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| Name: baby j,17 | Date: Apr 20th, 2006 1:07 PM |
| im 17 years old and my bf has a 2 year old son. its sort of hard work babying a kid that isnt yours but they'll get used to u one day. ↑ |
| Name: jazz | Date: May 11th, 2006 2:23 PM |
| I am not a step mom but I have a step Mother. At first I didn't like her at all because I thought that she was trying to replace my mother. I know that I was difficult with her and I regret that now because she is one of my best friends. I remember the turn around point being when I wasn't listening to her and we got into a big arguement. At one point she said that she wasn't going to do the Mother-Daughter argueing thing with me. She said that she was not my mother and never will be. she also added that if I was her daughter she couldn't be any more proud. don't know if that helps, hope so. ↑ |
| Name: Serina | Date: May 12th, 2006 11:58 AM |
| Stepfamily Rights and Responsibility 1. I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to express them in a respectful manner. 3. I will NOT be responsible for the welfare if children for whom I can set no limits 4. I must be consulted about children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will not be solely responsible for housework, chores will be distributed equally and fairly. 6. I will be consulted in all matters concerning this family. 7. Others may not violate my private space, nor take or use any of my possessions without my permission. 8. I will NEVER be treated as dirt in my own Home. 9. My stepchildren will ALWAYS treat me with respect, even if they don't like me. 10. I have the right to my privacy regarding all issues. 11. I have the right to choose what a child is allowed to call me, or not call me. 12. I will be consulted about all financial issues regarding this family i.e. child travel, schooling etc, as long as it affects me too. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The Biological Parent’s Bill of Rights 1. I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to express them in a respectful manner. 3. I will NOT be undermined in my parenting decisions of the children. 4. I must be consulted about plans involving children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will not be solely responsible for car maintenance, house repairs, yard work; chores will be distributed equally and fairly. 6. I will be consulted in all matters concerning this family. 7. Others may not violate my private space, nor take or use any of my possessions without my permission. 8. I will NEVER be treated as dirt in my own Home. 9. My children will ALWAYS treat me with respect. 10. I have the right to my privacy regarding all issues. 11. I have the right to expect my children to call me dad or some variation of dad. 12. I will be consulted about all financial issues regarding this family. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The StepChild’s Bill of Rights 1. I will be allowed to discuss and make suggestions in the decision making process for things that directly involve me, i.e. my schooling, my visitations, etc. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to have them addressed to learn to express them in a respectful way. 3. I have the right to have limits that are set within reason and basic enough that I can understand and follow them. 4. I must be allowed and/or earn reasonable “privileges” while living with or visiting, i.e. whom I can visit and when, etc. 5. I will not be solely responsible for housework, chores will be distributed equally and fairly. 6. Others may not violate my private space, nor take or use any of my possessions without my permission or reasonable suspicions. 7. I will NEVER be treated as dirt in my own Home. 8. I have the right for my father’s home to feel like my own home. 9. My parent and stepparent will ALWAYS treat me with respect, even if they don't like me. 10. I have the right to my privacy within reasonable limits. 11. I have the right to be part of the process of choosing what I am allowed to call, or not call my stepparent. 12. I have the right to be completely oblivious of financial issues, marital issues, etc. unless I am a direct cause of such issues. i.e. asking for too much additional stuff. NOT child support, etc. 13. If I am the cause of above issues I have the right to be involved in a discussion regarding them in an unthreatening manner. 14. I have the right to believe my biological parents are the best people in the world. Our family is our FIRST priority, and we will address as many issues together as possible. The Stepparent's Responsibilities 1. I will be an active part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I will express my feelings in a respectful manner. 3. I will set resonable limits and goals for my stepchildren, spouse, family and myself 4. I will be conscious of consulting my spouse (and stepchildren when appropriate) about children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will do my fair share of chores without complaint. 6. I will consult everyone involved in all matters concerning this family. 7. I will not violate others' private space, nor take or use any of their possessions without permission. 8. I will NEVER treat others as dirt in their own Home. 9. I will ALWAYS treat my stepchildren with respect, even if I don't like them. 10. I will respect my spouse and stepchildren's (within reason) right to privacy regarding all issues. 11. I will compromise and come to a fair determination of what a child is allowed to call me, or not call me. 12. I will discuss openly all financial issues regarding this family i.e. child travel, schooling etc, as long as it affects me too. