My boyfriend has a daughter that is 17yrs old..Lastnight she called home looking for a ride but her father and I had some drinks so we couldnt drive..we managed to scrownd up 7$ for a cab ride because I know she likes to be in her own home for sleeping....after a couple more drinks I went to bed and my boyfriend came to bed after me...We ended up doing the locomotion (having sex), the fan was on, and we were not loud...my boyfriend went to work at 7am and I woke up shortly after...I was checking my e-mails when she came into the living room and said, "you shouldn't sleep here any more" I said,"what??"..she said "well you and my dad shouldnt sleep here",I asked why not? but she just she continued to say "well you can sleep here but not my dad" I looked at her and said, "well I doubt that will happen"..(She is sexually active and knows all about the birds and the bees.) I left to go home...My feelings were hurt. I called her dad and told him everything that was said...I asked him if we were loud? he said No...My boyfriend called his daughter and she said she was just joking ( I know this was not a joke) he told her she was rude and she sould appologies for it...she never did call to say sorry....I told him not to make her say sorry because she doesnt really want to, but I also told him that I was no longer going to stay at his place or do anything with his daughter..ie, give her rides, go shopping etc...
Now I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do?...I feel she is not respecting me like she should....or maybe it was her dad and I disrespected her? I'm not sure I dont have teenagers......Does the sex life part have to stop when you have teenagers around?...do you have to sneak around? do you explain it to them that it's a natural thing in life? Not sure......help! ↓
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| Name: momof3 | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 1:42 AM |
| Where is her mom? I'll admit when I was that age I could get really rude to my dad's girlfriends. My parents had just seperated and my dad and I were really close and I didn't like him being with someone other than my mom. So I figured if I was rude enough that they would get tired of it and leave. But on the other hand my dad never had his girlfriends sleep over when I was home. Maybe you two should try sleeping over at your house. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 5:24 PM |
| I think you should have sleepovers at your house with your boyfriend. This way his daughter feels better about things and besides,she will be 18 soon enough. Your boyfriend should tell her he and you will respect her wishes (for now) but that once she is 18 then he may have you overnight at his place if and when he chooses to without any lip from her. I'm sure she feels a bit jealous because she must share her dads time with you,but that is just something she is going to have to get used to. ↑ |
| Name: girly29 | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 6:20 PM |
Her mother and father have been seperated for at least 10yrs now...She was living with her mother but her mother's boyfriend and her didnt get along,I think resulting in getting kicked out. She moved to her dads.
I agree that from now on all sleepovers will be at my house to prevent any other comments from her...I don't understand why she told her father it was just a joke?
I can understand her wanting to spend time with her father and I do step back alot in order to give them their time together, (I have 2 kids of my own that need my time) and he is a good dad who gives alot to his kids...So when we were together we would spend time at his house not to just enjoy ourselves in the bedroom but,(normally we try to time it when no ones home), we would have nice suppers all together, listen to music, watch movies, nascar and also keeping an eye on things....The daughter will end up seeing less of him having less nice suppers and less company...I have spent alot of time with this girl and she always seemed fine with her father and I being together...I don't want to see her with less...but I guess there's nothing I can do but wait until she comes around, althought I refuse to have her disrespecting me...So does this mean I should start to see less of my boyfreind so his daughter doesn't feel like she's with less?..argh this is so messy now! I'm confused.....Just how much does she not want us to be together? Alot or ?... I dont want to be around if this is her outlook, not because of her but, I dont want to upset her more than what she is now!! ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 9:30 PM |
She is seventeen!You said that she is sexually active herself,i think that she just wants her dad to herself may be she did hear you having sex but at the end of the day it is nothing to do with her and she is older enough to understand that i would have given her a piece of my mind daughter or not!
