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I'm 25 years old and engaged to by boyfriend. He has a 2 1/2 year old daughter from a previous relationship. At this point he has gained weekend joint custody. I am really hating this situation. we have to spend most of our weekends off together driving all the way out to BFE to pick up his daughter then driving all the way back out to drop her off. When she is out visiting at our home, she is a total brat (of course she IS 2 years old) and she doesn't want me around at all. I thought initially this wouldn't be too bad because she is so young. On top of that the Bio mom is completely manipulating (to the child and my fiance). My fiance has learned how to be more supportive of me as we have gone along in the process (initially he was always trying to placate the bio-mom and that has now stopped) so that is good. To the point: the Bio-mom recently married (for the third time) so the daughter should have somewhat of a stable life at that home, I feel like we may be ripping the daughter in two by trying to take her every other weekend, second every time we take her I always feel so negative about it, to the point of extreme anxiety, thirdly I knew what i was getting myself in to, but at this point I don't know if i want this constant anxiety,rejection, and frustration in my life. I love my fiance, but i don't know if I will be able to make a marriage work with these kind of negative feelings. It may be terrible, but I am thinking of running away from all of this. Any advise would be helpful. ↓
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| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 28th, 2007 11:10 PM |
Your not alone with your feelings of anxiety, rejection, etc. We all as sp have felt that way at one time or another...even to the point of not wanting them around..b/c of feeling like they are a burden and....just causing grief & hassle! Then feeling immense guilt b/c you feel like that...been there, done that!
On the other hand...even if you feel like your ripping her in two....she needs to see her father...especially if he wants to remain involved. She needs to know she is loved by both her parents & everyone involved the security for her is so important. No one could have told me 14 yrs. later the truth about what I was getting involved in shoot....no one could have known... and, I cannot lie...there hasn't been an easy day where the kids & the x are involved! The stress does put major emotional strains on your marriage...but, the kids feel it too!
Stick together, stay strong, and...do the best you can for your sd and both of you....I feel I did the best I could when I think about it and lay my head down to sleep at night....I'm not sure the x can say the same....and.....I don't really care!! It sounds like your fiance has your back & her manipulation situations under control....that is a huge plus for both of you right now. It took my dh many years to get out from under the x's control & manipulation with the kids & money! Many frustrating years of her indirectly controling our checkbook, visitations, etc. Once he finally stood up to her...we got "our" lives back. And..the kids still come around!
I guess what I'm trying to do is validate your feelings here...and, your thoughts of not being able to deal with this situation. It is a very long time....if you love him....you know in your heart he's the one....hang in there....things will work out! After all of these long, hard years we know we made it through some difficult times....it can be done! Hang in there...Good Luck & Best Wishes!!
btw...I'm really not trying to discourage you here...I just want to let you know....no...it's not easy...but, with GOD & faith, & standing strong....knowing your in it for the long haul...it can be done!! ↑ |
| Name: lucy | Date: Dec 29th, 2007 1:14 AM |
| a lof of people walk away from it because the hand writing is on the wall. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 29th, 2007 2:42 AM |
| I want to add here....I don't regret the decisions I have made over the years of staying with my dh through it all....we have a dd together...they are the lights of my life...and, always will be!! ↑ |
| Name: soon2bestep | Date: Dec 30th, 2007 12:30 AM |
| Thank you so much Lory, for your response. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I do love my fiance so much and my soon to be step daughter does treat me like a buddy sometimes. I think I just need to stay more focused on the positive things. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in all this. Thank you again. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 30th, 2007 2:42 AM |
| I'm truly glad my response helped you out! Your very welcome! I do try not to sugar coat certain situations....at the same time...it's not all bad! YES....find the positive in any situation....life is truly what we make it...and, tho I know at times it's not...or can't be allll goood....there's always a postitive.. and not an easy....answer for great times! I'm glad I could be of help to you. As always....my best wishes to you & your family! Here's to you for a very Happy New Year!!! (((HUGS))) ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 30th, 2007 2:44 AM |
| please excuse my (SP)....it's been a long day in the dreadful cold...brrrrr!! Have a good one!! ↑ |
| Name: cautious3 | Date: Jan 8th, 2008 5:28 AM |
I married a man with 2 young children. They and their mother were the source of virtually every argument I had with my husband. I have 3 kids now and am planning a divorce. I am thankful for all the advice people have posted on this forum.
When my daughter grows up I will advise her to NEVER even date someone with children. Marriage is hard enough without that complication. Ironically, as I plan for my own divorce I wonder who will want to be involved with me? I have 3!
I would get out of the situation before it is too late - I can't say I regret my marriage b/c I have 3 wonderful kids - but if I could do it all over I never would have gotten involved with someone with kids. ↑ |
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