divorce is to extrem rite now.my wife and i cud get along together but i believe both of us have out grown each other  =

Name: John • Date: 01/23/2008 10:27:11

Out grown each other is just a coward way of hiding behind the truth. It is people like U all who have changed society and cause all these ill deeds on each other. Don't U all believe in God and the union of marriage anymore?  =

Name: Mary • Date: 01/23/2008 10:28:13

Out grown each other is just a coward way of hiding behind the truth. It is people like U all who have changed society and cause all these ill deeds on each other. Don't U all believe in God and the union of marriage anymore?  =

Name: charles • Date: 01/24/2008 05:24:30

i have been married for 2 years we have 2 wonderful boys together,i love my wife ,my kids,i provide for them shelter,love.security,etc,i value and respect my family dearly,I love Jesus and I believe that He's Lord,my spiritual life hasn't been the same ever since i got married it went worse,my wife at some stage told me she doesn't love me,she married me because she needed our son to have a father and mother in the same house,now when it comes to intimacy,she is not interested let alone any spontaneousness to initiate intimacy,when i get to bed she rolls the other way on the bed,i spoken to her about all these things,we have been to counseling ,but she wont change and she can be rude at times talking to me ,we hardly even have communication tim,let alone prayer time,i know as a man i have to a priest,i used to invite to pray with me but i could see she wasnt interested,i have gone thru a lot of temptation because of that but I thank God i never had any sexual intimacy with any other woman  =

Name: charles • Date: 01/24/2008 05:29:29

i don't believe in divorce,that's also not in my plans at all,but she said she wont mind if we divorce,when we got married she influenced to get into a lot of debt and now she wont contribute also towards those debts,i had sell some my business to try and cover my expenses, we both still very young,her parents have divorced,but we broke to generational curses  =

Name: John • Date: 01/24/2008 08:58:40

Charles, I share your pains as women today does not for one minute believe in marriage anymore. The main thing on most women minds today is....and they blame men. There are more women out there cheating today and society accepts it. Also, you talk about a minister talking to you all I must warn you that there is a high rate of cheating even in the church - so don' t be foul. Pray to God my friend but chances are your wife is cheating.  =

Name: chuck • Date: 02/29/2008 04:55:36

been married 17 years in thattime wife never said about being un happy then she started chattting over internet then she met this guy trying to hide it it was stuff never thought she would say to someother man
then started the phone now she comes out saying she doesn't love me no more
what do I do  =

Name: david • Date: 02/29/2008 09:44:59

hi this is david,i am in the same as you,but i dont love her any more,i feel the love is gone ,i dont know what to do david  =

Name: Brad • Date: 02/29/2008 10:22:58

Well guys I did'nt have a kid with my first wife but I do have one with my second wife and we are still married and doing ok, I say that but why the hell did I serch up this site?

I believe these girls begain to fill to much like a mom and not like a woman, you tell her shes a great mom a great wife you tell here she looks good so she says thank you but often deep inside she may not fill as secure as we might think, and if you dont love your self it will tare you up from the inside out. at some point she will want a change or a fresh start.
Time appart---This is not in every case but I belive you must spend time appart for your self not to much but a good hour at the gym a day with out the kids will make her fill like a woman and Men should do the same you should always be building your self up better and smarter,,,people love people who are driven and full of life definatly after you have a baby this is important for the men and family to help give the mom the right amount of time to bond and also time to get her self back in order .
For the guys who's wife is gone... Guys keep strong, honest, and take excelent care of your self, remeber if non of her frindes think your somthing they would ever want why would your wife want you. Keep your game strong "keep your pimp hand strong" chicks love mistirias assholes, dont be some sappy mush of a man thats broken and begging for here back, but dont go off screwing everyone ether becouse that wont help anything..... But if you find out she cheeted on you O man you need to get with her friends, sister, mom anyone she would turn to..HHAHAHAH

To sum it up love your self, and people will love you,,,,
Good luck and dont forget to pray for your self and for those who have it worse than you.