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The Biological Parent’s Responsibilities 1. I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. I have every right to my feelings and to express them in a respectful manner. 3. I will be responsible for my children's actions and the consequences administered. 4. I will be conscious of consulting my spouse (and children when appropriate) about children that are living with or visiting us, whom they can visit and when, etc. 5. I will do my fair share of chores without complaint. 6. I will consult everyone involved in all matters concerning this family. 7. I will not violate others' private space, nor take or use any of their possessions without permission. 8. I will NEVER treat others as dirt in their own Home. 9. I will always treat my children with respect. 10. I will respect my spouse and children's (within reason) right to privacy regarding all issues. 11. I will act worthy of being called dad or mom and not try to be my children's "buddy". 12. I will discuss openly all financial issues regarding this family i.e. child travel, schooling etc. 13. We will never discuss marital issues in front of children, nor will we disagree about discipline in front of children. We will Always show a united front and discuss later out of earshot of child our disagreement. Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together. The StepChild’s Responsibilities 1. I will abide by the decisions made in family discussions even if they were not my suggestions. 2. I do my best to learn to express my feelings in a respectable manner. 3. I will abide by the limits set for me and accept the consequences gracefully for testing the limits. 4. I will do my best to maintain and/or earn reasonable “privileges” while living with or visiting, i.e. whom I can visit and when, etc. 5. I will do my fair share of chores without complaint. 6. I will be respectful of all discussions and issues involving the family. 7. I will NEVER treat others as dirt in their own Home. 8. I have the right for my father’s home to feel like my own home. 9. I will always treat my parent and stepparent with respect. 10. I will respect other's privacy. 11. I will compromise and come to a fair determination of what I am allowed to call, or not call my stepparent. 12. I will not butt my nose into financial and/or marital issues. 13. If I am the cause of above issues I will do whatever I can to help come to a reasonable solution. 14. I will accept the fact that even if I think my other parent is the best person in the world, there are at least 2 other people who care for me and deserve to be acknowledge sometimes. Our family is our FIRST priority, and we will address as many issues together as possible. I know this is long but I read this and thought it might help. I am a step mother of 1 boy 14 and a girl 12.The main advice is not to be bossy try and have your husband do the disaplin if he can. This is how we become the evil step parent, If you want rules inyou home that is diffrnt from the ex. Just tell them diffrent house diffrent rules.The main thing to remember is that is ex is there mother and so never say anything bad about her to them or let them her bad thing about her.It is not good for the kids to her things like that even if she is a real Nasty Mother.Last just let them feel loved even when my step son is having a bipolar episode and says he hates me I just say I love you know matter what!!! Very Best of luck. ↑ |
| Name: Happy Clam | Date: Nov 23rd, 2007 1:54 PM |
| I hope things are going well for you. Perhaps you would like to visit my stepfamily forum? http://www.stepfamily.stepfamilyforum.com It would be great to see you there. :D ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: Dec 15th, 2007 2:22 PM |
| I Am 16 and i have a 14 year old stepson ↑ |
| Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 6th, 2008 5:01 AM |
| I am 23, and have 2 step kids, ages 18, and 13, (no joke). My hubby is much older than me. They don't live with us, but I get along with them fabulously. When they do come over, if my dh isn't home, the three of us just hang out and eat popcorn, like old buds. Watch movies, etc. My dh and I have a 16 month old together, and they like to come over to play with him. It really isn't a big deal. Sorry if you're having trouble. Do the 4 stepkids live with u? ↑ |
| Name: cjsims | Date: Jan 6th, 2008 5:27 AM |
| I'm 23, hubby is 44. ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 9:36 PM |
| I am 16 and i have a 15 year old stepmum, i had a affair with his dad when i was aged 10 so when i became 16 we decided to tell his wife and he split up with he and we got married. ↑ |
| Name: pinky.aslam | Date: Mar 4th, 2008 7:24 AM |
| any body ↑ |
| Name: RT | Date: Mar 14th, 2008 9:33 PM |
| Same here. I am a step mom too of 4 and i have no privacy with my husband ↑ |
| Name: Steph | Date: Dec 30th, 2008 4:52 PM |
| My previous relationship was with another young parent and I didn't like the fact that he was so young and was still confused about being with his child's mom. They ignored each other a lot, and she even stopped letting him see his son when she got a new boyfriend, and although she tried to act mature and nice to me at first, it all came out when me and him broke up. Shortly, they were messing around agian when her boyfriend dumped her, she begain to push it in my face and he kept running back and fourth between us. He really made me feel that I was not a priority and the only person that he cared about was his son. I swore I would never get into another relationship with a child again. Well here I am now in another relationship. I am only 20 in college and my boyfriend is 23 with a three year old daughter, no baby momma drama between me and her, I can't stand the control he let's his daughter's mom have over