Hello my name is Jesse and I am 18 years old I will be 19 in December. I am now 32 weeks pregnant. I have a slight problem and I’m still not completely sure if I should be looking in an online forum for advice but I’ve heard a lot of good things about this site.
Well anyways here is my problem, as I said I am 19 years old. I am 32 weeks pregnant with a little girl. Now I am already in love with my little girl and that’s the issue. I want her to have everything that she can and she deserves everything that this world can offer. I have a lot of medical conditions including a disease called RSD, I also have fibromyalgia and seizures. I live with my mother right now but she said that I have to move out after I have the baby because she doesn’t want to have to support my child and myself, which I don’t blame her. I have just finished school but I’ve been in college for about a year because I was taking night classes at the college. I’m hoping to become a Real Estate Agent. Now the real problem is I don’t know if I will be able to take care of a child when it’s very hard to take care of myself because of my health. I am in and out of the hospital ALL of the time and I don’t want my child to have to be in the care of someone else when I’m in the hospital. I want her to live in a stable household. Right now me and my boyfriend are sort of taking a break. I mean we still see each other he goes with me to all of my appointments and by no means is he a dead beat you know. But he said that he doesn’t want to be the one left taking care of our daughter on his own.
My mother has brought up the idea of adoption. I don’t really know much about adoption. I know there are Open Adoptions, Semi-Open Adoptions, and Closed Adoptions. I don’t completely understand how all of these different adoptions work. And I really need some help. Is it selfish of me to want to give my baby up? Should I be the one raising my baby no matter what? Do I seem like a good candidate for putting my baby up for adoption? If not what are your suggestions?
I pretty much feel alone in all of this because I find it hard to relate to people or maybe for people to relate to me. If I just had some support then I would be so grateful.
If you have a yahoo messenger I have one also! Just ask for my yahoo ID. ↓
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| Name: FatallyYours | Date: Nov 30th, 2007 10:21 AM |
| Name: Savannah | Date: Nov 30th, 2007 2:43 PM |
| I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know you could probably get some help from the state until you get on your feet......its going to be hard at first but you'll make it! I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when I had him and I was just fine. I worked at a Daycare 40 hours a week and only made 7 an hour and things were juist fine for us! (I had my own place with him.....it was very small but it was home). I know it seems scary because you've never been on your own but you can make things work. :) ↑ |
| Name: Kayko | Date: Dec 2nd, 2007 6:04 PM |
Jessegurl, I just wanna start by saying that everything will be ok.. I cant imagine right now how you are feeling, I am only 7 weeks along and i am 21 and married.
This is alot of stress on you right now but im sure everything will work out for the best, only you know what is best for you and your baby.. and let your heart tell you what to do.. it is ok for me to get here and say yes keep the baby it comes first or no give it for adoption, but i do not know your condition or your families condition and I cannot choose what would be best, follow your heart sweetie and do what you think is best, Try not to stress to much this is definately not a good time for that, years down the road you will look back on this and be so proud of yourself for making the right decision. I hope everything turns oout great for you and the baby, i wish you both the best. god bless you. ↑ |
| Name: zoey9810 | Date: Dec 2nd, 2007 7:02 PM |
| i would call your local hospitals and ask them about their adoption policies ↑ |
| Name: FatallyYours | Date: Dec 2nd, 2007 7:17 PM |
| well she obviously wasnt too serious lol ↑ |
| Name: maria77qt | Date: Dec 3rd, 2007 2:46 AM |
| If you already love your baby that will never change, but what will not change is feelings of regret. If you feel that you will always miss your baby & wonder how she is doing I would not do it. It seems like your boyfriend will be there you guys are young but a love of a child especially when you see here for the first time is life changing & her life is more important then your own. Maybe you can have an agreement you keep her most of the time with his support of course, then when your health issues arise he will have to step in & take care of her. Remember friends are a big help & if you belong to a church I know you can have that support too. I hope this will help you on your decision. Let me just tell you about my situation quickly, I am 30 have 2 kids 9, 3 I have another one on the way I did think about not keeping him cause I am not happy with there dad. Maybe I made the decision because I already have kids & now the joy but all I know it is not this babies fault & I have to take my reposibility. With struggle there is love, with hardship there is love, in the long run I will alway look @ my life I say I loved my kids there is nothing that could ever take that away. ↑ |
| Name: josiegirl | Date: Dec 3rd, 2007 7:24 PM |
| where are you from? you should do whatever is best not only for your baby but for yourself and if adoption is the route you want to take it is obvious that you will always love your child and I can not say that I know all that much about adoption although I have looked into adopting a child from overseas and it seems like a long process whatever you choose ill be more than happy to listen ↑ |