Sorry about the spelling  =

Name: paul • Date: 03/09/2008 19:59:32

this is all very familar, my wife and I separated a year ago she rents i live in family home. son with me and daughter with her but the're teenagers so they're cool with it. then yesterday she told me that she didn't want me in her life,she was having fun and I stifle her but she still loves me. i liked the space i had too but still hoped for a re-union. I feel betrayed by her, I never hit her. cheated on her dont gamble drink smoke wtf is it with women. good guys just get crapped on  =

Name: Tony • Date: 03/19/2008 19:22:13

Words from the broken hearted club.
When someone tells you that they stop loving you, it is a hard blow. I guess there is not a rule that says maybe you should give some warning. There are always reasons as to why you partner is not in love. To be truthful, it does not matter why because the end result is the same. Well let me backtrack a bit. It does not matter if your partner does not want to fix the problem. If you are blessed with a partner that gives you fair warning, I mean they say fix this and this or I am out of here then be thankful. If you don’t fix your issues then you must question your love for them. What I am talking about here is the out of the blue “I don’t love you anymore”. This is has got to be the worst feeling ever. They already have been planning this for a long time and then decided to drop the bomb. You feel powerless and are in denial, you first think that they are just angry or that maybe there is someone else (Keep in mind that theory is always open and in some cases very true). Slowly you go thru the phases but you are always upset wishing that If I we could try one more time. The burner is that your partner has already had their try and went through it in their minds many times and it failed. They are not going to give you that shot,well not now anyway. You might get lucky if they have a change of heart but from what I know those chances are slim. You will read everywhere “just give them space, if they were meant to be with you they will come back if not then move on.” You might read someone saying “They don’t love you, go away”. Once again none of this really helps you. You feel that you needed closer. You feel that you were not given the chance you needed. It sucks. I am going through this problem at this very moment. I decided to write down my words and hope they sooth but I know it takes time. When you have kids it raises the tension another 100%. What about the kids you scream in your head, don’t they deserve for us to give one last attempt to try and work it out? It makes since to you but once again. They already came to a conclusion in their mind. You must put on your game face and deal with the situation especially when you still live in the same house waiting for them to file for divorce. You must wait! In my case I wonder why she has not served the divorce papers yet. I can’t help but to hope but I know the chances are slim to none. The only thing I can say is that probably if you bust your ass and change yourself, Yes change yourself for the better. Even if you think that there is nothing wrong with you a change is happening in your life and you must move on. This moving on process is change. I read that you should not do anything drastic until a year but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about “Learning to live without your partner”. It sucks it really sucks but no matter how much you say it you are still in this position. If you have a good kids and have a good partner then maybe they will be civil to you. Ha ha ha. Civil, This is hell, All you want to do is touch them and beg for forgiveness but this is not very pretty and I think it will stop them from being cordial. Be strong my friends in the broken hearted club, be strong. I say this to everyone especially myself. I find comfort in the bible and understanding that change happens with or without our permission. To end this utter blabbing, we all know that life moves on but it is hard right now. Keep the faith and be nice, try and smile when you can and make new friends if possible. The only light we have is that time does heal all wounds in time. That Is if you don’t screw up the release process.  =

Name: CTfemale • Date: 03/22/2008 22:23:12

David, your not alone. Although you can't make someone love you. Sometimes pushing to be close is actually cause for a bigger divide. Are you really missing her or the fact of having her there? Sometimes the thought of being alone is the driving point for pushing to save a relationship. I am not sure of your relationship and saying that it's not worth saving, although I do know what it's like to be afraid and know you can get past the depression  =

