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My wife and I's divorce is final in early 2006. All the paperwork is final, the issue is our two boys. The question is: For the best of the boys which parent should have the primary custody? I am asking what does a mother give her two boys that a father cannot and vice versa. My wife cannot believe that I do not know, so I am asking the world. WHO MAKES a BETTER PARENT?! Mom or Dad...my boys are 6 & 8. ↓
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| Name: To Scott | Date: Jan 2nd, 2006 1:51 PM |
| this is kind of a dumb question, You need to ask which one makes a better parent? I cant answer that in your situation because I dont know either one of you. I do know children should never be taken away from their mother. In most cases(unless she is unfit) the court sees it that way too. ↑ |
| Name: advice | Date: Jan 3rd, 2006 8:50 PM |
Scott -- This is from direct experience, so I hope you will trust that many, many dads have been through this. It's not a case of what's right or even what's fair, but the courts will give primary custody to the mother no matter what. Even if there was something as terrible as drug use, the courts will still give the mother every break possible before awarding custody to a father, unless the couple agrees to that from the beginning and a friendly divorce is RARE, RARE, RARE -- I mean, if you were friendly, you wouldn't be getting a divorce, right??
Best thing you can do for yourself and your boys is get this divorce and any support issues resolved as quickly as possible. Remember, the longer you drag things out, the more the lawyers make off your misery! Then, remember, it's "primary custody" on paper. That doesn't mean you can't or won't be an involved dad. Do your best to get as much visitation as possible. Try to get along with the boys' mother, at least where the kids are concerned.
And above all, move on. If you don't, if you stay embroiled in the fight and pulling at the kids, no one wins, esp. you and your sons. Trust me, been through it, so glad it's over, but if I had to do it again, I would not have made multiple attempts to gain primary custody of my sons and/or show the court that I would have been the better parent or at least the same as their mother.
The court doesn't want to hear it, but lawyers will take your case every time and they will say the same thing every time: "You could win this, you have a case." Why would they say anything else when it means a retainer fee and more???
It will be hard, but put your emotions to the side and don't feel as though you are being stripped of rights as you will always be a dad, no matter what. Good luck. ↑ |
| Name: Need More Info | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 3:55 AM |
| I agree that it would be hard to say, without knowing anything about either of you. I will say this. I am a 35 year old woman, that lived with my dad when my parents divorced when I was 10. My sister was 12 and stayed with my mom. My dad was very responsible, strict and loving. On the other hand, I have a 9 yr old daughter and a 6 yr old son that I have sole custody of. There father, unlike mine, is not responsible. My son has special needs that I don't feel he would attend to. His history apparently presented the courts with the same feelings. I was required to go through a parent information class when I intiated the family court proceedings. They did say that in the younger years that it isn't really detrimental to girl being raised soley by their mother's. However, they did suggest, that it did seem that boys adjusted better when they had a father figure in their life around the age of 10 and after. My kids still have contact and time with their father. I would never try to stop that. But, for the most part they are with me. With the disorder my son has though, he is very attached and obsessed to me, and asks about me the whole summer he is with his dad. He's never really been away from me and doesn't adjust to change well. This stuff gets so ugly sometimes. Hopfully the disagreements will subside soon for you. Good luck. ↑ |
| Name: nicky | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 7:23 AM |
i've ment fathers that are way more responbile than the mothers and still lose. it's sad to see that! But then, in the situation that I'm in (not a divorse) the father of this baby is not there for his 3 other kids that live in a different town, not all with the same mother either. He has a kid runs off. Thats the way he's done it for 17 years.
I think it's wonderful that men want to have custody of the children, I think in many underlooked cases the man should have been awarded the custody! In your sit I hope all goes well, but form what I've heard the woman gets custody unless proven insane, or something. ↑ |
| Name: Ann | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 5:02 PM |
| If you are both wonderful parents and you both want custody, then have a shared parenting agreement. You can both have your sons 50% of the time and both be 100% involved in the raising of them. I have a male friend who has this agreement and he sees the kids all the time, but the only problem that I can see as an outsider is that my friend and his ex take the 50/50 so literally that the kids are very rarely at the same house 2 days in a row and I just worry that the kids may feel like they don't have a real HOME because they are tossed back and forth. I think you can get a fair arangement, but try to have a routined schedule for them. Good Luck!!!! ↑ |
| Name: bianca | Date: Jan 5th, 2006 2:51 AM |
| thats a question only you can answer. of course a mother should always be there, but when you have boys they need that father figure too. jsut remember its about being there for them unconditionally, mentally and .... its not only about what you can buy them. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Jan 5th, 2007 9:15 PM |
| well i am 14 and i think the mother would be best. but u should ask them. if they say mom and not you dont be dissapointed. just ask ur ex if u can see them when ever they are free ↑ |
| Name: baby69 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 6:07 AM |
| I just have one thing to say, I am with a guy that has two girls. he could not see them very often becaue they are in a different state, but he just received custody of the older one because her mother and her were not getting along. So in the future years this could be the case for you, or could you try to go for joint custody? this may be an option if the ex can agree. you would then be able to equally share your kids. Good luck ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 11:49 PM |
| As a mother, I would be devestated if someone took my babies away from me! Unless the mother is proven to be unfit, there is no reason, in my opinion, that the children should be taken away from Mom. But if you are living close by, why can't you share custody? ↑ |
| Name: kdk | Date: Jan 10th, 2007 2:48 AM |
I think children regaurdess of boys or girls need both parents. In the case of divorce, even though both parents can't be in their lives 24/7 the time should be split as evenly as possible. I am going through this right now as I start the divorce this year. My soon to be X is a good father and I want him in the lives of his 2 daughters as much as possible and hope that he will partcipate as much as possible.
If you are close, I agree, try to do a joint arangement. ↑ |
| Name: f17rc010 | Date: Jan 15th, 2007 6:15 PM |
| There is no correct answer to this question. My husband has had full custody of his two oldest from the time they were toddlers. His youngest is from his second marriage and he has made arrangements to have her every other week. That way she sees both parents equally but she isn't swapped several times a week. If I could give you any advice, if you can get your x to agree to a week on/week off schedule, HAVE IT PUT IN THE DIVORCE PAPERS. My husband has his arrangement on a verbal agreement so everytime his x gets upset about something, she pulls his daughter from him. I have to tell you, its very refreshing to hear that there are men out there that want the responsibility of their children. Kudos to you all. ↑ |
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