Hi everyone!
I need your insight, opinion or advice.
I have been pregnant for 12 weeks now (I am 34 and this is my first time). Before I know I was pregnant. I have decided to look for easy job just to make a little extra $$$. I have a long history of working with children from different ages. I worked for 7 years in a well-known pre-school in NYC plus I was baby-sitting a lot including to a 6-month-old baby. I also have early education classes. I have lots of excellent recommendations!!!
Ok, so I post an ad at Crigslist.org, and got a few responses one from a lady who just moved literally within 10 walking distance from my house. She is a single mom (36 y/o) with 4-5 month old baby. She needed a few hours here and there, which was perfect for me, also the fact that she was so close, allow me to be very flexible with her!
When I came for the first interview, I showed her everything that I have got and also gave her 3 phone numbers for more references. I was very honest with her up front about that most of my experience is with a little bit older babies and children, but I am a fast learner, very responsible plus it will give me an opportunity to learn for my own baby, and I am excited about that!
The lady called the numbers and decided to hire me. Since then I have been working for her couple of weeks now. The first time I came she said she did not sleep all night from fear that I will steal her baby, so she took a photo of me with her baby before she left me with him. The 2nd time, she showed me how to feed him in his crib and accidentally spilled milk on the bed. I did not pick the baby right away so she snapped at me, and never apologized for it. The next time I came she got me a big gift for my future baby, which was kind of odd, but my husband and I assumed it was because she felt bad for snapping at me.
I always felt like she is videoing me, and that was still fine with me, if that make her feel more comfortable. I think I was very devoted to her baby, and the baby just loved being around me. Every time I came to her place I felt very uncomfortable. I felt like she wanted me to take over but at the same time do things exactly how she likes them to be. If I put the baby to sleep and then set next to him while he was asleep she would not like that. If the kid was sitting on his special pillow, and I just came over her place and picked him up to say hello, she would tell me he prefer to seat down. On and on, and on…
Last time I came by she said she did not sleep all night because after she told me not to seat next to him when he is asleep, I said to her “I am still learning” she got freaked out because she was afraid that if the baby will choke then maybe I would not know what to do. I told her this is totally not true. Yes, I am still learning about her son’s hobbits but I am very confident
With my responsibility. She said she feels better but I had a need to talk about it more, explain myself but she cut me off after a while and said there is no need to, and maybe we shouldn’t. I left that day feeling a lot of tension, and I began to cry because I was doubting my abilities to be a mom myself. My husband was very supportive. I have decided working for that lady isn’t for me since she just put me down with her own fears and anxieties. Also I like working for someone whom I feel comfortable with, and she was totally not friendly and inviting to me. I felt so uncomfortable even to go to the bathroom at her place.
Anyway, I have decided to quit and here is the letter I wrote her:
Hi Ruth,
After leaving the last time from your place, I felt a bit of tension. I have given it some thought, and have come to the conclusion that regretfully, I may not be the person you are looking for. I really enjoyed working with Spencer, however, I felt like I could not provide you with the service you were looking for. I hope you understand, and I am truly sorry it did not work out.
Sincerely,
VM2B
I sent her this letter on Sunday, and never heard back from here since.
What do you all think? Please give me an honest answer.
Thanks!!! ↓
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| Name: connie | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 5:28 PM |
I don't blame you at all for leaving. She has some issue herself that she needs to deals with. She defently has control issue and insecure.
You will be a great mom, wanting to take care other people childrens is hard but the parnets have to let YOU take care of them that is why they hired you.
I have a feeling she will be going though lots of other caretakers.
