|
I need some advice, even if it's constructive criticism. I'm 22, engaged to my boyfriend (30) of 4 years, we own a beautiful semi-detached house which we are currently redecorating, we both work full time in good, secure, well paid jobs. We've both been through University (College) and have good degrees. We're both healthy, we don't drink much, or smoke. We've recently decided to start trying for a baby. The downside is his family don't like me at all, I have no idea why. I believe his mother is jealous of me being close to her precious son, and after years of abuse from her, I told my fiancé to take this dislike to me more seriously. Now she won't speak to me at all, and is ignoring her son so long as he is with me. My sister is 7 months pregnant, and my religious parents are still coming to terms with that. They don't believe in sex before marriage etc. Regardless, I rebelled against them in my decision to buy a house with my fiancé last December, and now I want a baby. I don't want to hurt them, and I know my becoming pregnant will seriously hurt them. Is it a good idea for me to start trying, or should I wait till things are better with our families, or I'm married? Problem is, we're not getting married till Summer 2008, and I don't know if the issues will ever be resolves with our families. Is it a good time? ↓
|
|
| Name: chelsie | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 1:07 AM |
| i think its up to you if you feel ready then go for it. My family dosnt like my husband my mom wont even talk to me. but i figure once she knows shes a grandma she will change her mind. i dont think you should let her control your lifes if you want to have a baby then have a baby...have 20...but just remember its your choice not hers ↑ |
| Name: ~ Jackie ~ | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 1:16 AM |
Hi Gill : I think you should do what is right for you and your boyfriend. If you feel that you are ready for a baby - then do what is going to make you happy. Your parents will love you no matter what ! You are an adult and they will respect your decision :)
Good Luck ... keep us posted!
~ Jackie ~
www.momdad2bee.com ↑ |
| Name: Jodie | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 5:37 AM |
Gill,
Sounds like you and your boyfriend have everything going in the right direction (excluding your families)... My advice would be to get married BEFORE 2008. What is the wait? Tell me one good reason not to?? It doesn't hurt to do everything in the right order. Don't re-invent the wheel! If you both wanna have a baby-- then just go ahead and get married first! Atleast YOUR parents will be happy and you'll never be about to change his mother's attitude (just kill her with kindness! ... lol) ... Anyway, it's fun to get married and figure out how you want that special day to be... and if you have children before that exciting moment in your life it sort of ruins it for the two of you! Seems like you both have been together long enough (4 years!) and the next step (marriage) should be NOW! Get pregnant-- on your honeymoon night!! Please don't listen to Chelsie-- (she's 16 yrs. old and not as secure as you are in your life.) Gill, you sound like a smart girl-- what ever you do, be confident! ↑ |
| Name: michelle k | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 12:28 PM |
| hi gill.. Dont fret too much about the future inlaws hun.. your marrying him not them. I have been there where inlaws didnt like me too, but i loved my husband and thats all i cared about. as for having a baby now.. you are definately old enough to make your own decisions but I can also see where you want to respect your parents religous believes. Since thats the case maybe you should see if your finace would like ot move the marriage up a little so that you can have that baby sooner. my best advice would be to follow your heart.. it will lead you to do whats right and if thats having a pecious little baby now then so be it. good luck to you!!! ↑ |
| Name: heather | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 2:09 PM |
| if you love him and you guys are ready for a family, make one. everyones got to grow up and have a family of their own someday. your family is still family, as is with his, but you cant not go on because someone doesnt want you to have what life is here for. how long have you two been together? you cant let the in laws get in the way, i mean its always good to have approval, but what can you do when your stuck between your own feelings and theirs? i think that this is a time to think about yourself. if you want to have a baby, then go for it. your stable and you sound like you know what you want in life, so dont let anyone ever put you down. its times like this that you have to think for yourself and put the negative thoughts aside. everyone has some kind of trouble with the in laws, fortunatly im not one of them (because my fiance isnt as bad as he used to be while im with him) but i know my mother and my dads mom dont like each other AT ALL. my mom stands up for herself and she wont let my grandmother push her around like she does everyone else and she hates it. my parents have gotten divorced but with me graduating and having a baby and all this stuff going on with me, they still have to see each other. they just have to suck it up and act like theyre not their. my mom just shrugs her off but you can tell my grandmother is bothered. she cant stand the site of my mom. for the babyshower, i invited both of them and they both started to say something and i just told them " its not about you guys, its about me, and so please just try to get along or ignore eachother" and they listen everytime. your fiance needs to tell her something, not in a mean way but to show her that its not just hurting you, its hurting him too. im sorry you have to go through this, but dont ever let anyone get in your way. good luck ↑ |
| Name: Karen | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 9:36 PM |
| Gill- My opinion only- I think it is better to bring a baby into the world ina two-parent married, stable home. I know other people have wonderful experiences. But if things are so good with our fiance now, why wait until 2008 to get married. Get married sooner and start your family. His mother wont have aleg to stand on when you are married and expecting and your parents will be happy also. It seems like a way to make you, your family happy. Plus, unless his mom wants nothing to do with her grandchild, she will come around. Good luck with whatever you decide :-) ↑ |
| Name: Gill | Date: Nov 11th, 2005 11:20 PM |
| Thank you everyone for all your advice. I do agree that it is my decision. Interesting idea to get married a lot sooner than I'd planned. Only I wanted a big expensive wedding; we're both saving for it . . . but weddings of that kind cost thousands, and 2008 would be pushing it. We're already spending a fortune redocorating the house. I suppose I could go for something simpler. But I'm not sure I want to do that to please my parents. I rarely see or talk to them anyway . . . Yes, I can see his mother coming round if and when I become pregnant. Problem is, I'm not sure I'd want her anywhere near my baby! I've grown to dislike her. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but shes done and said a lot of very hurtful things to me, including obsessing about my fiancé's ex girlfriends, and insulting me for being adopted. Lately, she'd gotten to calling my parents my stepparents, which really got under my skin. My parents and I aren't at all close. But I consider them my parents as they raised me. Not that her opinions are important. But would I want that kind of woman near my baby? I don't know . . . But you're right, I shouldn't fret! I'm sure whatever happens will happen for the best. Thank you all again. x ↑ |
| Name: HI | Date: Nov 12th, 2005 2:52 PM |
| I agree with alot of other posters, you should have a baby when it is what YOU want. But if things are really stressful, that is not good for you, or baby. Also when there is alot of stress, it is harder to get pregnant. ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: Dec 1st, 2005 9:49 PM |
| Hi there, I was married in June and thought that his family's dislike of me would end or at least get better. It's been almost 6 months, they haven't said one word to me. I am 18 weeks pregnant, they ddon't even know if it will be a girl or boy! I don't wnat them in my life or my baby's life. If they don't like you/accept you now, then they most likely never will. Sorry, however, I do wish you the best. ↑ |
| Name: Chris | Date: Dec 6th, 2005 7:11 AM |
| Gill, I moved in with my boyfriend before we were even engaged, my parents had already hadto deal with this issue because of my older sister, so I was lucky. I think that you need to make your own decisions, but remember that babies are expensive! If you are waiting for 2 to 3 years to save up for your dream wedding, be careful because little ones can drain your accounts quicly with all of those visits to the Dr., food, diapers, daycare, etc. So just be careful to think about all of the aspects. Good luck! ↑ |
|
|
