|
I'm not saying that I'm not attached to my daughter-to-be, but I can't say that I love her. My fiance gets upset b/c she's already stolen his heart. I feel her kick and I know she's there, but I can't love something that I've never even seen. Some women say they love their child from the moment it's conceived, but I just dont feel that way. My therapist says that it's normal but I wanted to get y'alls take. I mean if I had it to do all over again; by that I mean grab the condom and have prevented the pregnancy, I think that I would. I'm going to try my hardest to be a "great" mother, but until she's here I'm not a mom at all. ↓
|
|
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 1:41 AM |
We all react to our unborn children differently. Some people are able to love their baby while it's still in the uterus. While others, although they know it's real it's not completely real until they hold their baby in their hands. I wouldn't worry about it.
When I was pregnancy with my son, I attached myself right away. This time around I'm scared to attach myself because I keep telling myself what if something happens. I know that I am pregnant but I don't look at it as being real. Maybe when I get closer to my delivery I will feel differently. But right now I'm not as attached to this child as I was with my son. ↑ |
| Name: babey_g_311 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 1:47 AM |
| I wasnt really attached to my baby until I saw the ultrasound, and each day I get more attached but maybe it just takes some women longer for the attachment, I read that in a book somewhere, maybe it could also be depression, Im a psych. major and have read alot about women becoming depressed even while pregnant and that can cause attachment issues...I wouldnt worry until the baby is born and than if you still feel like that I would ask your therapist if you have depression and maybe get on zoloft or paxil. ↑ |
| Name: babygirl26 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 1:59 AM |
| From the moment I saw the first ultrasound, and heard her heartbeat for the first time I was in love!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: koz | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 2:30 AM |
| When you see your babys face and her eyes looking at you , you will be in love. I have 3 boys and love each one dearly, but when I found out I was having a little girl, I was in love at that second. I got pg with my oldest son as a surprise and was not happy about the pregnancy at all...I even thought of abortion, which I knew in my heart I would NEVER do. But I was scared at the time. Now he is 9 yrs old and I think back to when I had those thoughts and still feel guilty for even thinking that cuz he is the sweetest boy in the world. So don't worry I wasn't in love at first either, but my god things changed the second I saw him. I couldn't imagine my life without him! ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 1:12 PM |
| I've seen her ultrasounds and listen to her heart every night w/ my fetal monitor, but still nothing. I considered abortion as well, and at times I wish I would have. I feel so selfish bringing a child into this world unprepared. I just don't think I'll be a good mom; God I'm going to soooo stress birth control to my daughter. Thank you guys for not making me feel like a horrible person. ↑ |
| Name: tylersmom06 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 1:41 PM |
Kristy-
Do not feel bad! I don't know your situation on whether this was a planned pregnancy or not but I can say that some of the things you are feeling I felt to when I was pregnant for the first time. My husband and I were not yet married it was totally unplanned yet not prevented, and I remember thinking OMG how am I gonna take care of a baby, there is no way I can be a good mom, etc... But when the time got closer and reality set in, I could not wait to see him and bring him home... I remember the first time I heard his cry I was like wow that's MY baby. Long story short give it time and try not to be too hard on yourself! I have had friends who wanted abortions and felt no attachment for thier unborn and even prayed for miscarriages but those girls are the best mommies to this day I think it made them feel blessed for what they had...I never knew how much I could love someone until I looked at my son... Ok Im done :) ↑ |
| Name: Petrona | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 1:52 PM |
Kristy:
Despite the u/s and hearing the heartbeat, it's still an abstract notion. There's a human being in there but not one you were ready or prepared for. The feelings you're having are completely normal. At the same time, something tells me the moment you lay eyes on her, you will feel the strongest connection to one person that you've never felt before. ↑ |
| Name: mystystar | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 4:15 PM |
| My girlfriend was like that with her son. Once the baby was actually born, she became very attached. ;-) It could just be your hormones talking, give it time .... ↑ |
| Name: daisyusa | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 4:20 PM |
| Kristy84, you're already a good mom and you show quite a few signs. 1. you posted here with your concerns, not easy to do. 2. you go to the doctor when needed. 3. you take care of yourself. All of these are signs that you are indeed attached to your baby, you are certainly nurturing her already by following 2 and 3 above. You'll get the rest of the feelings when she is born. ↑ |
| Name: Loritolay | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 5:10 PM |
| I agree with daisyusa, if you weren't going to be a good mom, you wouldn't care enough about it to post your concerns here or even worry about it. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 9:01 PM |
