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Problem: I am 34 weeks preggo and my in-laws haven't spoken to or seen me in almost a year. I didn't do a thing to deserve it. However, I cannot stand them either. I don't know what to do because I know that they are going to want to see their grandchild. I will not let my child go anywhere with them or to their house & honestly do not have any desire to talk to or see them. They really are NOT nice people at all. Any suggestions? ↓
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| Name: Angela | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 5:16 PM |
Suck it up for your child's sake. Not involving the Grandparents in your child's life would be a bad decision. The only time I see that acceptable is if they speak bad about you to your child. And since your baby won't be able to understand them for quite a while...I would just take a deep breath and involve them in your child's life.
You don't have to like them. And they don't have to like you. Just be civil for your son/daughter. ↑ |
| Name: tan | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 5:31 PM |
| what does your husband think about all of this? Does he still see his parents? ↑ |
| Name: suzie | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 6:17 PM |
| THEY MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT YOU MARRIED THEIR SON! ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 6:23 PM |
| It's hard to just "suck it up" when they find fault with everything and everyone. My husband has not seen his parents since December. They live 30 mins away. He is upset at them and their lack of communication and concern. I married their son, not them. He even says that he doesn't know what happened to them! ↑ |
| Name: tan | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 7:24 PM |
| I have a lot of problems with my in laws as well but they only live 5 min away, it is really hard they are really in your face kind of people they want me to name the baby after my father-in-law and already call the baby by that name. Of course i'm giving my baby his own name no matter what they think. Hopefully they will come around, maybee u should try calling or visiting and try to patch things up slowly this kind of stuff takes time. ↑ |
| Name: Jane | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 8:41 PM |
| I don't llike my inlaws and they don't like me. The typical thing that they did not think I was right for my husband. When they found out I was pregnant they cooled off a bit. After I had the baby they changed their attitude for the well being of the baby. It helps to be four states away, but some how they find gossip. A child changes everyone, especially grandparents. You know whats best and how to keep your child safe. How dose your husband feel about it? I know mine was upset with me for a while. ↑ |
| Name: Angela | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 8:50 PM |
| I understand things can be difficult with parents-in-law. Or any parents for that matter. I simply couldn't justify cutting my child out of their lives because we couldn't get along. ↑ |
| Name: Laura | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 11:18 PM |
Consider that it is possible in showing generousity to the grandparents by sharing your child with them, their hearts will be warmed up a bit. Prove yourself worthy over time, and you just may have good results. Though this may not be always the case, it is a good idea to work with a desire for such results.
On the other hand, it is practically a guarantee that if you keep their grandchild from them they will be convinced that they are right about you. The results from this action can bring about no good in the long run.
No matter how terrible these people are, a controlled supervised setting can always be provided for the worse case scenario, so only in the case of pedophilia or physical abuse should grandparents be not allowed to have some sort of relationship with their grandchildren.
You may want to tell them something along the lines of 'no matter what you feel or think about me, I think we both can agree that it should not interfere with your relationship with your grandchildren.'
or: ' As I know my husband is important to you as your son, I know that therefore his children are important to you also. I respect that wholey. After all if it wasn't for you , I wouldn't have the wonderful husband I have to bless me with such a child as your grandchild'
You don't need to leave the child alone with them when the child reaches the age of understanding, if you think they will badmouth you ahead of the child, but for now, the child being a baby, this child could be a wonderful bridge to a better relationship.
I believe you should allow them to have contact, if for no other reason then it is in you child's best interest.
I wish you well, may you be strong. ↑ |
| Name: heather | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 11:23 PM |
maybe we can talk sometime...my sn to aim is sekcmix.
anyhow, i think that the child is going to be loved by either side and keeping each other from seeing the baby is going to be more drama. my mother and my grandparents hate each other also but why dont you let the daddy/ their son take the child to see them? you dont have to be around when they want to see the grandchild as long as you would feel comfortable with your husband there? maybe they could help out also. like say something comes up where you and your hubby have to leave the child with someone...it think it will be ok. i think he baby should know his grandparents and you shouldnt suck it up, but dont say anything in front of the child. like i said my mom and my grandparents...they both came to my graduation and they dont like each other but they just turned their heads and were there for me. im sorry about you and your in laws but just turn your head...good luck on the baby and congrats! ↑ |
| Name: my | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 5:17 AM |
| Name: Me | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 8:39 PM |
| Thank you all for the advice. It is going to be extremely hard as they have not made any effort or made any comments that they would like to be involved in the baby's life. This will be their first grandchild and my husband is their only child. The only time they call is to get on my husband's case for something or the other...and then it is maybe once a month. It's almost like they have abandoned the thought that they have a son and grandchild on the way. I just know at the last minute they are going to cause a problem or want to be totally involved! I still will not agree to have my child left alone with them unsupervised. I do not trust them and some things my hubby has said leads me to believe that it is a bad idea....he doesn't even agree with leaving the baby with them! ↑ |
| Name: Trinni | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 10:41 PM |
| It is hard when you don't have a good relationship with your in laws, especially when youhaven't done a thing wrong to them...... I have a problem with mother in law. Mike's lil borther has been here with us since july 4th and alot of stories have formed about our house hold and our friends...wlell when things finally came out it seemss mommy deartest and lil bro were corrisponding alot of lie. I think he did it cause he has been doing alot of things wrong and he used the storied to justify things as in her sons areperfect and don't do anything. She implied alot of things about me and after 10 years of respecting this woman when we both knew she was acting crazy. She is not the greatest grandmother and is more into what is the gossip and I am out for what is best for my children, soooooooo I just do what my grandma taught me. If you can't say anything nice, then don't say nothin at all!!!!!! Oh and pray for your enemies, it only makes you stronger. Try not to ever day anything bad about them in front of your children , and think of your husbands feelings...what if you were in his shoes. I hope this helps you, and if you need to talk to someone hit me up!!!!! Do you have yahoo? ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 7:16 PM |
| Ok, so the in-laws finally called and spent over an hour degrading and yelling at my husband. He has tried repeatedly to tell them what the problem is and that it would not hurt them to call and talk to me every once in awhile. They are being very childish regarding this whole ordeal. Now they are saying that they have "grandparent's rights".....wrong! In the state I live in, there are only 3 reasons that a grandparent would have visitation rights. They are SO ridiculous! UGH!~!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Laura | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 8:28 PM |
Sounds like time for outside intervention with an arbitration counselor. I wonder if your health insurance will cover family counseling.
What a pity it has come to this for you.
Please try to take care of it as much as you can before your child gets old enough to be torn up about it.
It is obvious that you do have your child's best interest at heart. ↑ |
| Name: sally | Date: May 6th, 2006 4:33 AM |
| no that feeling! i hate mine too and they hate me, we see them christmas and birthdays and i bite my toungue.really its hard. ↑ |
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