Name: KRIS • Date: 04/07/2008 14:37:17

So what is going on out there? My wife and I have been together for 5 years, married for four and have a 3 year old little angel. She also does not want to be married to me any more, she says she does not love me and she wants me out. I want the marriage, and want to work things out. She says she is done and is repulsed by me. I tried to talk and talk and be patient, but now after a couple of months I am worn down. It is so sad for my little one. She will suffer, but much like David, she will not hear me either. There is nothing I can do but let her go. She wants a separation until we figure out finances. I am devastated and know all too well... once I let go, there is no going back. So I have nothing left.  =

Name: Jeremy • Date: 04/07/2008 14:49:33

Commitment. Those leaving their marriages are cowards and are not strong enough to go through the tough times too. Stop trying to change each other, be more accepting of each others quirks. WOMEN AND MEN... honor your commitments! and stop the blame game!!! The only person you can control is yourself!!! Let the other person be!!!  =

Name: Chris • Date: 04/07/2008 14:54:24

My best advice to any guys out there: DO NOT GET MARRIED!! Marriage and love do not exist. There is no true love or acceptance.
Stay AWAY! Forget that a woman will ever do right by you and love you forever. It's all bull. We will never get it ever. Shakespeare had it right.  =

Name: FairnSquare • Date: 04/07/2008 15:01:07

Those of you saying that there is all this cheating going on...
Sure it is going on, but it is not just women, cause the men are cheatin just as much and the cheatin women are going to men to cheat... so add the other half of the equation. We are on a moral downward spiral.
People! Tune into Dr. Laura, read the 10 stupid things books and read the proper care and feeding of husbands. Do it now before it's too late.  =

Name: karma • Date: 04/08/2008 08:45:01

My wife dosent love me , she just like to be away from me  =

Name: zach • Date: 04/21/2008 09:52:55

how can i make my girl love me and not have the feeling that she doesn't love me any more  =

Name: zach • Date: 04/21/2008 09:55:51

sorry didn't mean to send that i mest up on my projet and im have no thing to tell u so don't email me or talk to me bye  =

Name: Ed • Date: 05/07/2008 12:22:26

I'm in the same boar as many of you. I found out about two months ago in a first marriage counseling session that she didn't love me after 13 years and wanted a separation (change to a divorce within a week). Complicated by 3 kids and a boatload of debt, we could be stuck being up close with one another for many years and will be parenting the rest of our lives.. I'm not leaving (a judge will have to force me). She says she won't leave and abandon the kids. In the meantime, she's out with friends all weekends partying it up and meeting other men she's talking/texting with and sneaking around in conversations. She's resorted back to a behaving like a selfish contemptuous child. I can't stop her, her family/friends can't stop her, she's gone over that unfortunate edge and Lord Jesus you are the only shepherd that can bring her back...please do! Advice is welcome, but by the posts and what I've read, short of a miracle of divine interaction, she's 'gone' and we're all in for years of grief and pain. (God forgive me for my part in not been more attentive along the way.)  =

Name: khan • Date: 05/11/2008 05:46:38

hi  =

Name: sabreamp • Date: 05/11/2008 06:03:50

i am having trouble with my wife of 9 years at the moment ..she no longer loves me...so i reakin its gotta be another man ...that is what i think mate..i think your wife has found someone else..
sad life ..take care and be happy within..  =

Name: Mavey • Date: 05/12/2008 07:50:42

OK. Don't know if this is the right thread or not, but it's the closest I've come to get some opinions from those of you who have been left by their wife.

I have been dating a wonderful man for th past 10 months. He has a 12yo daughter that lives with him and well get on really well together. He was married for 7 years, together for 12.

His wife left him, saying "I don't love you anymore" and moved in with another man (online dating, I suspect) about 18 months ago.

Long story short, he has never really said anything bad about her (although none of his family or close friends have a good word to say about her) and now, things with the new man have ended, I am worried that if she has realised that the grass was not, in fact greener, that she will want him back.

He says that he doesn't love her like that anymore, but needs to keep things amicable for their daughters sake, and I totally get that. I met her (the ex, a couple of weeks ago and it was all very civil.

