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| Name: angels gone | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 5:05 PM |
| his kids 1/2 house his personal 1/2 bills travel trailer $4300 till 18 $500,000. my kids 1/2 house my personal items 1/2 bills . ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 6:39 PM |
| You and your Hubby need to sit down when both of you are in a calm relaxed mood, and discuss this. When 2 people marry the children become both of yours and all children need to be treated the same. We are a blended family and how my hubby has it set up is I am the sole benificierary, Not his ex or our children from his 1st marriage. I will distribute the funds depending on each childs age if something should happen to my Hubby( God forbid) . I think the big under lying issue here may be respect?????? ↑ |
| Name: angels gone | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 7:32 PM |
| He gets mad everytime I try to talk. He say's that I am not fair ... He wants his kids to go to college that why the get everything.... I told him I want my kids too to go to colleage ...but because mine are older and all my money is in our house and paid his bill.... I can't do college.. my kids are 22 and 25 who is a single mom supporting herself and kids alone with no support I would love more than anything to help her do some night school to better her life... but he looks down on them and that his kids are the ones lined up for college at the age of 14 and 16.... There is nothing I can say to change that thought he has.... Right now I if he wants a divorce I am so upset that I would walk away leaving him everything sense he feel that he makes the house, car and bill payments I no long have a say... He has taken me off the checking account because we both wrote a check on the account and did tell each other and one bounced... He told me I was never to pay any bills but after a month over due and asking him to pay it... it did ..... so I was taken off the account.... He even told his ex wife this... making me feel so stupid... And to this day it is still my fault ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 7:44 PM |
| I think you and your hubby need to go to counseling.I think one of the problems may be putting children first in stead of your marriage. A marriage can not function like this. Blending families is the hardest thing I have ever done. Hubby and I had to learn that OUR relationship comes first, and all the children were OUR children. Secondly, I fully understand wanting to be prepared financially if something ever happened to you or hubby, but what are the plans NOW for "his" children for university? A lot of times parents can not afford to put all their children through university. We do the best we can. He may be a little more concerned for "his" children because they are under age. With the way we have it set up with my hubbys plan, depends on there age. Over the age of being an adult they are old enough to take care of them selves and would not get a portion, my hubby has it set like this because I am a stay home Mom, and he wants me to be taken care of if anything happens to him.When Childeren become adults they can take care of them selves financially , but I am reliant on My hubby. I am just sharing how we have it set up. Soome may agree some disagree, but this is how we feel. ↑ |
| Name: angels gone | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 8:20 PM |
| I do understand him wanting to take care of his kids... but again in his eyes its his responabilty to put them in college and when I ask what is his ex doing he cant answer... he wants them in a big college .... and I do understand about when they become adults ...but my kids were not adults one was 17 and the other was 19 and stayed with there father.... I feel I took there life away when I spent $82,000. to build our life and to put a roof over us and at the time his kids... ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 11:02 PM |
| o.k so he is planning for there college when he dies, but how about now, with him alive? Are you 2 short money from his planning? ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 11:18 PM |
| why don't you take out a life insurance policy, for "your " children as the beneficeraries? Or have it set that "your" kids get the house? ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 26th, 2006 3:40 PM |
| It sounds as if you were nothing more than a sucker for this man! I think you should divorce and you should get the house to live in or to sell,(your choice),and make wiser choices in the future. I'm sorry this has happened to you. His way of thinking is wacked! It almost sounds as if his ex and kids is all he's concerned with taking care of. I think he used you and your money for his own selfish benefits and sadly you were blinded by love and went along for the ride. I think you should divorce the con -man and start over on your own before you lose anything else! You can easily get the house ,especially if you can prove you bought it, and then you can decide if it would be more beneficial for you to stay in it or sell out. Get rid of this guy! ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 2:08 PM |
| Wow, what a sad situation!!! He is only thinking of his children and is not including you or your children. Thinking about a will for your children is not a bad idea. Also, taking out life insurance for children would be a good step, too. This man took complete advantage of you. I would ask him that your support in helping him through difficult times doesn't mean anything to him? Then you need to work on your own private financial portfolio. If this is how he wants it, then you can do the same. I agree alot with Lizzi. I wouldn't clue your husband in on your plans. It was your money and you have a right to deligate it to your children. My husband had his own finances before we married and I would never ask him to give it to my children. Yet, he has set up life insurance polices for them and me in case something should happen to us. He's taken some of his money that he earned before he met me and had a will drawn up to make sure that my children would be taken care of in case we die. Since, we have 1 daughter together, she will end up with more of the money but all of them will not have to worry about their future. I appreciate that he even did this at all. He could of just taken out the life insurance and left things at that but he did take it a step further. I'm very thankful for that and never expected. I guess it's on the individual. ↑ |