| You guys are awesome. I'm really working on getting attached to hear. I try to sing to her, which I'm sure makes her cringe, and try to talk to her, just to make it a little more real. I prayed for a m/c in the beginning, which makes me feel guilty to even mention b/c there have been so many women on here traumatized by that. God gave her to me for a reason and I'm going to be damned if I don't do the best I possibly can!!! Thanks so much for all of your support!! ↑ |
| Name: Angela1 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 9:29 PM |
You know I am not embarrased to admit I felt the same way. I really didnt think about it much because it scared the heck out of me. This was with my first child! I thought I was the worst person ever. How could I be having these feelings. But After the initial shock of being pregnant (which took me until about 25-30 weeks) I fell in love with the idea of being pregnant and caring this baby under my heart for nine months. And I fell in love with the idea of being a mother. To tell you the truth I dont think I really fell in love with her until she was born and I was able to look into her beautiful eyes. Now that moment was a reality shock. Thats when it hit me. I am now a mother and this sweet baby girls life is in my hands. i right then and there i promised myself I was going to work hard to raise her and love her more than myself! And then i took her home. And it wasnt what I had convinced myself. It was so hard. I had no idea what she wanted. Everyone told me that my "motherly instincts would kick in" but I felt like god forgot to give me that importnant "mother instinct". It took my about 2-3 weeks and I finally got it. i didnt even realize. i did have the motherly instinct. When she cried I almost always knew what to do. And then I looked into her beautiful big blue eyes and I loved her so much! The love I felt was unreal! And I realized in that moment that I loved her from the first moment I felt her kick me. The thing is I loved her I just didnt know her. You are going to have to get to know your baby and learn her needs.
What i am saying is I know how you are feeling! And it is perfectly normal and everything is going to turn out great! im sure you will be a very good mother. and you will love your baby more than you can imagine!! ↑ |
| Name: Aharris | Date: Aug 4th, 2006 2:19 PM |
| In a situation like this people have different opinions. I love my child already and i keep on loving her more and more each and every day. The only problem i have is that sometimes i feel like i shouldn't get too attached because i am scared of something bad happening. I guess what i try to do is be open minded and take one day at a time. I am 31 weeks pregnant and i think i am starting to love her more and more. It's not wrong if you are not forming that bond yet. Everyone is different. I am sure once you see her it will be fine. ↑ |
| Name: April_J | Date: Aug 6th, 2006 6:35 PM |
| My sister didn't feel anything for her baby until it was born. I'm beginning to wonder if that will happen to me as well. I go through moods with it. One moment I'm enchanted by the idea that I'm pregnant and the next...I feel selfish because I have to share my body with someone and can't do things like I used to or want to. I think or rather I hope that when I see him or her that I will forget all the pain and aggravation of pregnancy and that I will get to know him or her and then I will love him or her. That is my hope anyway. Some of us aren't hardwired to feel the maternal drive. Some of us have to warm up to it I think. Good luck to you sweetie! ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Aug 6th, 2006 7:02 PM |
Don't beat yourself over the fact that you can't say you love your baby regardless of whether or not you had an ultrasound and say her or heard her heartbeat or even felt her move. I can't say that I loved my son before he was born but I know I was definately attached. With my currant pregnancy I think I am starting to become attached but again I can not say that I love my unborn child.
The day that my son was born and I saw him for the first time that all changed. Because although while I was carring him and new that eventually i was going to hold this child in my arms and have to take care of him it wasn't really real until he was actually here. On top of that alot of us probably don't even know that we love our unborn child until the day they are born because we are worried about other things like the bills and what not.
Now if you are feeling depressed about the way you feel and about the situation I would talk to you doctor. Post Partum depression can start anytime during or after your pregnany. You doctor can give you something that is completely safe to take while pregnant. Because I had post partum depression with my son as soon as I hit my third trimester my doctor is planning to start me on something right away since my chances of having it with this pregnancy it higher. Should I feel that I need something sooner he told me to let him know.
But again don't beat yourself up over this. There is nothing wrong with you and your not alone when it comes to this. ↑ |
| Name: 7512melissa | Date: Aug 8th, 2006 7:25 PM |
| I think it is normal to feel this way. How can you know what to expect if you have never experienced it. Think about the relationship you have with the person(s) who raised you. The bond and relationship you share did not happen over night. I was "overwhelmed" with my first baby and the thought of all the responsibilities. The minute she was born I was in love. Even if it takes some people longer to know when they fell in love, it is still love and that is what matters. ↑ |
|
|