him, she's fine one day, and then the next she is using him, and running over him. I thought it would be easier getting along with a daughter better than a son, and it was. I connect with his daughter and she likes me but to be honest, I dont like being around her sometimes. It was very easy at first but now it's hard because, now I think about how I don't like her mom, and also because she is so spoiled, "daddy's baby girl" and that irritates me for some reason. She cant even sleep without being in his bed uhh.. Well he claims that his child's mother is very mature, but she has very bad parenting skills to me. His daughter's hair is hardly ever groomed when she comes over, she always sick, and there's a couple of neglect and horrible parent stories that I can't mention. You would probably think since she doesnt take the best care of her daughter, it would be my chance to help out on his end...WRONG!! It's not that easy because she tries to turn the tables on him and make him feel like he's not helping out enough. The child's mother is always hollering and screaming at my boyfriend because she is a Bi**h (excuse my language) and wants him to do all the work, when he takes better care of the child than her...I am an early childhood major and I know a lot of the conditions are unhealthy for the child. Daddy even lets her stay up til 11pm or midnight when she has pre-school the next day. Sometimes I mention the problems to him and he listens but it is not my place to tell him everything, that is not my child. I don't believe he is a bad parent but he always gives his daughter her way because he wants to be the fun parent. I also hate that his daughter limits our privacy, it's like I cant be around him when she's over, I don't know if I'm jealous or what...but I really wish that he would have waited on having children..and that's bad because I am supposed to accept him and everything he comes with, and that will always be his daughter ↑ |
| Name: Steph | Date: Dec 30th, 2008 4:57 PM |
| Had quite a few errors, I was really rushing this and not reading over it :-) I am not an idiot though lol ↑ |
| Name: kelly | Date: Feb 24th, 2009 7:48 AM |
| im a 20 yr old and found out i would be a step mum of two at the age of 18... 2 years into it now, kids 3 and 6 years living with us on a perm basis and loving it...it is really tough and i love advise as well as giving some...ive learned alot...even fights with the mother over who is doing what right! BAD THING! should we be friends as the two mothers or not interact at all? ↑ |
| Name: jessica moore | Date: May 6th, 2009 2:34 PM |
| can someone email me if they get the chance my once high school sweet heart is wanting to try things again after 4 years and im really keen but thing is he is a solo dad to a beautifull 2 year old girl who dosnt see her mother (mothers choice) anymore and i dont no how i should act or what role i should take i have no children of my own and it is also hard because when we were together in high school i misscarried with our own child and his daughter was also only 3.4 pounds at full term thanks to the mother abusing herself so she is a little slow onthe talking and learning side of things and such a daddys girl so i dont no where to stand or what to do i guess i just need some advice if anyone has some. kind regards jess [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: Emm | Date: Jun 25th, 2009 5:08 AM |
| I am 20 years old and soon to be a stepmom to 3 kids (8, 10, and 12). my fiance is 32....and very family oriented...takes care of all three with no help or child support from his ex. the kids are great and very respectable...but the hardest would be the middle child who is very stubborn and likes to "test" adults. its hard for me since i have trouble being stern to any child at all. I feel like a pushover since i refuse to spank or anything like that...since they are not mine. the best thing thats worked (for me) so far is to talk to them each like they are adults and try to understand them as people, not just as children. be their friend...but let them know you need some respect in return. ↑ |
| Name: amy | Date: Sep 19th, 2009 3:51 AM |
| I have been a step mom for 13 yrs , since I was 17 yrs old !! I had my husband and i' first baby of four 2 yrs into our marriage ! It has been really tuff dealing with a nasty ex all the time !! Trying to respect my step daughters mother but at the same time having to make sure she is safe there ! It had put a major strain on our marriage , BUT , we have survived it !! Through love and support of eachother .. me and my step daughter have had our ruff times , but we are best of friends now and have been for along time , it just takes time !! And a lot of faith .. anyway , that's my story , ↑ |
| Name: Stressed!! | Date: Jan 14th, 2010 7:29 AM |
| I am a step mum of 2 beautiful kids, a 5 yr old boy and an 8 year old girl. My stepson is my husbands birth son, but my step daughter, my husband had raised for most of her life and we now have every weekend. {she only sees her birth dad a few days a year} My stepson lives with us 5 nights a week. My husband and i got together when my step son was only 3 mths old and it was a very rocky start. The kids mum hated the fact that my husband had moved on and constantly tried to cause arguements. She especially flipped out when we got engaged after a year and used to ring at all hours drunk yelling and screaming. Even thou she left him{for a 46 year old, she was 22} Its never been hard between me and the kids. My step daughter begs me to come live with us full time and clings to me like glue when ever she is here. I love them more then life itself. The kids mum is a drunk and a drug addict, who get in relationships with other drunks and drugos. She is