| Name: angels gone | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 7:01 PM |
| add to his kids list 3 share of his company 1 million dollar insurance policy ↑ |
| Name: angels gone | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 7:25 PM |
| Don't get me wrong I think that I am the first benificierary on these things..... his kids are secondary (not mine) My concern is if something happens to the both of us that things are not shared equal.... or at least a share back to my kids I gave everything to a man with nothing ...but only his company that was so deep in a hole that business partners had to keep it a float for the past 4 year.... and 3 time he wanted to give up.... this year is the first year of money for him 2006 I don't work ... (as of jan of this year) becasue he asked me to say home to take care of the house and I like being ready for the times his kids come over.....because of all his traveIs I do get to travel with him now from time to time.... he is in full control of the money ( i don't even see statements) I don't even know how much he makes a year now. I don't get enough money to get my own policy I have looked into this .... And I am saving a little aside for my safety I'm not asking him to give my kids half of his large sum .... I just want my kids to have back what I gave into us.... his kids can be the million dollar brats.... Mine will be much better off with out it.... I gave to him when we needed it.... but should have been selfish and left it in the bank ↑ |
| Name: angels gone | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 8:27 PM |
| pj754... You are a very luck person to have a man that cares about you that much to make your family one...... this is what I wanted... not things to be yours or mine .... but ours... I proved this by giving in our start of our marriage....I even told my mother to give a few pieces of my jewelry to his daughter. For her to remember things in good time..... ↑ |
| Name: fancy | Date: Oct 8th, 2006 4:05 AM |
| I really dont know what to say maybe try talking to someone who could try talking to your hubby maybe if he listens to someone else I'm kind of in the same boat my mother in law is the beneficary over my hubby which shes paid for alot here at our home but I know it still hurts believe me I know I have a two year old by my new hubby and still his mom gets it all to pay her back from all the money we have borrowed from her but I know its still not fair on us the wife I also have a seven and a nine year old from my first marriage and again it goes to his mother so I'm still in the lost but I'm also a stay at home mom and have nothing and it seems it will be that way for ever but I beleive we are the only ones who can stop this but how I know is the question right but I would make a will so your kids wouldnt get left out I hope I help any just try talking to him again or someone he looks up to see if they could talk some sense into him hope evrything works out for you ↑ |
| Name: angels gone | Date: Oct 8th, 2006 8:58 PM |
| We have gone to a counseler and he said that she and others agree with him about putting his kids as the secondary... and not to add mine,,,,and I'll bet he never told them about my $100,000 ++ that started out this family that had nothing but a TV, and bed..... no pots or pans, dishes, towels, table to sit at or sliverware to eat with we had nothing.....until my money came alone..... ↑ |
| Name: momto3stepto2 | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 2:55 AM |
| I feel for you. You need to get this straightened out before something actually does happen. It's only fair that you need to take care of your kids also. I married a man with two children. Our house, which I take care of (mow the lawn, clean) is only in his name. The bad thing is is that I pay for it with my child support. It scares me to think that if something happened to me what would my kids have. Or, if something happended to him and the house is in his name, would it go to HIS kids when MY kid's child support has paid for it. Sounds like we both need to get things straightened out. Ask him why he thinks his kids are more important than yours, especially when it was your money that paid his bills and on your house. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 3:56 PM |
| To angels gone---Whooa!! He's controlling all of the money. No way would that happen in my home. I'm sorry but you need to put your foot down on that one. Just because you stay at home to take care of it, doesn't mean your not entitled to half of all that you do. Granted, when I divorced my ex, I walked away from everything...furniture, pots pans, clothes, knick knacks, etc..... I didn't even get half of the home equity we had together which what little money I did receive I pend on the children because at the time he wasn't paying child support or medical expenses. Also, I surrendered the vehicle I had to drive back to him while he made the payments on it. Yet, all of that didn't really matter to me. I knew I could start over with stuff. I was focusing more on family happiness because I felt I couldn't put a price tag on the people I loved the most (my children). However, when my boyfriend, who is now my husband, moved in with me, anything he earned through his work became our money. Together, we both control how it gets spent. I write the checks to pay the bills but he always knows or can ask to see where the money goes. Plus, I'm not a high maintenance person, so I don't expect much. My main feddish is grocery shopping. I love to buy food and cook for my family. Do you do the grocery shopping? If so, perhaps you can write checks of the purchase over what the total bill is and pocket the extra cash? But, you did mention he took you off the checking account, just tell him you need more money for groceries. Or does he have you on a budget? Unless, your husband expects to see the receipts, he will think you spent the money on groceries. My ex accused me of not handling the finances correctly. He claims that because he brought home the paychecks, it was my job to manage it properly. Well, how could I do that when he would hit the ATM machine on a regular basis when the money was already spoke for the bills I was paying? Ok, it's all my fault. Yeah, right?! He knew were the bill drawer was in the desk, he could always access the checkbook but he chose to put the financial burden on my shoulders. So, when things got tight, I got blamed. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but your husband isn't being very fair to you and the children. I think I would demand that he give you an allowance if he wants to continue to control all the money. If he tells you he doesn't have that, then tell him to find a way. Have you brought up to him about you supporting him when he had nothing? Tell him exactly just how you feel. Tell him that what he is doing to you and your children isn't fair. I understand, he would want to take care of his children but what about you. From what you have said, he doesn't seem to have much respect and apprecation for you. Isn't his children living with their mother? Does she live in a house? If she does then that house can go to those children and the house you are living in can go to you and your children. After all, you fronted the money to buy it. I don't think a judge would allow his wife or children to it. Your his wife and that's your home. Especially since, you put up most of the cost. I have a question though, if he was living in a trailer with nothing, how can he be paying so much in child support? Did his income change from the time you met him until now? Obviously, he chose to live in the trailer with nothing and seemed to like it that way. Then you and your children come along and now you have a house together. He's put you in a situation that he wanted. If his first wife took him to the cleaners, then how could he afford all the things he was paying? Because a check bounced, he removed you from the checking account? Hey, things happen beyond our control so you get punished for one mistake which could not even be your mistake in the first place? No, he's being rude and sneaky. With you not working, how are you suppose to pay half of the bills? Oh, I get it, expecting you to drain everything you have first. No, you need to set him straight or re-think your marriage to him. At which point, you will probably only get half of the house equity and that's it. Just a word of advice, if you do plan to leave him, take inventory of everything inside the house. Take photos, video tape, etc.... Then, anything that is truly personal or anything of value that's yours, get it out of the house and stash it at your mom's or put it in storage. I'm speaking from experience, if you do decide to divorce him, he might get very vendictive even over the petty things like cookware. Make a complete list of pre-marital and marital items. Although, my ex didn't want to give me my bedroom furniture because he just didn't want me to have it out of spite. However, he had no choice because it was a pre-marital item and I had the orginal purchase receipt. Yet, he still kept alot of things that were pre-martial and they happened to disappear out of the house while going through the divorce. My guess is, I will never get those items back. The courts weren't willing to argue over those items. No matter what you do, plan wisely. He seems to be very good at what he does and plans accordingly. You just have to figure out a way to be one step ahead of him. Gosh, I apologize if I have offended you but it just makes me angry when I hear stories like this. You should be entitled to what was yours before you meet him and everything else after you married him should be split down the middle. Unfortunately, there are very few couples that look it that way. Perhaps you can get a free counsel session with an attorney to find out exactly where you stand in this matter. Since, your children are fully grown, I would try to go back into the work force again. Sure, you can agree with his demands but tell him that anything you make in your job is your money and goes towards you and your children only. I'm sure he won't like that. He wants you to be 100% dependent on him so he can control what you do. If he wasn't being so sneaky and hiding everything he did, this would be a different story. I'm sorry you are going through this. I do hope all of this works out for you. Although, it doesn't sound like he's going to budge. ↑ |
| Name: angels gone | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 4:20 PM |
| When I bring up the past and my money .. I'm treated like what money.. I pay all the bills now ... so I have to leave it in the past ... my feelings don't count... He lived in a trailer because his ex took control of everything and left him with no money or a place to stay... He also was paying her what Texas calls max even thow he was not making it... to keep her off his back and it worked until this year..... So for the past 4 1/2 she has been paid more than what texas allows... This year he is making some money and catching up on bills .... and now that she is seeing that she wants more....She has been making the kids ask for $$ here and$$ there hundreds of dollars at a time and she now is wanting to see college money from him... She was good in the divorce and will nail him for the rest of his life through it..... I have taken inventory and found receipts of payments on the house and furniture and will be taking them back home to my parent that live 1800 miles away ... I have made a list of my items and sent it to my mother.... He does give me grocery money and I have saved up a little bit and I am going to find so money and take out an insurance policy for $100,000 for my kids to help them save any of my personal items that might be lost if I die or we both together.... and so if they may use it for there own college..... His ex is a bitter and hurtful person ... and I understand why he does some of the things he does...... he needs to stop letting her control him.. Every time he leaves me it's because of her and the pressure and control she has over him..... I stay because deep down he is very kind and loving and does buy me anything if I want... but I seldom ask... He's ex has all the control and I will not let her distroy us.... That's why I don't leave ↑ |