I guess I am insecure because they have so much more history together, from what he says, she used to wear the pants. I have no reason to believe that she wants him back, but I would like a guys point of view, that if she did, what would you do?  =

Name: kerline • Date: 05/12/2008 11:56:48

so way i dont know wat to say  =

Name: bryan • Date: 05/16/2008 23:33:31

my wife is basically doing the same thing, we have been together almost 5 years, we have a 15month old son.. but I found out she is emotionally connected to another man, who also has a 4month old son and a wife, Im pretty confused myself, I wish I understood women better....  =

Name: Crystal • Date: 05/17/2008 21:51:45

Me and my husband have been together for five years but have been married for three and I think it's about to end what can I do to stop the nightmare from becoming reality?  =

Name: joe • Date: 05/22/2008 06:07:49

my wife of 15 years and two kids found love on line and late night calls and tells me she has not been in love for years now all along i thought we had a great family..  =

Name: cratercritters@aol.com • Date: 05/25/2008 01:15:39

My wife and I married 23 years, four children, 8,11,14 and 20. thought I was going to die for over a year after she left, now I miss her, but there is a peace that comes eventually and you will remember the positives and you can go on and will. Be thankful for the good times and look for the new new good times that are coming your way!  =

Name: singlechristina • Date: 05/25/2008 23:42:13

thanks everyone here ! You'v changed my life a lot. I think I should share some good things with you all . I just found a very interesting dating site called www.singleparentloving.com ***which you can do a lot of thing there. Such as instant chat , blog, and searching the one you like in you area etc. It's really interesting. I think you would like it !thanks everyone here ! You'v changed my life a lot. I think I should share some good things with you all . I just found a very interesting dating site called www.singleparentloving.com ***which you can do a lot of thing there. Such as instant chat , blog, and searching the one you like in you area etc. It's really interesting. I think you would like it !  =

Name: Joe • Date: 05/28/2008 14:17:14

Exact same situation here. Although Im not married on paper we have been living as husband and wife for 10 years with two children. My wife says she not in love with me anymore and just cant be with me. We have been through alot like many of you weve made it this far. I am a firm believer that Love doesnt leave- people give up. I for one will not. When two people love as deeply as we did it cant just go away. Its anger ,frustration and confusion that cloud the mind, which causes people to do things irrationaly. Sometime people just need somthing different from you, the real question is: Are you willing to change? People are not leapords and do have the ability to change in order to make things better for all parties. My advice to everyone and myself is to look inside yourself and your relationship and see what really made it fall apart( There is more than 1 reason) and take planned steps to really change thoose things, not for a week or a year, but permanently without selling yourself short. In other words make sure you can live with the changes you make and realise they need to happen in order to make life and you relationship better for good. I feel all the pain you all are going through, and I know its not easy to put your own feelings aside. Just remember the way you wouldve done anything to make your spouse happy in the beginning of your courtship, and think like that always. It does make a difference.  =

Name: diane • Date: 06/04/2008 22:48:29

hi im 19 years old and my parents have been fighting alot latley. my mom gets mad at everything and everyone. It never seems like she is happy.BUt the other day a huge fight with the whole family blew up which included me my younger sister my dad and mom. the fight was all over how my mom always is complaining about everything. Right now my family is having a really tough time with money and managing a buisness. which we ususal survive just fine but it has been extremly slow. BUt my mom is never positive about anything she is always negative and always points out the negative. while we got in this fight my mom expressed to all of us that she no longer loves my father anymore.she said she hasnt been in love with him for over a year and she wants a divorce. hearing this it really hurt but i somewhat always knew. my mom never said i love you back to my dad EVER. also my mom sleeps in a different bed and bedroom because she says my dads snores.which is true but still. Im not saying my dad is absolutly perfect because he is not. he has made some mistakes in this marriage with my mom. which involves lying. but he always says he is sorry. My dad loves my mom so much. i couldnt tell you how many times in a day he says i love you 2 her. he is willing to make this marriage work. b