very violent and has numerous AVO and assult charges going both ways from 2 of those relationship. She talks about everything in front of the kids, even the fact that one of her boyfrined keeps trying to kill himself. We are trying to go for legal custody of both the kids, but now she has said that we cant see my stepdaughters. docs has been contacted by a few different organisations that are involed but nothing seems to get done about it. Our solicitor seem to think we have a good chance of getting custody of both kids but at what cost to them:( I dont want the kids to get hurt by the whole experience but i wont sit by anymore and listen to the kids complain about the fact that she doesnt feed them lunch or they have no clean clothes to wear, or how mum got drunk and was yelling all night. Im sick of nothing getting done by the police or doc. I will fight with every thing i have to make my kids safe if it kills me. I know there is a good chance that noone is gonna read this but it actuaaly feel good to vent. So thanks anyway. Wish me luck. ↑ |
| Name: sharellefung-a-wing | Date: Jan 30th, 2010 10:46 PM |
| its good to have chat rooms for kids. ↑ |
| Name: krieger Crew | Date: Feb 2nd, 2010 11:32 PM |
| I am have been a step mom for 9 years, I was 20 when I first married my husban and she was 2. once she started school, and her mom relized that I treated her more like my child than a step child (went to school parties, field trips) she would make up storys and tello her that I was a bad person. Because she was the little girls mom she would start to belive her, but I never gave up. I had days were I was crying because I know she hated me, but I loved her. this Jan we won custondy of her, and in the month we have had her she has apoligised for all the wrong that she ever did, thanked me for being there and as a 10 year old has become not only my step child, but a good friend. ↑ |
| Name: N | Date: May 4th, 2010 11:40 PM |
| I've just remarried and now have 2 step children.(boy 8, girl 11) I also have 2 children of my own. Boy 11, boy 16) I believe we should live as 1 big happy family. So far, we have been. But now, my husbands Dad wants to take his 2 grand kids fishing on Saturday, and not take my kids along. Our younger kids are so close in age, how can I let this happen and not hurt my younger sons feelings? Is this fair? Shouldn't they all be treated equally? ↑ |
| Name: ch | Date: Jul 15th, 2010 2:09 AM |
| im a young mum of 4 ,i have 2 step sons 4 n 2 ,and my own kids are 4 n 2 aswell, we are struggling at the moment because we use to have half care of the boys, and she took them of us ,And she wont give them back has no reason to do that we are good parents ,she has just deided she wants full care of the boys without going to court to sort it out first before she takes the boys ,but she didnt .so what do we do outcome of the court could take months in the mean time everyone gets hurt including my kids ↑ |
| Name: Sam | Date: Aug 28th, 2010 11:21 PM |
| i am 17 and my stepmother is 6 years old. ↑ |
| Name: Jennifer | Date: Oct 1st, 2010 12:23 PM |
| my bf has a 9 year old daughter who is nice enough. But i hate the fact that she exists, I wish she was never born but I hate myself for thinkin that:( We constantly argue about her coz i dont want her around. Help?? ↑ |
| Name: Sherry | Date: Oct 5th, 2010 2:02 AM |
| I saw your posting and wanted to give you some advice that I wish someone would have given my step-mom when I was a kid. I am now 43 years old. When I was 14 my father left us for another woman, my step-mom. It was a very, very difficult thing for my younger brother and I to deal with. Not only was our world as we knew it ending, but we had to deal with this new person in our life..someone that in our eyes had taken our father from us. The one thing that really stands out in my mind about her was the fact that she was so clingy to my father. She never allowed us kids to have alone time with him. Now, of course, she was much younger than he was, as they almost always are, and very likely insecure about her role in his life vs. his kids, but it would have been such a good thing for my brother and I to have been able to maintain "our" relationship with him to some degree and not always have to have her there. I'm sure that your circumstances are different, but I think ti would be a good way of building a strong, healthy relationship with your 4 step-children if you showed them the care and consideration to realize that they need the alone time with their dad at times, and it's not a reflection of how they may feel about you, it's just a kid thing. Hope this is useful. ↑ |
| Name: jessi | Date: Oct 22nd, 2010 1:35 AM |
| i am a 22 yr old woman who has been a relationship for over a year with a man who has three children..we have different parenting skills which makes it more difficult for me because the children won't listen to me..i don't what to do.. ↑ |
| Name: Tired :( | Date: Feb 13th, 2011 3:39 AM |
| I am 25 and have two step daughters that report back to there mom on everything I do, say or buy so that there mom can get more out of their dad. I am so tired. ↑ |
| Name: step mom | Date: Aug 16th, 2013 3:38 AM |
| I am step mom to two daughters 21 and 25. I also have two daughters close in age. My two step daughters do not live with us. My husband still supports his two girls and cant afford to pay our own bills. I have confronted him about this we have tried discussing it and it always ends up in a fight. He really cannot afford to be supporting them and currently we cannot pay our rent because of his mismanagement of the finances. I am not consulted in any of his financial choices and when it comes to his children and today he accused me of wanting to control him . Any advice? ↑ |
