Hi I'm 21 years old (22 july 2nd) and 15 weeks preggers for the first time. I'm struggling with so many emotions right now and could really use someone to talk to that has an impartial opionion of my situation. I've been with my finacee for 4 1/2 years and we just bought a house that we're remodeling together. I'm almost a junior in college and am working towards a degree in finance. Life seemed great until I found out 10 weeks ago that I was pregnant. I know, I know, if I didn't want to have a baby I should of have take more precautionary measures, and I didn't. First off let me say that I don't blame the baby at all, it's an innocent part of this mess.
I am so ashamed to be pregnant at 21. I mean I'm barely a junior in college without a job. If it wasn't for my fiancee I'd be screwed. I have moments when I just lose it and wish I would have had an abortion (I was planning on it but we decided not to). I was raised with idea that you must be financially stable to have a child. My fiancee makes money but it's still going to be tough with a child. I look at my family and they didn't take this horrible path that I did.
Has anyone one else felt like such a failure for getting pregnant? Like all your dreams are unreachable now. Please someone reply. It's hard to talk about this. ↓
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| Name: mommyagain | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 7:57 PM |
| honey... first of all everyone is scared for whatever reason. Maybe they are too young, or not finacially set or not married or whatever the reason. I too didnt plan this one. I was just finishing my divorce when I got pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend for a year but still I was so ashamed that I was pregnat yet still married to my ex. Everyone is worried financially but I can say this... my sister was a lot like you... wanted to finish school get very set in a carreer then settle with a family... now she is almost 37, no man, and 4 misscarriages... hence... too late. Everything will come into place for you. You will learn to make ends meet and trust me the second you see this child your heart will melt and you will wonder how you ha any doubts at all...BUT if you dont feel like that rememberr there is always a loving family willing to adopt... what ever choice you make will be the right one for you. ↑ |
| Name: Petrona | Date: Jun 30th, 2006 3:47 PM |
| Hi hun, as someone who got pregnant at 18 and couldn't complete college at the time I wasn't exactly feeling on top of the world about the situation, and I too considered abortion for about a minute. And despite the fact at times the situation drove me to tears, in the end, my beautiful daughter was worth every moment. In August, she will be 21 years old and she makes me so proud. She's a straight A student, she's smart, loving, gorgeous and has a good head on her shoulders, but should she make a mistake and end up in the situation you're in now, I'd say the same thing to her: "Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.” ... ↑ |
| Name: kargelsbk | Date: Jun 30th, 2006 4:30 PM |
| Oh, if only I could show you your future! You sound like a very bright young woman and I have no doubt that you will make good on whatever life brings you. There are many women who feel this way when they find themselves unexpectedly pregnant, myself included. I got pregnant at 19, just before I was slated to return to my life in the Air Force. I had such a promising career ahead of me, and then I was pregnant! How could it have happened? My husband and I didn't know how we were going to do it with just his income. But we somehow managed, and at age 26, we now have three beautiful children (I didn't see any reason to space them out too much) and, while it has been more difficult with children, I am about to complete my Associate's degree in nursing, and my RN, and am moving on to my Bachelor's while working part-time in labor/delivery at the local hospital. Maybe it wasn't the easiest to realize my dreams, but I wouldn't change it for the world. And you won't either. Just give it some time. Once you hold your beautiful baby in your arms, you will wonder how you ever thought you could do without him/her. ↑ |
| Name: Ktx | Date: Jun 30th, 2006 10:23 PM |
| I really appreaciate the comments that y'all have left. I know that I can do it. I mean I'm in summer school now and I have a 3.9 GPA. I just feel so irresponsible for not taking more precautions, but I guess it's true that God will never give you more than you can handle; even though it feels like that sometimes. It's so nice to hear of women who have accomplished so much and had children a little young.:) ↑ |
| Name: ambernkenny | Date: Jul 1st, 2006 1:37 PM |
| Hey Ktx i understand what youre saying and where you are coming from,and its normal to have thoughts like that,BUT one thing i have been told over and over again is that if everyone waited until they were financially stable to have a baby then nobody would be having babies...if you think about it it seems really true.I know how important college is as far as finding a great career goes,BUT theres pleanty of time for college while youre still pregnant,and even after the baby comes,ALOT of colleges even have daycares right on campus so you dont have to worry about having a babysitter.It all may seem like a huge mess right now,but everything will work out...I'm 19,and 29 wks pregnant with my first child,and i already love it more than life itself,So good luck with everything!!! and if you ever need to talk just drop me a line... ↑ |