You will be a great mom, you can tell you care so much about children you will be great, ↑ |
| Name: Marlene | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 5:34 PM |
| Girl she sounded a lil off her rocker. I could not work for someone whom i wasn't not comfortable with myself. You gave it a good try. I can understand her being over pertective but come on. I think it is best that you did quit if it was upseting you. When your baby gets here you will see it is so much different whe it is your own the when you are babbysitting. It will all come to you, and may take a lil time but you will figure it out. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 5:39 PM |
| Thank you very much, I really need this support right now. Connie- what you are saying about her is exactely what my therapist said as well. I just blame myself sometime for things I haven't doen ↑ |
| Name: mommyagain | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 5:56 PM |
| I would have left to... the letter sounds fine and very mature. ↑ |
| Name: daisyusa | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 5:58 PM |
Every mom is unique in the way they take care of their children. My family is here now and I watch them like a hawk. Fully aware that they know what they are doing and would never hurt him. It's part of being a mom and some are a bit more extreme than others. VM2B, don't ever question your abilities as a mommy, you will be awesome! You probably already feel this need to protect your baby, and that need will only grow stronger. I just try to relax and ignore some things that bother me, only knowing it does no harm.
It's a mom's life, I love every momment of it. ↑ |
| Name: daisyusa | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 6:00 PM |
| Also, I think it shows alot about who you are that your wrote such a mature and nice letter to her. Most would just walk away without a word. I'm sure she is pondering what she did. ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 6:56 PM |
| I don't think that I could have stayed either. That lady seems a bit over the top if you ask me. Yoy will be a good mother to your baby. It does take some adjustment, but you will learn your baby's cries and what he/she needs form you. you will leard their likes and dislikes. You will also make some mistakes, but all mothers do. we learn and move on to do better. Don't let this lady stress you out too much. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 8:11 PM |
Thanks daisy and jill,
I went to the gym and walked for 2 miles just to get the stress out.
I know - I let things get to me sometime more then I should. It is almost to an obsession point. I know I did well with her baby, and I know I will be a great mom!!! This lady just had a nasty personality and also wired. I used to have employee and I always treated her kindly, just like how I wanted to be treated.
Some people are clueless of how to let someone feel comfortable. I'm glad I quit, and in future I should look into nice loving family who would appreciate my hard work!
I love you all - you all helped a lot!!!
Happy Halloween everyone!!!
VM2B ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 8:30 PM |
| I think you did the right thing and the letter was well written. It could be just that she has seperation anxiety herself and just doesn't want to have to leave her baby. The first time I left my son with my mom I called her like every five minutes. It's not that I didn't trust her it's just that I couldn't trust myself that leaving my baby was the right thing to do. I sat there thinking what if something happened and I wasn't there. Then again it could be that she wants it done her way and just expects you to know what that way is. But like you said, you were learning what her son habbit were. What he liked, what he didn't like. Just as you will be learning the same thing when you little one is here. Don't let this one lady make you feel that you won't be able to talk care of your own child. Each child is different and requires different things. We all make mistakes with our children but we learn from them. You will be a great mother. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 8:44 PM |
Thanks Ethansmom,
You are right - she had lots of enxieties which I totally understand! However snapping at me was wrong, and she never apologied. Getting me a big gift was nice but weird. If that was her way of saying sorry then I am confused. She was heard to read. Sometime I feel maybe she was even jelous since everytime she came back the kid was asleep or seem happy. Who knows!!! I will try to put this all behind me. It is her problem and not mine. I wish she would write something back just so I know what is going on, but she may choose not to. She may not even realize how much she hurt and stressed me. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Nov 6th, 2006 4:38 PM |
Update:
She never wrote back! hmmm... ↑ |
| Name: christiansmommy | Date: Nov 6th, 2006 7:23 PM |
| BECAUSE SHE WAS WRONG AND YOU WERE RIGHT AND SHE WAS SPEECHLESS! THAT'S WHY. :) ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Nov 6th, 2006 8:52 PM |
| Thanks CM! I hope you are right. Could be that she is very mad and don't want to waste any more time on me. Who hell knows. My hub is laghing at me for dwelling over this, but I am pretty much moved on..just sometimes wonder :) ↑ |
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