Name: ca Title: Present for mothers day to ex?

We have in the past gotten her a gift or something from her kids which she informed me never to do again, and she continues to get me something and my husband something from the kids (which I don't believe she needs to if he has a wife that gets the kids something to give to him). This year she has gotten married and I am not sure to get her something from the kids as we have them for this weekend or nothing at all. I know if I don't get her anything she is probally gonna get me something. I don't know cause I don't think she needs to get my husband anything for the kids to give to him because I am his wife that gets stuff for the kids. Also she will get my mother in nlaw something as well for mothers day as she always does. Please any advise I would appreciate.  ?

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Name: mari4him • Date: 05/09/2008 11:10:56

hmmm interesting one. Its a bit confusing because while she told you never to do it again, she gets you something. That's just wierd to me and sends mixed signals. How is your relationship with her? I mean is it friend or is there animosity? If it's friendly perhaps you can talk to her and say "hey I'm a little confused because we've always taken the kids to get you something for mother's day but you said you didn't want us to do that however, you take them to get me something and I'm not sure what to make of that. Do you rather we not take the kids to get each other gifts, or are you okay with it. I don't want to offend you by getting you something from the kids if you don't want that, but at the same time I don't want it to be unfair or be rude if you are intending to take them to get us something and not reciprocate the action."

Again, it's just very weird because she does take the kids to get you something which is odd for an ex-wife to do for the new wife.  =

Name: ca • Date: 05/09/2008 11:15:23

No she is pretty bitter or B****y towards me I have only tried to have a normal relationship with her but I think she takes things I do with the kids me trying to rub it in her face. Which it is totally inocent when I tried to get the kids presents for her from them. but I just don't know whether to get something or not, I wouldn't buy anything and be happy with it because I don't wanting her buying anything for my husband when we do that with the kids.  =

Name: Trying2cope • Date: 05/16/2008 18:29:06

Sounds like she's been manipulative. Of course if the kids see her buying things for you and not the other way around, they'll think she's the "nice one". Also, could be that she wants to hang on to the role of nurturing your husband. Kind of scary either way. I'd refuse any gifts that came our way from her, because they sound poisonous.  =

Name: mari4him • Date: 05/18/2008 18:51:39

That's what I was thinking in terms of alterior motives before the kids. "See kids, see how nice I am, I buy her gifts for mother's day, she doesn't bother to buy one for me, even if it is from you guys". Kinda messed up in my opinion.

However, I see refusing the gifts equally as bad. Think about it. "Kids, I just don't understand your step-mother, here I go and do something nice like buy her a gift and she sticks her nose up in the air about it and won't accept it."

I think the best solution is talk to the ex-wife. If she insists on buying the step-mom a gift, then she has to be willing to accept one in return. Otherwise, if she doesn't want a gift from the new wife, thats all fine and dandy, then she needs to cease buying gifts herself.  =