| Name: mommyagain | Date: Jul 1st, 2006 2:57 PM |
| Well said Amber... it is sooo true. Of course we all want to be secure in raising our child financially but we do what we can and just hope and pray that it is enough. ↑ |
| Name: Livy | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 3:24 AM |
| I was in college and 21 when I had my son. I felt a little looked down upon for my age, but I think a lot fo that was in my own head although there were occasional comments. I was married though at nineteen (yeah I know....) and we were both excited to have a baby, so I know it is not exactly your situation, but let me just tell you about ours; we were not financially secure either but things worked out and they worked out well. We have just bought a house on my husbands school teacher salary. I never thought I would be able to be a stay-at-home mom or even thought I would want to but we are comfortable and happy. I have my degree now and have been able to persue a lot of hobbies and make a little 'play-money' now teaching aerobics and dance. Please don't think you are alone or in a shameful place. I now of a lot of young moms with babies and some of them are not even at the great point you are with college, a house, and a supportive partner. There were definately times through my pregnancy and even after the baby was born when I felt like I had a put up a road block to all my dreams, but I ahve realized that I just have to change my dreams for now. I know is sounds cliche, but sometime you'll look at your beautiful baby and wonder how you could have wanted life without him or her. I promise! ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 3:40 AM |
I think most people who have their first child are not what you would call financial stable. I was pregnant with my first when I was 26, my husband I just got married 4 months before we knew and we were far from financial stable. We didn't even know what a savings look like. Payday would come and we would be left with $73. When my son was born we had to use the $73 not only to purchase the things that my son needed but also groceries and gas for the car. But we managed and although financial we struggle we never looked at it that way and today we are pregnant with our second and now know what a saving kind of looks like. My mom use to tell me to leave it in gods hands that he will help you get through this. I used to just laugh at her and say, "God doesn't make my husband checks any bigger or the bills any smaller." But maybe she was right. I now believe that their is a path for all of us and that we are never given things that we are not able to handle. At time it may seem impossible but eventually we learn to deal with them as best as we can. I believe if we tell ourselves that we are going to fail we will indeed fail.
Although 21 might not be ideal for you to be pregnant you are and who cares what people in this world say about it. What matters is how you feel about it. Being pregnant for the first time no matter what age you are is a scarey thing. I was freaked out. I didn't know what to expect and I had no clue where I was going to find the money to take care of this baby. But my husband was happy and eventually I was too which I think help alot to ease the anxiety that I was having.
Your dreams are not unreachable it all depend on you as to how far away they are. ↑ |
| Name: jessie2 | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 3:42 PM |
| hey ur 21 im gonna b 19 there are worse much worse situations than yours ur a grown woman u have no choice but to deal wit it it happened it happened wat can u do???i i mean me and my bf agreed i was gonna have an abortion 2 but i told my mom and she was totally against it and i thank her cuz feelin da baby kick and move around or seein him wen i get an ultrasound makes it all worth while and i glad i didnt get it done even though its gonna b a struggle ↑ |
| Name: Danielle | Date: Jul 6th, 2006 4:46 AM |
| I think everyone is scared when they have thier first. ↑ |
| Name: babygirl26 | Date: Jul 6th, 2006 7:01 AM |
| well i'm only 16 and I may not be the best for advice, but encouragement maybe.... I got my GED, but not because I want to give up on school.... but because I am going to college(for my RN degree) in the spring after my baby is born..... I know I have to provide a future for my baby and myself.... so if I can do it I know you can too!!! ↑ |
| Name: psycho | Date: Jul 6th, 2006 5:05 PM |
| First of all, you are right about one thing. You should not blame the baby because it is, after all, an innocent person in all this. This is what alot of people just don't get. You sound like you are a very intelligent woman and yes, everyone gets thrown an obstacle or two in the path of life. This is what makes us grow. You say you have a fiancee, so this child will be born with a mother and father . . .GREAT! Okay, so you will struggle for awhile, but honey when you look at your baby for the first time, your perception of the world and how you fit in it will change immensely. All of a sudden your plans will take a different path, but you will look at it as if it is meant to be. Don't give up. There is a reason for everything and all I can see is something good from this. Please don't feel like a failure. You're not. You have been given a challenge. I know you can do it and I'm sure you will get tons of support from your family and friends. Look at this as the first page to another chapter in your life and thank God for blessing you with a child. It is a wonderful gift to be given to two people who love each other. God bless and good luck! ↑ |