How dare she! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 14th, 2006 3:21 PM |
| I'm not saying stay away from your boyfriend,I'm only saying you should have the sleepovers at your place where his daughter isn't lurking around. Who really knows what her problem is. Maybe she longs for a relationship like what you have with her dad for herself but doesn't have a boyfriend right now. or maybe she has a boyfriend but maybe he doesn't treat her as well as she sees her dad treating you and it has sparked some jealousy in her toward you. If she has a boyfriend,maybe you could encourage her to invite him over to watch a movie with you guys or invite him to dinner,maybe she would like that. Somethings obviously eatting at her so just pry a little and be nice about it and see if you can get her to open up. Maybe it's something that really has nothing to do with you personally at all but shes just taking it out on you. Try talking to her again when you're alone with her and see if you can't get to the bottom of it. ↑ |
| Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 11:34 AM |
| She's not going to show you respect when it looks like "from her eyes" that you and her father get too drunk to give her a ride home and then have a hot, love making session afterwards, while she's in the house. She's entitled to her own opionion and should be able to express herself. Now your making her feel bad for it and punishing her for saying how she feels. You should have asked her right then what she meant by it?!! Show her a better example and make more of a family environment at his house seeing that he's got teenage eyes on you both... and keep the sex and drinking in excess at your house! ↑ |
| Name: girly29 | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 8:44 PM |
| Sheila....We were not drunk, we had some drinks...and yes we had sex but, it was not a hot love making session.(like porno style!).She gets plenty of rides whenever she needs them and it's not like we said, "no were too drunk, walk"...we found an alternative (a cab ride home)....This shouldn't catagories us as being irresponsible or any less respectable..I value her opinion and feelings, although there is a proper manner to voice an opinion..... This was not the first time she's just blown off the first thought that comes to her mind, rather than thinking it out and considering other peoples feelings. I think she should of approached her father with this..It's his house. For now I will not be around, it's not to punish her but, it's my choice not to get stepped on... I'm not saying I will stay away forever, but for now yes.I treid to ask her why? she chose not to answer me..In my prior post you'll see that I state we do set a family setting....Were not constantly drunk and off having hot love sessions...but thank you for your advice. :) ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Sep 17th, 2006 3:30 AM |
| You know, she is definately being rude. First of all, it's her father's home, he's the adult and sets all the rules. So, if you and your boyfriend choose to have a romantic evening together with dinner, a few drinks and then love making, that should be your perrogative. She has no business sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. If she is sexually active then she really doesn't have any room to talk. Her father pays for the roof over her head so she needs to respectful of the adults of the home. What she needs is a good spanking!!! My boyfriend, who is now my husband, moved in with me and I explained to my children that I love him very much with the intensions of getting married to him. However, even if I didn't, I'm a grown adult and can make my own decisions. As long as the children have a roof over the heads, clothes on their backs and food in there stomachs, then they need to appreicate the rules of the house. Everything else they get or have is a luxruary not a necessity. So, the daughter ought to be thankful that her father was willing to take her in since she couldn't live with her mother anymore. She needs to learn to appreicate the things that he does provide for her, including rides home no matter how they are provided. I'm sure if she is experiencing sex, she has also experienced alcohol?? I feel your boyfriend needs to put his foot in her butt and believe in it. She needs to mind her own business. I know this may sound harsh but where does she get off saying anything at all? As for you, I wouldn't give into her. You have every right to continue your relationship with your boyfriend the way you see fit. If she doesn't like it, well, too bad. Perhaps the two of you will have marriage in your future and what will she say then? You two can't sleep in the same room together? I agree with you not wanting to do anything with her until she changes her attitude. She doesn't sound like she is very grateful. Unless she changes, I wouldn't bend over backwards just because she wants you to. I would explain to her that what you share with her dad is something very special and you hope that she can understand it. Otherwise, if you both allow her to drive this little wedge between the two of you now, she will continue to try driving a bigger one. If he ends up coming over to your house to spend the night, then what does she do while he's gone? From the sounds of it, she's not so innocent. Perhaps, she is telling you both this so that he will stay at your house and then she can have the house all to herself to do whatever she wants? I hope things work out but I wouldn't give in. You should still be nice to her. In fact, kill her with kindness but don't kiss her butt. Just be the loving person that you are and explain to her just how much you care for her dad, too. It's her problem if she can't accept it. Good luck and keep me posted. ↑ |
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