| Name: kimber | Date: Dec 3rd, 2007 9:07 PM |
| Support means a lot when you are pregnant, young, and especially trying to get through school. But, having a sickness or disability makes things harder. If you are not getting any help from your mother or boyfriend, then when this baby comes, what is going to happen? You can get vouchers and place your child in daycare while you work, but being a real estate agent means that you will have to work a lot of weekends. Who will watch it then? I am just saying, having a baby is a lot of hard work, as much as you love it, you are tied down until you can afford daycare or have the support from family and friends. It sounds as if you love your daughter enough to want her to have the best home. Have you thought of an open adoption where you still get to be a part of her life? You are only 19 and you have plenty of years to get married, buy a home, get established in your career, and then you can start a family. But, just remember that this may be the only daughter that you ever have. You never know if only sons follow or infertility or further health problems. I just thought that I would put all this out there for you to think about. In the end it is your decision. Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: kimber | Date: Dec 3rd, 2007 9:18 PM |
| On another note, my mother was 17 when she had me and married a man 2 yrs. later. She did not love him, she just wanted me to have a dad. She then went on two give him two kids of his own. Long story short, they finally divorced when I was 30 yrs. old. She felt at the time that she had to get married because she could not make it on her own. She was not happy for many years. Sometimes I feet that she sacrificed her own needs and wants just for me but I have always felt it. So be sure that your not going to regret your decision and your child feels that anger coming from you it's whole life. Because whether we say it or not, kids still feel what we are feeling. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Dec 4th, 2007 12:12 PM |
| I was adopted. And I would rather have lived in a car with my mother than been adopted. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Dec 4th, 2007 12:17 PM |
| Having a baby is tough whatever your circumstance, but with your illness you are entitled to financial support from the government. Your baby wants to be with you, her mother, and noone else in the world. You love her, so keep her. Don't give her away to strangers. I have no regard for my biological mother at all. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Dec 4th, 2007 12:20 PM |
| She will never hate you or resent you for keeping her, but she may do for giving her away. I resent my biological mother. And I will never give her the opportunity to know me or my baby son. As an adoptee, I speak on behalf of your baby, and not some family who wants to take her from you to fill a void in their own lives. ↑ |
| Name: Ayame | Date: Dec 4th, 2007 5:01 PM |
| What you are going through is very stressful. There is nothing wrong with wanting you give your child the best possible care. If you are in and out of the hospital, and you worry about your child, I don't blame you for wanting to give your child up for adoption. But you have to think of ALL the choices here. You can get help from the state, and everything concerning that. If you love your child so much, then it will hurt you very badly to not be with your child. I have not been raised by my mother, she was neglectful, I believe that yes I would have been happier with someone who takes care of me, because she was addicted to drugs among other things. But that is just me. I really don;'t like my mother to this day, to be honest. But you can make a good life for your child as long as you love your child and take care of your child the best you can, give your child attention, that is all that matters. But if you want to go with adoption, yes there are different choices. With open adoption you can see your child, you can make sure the family knows the baby will know you are the real mum, and it is like that. A closed adoption means you will have no part in the babys life. I don't know what a semi-open adoption is, so I am sorry that I cannot help you there. My sisters step mother gave her son alex up for adoption when she was 16, and she sees him a couple times a year. He does not know she is his real mother, but she understands that, and is alright with it. She misses him to this day, but at that point she could not have given her son a good life. ↑ |
| Name: vronniem | Date: Dec 6th, 2007 12:46 PM |
hi,
i think you're going through what alot of moms do. question themselves and their ability to be a good mother and provide a good life for their child. you're not alone. i think once your mom meets her new grandchild she won't be a ble to resist her love and want to help be there for you and your new one. in the meantime get a good support system and have a back up plan. i think your love for your child is evident and your child deserves to enjoy and experience that. ↑ |
| Name: amy2 | Date: Dec 8th, 2007 11:53 PM |
| sorry 2 hear what u r going tru, doesnt sound like urmother is v supportive, i was a teenager when i had my 1st i was only jst gne 15, i was lucky i had full support of both families, but only after my son was born, my mam even brought me 2 adoption agencys. i was havin none of it, no 1 was gettin my baby. if u have any doubts about it dnt go ahead with it, you heart will b broken, you love her already, your mam might come around, you shud wait n c when your angel is born how every 1 feels. hpe it all wrks out, you will b in my taughts jesse. ↑ |
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