| Name: Sarah M | Date: Jul 6th, 2006 5:12 PM |
| Good job babygirl26 im glad you are wanting to do whats best for you and your baby. Thats really cool that you got your GED so you could start college to give your baby and yourself a better life. COngrats ↑ |
| Name: hcousino | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 7:42 PM |
| I am 22 years old and 39 weeks pregnant, I got married in Oct. and we found out we were pg in November. Even though I wanted to get pregnant I understand how you feel. I sometimes feel very self concious, like people are looking at me funny because i'm so young. We had no insurance when i got pregnant and not alot of money and a small home. I planned on working straight thru till the end and in may the daycare i worked at closed and I lost my job. It's been tough but we've made it work and I'm so excited for my baby to arrive. I guess what i'm trying to say is plenty of people get pregnant before everything is perfect and stable and it all works out. Having a child doesn't mean your dreams are unreachable it just means that you may have to work harder to reach those dreams. Good luck and if you need to talk my email is [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: Mom2B | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 4:46 PM |
| Hey KTX, can I e-mail u? I'm 21 also... not married, still in college, and only working part time... and my boyfriend is 19. My job is very very part time -- I'm an assistant trainer at a horse farm 4 days per week, and most of my pay I take in additional training for myself, so I come home with $100/week... pretty much gas money. My boyfriend works full time and makes good money, but likewise it will be tight with a baby. My sister had a baby last yr -- pregnant at 21 by a 42y.o. married (but separated) man with 4 other children he never sees. So that went over *real well* as you can imagine. I'm incredibly scared to tell my parents ~ my mom said some nasty things to my sister and my dad and her didnt talk for months. my neice is now 1 yr old, and everyone loves her and has forgotten all the fighting it caused. Have u told ur parents yet? ↑ |
| Name: alieradcliffe12 | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 10:04 PM |
| I got very very young. I found out i was pregnant at age 12. I had my baby just two months and 3 days after my 13th birthday. My parents were ashamed of me. I really didnt care. because i loved my daughter Holly. She is now going to be 8 on January the 1 2007.Then in 2000 I found out i was pregnant agian. This time with twins. So then in 2001 I had my daughter Liz and son Carson. They will be six on 3 20 07. I love them lots. Then in 2005 I had my beautiful baby girl Kelsey, who turns just recently turned 1 on 6-17-06.NOW i am currently pregnant with 5th and 6th addditions Vivian and Joshua DUE on the 28th of august(5 days). Now most ppl assume that i'm a s.l.u.t but I'm really not. I was raped when i concieved Holly, Liz and Carson(twins).The other 2 times were my fault because the guy tricked me.I am not ashamed any more because without these kids i wouldnt be complete. Of course i trashed my dreams of ever becoming a big famous movie star or the first female president , but i dont care. As of now i run I home daycare and am completly happy.The only reason i gradusted at 18 is because i skipped 3 grades . I do college online while we have naptime at daycare. Its very stressfull. And ppl always look at me funny. After all I am a woman only 20(almost 21) walking down the street pushing a double seat stroller down the sidewalk, carrying a baby in a carrier on my back, holding a cappachino with one hand and a 7 year old with the other.Not to mention i'm weaing a shirt that says Double Whammy with an arrowe pionting at my swollen belly and all the kids look extremly difff(exept for twins). So u dont need to be ashamed. Look at me. ↑ |
| Name: lovelifekia | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 12:01 AM |
| ypur baby is a blessing. i am 18 and pregnant with twins. i was told that i couldn't have any babies so i am elated to have proved the doc wrong. at times i feel ashamed and embarassed like i am a failure but then i remember that everything happens for a reason and never to doubt God. enjoy your blessing ↑ |
| Name: Ktx | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 1:20 PM |
MOM2be,
sure you can e-mail me; [email protected] I don't have much time to write now, I'm getting ready for school, but I'd love to hear from you. ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 1:40 PM |
| 21 that's a great age to have a baby. Just think by the time you are in your thirties, your child will be graduating High School. My mom had three kids by the time she was 21. Believe me, if you would have had an abortion, you would have been sorry for years to come. If you are a junior in College, then you only have one more year to go and you will be able to provide for both you and the baby. REMEMBER, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACK TO SCHOOL, BUT YOU CAN'T ALWAYS HAVE A BABY. There are millions of women out there that would love to hold a beautiful baby in their arms right now and are infertile and are longing for someone to call their own. You are just scared right now, but time heals everything. There is always adoption if you continue to feel this way and you don't have any support. ↑ |
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