My stepdaughter is 6 y/o. I know her since she was 2.5.
My husband and his ex ended up their 17 years of marriage very bitterly!
We have her every other weekend + 1 day every week for few hours.
That day we are picking her up from school. Last time we picked her up, we found out they gave them homework to write about their biography. We saw the notebook that my stepdaughter made with her mom or moms family. Our side of the family was barely mentioned; my husband’s dad’s wife was not mentioned, only my husband’s mom. My stepdaughter knows her as her grandma so shouldn’t she be mentioned?
I wasn’t mentioned there as well even though my stepdaughter knows me as her step mom since she can remember herself, so, shouldn’t I be there as well??? (They are Catholic and don’t believe in getting divorced I guess, also her and I are the only Jewish people in the family – but who cares!)
On the ex side of the family, there was much more detailed information about the grand parents and everyone else. A LOT more!!! Our side looked really sad next to it.
My husband and I looked at the notebook. We’ve listen to her reading it to us, and looked at the photos. We made only positive comments but didn’t mention anything from “the above”. Now I’m kind of “prossing” it all in my head. I know how meaningful I am to her. I wonder what goes threw her mind when her mom does not mentioning me after her dad is mentioned…we are both raising her since she was 2.5…This is F*** U*!!! ↓
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| Name: jillw | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 7:42 PM |
| hun you will run into this often. Please do not take it personally. I get this with Darius sometimes. Even though he is 8 (will be 9 in a week) he still has a hard time fitting everyone in. Plus you have to remember who is helping the child with the project. Also she (no matter how much it hurts) will always concider the people she lives with to ber her "family" not that she doesn't think you guys are too it is just that those are the people she see's every day and hears about everyday. Just a couple of months I got really hurt because darius was talking to gary on the phone and said "oh ya I forgot the stuff that Jill's parents ordered from me is in" I was like "jills parents" what the hell is that. he calls them grandma and grandpa he has been in their life since he was 4 so that is more then half of his life time. plus they are the only grand parents that he has (his mom and my husband's parents are dead) they do everything for him (like spending 150.00 on his school fundraiser crap that was in so he could get the 2.00 toy he wanted to win) Anyway I thought it was very inconciderate of him to call them "jills parents" then I had to take a step back and realize where he was and that it is hard for him to belong to two families at the same time. I guess we can only hope that it gets better in the long run. I knwo that it was hard for me to have 2 families and have 2 moms until I was an adult. Granted my stepmom entered my life much much later. We can just keep being the best parents that we can even when it is not easy. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 7:44 PM |
| Well there are two things you can do. One is let it go. Or two you can have your stepdaughter write up a different one for your family and she can present both notebooks saying she has 2 separate families. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 7:46 PM |
| Keep in mind she is only 6 so don't be upset with her. It's her mother that made sure she didn't mention your family. Help her write a second notebook filled with info about your families side and she can present both. ↑ |
| Name: April Sue | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 9:30 PM |
| VeggieMom - Out of curiosity does she have a step-dad and was he mentioned? Anyway I agree with the comments from Lizzi. Try not to get to upset with her. As a teacher I know that students have blended families, but for a young child recording all those people could be over-whelming, and since mom was helping her they probably focused on her family to simplify it. Like Lizzi said you can either just ignore it and talk to her about your side of the family or you can help her do one for your family too. ↑ |
| Name: April Sue | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 9:34 PM |
| Jillw - Remeber that he may have called him that only becaus he was talking to Gary. Like when I talk about my husband to you guys he's just dh, but in real life I call him Brandon. Sort of clarifying for the other person. Even though he does not have any other grandparents. That or he is uncomfortable calling them granma and grandpa to the other family. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 10:11 PM |
Jill, you’ve said: "it's hard for him to belong to two families at the same time", and I wonder is it really hard for him or does his real mom makes him feel bad or guilty (in a sub conscious way) that next to her he wants to make her happy, and he knows if he called your parents grandpa and grandma, it will hurt her feelings, and that is why he is being different around her?!?!?!
Do you think if there was a great relationship between your family and her, and everyone were friends and working together at list for the sake of the boy would that be the same case??? Kids grow up to what they grow up- they don’t know the differences. They know if someone loves them or not. How unnatural can it be for a child to feel bad and wrong for spontaneously loving someone that supposes to be his or her family?
Like you Jill, I’ll never say anything but positive to my stepdaughter about her mom. I just think that it’s a bit sad that she cannot move on and start looking at things from her daughter perspective. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 10:19 PM |
Lizzy, I thought of making a 2nd book or add more of our family but my hub thinks it would make a bigger deal (in a negative way) for the girl. I’ll talk about it with my therapist and see what she’ll say
Of course I’m not upset with the girl, I’m upset with her mom. It’s very obvious that she dosn't encourage her daughter to love everyone in the family, and only her side is important. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 10:31 PM |
| No April Sue, She does not have a step dad or anything close to it. All she has is her parents who are controlling her life. That’s a part of the problem. It’s hard for her to see us (and them) as a happy family, and also that my husband moved on. It’s very obvious that she is jealous, and doesn’t want to share her daughter with us. Soon we will have another addition to the family and my stepdaughter is very excited about it!!! Since the ex heard that, things have gotten worse. This is not a coincidence. Her mom didn’t focus on her family to simplify things. Again, she cannot accept the fact that we are her daughter’s family as well. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Dec 13th, 2006 10:32 PM |
| Thank you all, I appriciate you taking time reading talking to me :) ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 1:59 AM |
| VM2B I am not sure if she makes it hard, or if hard is even the right word. I have just been in his situation both of my parents are remarried. I don't think that he has an issue calling my parents grandma and grandpa, becasue one day the bought him new golf clubs and he called his mom and said "hay mom tell scott (step dad) we can go golfing because my grandma and grandpa bought me new clubs. I am not sure how she felt about him saying that though. Maybe she did make him feel akward after he got home to her house. Also as far as closeness goes My parents adopted her other children for christmas and they spent over 1000.00 on her 3 other kids. They got pants shirts shoes gloves scarfs coats undies and even toys. My stepmom even bought her ass 2 pair of liz claiborn (sp) knee high boots. If anything she should be begging Darius to call them grandma and grandpa not being mad about it. You never know with her though. She is the most selfish person I have ever met. ↑ |
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